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Old 02-21-2014, 12:34 PM
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Default What is Fair?

Another thread about what it's like growing up as the child of a daycare provider got me thinking...

How important is it to you that treat your kids and the daycare kids "fairly"? By fair, I mean things like... if your son is riding his bike, you either make him give the daycare kids a turn or make him wait until they leave to ride it. If your child has a sore throat you give them a Popsicle, you then give all the daycare kids a Popsicle. When is it okay to acknowledge that this is YOUR child in YOUR house, and sometimes a little special treatment from mom is okay? Where do you draw the line?

Recently, I have been feeding my son dinner at 5 PM. I have a few kids who don't leave until 5:30 PM. My son really needs dinner at 5 PM because he has been going to bed at 6:30 PM, and he honestly is just very hungry at that time. (We've been trying to get him to go to bed later, but he just tends to sleep 6:30 PM-6:30 AM no matter what I do.) The other daycare kids occasionally ask for dinner too when they see him eating, and I explain that their parents are coming soon and they can eat at home. Is that wrong?
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by preschoolteacher View Post
Another thread about what it's like growing up as the child of a daycare provider got me thinking...

How important is it to you that treat your kids and the daycare kids "fairly"? By fair, I mean things like... if your son is riding his bike, you either make him give the daycare kids a turn or make him wait until they leave to ride it. If your child has a sore throat you give them a Popsicle, you then give all the daycare kids a Popsicle. When is it okay to acknowledge that this is YOUR child in YOUR house, and sometimes a little special treatment from mom is okay? Where do you draw the line?

Recently, I have been feeding my son dinner at 5 PM. I have a few kids who don't leave until 5:30 PM. My son really needs dinner at 5 PM because he has been going to bed at 6:30 PM, and he honestly is just very hungry at that time. (We've been trying to get him to go to bed later, but he just tends to sleep 6:30 PM-6:30 AM no matter what I do.) The other daycare kids occasionally ask for dinner too when they see him eating, and I explain that their parents are coming soon and they can eat at home. Is that wrong?
I was the child of a daycare provider and one of the biggest things I remember was how the other kids were always in MY stuff. Yes there were daycare toys but they would go in my room and take my toys and refuse to let me play with my own toys since they were "cooler" than the daycare toys. I vowed never to force ds to share his toys or room. If he wants to go in his room and play with his toys, I don't make him share his room or toys and while I don't usually let him take his toys out of his room during daycare hours I don't make him share his toy if he does. All the kids have always understood this rule. I tell them that they don't have to share their toys with daycare so neither does ds. Makes sense to them. Also if he is hungry for dinner then he gets to eat...it's not his fault the other kids are here 10 hours a day. If I enrolled him in daycare there is no way I'd keep him there 10 or more hours a day. He still is expected to follow the rules when in daycare space but otherwise even he needs a break from daycare. Often dh will take ds to another room for some special daddy time. It helps. He needs his space or else by the end of the day he is so done with daycare that he literally tries to help the last kid get dressed to leave early and starts waving goodbye before her parent even gets here....
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:45 PM
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Sorry I don't mean this to sound rude at all. But, life isn't fair. And yes, there are different rules for different people. I know this is hard for little people to grasp but, the sooner they get they easier life can be.

With that said I would ask parents how they feel about their kids eating with your child. During the summer we eat very early since we have ball games. I just let parents know we are eating early that day and if their child is hungry and they are okay with it I will offer them food as well. All of my parents have been okay with this. One family even offered to pay extra since the meal isn't included in the food program. As far as bikes etc. We have daycare bikes, and our personal bikes. Just like our toys, books etc.
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:47 PM
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For me personally....I left the child care I was in because the provider treated her children like her children.

I know that sounds bad, but honestly... I understood. I got it.

My kids didn't understand and it got tough to continually have to explain the logic behind her actions..... even if they understood, it didn't feel good to them so we quit.

I knew how difficult that was for parents to deal with so me, personally, I tried REALLY hard to make sure MY kid did not receive special treatment while daycare was in session. I made sure that I held them accountable when they got in trouble...etc because unlike the DCK's I KNEW mine were raised to know better etc...

Plus, I always worried that a DCK would go home and tell their mom/dad that MY child got "special" and that was never a conversation I wanted to have with DCF's......because I KNEW what it felt like to be on their end of the convo.

