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Old 04-24-2018, 11:48 AM
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Pestle Pestle is offline
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Default Nonstop Destructomobile--How to Curb the Hitting?

I have the world's tiniest healthy 17mo (size 2 diapers and the 6mo clothing has growing room). She's been up and running since 9 months. She has this deep, maniacal chuckle, and she grins while scaling everything she can get ahold of, flipping the furniture, and rushing up to other kids, banging them over the head with a toy, and running away while laughing. She can't make it through a meal without flipping the dishes or getting up and running away with just one bite finished. She's challenging to change, so it's too bad she has stinky nightmare poops between three and five times each day while she's here. She twists, strips her clothing off, head-butts me, and tries to run away with her pants around her ankles. Basically, she's incapable of holding still in any circumstance. A couple of months ago I sent her home with a bloody lip. She'd begged to be picked up, immediately flipped herself out of my arms while laughing, and I dove and miraculously caught her inches from the ground. She lay across my arms for a couple of seconds, grinned, and rolled off, smacking her face on the floor. She comes each day covered in bruises and scratches, and gets sent home with new ones. I once levitated and teleported myself across the driveway so I could get the palm of my hand under her head and catch it when she hit the pavement. Dad shared about the time he caught her just by an ankle once.

So obviously, with all the hitting, deathwish kid gets dumped on the other side of the gate most of the day. But I also have a 23mo who hits, and I'm out of gates and can't be three inches from both of them at the same time while also attending to the other kids. Should I really divide my playroom and my dining room into little quadrants?

Also, when I separate them, soothe the victim, and return to the perpetrator and use my deep "Oh, noooo. You hit Jane. That hurts. So sad. We do not hit," both of these kids wriggle and refuse to make eye contact, but LAUGH all the while. Both scream in frustration when popped over the gate, but neither has made any headway at all in about three or four months of consistent responses and quick consequences. Neither kid shows warning signs; both are cheerful and playful while they do it, sometimes casually shoving another kid over while walking past. With the 17mo I expect it has to do with comprehension and energy level, but I'm not sure.

Parents of 23mo are terrified they're raising a serial killer.
Parents of 17mo think she's the most adorable creature on God's green Earth. I think they're both typical but I don't have the experience I need to implement better practices. And winding the 17mo's limbs to her torso with mummy wrap isn't a viable solution.
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Old 04-24-2018, 11:51 AM
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While I was typing this, she ran up and slapped my leg while laughing, so I told her "No," then put her into my lap because the other kids are napping and I don't have a gate or play yard handy. She immediately wriggled out, fell to the floor, and ran off again. At pick up today, I'm going to ask how rough their play typically is and whether they let her smack her older sister. I do know that parents spank.
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Old 04-24-2018, 11:54 AM
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Wow just wow.How do you keep them? I think I would have termed by now.Short of 2 pack and plays just for them I don't know what you can do. Maybe get outside more and walk ,or keep them alone.The older child should be better at control soon.The younger just sounds like a nightmare.
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Old 04-24-2018, 12:00 PM
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Older child is mellowing and I love him and his family. As long as I keep him separated, he plays contentedly. He's doing great with his motor skill development, and I made color-coded placemats yesterday and he carefully set his own place today with all the dishes and cutlery. . . I think we'll do fine once he's a few months older and starts to want to play WITH the others.

Younger one ran up and slapped my legs again, so I just dismantled the gate that separates the dining room from the family portion of the house, dumped her inside with some toys, and she's spinning around in a circle with her tongue stuck out right now. I guess we're about to go have snacks outside, because we've got no dining room any more.

We're spending at least 3 hours outside each day lately, and I'm ramping up to spend more out there. This little one has less furniture to flip out there, but more pavement to brain herself on. I honestly am getting pretty exhausted from being "on" so much with her.
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Old 04-24-2018, 12:13 PM
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Do you have an extra pack n play? I would make her stay in it with toys when I couldnít be right next to her until she calms down a bit.
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Old 04-24-2018, 12:27 PM
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The 17 mo sounds like she is extremely sensory seeking. All of those behaviors you mentioned are sensory seeking behaviors. Have you tried any heavy work with her?
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Old 04-24-2018, 12:29 PM
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pop up play yard with toys.

