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Parents and Guardians Forum>Uneasy About Daycare Provider
Tamina 10:28 AM 01-05-2011
My son started daycare fulltime on Monday, and it turns out his regular caregiver has Mondays off. I met the lady who will be her backup (let's say Maria) and since then I've been feeling very anxious.
She would barely talk or communicate. She didn't ask me anything about his feeding/changing .. and another caregiver took all the information from me.
She wouldn't smile or respond with eye contact, which I chalked up to the fact that it was early morning and first day back to work after a vacation or whatever.

I went to check up on my son in the afternoon and it was like pulling teeth to get any information out of her about how my son was since morning. I got monosyllable answers and she just looked perpetually pissed off.

I left the infant room for about 5 minutes and I could hear my son start to cry as soon as I left the room. He was crying pretty much the whole time I was out of the room (I know 'coz I was just outside talking to someone) and when I went back in, he was still sitting in the same place, going red in the face crying and Maria was still sitting with the other two kids playing peekaboo. Needless to say, I was very upset.

I am not even ruling out racism here. I am Indian, and there is another Indian DCP in the center who told me that Maria doesn't talk to her or respond to her when spoken to either, but talks to everyone else just fine.

I asked the center manager to either move my son to another room which has a very nice teacher that we already know (my son had spent a couple of days in that room last year when we needed emergency backup care). I was told there was no vacancy there and that the center director would talk to me about it. They also promised to talk to Maria.

The center director has not contacted me even though it's been 3 days.

I like everything else about this daycare. It's close to work, all the other teachers are fabulous. It's just this one lady, one day a week. I have a nagging feeling of uneasiness about her. Should I wait for a couple of Mondays more to see if she warms up or should I insist that they make alternate arrangements on Mondays? I don't want to pull him out of this daycare 'coz as I said, everything else about it is great.
jen 10:43 AM 01-05-2011
I would start calling the center director, repeatedly if necessary, to set up a meeting and discuss your concerns.

Good Luck!
Blackcat31 10:47 AM 01-05-2011
Could you talk to Maria? Just out and out ask her what you want to know about what your child ate, behaved etc. and maybe just tell her that you are a very open person and like to communicate openly between you and your child's provider...lay it out there and see what Maria does/says.....might give you a bit more info based on how Maria acts in response to your frankness. YOU are your child's voice...speak up and ask for the things you and your child need. The director may talk with you and/or Maria but ultimately the director can't tell you what Maria's issue is....Talking with Maria will either reinforce your gut feelings so you know to pull your child or you may just find that you two just got off to a bad start. As a provider, I would rather have a parent ask questions or have requests of me upfront instead of assuming something (the racism part). If I can accommodate I do, if I can't I will say so but I NEVER want a parent to assume anything or jump to any conclusions.
grandmom 01:25 PM 01-05-2011
I'm sorry you are feeling put off by the provider.

That's one of the frustrating things about center based care. Parents have no control, and sometimes no notice of staff changes. The bond I foster with my parents is strong. They know it is ME providing the majority of the care. They know I will be here every day, and they go on vacation at the same time as me.

Center based care doesn't offer that adult:adult opportunity for trust-building.
lvt77 01:33 PM 01-05-2011
i would look for another d-care. if the caretaker is not willing to communicate with you knowing that the child is not able to communicate with your about his day, then it just goes to show they don't care about you or the child.....It's her job to communicate with you daily about your child...she is not doing her job...
so sorry to hear this....I hate hearing about stuff like this...
momatheart 05:57 PM 01-05-2011
I think a home daycare would better suit your needs for your baby.
Unregistered 09:35 AM 01-14-2011
I recommend that you find another daycare immediately. If you feel something is wrong, it usually is, especially when you had the other teacher tell you she treats him/her the same way. If the director didn't contact you yet, after 3 days, then I think there's more going on. Don't chase down the director. Consider non communication a passive aggressive way of demeaning your concerns you shared with her. If it was important to her, it would have been resolved by now and she would have contacted you regardless of whether she was able to handle it yet or not. You should never have to take excuses from directors as to why they never return your calls or follow up with you. And directors have assistants etc - in good centers, they will follow up. That's their job as director to handle these types of situations immediately. Something similar happened to our family - get out - there are better daycares out there though they may try to tell you the grass isn't greener on the other side - well it is!! You already have non communication from the director plus teacher issues. You shouldn't have any issues at good centers. If you decide to stay, just remember to think about how they are going to handle any other concerns you'll have - they will probably be handled the same way as this situation. And think about how that teacher may start treating your child now that she knows you complained about her.
getnsmart 08:23 AM 03-18-2020
2 sides to every story. Maria could just be a quiet type. DP could be a helicopter parent and trying to be nosey, or intimidate. Who knows. If children could talk freely, they would probably tell their monmy or dad to go to work. Maria takes better care of me than you do. Lol
Cat Herder 08:29 AM 03-18-2020
This post is from 2011.
Mariposa 10:48 PM 08-03-2020
This is old, but my 2 cents for others in similar situations:

The lady may be racist, and she may be a B. And leaving an unhappy child unattended during play time is not OK. What is OK---yes, it is---is an unhappy child you cannot console, no matter what--and you're changing another's diaper or feeding. Then, you talk to the child the whole time. "I know, Susie, you're so sad, momma will be back soon!" repeat repeat repeat. Check in a lot. Move baby near you when possible. Sing to the baby.
She also may not be a native English speaker and communication is not her strong point--hence being in the infant room once a week. Many providers will do that with staff. Infants don't use words, and they just like being spoken to, no matter the language. Providers need to do the basics, and it's easier for a non-native speaker to work with infants than with older kids.

Also, there is a chance the Director did not even get the message.

I have been a parent who has dropped my kiddo off and did not get greeted cheerily by a new staff. When I subbed places, I would always introduce myself to families and I always give a happy hello to every child, even if I see them 5 days a week for years. As a Director, I had staff do the same.

The advice given to find a new place ASAP is really not very good advice. Even in 2011 it's hard to find a spot. She likes the other staff. One staff one day a week who isn't terribly communicative is not a massive reason to up and leave IMO. If it was the T-F staffer, then yes, if talks with Director don't work. Also, keep in mind many Directors can talk to a staff until they're red in the face, but cannot do anything--if they work for a corporate they may not have the ability to fire. I never did. Also, the fear of losing staff, not finding new staff, and fear or being sued, is big with companies. I always had parents and staff mad at me, thinking I was the God of all Gods, that I was ignoring abut reality was that I couldn't do anything.

Off my soapbox now.
Tags:2011, daycare appearance
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