That is MY personal perspective and how I personally handled this issue when my kids were young. Of course, my kids had the luxury of simply going home if they didn't want to be at daycare so that is something else to consider too.
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:53 PM
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I agree with BC
...my kids can be totally separate from the daycare if they want to be, but if they chose to be among the kids I care for, they know, they have to follow the very same rules
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
For me personal....I left the child care I was in because the provider treated her children like her children.

I know that sounds bad, but honestly... I understood. I got it.

My kids didn't understand and it got tough to continually have to explain the logic behind her actions..... even if they understood, it didn't feel good to them we quit.

I knew how difficult that was for parents to deal with so me, personally, I tried REALLY hard to make sure MY kid did not receive special treatment while daycare was in session. I made sure that I held them accountable when they got in trouble...etc because unlike the DCK's I KNEW mine were raised to know better etc...

Plus, I always worried that a DCK would go home and tell their mom/dad that MY child got "special" and that was never a conversation I wanted to have with DCF's......because I KNEW what it felt like to be on their end of the convo.

That is MY personal perspective and how I personally handled this issue when my kids were young. Of course, my kids had the luxury of simply going home if they didn't want to be at daycare so that is something else to consider too.
I get what you're saying and I agree...but I don't think that a child should be forced to share personal space and toys with daycare. Ds is expected to follow daycare rules during daycare and eat the daycare meals and so forth. But making him share his bike (when he gets one) would be too much...that was a gift to him and it's not his fault I chose to run a daycare in his home. Now if it was a bike I bought specifically for daycare then yes, he would have to share it. But I would never let the daycare kids into his room or make him give them a toy that he got from grandma. I don't see that as special treatment since I don't require the dck to bring a toy from home to share and if they brought a toy (some have a lovey) then I don't let the other kids (including my own) take it from them if they don't want to share...but I will put away said toy if they constantly argue about it. Same with ds...if he is causing a distraction with a toy of his then it goes back to his room behind a closed door. I don't need the headache.

Some days I think I'm more tough on my son because I don't worry about him going home and telling mommy I wasn't fair or I was "mean". I'm right here.
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:04 PM
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I get what you're saying and I agree...but I don't think that a child should be forced to share personal space and toys with daycare. Ds is expected to follow daycare rules during daycare and eat the daycare meals and so forth. But making him share his bike (when he gets one) would be too much...that was a gift to him and it's not his fault I chose to run a daycare in his home. Now if it was a bike I bought specifically for daycare then yes, he would have to share it. But I would never let the daycare kids into his room or make him give them a toy that he got from grandma. I don't see that as special treatment since I don't require the dck to bring a toy from home to share and if they brought a toy (some have a lovey) then I don't let the other kids (including my own) take it from them if they don't want to share...but I will put away said toy if they constantly argue about it. Same with ds...if he is causing a distraction with a toy of his then it goes back to his room behind a closed door. I don't need the headache.

Some days I think I'm more tough on my son because I don't worry about him going home and telling mommy I wasn't fair or I was "mean". I'm right here.
See, and allowing him to ride his bike when the others are present would be wrong (for ME) because if you didn't do daycare, he would be AT daycare and not be able to ride his bike.

If he was in his room and playing, it isn't fair that the other kids can't do it too. If you didn't do daycare, he wouldn't be home to be able to play in his room either.

You are also right that it isn't his fault that you are choosing to do daycare but why should the other kids feel left out or that your child gets special because you do have a daycare?
It isn't the DCK's faults that their moms didn't choose to do daycare.

(FWIW~ I am NOT arguing with you. I am only playing devil's advocate here.... I shared MY personal opinion already so I am NOT trying to force anyone to agree. )
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:05 PM
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It is so hard to balance! I agree with having your kids follow the same rules and have the same expectations. But some things are just special. And it's my kid's home. There is only 1 hour of each work day when he's awake and there are no kids here.

On the other hand, when I was young my neighbor watched us and I know she treated her kids like hers. I remember feeling bad, unwanted, a burden. Sad for the child who spends so much time in a place that makes them feel that way.
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:17 PM
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I don't let my preschoolers into my daughter's bedroom or to play with her toys.

She's allowed to go play anywhere in the house with whatever she would like, but she may not bring her stuff into preschool (even when she says she wants to share, it never goes well, so we don't even go there). Also, she's allowed to get a snack whenever she wants, but I have her eat it away from the other kids. She'll sometimes watch a tv show upstairs during preschool (the kids have no idea and she knows to keep quiet about it! ).

But, if she's in the preschool room, she must behave as the preschoolers, participate in our activities, eat our snacks, etc. She is not allowed to ride her bike or even show them that she gets 'special' treatment, like extra snacks, etc. The kids just know that sometimes she's off in another room, "taking a break".

