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Old 04-02-2015, 08:56 AM
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tenderhearts tenderhearts is offline
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Default High Needs Baby

Have any of you had a "high needs" baby in your care? Well I do. This baby has ALL of the characteristics of a high need baby. With the literature I have been reading (alot of Dr. Sears) on a high need baby I'm fearing I can't meet all of his needs when he needs them. I have 5 other kids and although the first half of the day seems to go very well the second half has been very difficult. He has been getting very fussy for about an hour to an hour and a half every day. Nothing helps, it's right at wake up time with the other kids which mean I can't hold and console him, I need to change diapers, snack, clean up mats then it's literally the start of parent pickups. From information I've read, it's important with a high need baby to hold and console them as best as you can, well I can't. Mom and I have discussed this alot and she totally understands I can't constantly hold him but it puts stress on me and the other kids hearing him cry. I have had to lay him in the pack and play in a dark room for a bit to get through this time (not the crying but the kids snack ect.).
I love this baby he's a sweet little boy and I have a lot of fun with him when he's happy but if it were any other family I would definately consider terming but this family is like family to us, I have had their other 2 since babies and I just can't do it, it would be like me not wanting to watch one of my own. The baby is 8 mo now and I'm hoping it will get better but in the meantime I really need some help or ideas on helping soothe him if you have found something that works? I know what may work today may not tomorrow but anything would help at this point.
Oh husband has also tried helping me but baby wont have anything to do with him, he's going through the seperation anxiety, he even does it when his mom gets here, he wants me not her and it makes it hard.
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Old 04-02-2015, 09:27 AM
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laundrymom laundrymom is offline
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It's not easy but he will get used to it. Just be consistent. If his needs are met (fed. Changed. Burped) put him down with some toys and attend to other things. I promise that he will be fine. He will be angry. He will cry. He will tantrum. But if you stay calm, talk to him, engage w him while doing other things, he will catch on.
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Old 04-02-2015, 09:29 AM
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How much of his "high needs" behaviors are from the way he is treated at home?

I find a lot of times parents' parenting styles make it difficult for us to replicate in a group setting.

If this child is the baby of the family, is he possibly held often at home or "helped" to sleep with rocking or co- sleeping?

If so, a candid talk about how you are required to place baby to sleep on back and how you are encouraging self soothing may help. Maybe they will get on board with helping you so baby can have success in group care.

If that's not the case, I really don't have any tips. I do find that once babies are more mobile and can crawl, sit up, etc, that the independence makes them less reliant on an adult since they want to explore on their own. Sometimes, it just takes time for the baby to want to go off on their own, but it does happen.

Hang in there!
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Old 04-02-2015, 09:49 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tenderhearts View Post
Have any of you had a "high needs" baby in your care? Well I do. This baby has ALL of the characteristics of a high need baby. With the literature I have been reading (alot of Dr. Sears) on a high need baby I'm fearing I can't meet all of his needs when he needs them. I have 5 other kids and although the first half of the day seems to go very well the second half has been very difficult. He has been getting very fussy for about an hour to an hour and a half every day. Nothing helps, it's right at wake up time with the other kids which mean I can't hold and console him, I need to change diapers, snack, clean up mats then it's literally the start of parent pickups. From information I've read, it's important with a high need baby to hold and console them as best as you can, well I can't. Mom and I have discussed this alot and she totally understands I can't constantly hold him but it puts stress on me and the other kids hearing him cry. I have had to lay him in the pack and play in a dark room for a bit to get through this time (not the crying but the kids snack ect.).
I love this baby he's a sweet little boy and I have a lot of fun with him when he's happy but if it were any other family I would definately consider terming but this family is like family to us, I have had their other 2 since babies and I just can't do it, it would be like me not wanting to watch one of my own. The baby is 8 mo now and I'm hoping it will get better but in the meantime I really need some help or ideas on helping soothe him if you have found something that works? I know what may work today may not tomorrow but anything would help at this point.
Oh husband has also tried helping me but baby wont have anything to do with him, he's going through the seperation anxiety, he even does it when his mom gets here, he wants me not her and it makes it hard.
Yes. My youngest son was a high needs baby and is THE reason I am a daycare provider and not an attorney

As for being the caregiver for a high needs baby? BTDT. (NOT with my DS but a couple other DCK's) I will NEVER again subject myself, my other daycare kids or the baby itself to that again.

NEVER.


Everyone said:
"Tough it out"
"It'll get better"
"Be consistent"
"It's only for a little while"
"It's just a stage"
"It'll be okay"
"Do X"
"Try Y"



None of it was true.

None of the babies in my experience were cut out for daycare. It just was what it was and I wish I had just listened to my instincts and not continued to try so long. I don't think it benefited anyone.

I will never again allow myself to be in that position again.

I use my trial period (30 days for a child under age 1). If things aren't fairly smooth by that point, I am out.

NOT my child, NOT my problem.
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Old 04-02-2015, 11:31 AM
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tenderhearts tenderhearts is offline
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We have talked about it numerous times about letting him cry, self soothe and they say they do that however she contradicts herself in things she says, so I am led to believe that they do go in at his wake ups and hold/rock/nurse him back to sleep. We've talked about how that makes it hard for me. She assures me once they are moved into their new house (2 weeks) where baby can have his own room they will be working harder on this. However, from what I've read if he is truly a high needs baby, just letting him cry isn't going to solve anything, in fact can make things worse.
Blackcat, I didn't want to take on any babies after his sister who is now 2 1/2, BUT when she told me she was pregnant I had a lot of thoughts which alot led to me not wanting another infant and it's not that I've had terrible times with them, I actually have had all GREAT babies, no complaints whatsoever so with that being said and now with him, it's been very difficult, I will NEVER take an infant again except when I have grandkids (and now I'm scared for that).
I just can't tell this family I can't do it, they are truly like my own family I can't describe, I just don't know what to do except deal with it and only pray it gets better, he's 8 mo.

