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  #1  
Old 07-21-2011, 07:08 PM
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Default Letter To Terminated Parent...

I am so upset and stressed out right now...I am posting as unregister but am a registered poster...I just wanted to share this...

Hey *****,

I just wanted to be open with you and let you know how I have been feeling for the last little while. There has been a few things that have really been bothering me and I tried really hard to approach you in the nicest way I could about them but regardless they have left me feeling full of stress in the end. The first thing was your irregular show ups for drop offs and pick ups. When you first signed on with me you asked for 8am - 4:30pm. Soon after you started showing up at 4:45pm, then 5:00pm, then 5:15pm...this was when I approached you, for the first time, and asked you if you wanted a different pick up time at which you said yes 4:45pm. You soon later began showing up at 5:00pm and 5:15pm, I approached you again and you said you needed 5:00pm, which again you were not able to always make it on time for. And then the drop offs started going all over the place varying between 8am and 8:45am, I literally never knew what to expect...hense the fact that I sent out letters to ALL of my families regarding drop off times.

You need to understand this from a daycare prospective, if a provider doesn't know when to expect a parent (the times the child is to be in daycare)...

1. How do we know what to charge parents? There is a totally different fee for parents needing 8am - 4:30pm (8 and a half hour day) and parents needing 8am - 5:15pm (9 hour and 15 min day). I didn't raise your rates out of courtesy but seen no courtesy back from you.

2. How does a provider properly plan activities for the children when they never know when to expect the last drop off or when a child is being picked up for the day. We providers too do like to plan our days, hense the fact that a good provider will keep things organized and stay on top of things.

3. You need to realize that regardless of if I am open from 7:30am - 5:30pm you are still on contracted hours (your hours), I am NOT always open until 5:30pm, nor do I always start my day at 7:30am, this is totally depending on my parents SCHEDULES.

The second problem I had was when you showed up to pick **** one day and played 20 questions with me. (How many kids do you have? Do you have help? And so and so forth…) When I initially met with you I answered all these questions. I also talked to you about my helper leaving. Seriously ***** this is my daycare, I have always run it, will always run it, am capable of running it and FOLLOW ALL GUIDELINES, I would never run more kids then one provider is ALLOWED…EVER! I got in the suitable help I needed to run MY daycare. No it didn’t work out with my sister in law, but I had my mom here with me. I don’t feel that I EVER need to tell parents that my mom is helping me, if you don’t trust my mom, then you really shouldn’t be here because I am her DAUGHTER. I didn’t answer your question because I felt like I was being interrogated, I didn’t have the time for it and I was not putting up with it. If I had brought in a STRANGER every parent enrolled with me would have met her, but not my own mother.

The third problem I had with you was the diaper texts on Tuesday. The last 3 days **** has been in my care he has popped out of his diaper. I asked why…like any caring provider would. Why am I not being told he is ‘teething’, why am I not being told of his running poop, do the diapers not fit right…what is going on, was my thoughts. I also told you (which is in my contract) if there is poop running down his leg he needs to be picked up. You responded with take a diaper outside with you. Running a daycare and being a stay at home mom are two different things. I have to run by REGULATIONS. Which means I have to change a child in a sterile location, sterilize anything the poop touches along with my hands. Do you know how hard that would be to do outside? And secondly, I got upset when you said it’s probably just teething. Ok, so thanks for telling me now (seen as I don’t stick my hands in children’s mouth to find out myself) and as I said even if it’s teething if it happens again you need to pick him up as it is very difficult to run a daycare and deal with a child who has poop so runny it is coming out of his diaper. We were outside that day, twice in 2 hours I had to pack up all the kids, head inside, change **** and go back out again. This in itself shows you how inconvenient and difficult it is to deal with a ‘situation’ such as this in a daycare setting.

I sent you this letter today because I am human too and need to get my feelings out and hearing you say today that you were not coming back only 3 weeks from your last day really left me feeling unsettled and cheated. I was willing to finish off your last 3 weeks despite the stress you were causing me, the stress that I approached you with in a professional and friendly manner, and you gave me ‘we are not coming back.’

Please remember in the future ***** that your first key to daycare is COMMUNICATION, and that providers, just like you have feelings and expectations as well.
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  #2  
Old 07-21-2011, 07:23 PM
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Now that you have let this all out in a letter throw it away. Never get personal like this with a client it's extremely unprofessional.
The less you say the better. There are many post on here regarding term letters.
If you want to term keep it simple and don't give them any ammo to cone back at you with.