I wouldn't allow her to do these things in front of the other kids. Not because it's not fair (it's not fair but that doesn't bother me), but because I think it's unkind.
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
See, and allowing him to ride his bike when the others are present would be wrong (for ME) because if you didn't do daycare, he would be AT daycare and not be able to ride his bike.

If he was in his room and playing, it isn't fair that the other kids can't do it too. If you didn't do daycare, he wouldn't be home to be able to play in his room either.

You are also right that it isn't his fault that you are choosing to do daycare but why should the other kids feel left out or that your child gets special because you do have a daycare?
It isn't the DCK's faults that their moms didn't choose to do daycare.

(FWIW~ I am NOT arguing with you. I am only playing devil's advocate here.... I shared MY personal opinion already so I am NOT trying to force anyone to agree. )
I know and I just love a good debate.

Anyway, I see what you're saying, however, none of those kids are forced to go with their parents to work. When they are home, they don't have to worry about other kids grabbing their stuff unless they have siblings. Dck are not siblings.

And when dck are at daycare, they don't have to worry about sharing their personal space (like a bedroom) or mommy. It's hard to define to a toddler why mommy has all these kids coming in what once was their house. Dck are spoiled in the sense the they don't have to "work" with mommy. If mommy works long hours they still get to go home and go nuts while a provider's child has to watch mommy work those long hours.

I feel that while I have to have ds follow all the rules of daycare, he still deserves a break since he is also "working". Would he need that break if I had my day care in a separate location or if I sent him to a daycare? No. He's not working there...he can relax and not worry about watching the fuzzy lines between personal time and daycare time. Even though the daycare rules are almost identical to house rules (with the exceptions being small like being allowed to eat in the living room), it is still tough to define daycare hours versus personal hours.

By the way, if ds is becoming disruptive by playing in his room, then he is done in there. For him, like I said, it is his break room...every "worker" deserves a break but I choose the location. And if a daycare child were to bring their bike would I make them share it? Nope. But the same rule applies as it would to my son: if it's disruptive then it is put away.

I honestly wish I had a separate space for daycare as ds is growing older...he clearly doesn't like sharing the house with the other kids as he is growing older...so I've compromised by letting him play separate with daddy or in his room when he starts getting "over worked." Maybe that's just my kid...maybe that's me. If he wasn't living here, I'd suggest his parents shorten his day by at least an hour since that last hour of his 10 hour day clearly wears on him...
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:34 PM
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This is why it is essential to have a dedicated daycare space. I personally would not allow my children to attend a home daycare where there was not separate daycare areas because I understand the dilemmas for provider and their children when daycare kids enter the home and have access to the whole home and all the toys that belong to the providers children. The exception to this rule was if it was a nanny type situation where the provider doesn't need a separate space and has fewer kids to negotiate these scenarios.

For me, I feed my kids preferably when the daycare kids leave however, they do sometimes eat dinner during daycare hours. I have never had a parent comment that this bothered them, although it might. If my kids are eating, I will offer the daycare kids a small snack (like a handful of cheerios so as not to spoil their dinner) only if the daycare kids are upset that others are eating. 99% of the time they do not notice or care.

For the bike situation, we would all go outside together. i have my kids bikes and I have other bikes for my daycare kids. Everyone has something to ride and I do not force my kids to share their personal items. The daycare kids have something to use so again, I think that is a fair compromise.

For the popsicle situation, I would have my kid go somewhere private to eat their treat where the daycare kids did not see although I generally try to avoid that situation all together.

I do think that if parents are using a home daycare, they have to remember and respect that this is a home and a business. There will be areas of the house that their kids cannot go and items that their kids do not have access to and things in the fridge that their kid can't eat. I don't promise that I will love these kids like my own nor do I promise that all the kids will be treated the exact same way. I do strive to be fair, but the kids here are not equal. My kids ARE special to me because they are mine. And I am not going to act like they are just like the daycare kids during daycare hours because they are still special to me no matter what time of day it is. They may get a little special treatment here and there but I do my best for it to be done in a way that is not obvious or hurtful to the daycare families. I keep that mantra "Fair does not mean everything is equal" even with my own four kids. They won't all get the exact same bike, the exact same treat, the exact same meal all the time. I personally have issue with parents and providers that try to make things equal. This sets up a scenario that can never be replicated in the real world.
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:41 PM
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My kids rooms are on a different floor than the daycare , none of the dck are allowed in my kids rooms . That is their personal space , but if my child decides to bring one of their toys downstairs then they must be willing to share with the dck .
My kids will eat the same foods and snacks . But I also do not force them to stay downstairs with the dck , they can get away from all the commotion and spend time in their rooms .

