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Parents and Guardians Forum>Daughter Given Pacifier Behind Parents Back
Friday513 12:42 PM 11-11-2019
So im not a childcare provider im a mom of a infant that just turned one. So my infant just turned one not even 2 weeks ago and took my baby to daycare and told them they will not be bringing binky back to daycare they are one now and no longer will be using the binky. Everything seemed fine childcare provider will tell me when i asked how they was without binky will respond saying oh they did better today or they was a little fussy not bad so im thinking everything is good until i went to get my child early they didnt know and there was another teacher there that was like do u want their binky. . . . What?. . They arent using one. . . Thats where the teacher said yeah this one i seen them with this one all week the other teacher told me not to give it as much and basically mostly for naptime time that was u said to them. . . Which i didnt i am then shown a binky that is not my childs i never left one i specifically said they will not be using one and intop of that it wasnt the same gender colors of my child i have no idea where this came from and brought this to the director who keeps talking around it and acting like she knows nothing about it and went back this morning to talk and she still making excuses never once did she say sorry or this is unacceptable this should not have happened she goes on about she doesnt know about that maybe it was miscommunication and how they dont have extra binky but maybe a parent donated it bc she had a mom donate bottle tops before when i tell her this isnt miscommunication there was no gray area not to understand and the bigger issue is my child was given something without my consent or acknowledgement thats a big red flag and there is no accountability. . . . .im really frustrated and honestly if u can lie about a binky what else do they lie about . . . . Can i get some words of advice??????
rosieteddy 03:10 PM 11-11-2019
Well they should not lie about the pacifier.However does your child sleep well without it at home?Did you completely take it away at home,completely.What about your partner do they give Pacifier?If you can honestly say all Pacifier use has ended ,then I would be very upset that they gave it back.Iwould stress that no pacifier use at DC or home will be tolerated.Talk to the director and stress that you are unhappy at the lieing.Other than that you could change to a nanny or new DC.
Josiegirl 03:23 PM 11-11-2019
I have to ask the same questions RosieTeddy already has. Have you taken the paci away completely at home? Many parents expect the provider to take care of the 'dirty work' first. I'm not saying that's what happened here but it's a different ballgame taking it away at home and at dc. There are other dcks that need to sleep at dc. No, they shouldn't have lied about it. They should be open and upfront about it. Do they have anything in their policies regarding paci use? Some providers insist parents take it away at home first, same as parents need to work on toileting at home and after some success then dc will support that effort.
If you otherwise like your child's provider, then work together on issues.
Unregistered 05:59 PM 11-11-2019
Yes i have completely took the pacifier away and expressed that to the teacher in her class last Monday and all of last week when i would ask how she was without it at daycare the teacher would lie and say oh she was better today or she was s little fussy she doesnt need it at home for naps or bedtime and i told teacher the reason she used it was mostly for the reflux she had which is gone and been gone for months. But even when i went to pick up my other child from daycare today i asked the director if she manged to talk to the teacher and she was said no she left early but in a i don't care way and apparently nobody knows where or who gave her this pacifier i never bought her nobody said sorry nobody said this is unacceptable when i told the director i feel like nobody is taking accountability she told me well what do you want me to do . . . And yeah i get the comments on having the dc to the grunt work but I'm not that one i have 3 kids first 1 never had pacifiers last 2 did reflux issues first 2 off a bottle at 6 months my baby been on a sippy now for about a month my other 2 potty trained at 2 my 3 year old was the only one in his 2 year class that was potty trained and had to get on them for putting pull ups on him under his underwear which i found out when i went to pick him up early one day and it was nap time and that teacher jumped up bc she wasn't expecting me and when i saw i was like what is this he hasn't been in pulls ups in weeks and i told you this not a night or nap stays completely dry to this day no accident yet **knocking on wood** lol its just alot of inconsistency and i feel like bc they are part of a program that pays low income families child care they don't care and know i can't just take my kids out of daycare bc i have no money or other child care . . . Frustrated . . .
Josiegirl 02:51 AM 11-12-2019
Do you qualify for state childcare assistance? A lot of times your local childcare resources will have a list of other dcs or centers so if you're really unhappy with this place, then maybe it's time to start looking?
Sometimes dcs do what's easiest for them, same as parents do sometimes. But the fact they're lying about it all and don't seem to want to work with you about it would rub me the wrong way. It must be a difficult place to be as a parent. Only you know if it's terrible enough to switch childcare or not. There must be other options out there?
Have all of your children gone there? Does your gut tell you they're happy and well cared for, safe, fed right, that sort of thing?
You don't have to answer, just things to think about. Wishing you the best of luck and hope they will at least stop lying to you.
rosieteddy 05:42 AM 11-12-2019
I am with Josie on this .I would find a place first then move the child.I also would talk to the director and teachers again .I would call them out for lying about it.
Cat Herder 05:58 AM 11-12-2019
What does your contract say about accidents in potty trainers and screaming during naptime in the infant room? How does it say those issues will be handled?
Unregistered 06:03 AM 11-12-2019
If the child was not settling into the group care environment without the use of her prohibited pacifier, then you should have been called to come pick her up.
Snowmom 06:29 AM 11-12-2019
Are there multiple staff members involved in the care of your child? I'm an in-home provider, not a center, so I can only give an outside persepective, but I imagine center employees just don't have that vested interest in families. Center employees typically receive low pay with long hours and little incentives.
Not to say there aren't great employees out there, I'm certain there are.