When I have a parent start getting off track I remind the
In a professional manner:
Dear Susie
Prior to your Childs admission into daycare, we entered into an agreement to follow all rules of the parent handbook, it's policies and contract.
Below is a reminder of our (fill in blank) and let them know what will happen if they don't fix it.

I would recommend searching term letters on here too
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  #3  
Old 07-21-2011, 07:41 PM
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Now that you have let this all out in a letter throw it away. Never get personal like this with a client it's extremely unprofessional.
AMEN. Less is always better.
I can no longer meet your needs......see ya......wouldn't wanna be ya (or your next provider)!!!
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Old 07-21-2011, 07:46 PM
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AMEN. Less is always better.
I can no longer meet your needs......see ya......wouldn't wanna be ya (or your next provider)!!!
Lmao haha third that was funny
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  #5  
Old 07-21-2011, 07:49 PM
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don't give them this letter. OP are you wanting to term or what? If not terming, write up a letter basically saying that the following policies MUST be followed or you will no longer be able to provide care for child. Dont expect her to understand why or anything, most parents will never get it. Dont feel that you have to explain or justify the policies either. Start charging fees for drop offs and pickups outside of the agreed times.
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  #6  
Old 07-21-2011, 07:51 PM
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I know it probably felt better to get that out but I wouldn't put that out there. It could come back to bite you in the rear.

I would just tell her thank you for the opportunity to care for her child and best wishes that the next arrangement she makes works out wonderfully for her beautiful child and her family.

Once the relationship is over there's no value in being right. You won't be the recipient of her behaving better because of what she knows after you shared your feelings with her.

It sucks but it's part of this business friend.
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  #7  
Old 07-21-2011, 07:59 PM
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Thanks ladies I really needed to hear all of that!
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  #8  
Old 07-21-2011, 07:59 PM
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I agree with the others. Now that you've got it off of your chest destroy the letter. If you printed the letter, tear it up. If you didn't, delete it.

A simple "I am no longer able to care for your child after such and such date" is sufficient.

If you want to keep the child, tell the parent that you need to have a face to face and get things back on tract. Usually once things go downhill, that isn't possible.
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  #9  
Old 07-21-2011, 09:55 PM
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It does help to write it down and shout it out though, doesn't it?!!!!

I often write down my frustrations. Call them all the names in the book and then tear it up/burn it or whatever.

Then smile and move on.....!!
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Old 07-22-2011, 12:08 AM
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Originally Posted by sharlan View Post
I agree with the others. Now that you've got it off of your chest destroy the letter. If you printed the letter, tear it up. If you didn't, delete it.

A simple "I am no longer able to care for your child after such and such date" is sufficient.

If you want to keep the child, tell the parent that you need to have a face to face and get things back on tract. Usually once things go downhill, that isn't possible.
Absolutely! Sometimes you might feel like you need to explain or justify, but it'll only backfire on you! You are best just keeping it sweet and to the point.

Good luck!
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  #11  
Old 07-22-2011, 02:35 AM
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Default She termed you.

And you need to use spelling and grammar check.

Sorry it didn't work out.

She told you she wouldn't be back. You need to fill the spot. I hope you sent all of her stuff home with her and charged the full notice fee.

In the mean time, figure out what to do differently with a new client. And never, never ignore a parent's question. If you have already answered it, begin with "If you will remember from our interview, ..."

You need a late fee and a full day fee. Don't bother doing it by the half hour.

And no, being your mother is not an acceptable credential for surprise caregiver. Diapers SHOULD be changed every two hours. One runny poop is a call to pick up. Once you have allowed flexible pick-up you either correct and adjust contract and fee or deal with it. You CAN see a teether without putting your hands in a mouth, and that seldom causes diapers to leak. You should know if they fit or not. Two hours is too long to be outside all at once in this heat (in most of the country). I could go on.... But since I care about you and I know that you are probably feeling bad, I will just refer you to the Purdue writing center for tips on business letters, and mention that I can tell you are both genuine and intelligent from your writing, but that you need a little practice and you deserve to know that the word is 'hence'.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/653/01/
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Old 07-22-2011, 04:32 AM
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Other than a few spelling errors I would send it. I guess I am different. In 23 years the only time I had issues terming were when I did it generically. Personally my child care business is a more in depth personal one and would send the long letter. I'm not sure what could come back to " get her" but being honest and up front is the best way to handle things. Even if it's not the easiest.
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Old 07-22-2011, 05:04 AM
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I just went through this same thing with a client but with MUCH more disrespect and issues. I too wanted to have my say, especially after she told me off in front of my son and neighbors. She would always get moody every few months and pull attitude, not want to pay fees, not pay n time etc and run her mouth. I finally termed her for a whole other reason and the poo hit the fan! I let it all go. I don't know how I didn't stand up for myself like I normally would. I kept it all calm and professional as I had been advised here. I didn't address much at all just ignored the many ranting calls and texts after my basic professional replies to her rants. She actually called back 3 weeks later asking to come back! For days she did this until I finally took the call and said Johnny could not come back due to the scene she had caused basically. Short and sweet. The whole phone call took a minute.