Things like bikes have to wait until the dck are gone .

I will add that all kids , mine included follow the same rules .
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Old 02-21-2014, 01:42 PM
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P.S. - I thought about it and what I think as fair and unfair may be biased. Like I said, I was a daycare child and I have my own child in my daycare.

I would be upset if I brought my child to a daycare where the provider's child didn't discipline their child but I wouldn't be upset if their child was allowed to play in their room. If I wanted a more unbiased feel then I'd go to a daycare provider that didn't have their own children there or a center or to one that was operated out of a different building.

That about summarizes the opinion portion of this segment.
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Old 02-21-2014, 02:15 PM
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I do not have children yet but thought about this a lot before I opened. We specifically bought a house with a separate family room/ living room. The daycare is in the family room which is at one end of the house away from the rest of the house.
My plan is that daycare hours are daycare hours. My children will follow all the daycare rules. Playing with personal toys happens after daycare hours. The only exception will be when their dad gets home. They can go in the other areas of house with him. They will need to pick one or the other though. They wont be allowed to go back and forth. Once they age out of the daycare program then they will be able to go in their rooms and the living room or in the daycare room but they have to pick one and stick to it.

I put a lot of thought into this because i worked at a home daycare where the provider's children got all kinds of special treatment and it sucked for the other kids. I understand that it is your child and their home but you are still working.
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Old 02-21-2014, 02:29 PM
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I try very hard to be fair and consistent in front of the dck's and their parents.
*I wake up my children when breakfast is served because I don't do special meals outside of when I serve them. That is basically so I can maintain the schedule.
*My children eat all of the same meals and snacks as the dck's. If they want a special snack (if I allow it), then they have to eat it in a separate room with the door closed. I do not serve meals to my family during daycare hours.
*My children have to share all the toys in the play room as well as outside and are subject to the same "taking turns" rules as the dck's.
*My children are subject to the same discipline as the dck's during dck hours (and for the same reasons).

With that being said, they do have certain privileges that daycare children don't have. They can play in their rooms at any point and do not have to participate in daycare activities. Daycare children are never allowed in their rooms. However, their toys are not to come into the daycare room. If they do bring in a toy from their room into the daycare space, it would follow the show-and-tell rules and it must be shared if a dck wants a turn. My children also have the freedom to play in our fenced yard during daycare hours without my direct supervision. Daycare children are always in my direct supervision. Oh, and my children are allowed to go to the bathroom with me if they want to for some reason . There are times of the day where I give my daughters extra snuggles, but I would never turn away a dck if they wanted some too.
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Old 02-21-2014, 02:31 PM
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I've done daycare at two different points in my life. One, when my oldest was young and 'in' my daycare. He did daycare activities and played with daycare toys. His toys stayed in his room. He followed daycare rules and didn't get 'special'. So, using the example mentioned about bikes, bikes weren't a part of my daycare and so he couldn't ride his bike while the dcks were here. He had access to daycare toys and that was that.

Now my kids are all in school. My life is easier in some respects and not so much in others. The biggest struggle right now is attention. I have scheduled our rest time, though, so dcks are resting when my kids come home from school. That gives me a chance to reconnect with my own kids before the little ones wake up. My kids are all older and so can do different things than the dcks in the sense that they can go and play at the park by themselves while I stay with the dcks here. And so on. As pp stated, when my kids are here and around the dcks, same rules apply. They are expected to be good role models (and mostly are) and are fantastic entertainment. When my kids are here on vacation and summer, etc, I will plan special stuff for rest times so that they don't feel like their whole lives are run by daycare and little people.

I still get dinner organized and will feed my own kids if there are dcks here. We have a busy evening schedule. I just tell the dcks that their moms and dads will be here soon and they will be going home to eat then.