Blackcat do you have any suggestions on what helps or what i can do during the fussy times and other things need to be done and all his needs are being met?
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Old 04-02-2015, 11:34 AM
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Angelsj Angelsj is offline
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Are you open to a Moby? I wear babies. I understand this is not for everyone, but it can seriously allow you to get other things done, while helping the little one get his needs met.
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Old 04-02-2015, 11:56 AM
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What is a high needs baby? Does he have special needs? I don't mean to be naive, I just have never heard of that before. Unless the baby actually has something physically or mentally going on, then it sounds like tough love is in order. I don't carry babies around, especially at 8 months. He should be mobile (rolling, crawling, ect.) so he needs active play.
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Old 04-02-2015, 12:22 PM
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Tsadri Tsadri is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelsj View Post
Are you open to a Moby? I wear babies. I understand this is not for everyone, but it can seriously allow you to get other things done, while helping the little one get his needs met.
I wear babies, too, but I only take one infant at a time. Strap the kid on and go about your day. Baby's happy, I'm happy and the other kids love pretending to wear their babies.
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Old 04-02-2015, 12:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tsadri View Post
I wear babies, too, but I only take one infant at a time. Strap the kid on and go about your day. Baby's happy, I'm happy and the other kids love pretending to wear their babies.
Yes, I also only take one infant.
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Old 04-02-2015, 12:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
What is a high needs baby? Does he have special needs? I don't mean to be naive, I just have never heard of that before. Unless the baby actually has something physically or mentally going on, then it sounds like tough love is in order. I don't carry babies around, especially at 8 months. He should be mobile (rolling, crawling, ect.) so he needs active play.
A high needs infant is intense, active and emotional. If you ever have one you will easily tell the difference between "spoiled" and "high needs." They often need to eat more often than other infants and typically will not eat as much. They cry easily and much more intensely than other babies. These kids are often known as the screamers. And often they need to be held more than others to help them regulate their emotions.

This doesn't sound like she is not letting him have floor time, but more that he has an afternoon need to be held for a while after nap. Taking her word for it that he is "high needs", but it is not that strange for a child 8-18 months to need to be held for a little while upon waking. I would not have an issue with wearing him to meet those needs until he is able to calm down.
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Old 04-02-2015, 02:52 PM
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tenderhearts tenderhearts is offline
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Here is more info on High needs Baby:
Characteristics of a High Need Baby:

1. “INTENSE”
2. “HYPERACTIVE”
3. “DRAINING”
4. “FEEDS FREQUENTLY”
5. “DEMANDING”
6. “AWAKENS FREQUENTLY”
7. “UNSATISFIED”
8. “UNPREDICTABLE”
9. “SUPER-SENSITIVE”
10. “CAN’T PUT BABY DOWN”
11. “NOT A SELF-SOOTHER”
12. “SEPARATION SENSITIVE”

He gets alot of tummy time and gets around well, he is not crawling yet but for 3+ months he's been doing the army crawl. I do not have a problem at all holding him when he wakes up from his nap, I never said I didn't, I can not hold him when I'm getting the other kids up, snack, diapers ect. He gets up way before the other kids, he has at least an hour or more of just my time. I'm not sure I can wear him all day, I have other kids that want my lap and attention, he is the only infant, next age up is his sister who is 2, she likes to be cuddled and rocked for a bit after her nap so to spread it around I do not think wearing him is an option. I get on the floor most of the time which helps a lot but still its all very exhausting.

Does anyone know if a high needs baby gets any easier?
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Old 04-02-2015, 03:02 PM
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I have found that belly time helps so much with criers. They cry when not being held so getting a good workout while they are waiting their turn seems to help settle them down. Some will fall asleep the second they are on their belly because they belly sleep at home. They have to be flipped immediately if they fall asleep.
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Old 04-03-2015, 07:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelsj View Post
A high needs infant is intense, active and emotional. If you ever have one you will easily tell the difference between "spoiled" and "high needs." They often need to eat more often than other infants and typically will not eat as much. They cry easily and much more intensely than other babies. These kids are often known as the screamers. And often they need to be held more than others to help them regulate their emotions.

This doesn't sound like she is not letting him have floor time, but more that he has an afternoon need to be held for a while after nap. Taking her word for it that he is "high needs", but it is not that strange for a child 8-18 months to need to be held for a little while upon waking. I would not have an issue with wearing him to meet those needs until he is able to calm down.
Thank you for the explanation! I don't think I have ever had a high needs baby (sounds like that might be a good thing, so I guess my only thought is that one on one care may be in his best interest, such as a nanny or smaller daycare with less kids. Like I said, this is something I am unfamiliar with, but if it is something they grow out of by the first year or so, then the tips about "wearing" him or tummytime may help get you through it, but for me, there is no way I could get through day after day of a crying baby. Good luck to you and I hope it all works out! Hang in there!
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Old 04-03-2015, 10:09 AM
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I have kept a high needs baby for over a year now. I keep thinking it will get better. He is now 1 year + 6 weeks and it hasn't gotten better. He still screams all the time. He still needs held all the time. It is stressful to me and to the children. I have kept both of the other kiddos from this family, so i feel/felt obligated to continue care. I have mentioned elsewhere, but i'm closing in another 4-6 weeks, so I'm just going to continue to tough it out, but in hindsight, I wish that I had said "no" after the first 30 days.
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