Afterwards I found that taking that high road and holding all the anger and resentment in was actually better. Sounds odd I know but I had to keep in mind this is my business. Had it been an issue with someone else I would have said much more but in this case I am glad I took advise here and kept calm no matter what she did. Sure I was a mess inside and in my home but she nor did any other client see that.

I think u writing the letter probably helped didn't it? Now pitch it or file it away in her file (if u are required to keep them) Go on with happy way knowing u dont have to deal with her anymore. Good luck to u!
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Old 07-22-2011, 05:38 AM
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I agree with the majority of responses. If you didn't send it already, don't. Vent to us - we are much more sympathetic.

I'm gathering from one of your last paragraphs that the parent already told you she's not coming back. So.. as per your contract, send her the bill for the 2 weeks that she hasn't paid you and be done with her. (I hope your contract says they must give 2 weeks notice.) That would be the only correspondence I would have with her at this point.

Thanks to her you will probably be dealing with sick children (and possibly yourself being sick) as I've never seen teething produce loose bowels to the point of running down the leg. If you all were going in the pool it's possibly that the child was injesting pool water and I've seen that cause havic on the guts. I hope that's all it was.

Take a deep breath and think about how much less stress you will have in your life now that they are gone. Good riddance!
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Old 07-22-2011, 08:15 AM
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And you need to use spelling and grammar check.

Sorry it didn't work out.

She told you she wouldn't be back. You need to fill the spot. I hope you sent all of her stuff home with her and charged the full notice fee.

In the mean time, figure out what to do differently with a new client. And never, never ignore a parent's question. If you have already answered it, begin with "If you will remember from our interview, ..."

You need a late fee and a full day fee. Don't bother doing it by the half hour.

And no, being your mother is not an acceptable credential for surprise caregiver. Diapers SHOULD be changed every two hours. One runny poop is a call to pick up. Once you have allowed flexible pick-up you either correct and adjust contract and fee or deal with it. You CAN see a teether without putting your hands in a mouth, and that seldom causes diapers to leak. You should know if they fit or not. Two hours is too long to be outside all at once in this heat (in most of the country). I could go on.... But since I care about you and I know that you are probably feeling bad, I will just refer you to the Purdue writing center for tips on business letters, and mention that I can tell you are both genuine and intelligent from your writing, but that you need a little practice and you deserve to know that the word is 'hence'.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/653/01/
Are you under the impression that throwing in a few half-hearted compliments makes you any less of a condescending snot?
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Old 07-22-2011, 08:44 AM
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And you need to use spelling and grammar check.
And so do you! May I suggest you run yours through before you start picking on someone else's?
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Old 07-22-2011, 09:05 AM
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I'm not sure if it is just with this parents that had the problem but yes, you do need to let all the parents know who will be working with their child. I would want to know who exactly is working with them and also meeting with them. All people who are working with children also have to have a background check. So, yes she is your mother but parents do have the right to know who is working with their chld and when that person will be there.
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Old 07-22-2011, 09:07 AM
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I have only termed on parent and I did talk to him and let him know what the issues were in a professional way. I let him know that his daughter would do better with more one-on-one attention. I also told him that the schedule was too hectic for me. They were never on time for pick up or drop off. I don't see anything wrong with that as long as you keep it short and professional.
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Old 07-22-2011, 01:10 PM
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And you need to use spelling and grammar check.

Sorry it didn't work out.

She told you she wouldn't be back. You need to fill the spot. I hope you sent all of her stuff home with her and charged the full notice fee.

In the mean time, figure out what to do differently with a new client. And never, never ignore a parent's question. If you have already answered it, begin with "If you will remember from our interview, ..."

You need a late fee and a full day fee. Don't bother doing it by the half hour.