I had my kids in after school care 2 years ago when I was finishing my degree and they hated it. They know that is the 'other' option and like being able to come home
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Old 02-21-2014, 02:40 PM
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I don't promise that I will love these kids like my own nor do I promise that all the kids will be treated the exact same way. I do strive to be fair, but the kids here are not equal. My kids ARE special to me because they are mine. And I am not going to act like they are just like the daycare kids during daycare hours because they are still special to me no matter what time of day it is. They may get a little special treatment here and there but I do my best for it to be done in a way that is not obvious or hurtful to the daycare families. I keep that mantra "Fair does not mean everything is equal" even with my own four kids. They won't all get the exact same bike, the exact same treat, the exact same meal all the time. I personally have issue with parents and providers that try to make things equal. This sets up a scenario that can never be replicated in the real world.
Yes I agree with this 100%! I try to be fair and consistent; HOWEVER, there are things that will be different because we are family! I say "I love you" to my children frequently throughout the day and I don't really say that to the dck's . I complement the dck's all the time but the truth is that I don't truly LOVE some of them (that sounds so bad, but I can't make up emotions!!). I probably cuddle with my kids more and I probably rough house with them more during daycare hours. It's true that everything is not fair even between my own children. One of my daughters needs more cuddling..... one of them needs more discipline (haha still on same child) ..... they often get talked to differently depending on what works best with their personality, etc.
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Old 02-21-2014, 02:43 PM
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Originally Posted by kendallina View Post
I don't let my preschoolers into my daughter's bedroom or to play with her toys.

She's allowed to go play anywhere in the house with whatever she would like, but she may not bring her stuff into preschool (even when she says she wants to share, it never goes well, so we don't even go there). Also, she's allowed to get a snack whenever she wants, but I have her eat it away from the other kids. She'll sometimes watch a tv show upstairs during preschool (the kids have no idea and she knows to keep quiet about it! ).

But, if she's in the preschool room, she must behave as the preschoolers, participate in our activities, eat our snacks, etc. She is not allowed to ride her bike or even show them that she gets 'special' treatment, like extra snacks, etc. The kids just know that sometimes she's off in another room, "taking a break".

I wouldn't allow her to do these things in front of the other kids. Not because it's not fair (it's not fair but that doesn't bother me), but because I think it's unkind.

Both my kiddos are grown and out of the house. They grew up in my daycare and for the most part it was a positive experience for them both. Although I'm not sure I'll ever become a grandma! They are 30 & 26 and both still unmarried. Maybe one day...
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Old 02-21-2014, 03:13 PM
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When my kids were in my day care they needed to follow the same rules as the dc kids - to a point. When my husband was home he took our kids and after that they were "off" the clock. My job was to keep the dck's entertained and busy.
If my kids needed to eat earlier due to evening plans, my husband fed them while I worked. If they wanted to ride their bikes while they were under my husbands supervision, they did. I just made sure we were not in the same area. I would never allow my kids to gloat or be unkind. At the same time, this is their home and obviously they have their own toys, etc here. One of the reasons I sent my kids to preschool was because I felt certain dcp's viewed my kids as here for their own child's amusement/entertainment. Some were shocked on days when my husband was off work that he took our kids out for the day, leaving their child the only one here. I thought that was kind of odd.
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Old 02-21-2014, 03:19 PM
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I had a family child care class that the teacher had gotten an award for inclusive child care (for dealing with special needs children), and what she wrote when she accepted the award was really good.... talking about how all children have special needs, and shared examples. Everyone gets 'special' according to their needs (not all of their wants) which include feeling cared about by me. I adjust my program, and our schedules based on interests of all of the children.
They do know who's mom I am.. I remember when my daughter really realized I'm "her mom", and not also the dck. She would repeat it over and over, in front of them, and I would say yes, and I'm their (insert whatever title you use here). They also get snuggles, and attention... but I'm her mom. They have their own parents, and my job is to support that relationship, not step on, or replace. I do, but if I didn't 'love' my dck's, and I was saying I love you to my kids in front of them, I would make sure they know that their mom/ dad loves them.
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Old 02-21-2014, 03:28 PM
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Are you on the food program? Have you considered offering these kids dinner at 5pm with your DS? Personally I enjoy serving dinner to 2 extra kids because that means I get to claim all my kids too! I have 4 kids who still qualify for the FP (under 13) and as long as I have a DC kid here I can claim them in my meals. My FP rep told me to do this, so I'm not cheating the system. She said that even if they go home for dinner, this could be a big snack and instead of a $0.71 snack you get a $2.27 meal or whatever it is per child. I was doing it more in Nov-Dec but I would serve dinner early to all my kids when I had DC kids here! It's great!
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Old 02-21-2014, 04:28 PM
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for my own children this has always been their HOME not their DAYCARE and its always been treated as such. Once they were old enough they were free to leave the daycare playroom any time they wanted. They could play on their own in our family room or their bedrooms or go to the kitchen for something, etc. But we always had the rule that if they brought something into the playroom it was for sharing. So they learned to keep toys they didn't want to share out of there but more often than not they wanted to play with their own toys with their friends so they'd bring them in.

