Should I Terminate?

[Pandaluver21]

Back story:
Been doing in-home for about 10+ years. For the last 7-8, I was doing preschool, but because of various reasons I decided to only take two part time infants for a couple years before starting preschool again.
I have two infants, 2 days a week. One of my infants is now 11 months (started at 2 months) and the other is 9 months (started at 3 months)

Infant #1- Mom talks in baby talk to him (usually excluding anything I have to say) started him on baby food at 3 months and whole milk at 8 months (tried to here, but I said no) Moves him up in diapers way early (hes currently in a size 5!) Throws terrible ear piercing tantrums any time he is told no (usually for taking a toy or pushing over the other baby) Generally entertains himself. Goes to sleep on his own. Any time something is brought up to mom about tantrums or him crawling on the other baby she all but ignores me or just smiles and says "yeah". He does a lot of the "terrible two's" things (I know he is only 11 months, but it SO seems like he knows what he's doing. He does the "look at you and touch the thing you just told him not to" or gets into something I told him not to as soon as I look away. Or even does it really quickly before I can move him. Has horrible diapers/rashes often. He has about 3 bm diapers a day, usually pretty loose. Mom rarely remembers diaper cream. Last week his bottom was red blistery and bleeding. I had told mom the day before that he was red and figured she'd bring cream the next day... she didn't. All things I can handle, except mom doesn't seem to care so I don't see it getting better with age, but worse instead.

Baby #2- Mom and dad are always on the same page with me. Mom asks what she can do about any issue that comes up and tries to work together on things. Has already said she plans on staying when we go back to preschool. Baby has HORRIBLE separation anxiety. We recently moved and it has gotten worse (used to be that he didn't like when I left his eye line, but now I can barely put him down without crying) He's hard to console without picking him up. I try to distract him. Comfort him without holding him, talk to him, etc. After his first nap (usually 2+ hours) he will be a little better, but is better if the other baby is with him. Mom and dad are on board with working with him on this, and have told family to stop holding him all the time. Used to be awful at going down for nap because they rocked him. I brought it up and they weaned him off of it, usually goes down pretty well and takes good naps.

Most of the "issues" with both babies are pretty normal for their ages, so I have no problem working through them. However, I know that it's all about how the parents handle it at this age, whether it gets better or not. Family #1 doesn't seem to want to work on it but family #2 definitely does.

Which, if either, would you terminate? How would you word it with either?

[Ariana]

That is really hard choice! I wish I could help. I think it depends on whether or not you think either will get better and how well you handle crying kids. For me the crier would be the most stressful but if I felt it could improve I would keep him over the annoying parent!

[coloradoprovider]

Anything a kids does, I can work out with the support of parents! I define support as: parents see issue and work on issue with a mutually agreed strategy at both home and childcare. Consistency between home and childcare is essential. If parents aren't on board, there's very little you can do except terminate care.

[Cat Herder]

For me, neither would be a problem, I have had both types of parents/infants.

It comes down to what you want to deal with and what you don't.

[Pandaluver21]

Crying doesn't really bother me (though 8 hours of it does start to...) The screaming/tantrum bothers me more than just crying.
Honestly, both babies are doing things "normal" for their ages, so it's not really that that bothers me. However, I feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle with baby #1 because I don't think the parents are working on any of it.

This week, baby #2 has greatly improved. Parents said they have been working with him and boy does it show!


So I know I will be keeping baby #2, because I really love the parents! Baby #1 is difficult because I don't dislike the kid, I just wish the parents were on board. I'm thinking of talking to/giving a letter to mom of baby#1 saying something, and if things do not improve, then I would terminate. It's not "your kid is awful" but more of "these things are normal, but how we handle them is important. Unfortunately, I have no back bone (you'd think I'd grown one after doing this for 10+ years) so I'm not really sure how to say any of this. Any advice?

[Cat Herder]

Originally Posted by Pandaluver21

Unfortunately, I have no back bone (you'd think I'd grown one after doing this for 10+ years) so I'm not really sure how to say any of this. Any advice?

My advice, if you want to stay in business and enjoy your life, is to get a backbone.

Change your mindset. Manage your business. Enforce your policies.

[hwichlaz]

I'm not really seeing anything that can be worked on. They are stages that pass on their own if they aren't catered to.

[Pandaluver21]

Originally Posted by Cat Herder

My advice, if you want to stay in business and enjoy your life, is to get a backbone.

Change your mindset. Manage your business. Enforce your policies.

Poor choice of words on my part! I have a back bone (though it did take a while to grow lol) but you can't NOT have a backbone in this business! Mostly I end up feeling bad for the kids, but some times it's just not worth the headache!

Originally Posted by hwichlaz

I'm not really seeing anything that can be worked on. They are stages that pass on their own if they aren't catered to.

My point exactly. I can deal with all of the issues presented, except mom of baby #1 absolutely caters to them... she apologized to her kid (11months old) for making him mad (by putting him in his carseat...) while he was trowing a complete fit!