If there are multiple people supervising the room, I doubt they are communicating effectively and with multiple families, I'm sure that can be demanding to remember what 20 families "want" vs "need". Then adding floaters to the mix and that complicates things even further.
I'm sure some employees just don't care either- they want the crying to stop and a pacifier is one way they know works for a child.
I'm not excusing it. I'm just saying if you want a more one-one type of care relationship, you may need to look at other options. Nanny care? In-home care (smaller environment)? Because if the director of this place isn't easing your mind, then really, there's no other answer!
284878 11:30 AM 11-12-2019
Here is what you do. Get a pack of white (or solid color) bodysuits or t-shirts and cloth markers or paint. Write on all the shirts your dd name and that she is pacifier free and that to "call mommy if I need help calming"
Replace all your shirts in the cubby/diaper bag with these and only wear these on her to DC until she is fully weaned at both dc and home.
Ariana 12:05 PM 11-12-2019
From your first post it is very clear to me you wanted daycare staff to wean your child off their pacifier. Why would you be asking how she did without it? Also she turned one and you took the pacifier away...were you on a vacation while you weaned her? I am sorry but I just do not believe you. If a child was properly weaned from a pacifier there would be no reason staff would give her one or even have one on hand. Staff giving one to a child who still clearly needed it is a much more likely story. Your second version of events seemed to fit more with your story and changed a bit from the original post.
Unregistered 04:22 PM 11-12-2019
There is no differences in the stories and just because i asked how my child did doesnt make me a liar she doesnt need the pacifier at home and she was off the pacifier at home for the week before just at home and here and there before that and that weekend before going to daycaren she didnt use one period so me wanting to know how my child did in a different environment how she did doesnt make me a liar it makes me a good mother and a person who knows about kids just like at home nap times and bedtimes is a non issue bc she has her own room no distractions music machine but does that mean when i ask if she took a nap at daycare that im a liar about how she sleeps so well?i know sometimes she doesnt take naps at school she just stays up talking and playing. Whenever there is a change in rountine for anything with my child im going to ask especially when she is around ither kids that still use pacifiers. And apparently you didnt read the full post there are no pacifiers that i provided to the daycare and thats where the issue is as well they gave my child a pacifier i didnt approve or provide. And if my child doesnt use one at home why would she need one at daycare. I refuse to be that mother that is quick to throw a pacifier in my child mouth then take care of her i dont know if your a mother or provider but you clearly are unaware what the difference between weaning and no longer using means there is no gray area in that statement i asked for advice on the situation not to get someone accusing me of lying on a 1 year old. . . . .
Unregistered 04:27 PM 11-12-2019
I guess i should make this clear as well i didnt leave any pacifiers at daycare and someone which i still dont know who gave her a pacifier when i ask director and teachers nobody still doesnt know where this pacifier came from and who gave it to her it was blue and red hers where pink ive been asking still gotten any answers
Cat Herder 04:41 PM 11-12-2019
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I guess i should make this clear as well i didnt leave any pacifiers at daycare and someone which i still dont know who gave her a pacifier when i ask director and teachers nobody still doesnt know where this pacifier came from and who gave it to her it was blue and red hers where pink ive been asking still gotten any answers
Mobile infants often take other infants' pacifiers when they drop them, sometimes even snatch them out of their mouths. If a different teacher was in the room when you came in, it is possible she simply assumed it was your daughters if it was in her mouth when she came in. Even weaned older infants/toddlers will take another child's pacifier if it is within reach.

I only allow them in cribs during naptime, for this reason, and wean as soon as possible, usually by 6-8 months.
Josiegirl 02:56 AM 11-13-2019
There IS a difference between home and dc; the stressors are different. It sounds like a lot more people are around as opposed to home; different adults caring for your child can cause more stress. The noise and busy-ness can cause stress. Different all causes stress. IF your child has just barely given up her paci at home within the last week, it may be more difficult for her to do it at dc. Or it may be to settle her down at naptime so other kids can sleep. Maybe there's a huge miscommunication between staff.

Either way, you should call for a meeting and talk with them about it and ask why?? If she's walking around with it because it's a habit, I'd definitely want them to stop that(since you've stopped paci use at home). But if they're only using it during nap, I'd try to be a little more lenient with them. But their lying about it just doesn't sit right with me. I was a home dcprovider for 38 years and will usually back up why providers do certain things but in this instance, they need to talk with you about it.

FWIW, it's difficult to keep up with your posts because of the long sentences. I may have missed or misinterpreted something important.
Jo123ABC 08:57 PM 11-17-2019
You sound intense. Maybe they are trying to avoid conflict with you.
Tags:group childcare, pacifier - wean off, pacifier issues, paragraphs please, weaning
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