Due to our after daycare activities I often had to feed them dinner during dc hours - they eat at the kitchen table, the dc kids are in the daycare room. One has nothing to do with the other for me.
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Old 02-21-2014, 04:41 PM
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some things I let go and others I don't it depends on what it is.

My child did not ask me to do childcare, they were born into it. I give my kid treats all the time, but he has to eat them in the kitchen out of site of everyone. I don't even think that the dcks know about it. I tell my DCKS when you are your home you can do whatever your parents say you can. He is already home and he is sharing it with you, so when you go home ask your parents if you can______________________________

I have never had any issues.....
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  #24  
Old 02-21-2014, 06:25 PM
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I am the daughter or a daycare provider, and now currently a daycare provider.

My mom always made sure that our bedrooms were off limits, and the toys inside them were too. There were "the daycare toys" and "our toys", and if we brought our own toys out of our bedrooms during daycare hours - then it was the same as any other toy brought from home by any other child (it had to be shared). But we were allowed that separation.

I will say, though, looking back. My mom used to make different lunches for my brother. At the time she thought nothing of it, and now she realizes that it wasn't fair to the DCK. I think parents *think* they are being fair between their DCK and their own children, but I think it is tremendously difficult for parents to see their own children and their actions toward them in a completely unbiased light. Just like the story in NannyDE has about hiring an assistant who was nursing and wouldn't get up to help a child who had fallen, because her son was nursing. To anyone else, it makes no sense to not get up and help a hurt child. But in that mom's eyes, it was perfectly logical. Just like in my mom's eyes, it was perfectly logical to make her own child his own lunch.

I totally understand the dichotomy of the lunch scenario for my mom (or any provider) is it fair that your child has to eat what the other DCK eat, if they don't like it, when in their own house - no (not always at least). Other kids with SAHMs, probably get to choose their own lunches sometimes, and a mom would want that for their child. But it also isn't fair to the other DCK for one child to get special treatment.

I think it is a VERY hard line to walk... because by nature of being parents, you are going to see your own child in a different light.
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Old 02-22-2014, 03:51 AM
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Well, the lady I used to work for had two children (a boy and a girl) and did daycare for over 30 years before her children were even born and both her children had totally opposite reactions. Her son doesn't want anything to do with the daycare (except when him and his ex wife were planning on having a baby and she offered to give them a discount) but her daughter was always apart of the daycare and is now her assistant with her own daughter who she brings to work with her (about 2 y/o) and she is planning on taking over her mom's business when she is ready to retire.

The son mostly liked to stay at the dads house (divorced) and the daughter liked staying with the mom and her room was often used as the "big kids room" which she had no problem with because she loved the after school kids (this was when she was a teen). She never had a problem sharing her toys with the daycare kids, if she had a special toy she didn't want anyone else to use she would just make sure that it was hidden during daycare so no one would play with it.

The provider also had her children go to different preschools (another family child care provider she was friends with) a few hours every day so that her kids wouldn't get too clingy and would have an easier time going to kindergarten; also partly so they wouldn't get jealous about "sharing mommy".

Personally, I think that yes this is their home but they will need to learn that when any company is over (daycare kids or not) some sacrifices are going to have to be made. There is a time and a place for everything, they always have the weekend and after dc hours to play with their own personal toys.
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:37 AM
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Since each child was small, we have had one room (kid's bedroom/s, basement room, somewhere) that MY kids were allowed to have their toys, and daycare kids could not go unless invited. My kids could go into their rooms and play with their toys without being bothered.
However, they could NOT bring the toys into daycare space and not share. If you bring it out, you share it.
I have always made sure every child had age appropriate outdoor toys, such as bicycles, and no one rode anyone's without permission, so this is not an issue. At daycare, Tommy has his own bike, Sue has her own, etc. If I get a new child or a child ages up, we talk about changing of the bikes and new ones get assigned.
We eat at 9 am, 11:30- 12:30 depending on the day of the week (we have a late start every week here on one day) and at 5:30 pm. If a kid is here, they eat too. All my parents are aware of this. I also do not give a treat to one child without giving one to all.
Though, in fairness, sometimes my older teens will slip down, grab a quick snack and disappear into their rooms to eat it without being seen. If they get caught, they have to share.
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  #27  
Old 02-22-2014, 08:01 AM
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I think part of our job is to be professional. I think children in the same age group as your DCKs should follow the same rules. When my own children were 8 and under I treated them like the DCK kids in my care.