And no, being your mother is not an acceptable credential for surprise caregiver. Diapers SHOULD be changed every two hours. One runny poop is a call to pick up. Once you have allowed flexible pick-up you either correct and adjust contract and fee or deal with it. You CAN see a teether without putting your hands in a mouth, and that seldom causes diapers to leak. You should know if they fit or not. Two hours is too long to be outside all at once in this heat (in most of the country). I could go on.... But since I care about you and I know that you are probably feeling bad, I will just refer you to the Purdue writing center for tips on business letters, and mention that I can tell you are both genuine and intelligent from your writing, but that you need a little practice and you deserve to know that the word is 'hence'.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/653/01/
She gave me her notice because they cut her hours way down at work and she didn't want to have to pay for a mimum amount of days per month when she didn't need them. She paid me in full at the beginning of July. What exactly is it that I need to do differently with a new client? I do not agree either that you can see a teether without putting your hands in a child's month, my son (and other children in my care) showed NO signs of teething whatsoever. And also it was her that used the excuse that he was probably teething. I do not live where you do...it was 19C here...I do not think 2 hours is too long to be outside! Thank you. And this was never meant to be a business letter, it was a vent.

Also I run a family daycare, I am not a licensed daycare and do not have to be. This is my home and friends and family members do come around and interact with the children. Sorry if you don't agree with that but that is just the way things are. I don't introduce my clients to my husband in the same way I would not introduce them to my mother unless she was at the door when they came. I am the primary care giver and all of my clients (I guess except this one) trust my judgement about who is around their child. ALL parents are aware of this in the initial interview.
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Old 07-22-2011, 07:31 PM
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You may be the primary caregiver, but the others come in contact with the children. I always introduce whoever is in my home.
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Old 07-22-2011, 07:35 PM
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Here are my few cents...

I can understand wanting to explain in detail to the client what your issues were. Thought being maybe she's a space cadet and completely unaware that these things were real problems. My husband has always said "It's ok to tell a person that they are being a jerk, because they may not know or realize they are being one." I think this may be a similar case.

I understand the thought process that your mother raised you so she can't be a bad person, however, as a parent I would want to know who was around my child while they were at daycare. All of my dc parents have met my parents, my in-laws, my husband, and the teen age girl I hired last year through an intern program. My husband, my own teen, and the other one I hired last year have all gone through background checks.

If a person was to be involved in the caring of my child while in your care I would want to meet them. Even if you were present the whole time. My kid, my responsibility to know what's going on in their day to day life.

I can understand how you felt like you were being attacked, and I too would have felt upset by the mom's approach.

I opened my daycare back up two weeks after my youngest was born. I had my MIL staying here to give me a hand. I made sure to have all of my parents meet her ahead of time. She is retired from doing daycare. If they would have been uncomfortable with her, I would have encouraged them to find temp care elsewhere while she was here. They were all agreeable to the arrangements I made here, after having met her.

Lastly, as far as the poopy diapers go, YUCK!! According to my policy the child would have needed to be picked up. My house, my rules, I don't want poop germs everywhere, as I have enough cleaning to do on a regular basis.
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Old 07-22-2011, 10:03 PM
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Default Its a fantastic vent, and I bet it felt great to get that off your chest!

Why do you feel cheated if you just got a week of pay for doing nothing, AND you don't have to deal with her again?

You should be laughing all the way to the bank!

Really, its all ok. She is gone, the poop is gone, and you are free to double charge that spot next week if you can fill it.

Go out to dinner and buy a new pair of shoes.
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Old 07-23-2011, 08:58 PM
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Why do you feel cheated if you just got a week of pay for doing nothing, AND you don't have to deal with her again?

You should be laughing all the way to the bank!

Really, its all ok. She is gone, the poop is gone, and you are free to double charge that spot next week if you can fill it.

Go out to dinner and buy a new pair of shoes.
It's OK honey...we know you just don't get it.
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Old 07-23-2011, 09:41 PM
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Also I run a family daycare, I am not a licensed daycare and do not have to be. This is my home and friends and family members do come around and interact with the children. Sorry if you don't agree with that but that is just the way things are. I don't introduce my clients to my husband in the same way I would not introduce them to my mother unless she was at the door when they came. I am the primary care giver and all of my clients (I guess except this one) trust my judgement about who is around their child. ALL parents are aware of this in the initial interview.

The top part of this was to come out as a quote. Not sure what happened! I also run a family daycare though and the regulations tell me that my substitutes/backup providers/assistants that are in my house helping with my child have to have a background check and the parent has to know that they are there and who they are. Its not up to me it what the state requires.
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