Mom can I have a popsicle?

No.

Mom can I go outside and play?

No.

Mom can I ride my bike?

No.


I think itís bad business practice to give your children within the daycare area special treatment during program hours. I think DCKs can be made to feel less than, disliked and unwanted.

My kids knew they rolled how the daycare kids rolled when I was working. They got it and acted accordingly. As they got older, itís easier. They are often in the non daycare area before and after school.

I made a choice to enter into this home business. Most home business require some sacrifice and/or inconvenience as far a space & family. They got the evil eye if they even mentioned chips or ice creams.
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:15 AM
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I think it depends on the age of your child and the space you dedicate to daycare.

My daughter is school age (but homeschooled so home all day) and we have a dedicated daycare area.

When she chooses to be in the daycare area, she must follow the daycare rules. All daycare toys are shared and she has no special privileges with them.

However, when she is in her play room, that is her personal space. Her playroom toys do not leave that room. Some have little parts and would not be appropriate for daycare. None of my daycare kids have ever even see this room, so they don't really even know what is in there. Her playroom is upstairs right above the daycare room. I can check on her without losing visual on my daycare kids.

Her classroom is also her space, and again no daycare child has ever even seen it.

Outside, we do daycare toys. Everything is shared. Her personal bike and toys are in a separate area that only get played with when daycare is closed.

She has meals and snacks with the kids. She gets the same things they get. Sometimes she gets a larger portion as she is older so serving size is larger, but they are always welcome to have seconds, so it balances out.

If she was at a friends house, I would not expect her to have free reign of their home. If she was at another daycare, I would expect them to treat her really well, but would not expect them to treat her like their own child. Due to her being older than any of the others here, and that the "special" is not really visible to them, I have never had it create a problem.
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  #29  
Old 02-22-2014, 12:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KidGrind View Post
I think part of our job is to be professional. I think children in the same age group as your DCKs should follow the same rules. When my own children were 8 and under I treated them like the DCK kids in my care.

Mom can I have a popsicle?

No.

Mom can I go outside and play?

No.

Mom can I ride my bike?

No.


I think itís bad business practice to give your children within the daycare area special treatment during program hours. I think DCKs can be made to feel less than, disliked and unwanted.

My kids knew they rolled how the daycare kids rolled when I was working. They got it and acted accordingly. As they got older, itís easier. They are often in the non daycare area before and after school.

I made a choice to enter into this home business. Most home business require some sacrifice and/or inconvenience as far a space & family. They got the evil eye if they even mentioned chips or ice creams.
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Old 02-22-2014, 05:20 PM
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Everyone follows the same rules while DCK are here at my house. If my kids have toys that they don't want to share, the toys must be in their room before the DCK get here. We all eat the same things at the same times, do the same things at the same times, and stay in the same areas. I may change my mind about being in the same rooms as my own kids get older, but at dc age right now, this is the only way it works. TBH, I've never thought about doing it differently, either. I'm doing home daycare so I can be home with my kids, but if I wanted to act like a SAHM and treat my kids as if I were one, I'd be doing that instead.
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  #31  
Old 02-23-2014, 03:37 AM
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http://www.daycare.com/nannyde/what-...r-own-kids.htm
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  #32  
Old 02-23-2014, 05:35 AM
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I didn't do daycare until mine were in school full time and then only during the summers. I only did school agers in the summer. I worked in schools during the school year part time. So mostly it wasn't a problem for us. For the most part, mine liked having the playmates and we didn't have to be licensed back then in that state so I didn't really have any regulations. Those were the days, lol. Wow, that was nice. One dcp even gave me the key to her house so we could go over there, use her pool, etc.

However, I have had both of my grandchildren which I realize is slightly different. They do go home after daycare although one lived with us with her family for a year. Still her mom and dad came home and then could take her off separately.

It is still hard sometimes because they are my grandchildren. There is something I do similar to what Nannyde is saying but not exactly. My granddaughter just never napped much and so accidently I used that time to do things with her. I'd let her watch a t.v. show for a half hour so I could get some break though. After that, we spent time together. Now, also accidently, my 3 year old grandson will nap but hard as I have tried he still gets up about an hour earlier than they do. That is our time. I love it.

Maybe a 'creative schedule' would work.

Laurel

Can some of you mom's maybe stagger nap times? Since mine sleep in different rooms, I can easily put one to bed without another child knowing. If I have a child that just goes right to sleep and sleeps soundly then it is pretty easy to spend time with your own.
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Old 02-23-2014, 05:59 AM
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I'm in a bit of a different situation here because my daycare kids are all under 3 (they age out at 3.5 max here), and my own kids are 6+ (except the 18 month old in daycare). When my kids come home from school they get a snack, but I tell them not near the daycare kids; to me it's not nice to each in front of someone else and not give them. My kids are allowed anywhere in the house, and the daycare kids aren't. I would never serve dinner and not offer whoever was here (ok, maybe not never, but not on a normal night, if my child had to go out early possibly). I just don't think it's nice. Things aren't exactly equal (for example my 18 month old still gets a bottle of milk when he wakes up from nap, I'm sure the almost 2 year old might like one also but I don't give her, she gets her cup of water and doesn't complain about it). The rule is parents have to provide milk / formula so if her mother wanted to send milk I would give her. I am providing my son milk as a mother, not a day care provider.
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Old 02-25-2014, 10:59 AM
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Yes, if my ds was riding a bike I would tell him that he has to give the other kids a turn or wait until they leave to ride (I do have 3 of my own kids).

If my son had a sore throat I would have no problem letting him eat a popsicle in front of the other kids. If a dck had a sore throat (and I allowed them that day, only with a dr note and no other excludable symptoms), I would have no problem telling my kids why the dck gets one and not them. Then again, my kids are 3,6, and 8 and are all capable of reasoning and have had to deal with the same "unfair" treatment amongst themselves and each other since they were born.

Life is simply not fair. Sure, give your own kids special treatment sometimes. Give the dck's special treatment sometimes. Give one of your own kids special treatment over one of your other own children. We all do it. We, as mothers and child care providers, know where "special treatment" is warranted and where it is not.

Just don't ever give any child special treatment because they guilt you into it (your own included). Your children have it hard because they have to share their house, their toys, their mom. The dck's have it hard because they have to leave their parents, their house, their toys, and watch your children be with their house, their mom and their toys all day. YOU have it the hardest because you are stuck in the constant mental battle of what is fair and what is unfair and whether that really matters in the whole scheme of getting through the day

They will all fare better if you use your better judgment and dole out the special treatment where you feel it is justified.
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Old 02-27-2014, 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by kendallina View Post
I don't let my preschoolers into my daughter's bedroom or to play with her toys.

She's allowed to go play anywhere in the house with whatever she would like, but she may not bring her stuff into preschool (even when she says she wants to share, it never goes well, so we don't even go there). Also, she's allowed to get a snack whenever she wants, but I have her eat it away from the other kids. She'll sometimes watch a tv show upstairs during preschool (the kids have no idea and she knows to keep quiet about it! ).

But, if she's in the preschool room, she must behave as the preschoolers, participate in our activities, eat our snacks, etc. She is not allowed to ride her bike or even show them that she gets 'special' treatment, like extra snacks, etc. The kids just know that sometimes she's off in another room, "taking a break".



I wouldn't allow her to do these things in front of the other kids. Not because it's not fair (it's not fair but that doesn't bother me), but because I think it's unkind.



this is what we do too
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Old 02-27-2014, 04:56 PM
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Quote:
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I'm in a bit of a different situation here because my daycare kids are all under 3 (they age out at 3.5 max here), and my own kids are 6+ (except the 18 month old in daycare). When my kids come home from school they get a snack, but I tell them not near the daycare kids; to me it's not nice to each in front of someone else and not give them. My kids are allowed anywhere in the house, and the daycare kids aren't. I would never serve dinner and not offer whoever was here (ok, maybe not never, but not on a normal night, if my child had to go out early possibly). I just don't think it's nice. Things aren't exactly equal (for example my 18 month old still gets a bottle of milk when he wakes up from nap, I'm sure the almost 2 year old might like one also but I don't give her, she gets her cup of water and doesn't complain about it). The rule is parents have to provide milk / formula so if her mother wanted to send milk I would give her. I am providing my son milk as a mother, not a day care provider.
This is how my daycare is now too - all under 3's and my own kids are all school aged (8-15 now). So my son can go out and ride his bike (he doesn't need me there with him), does not at all mean I need to take the dck's out to ride bikes. Now back when my own child was 3 and he wanted to go ride his bike I would take all the kids out and they could ride on other things meant for daycare kids while he rode on his bike. I really don't see that as not being fair - its his home, his bike. I have ride ons meant for daycare kids, they use those.
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