OH MY.

This was MY kid at that age, and it was HELL for a couple of years.
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Old 04-24-2018, 01:49 PM
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I would use a playpen instead of dining room.I also would have a confined space outside to separate her.I would explain to parents if asked that it is for safety.I used a playspace with a door on it.I would put soft toys and books.Let her start with the group then if an issue in the "clubhouse(pen)".Everytime and explain why.Even though she won't necessarily understand the others will and she will be removed from the situation.
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Old 04-24-2018, 02:04 PM
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She hits and immediately sits in your lap or in the PNP with toys?

From her perspective she's being rewarded for hitting.
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Old 04-24-2018, 02:51 PM
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I have her twin...but by 9 months old baby gates and PnPs were scaled in seconds. :P

I couldnít handle two of her. The only reason Iíve kept her....is sheís been here since she was a newborn, has awesome parents that follow my contract to the letter, and I love her. Iím afraid that a provider that hasnít yet bonded with her would be driven to violence.

She started to mellow around age 3. She turned 3 in March.
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Old 04-24-2018, 08:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
She hits and immediately sits in your lap or in the PNP with toys?

From her perspective she's being rewarded for hitting.
Fantastic point.

In this case, her two least favorite things are 1. Being held, and 2. Being put on the other side of a gate. Thus the dad-grabbing-her-by-the-ankle situation and the busted-lip situation. I can't actually sit her in my lap because she writhes away and flings herself onto the floor (sometimes bouncing off intermediary pieces of furniture along the way).

I have my playroom split in half, and when she's on the other side, she ignores all the toys and stands at the gate, sobbing and shrieking in rage. It doesn't quit. We were outside for 3 hours this afternoon, and I eventually put her into a large play yard (8 panels) in the shade with some toys, water, and a mat so that the other kids could play unmolested. She never played with anything. Just stood at the gate and shrieked--"Ee! Ee! Ee! Ee! Ee!"--for an hour. After a while she dissolved into tears, so I thought she needed an afternoon nap and went in there to get her to lie down on the mat. She settled down for a minute or two, then slapped me, so I left immediately and it was back to the shrieks.
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Old 04-24-2018, 08:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hwichlaz View Post
by 9 months old baby gates and PnPs were scaled in seconds.
This one pushes furniture around and tries to use it to climb over the gate. She has no spatial sense and is terribly misjudging the heights of everything, though, so she hasn't actually made it over yet. I've started removing ALL the children's furniture from whichever space she's in.
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Old 04-24-2018, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamamanda View Post
Have you tried any heavy work with her?
Tell me about this!

She has always mouthed toys, flung her food onto the floor as soon as it's served and dived under the table to try to shovel it into her mouth before I can sweep it up, and crammed handfuls of dirt into her mouth. She eats crayons and chalk. She tips her drinks slowly down the neckline of her shirt and watches the water spread across her clothing.

Unfortunately, the sensory chew toy I give her won't stay in her mouth; she likes it but won't keep it and wants to try other things. Anything she is handed gets immediately flung to the floor.
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Old 04-24-2018, 09:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pestle View Post
Tell me about this!

She has always mouthed toys, flung her food onto the floor as soon as it's served and dived under the table to try to shovel it into her mouth before I can sweep it up, and crammed handfuls of dirt into her mouth. She eats crayons and chalk. She tips her drinks slowly down the neckline of her shirt and watches the water spread across her clothing.

Unfortunately, the sensory chew toy I give her won't stay in her mouth; she likes it but won't keep it and wants to try other things. Anything she is handed gets immediately flung to the floor.
I'll try to find you some links. Anything heavy like a weighted vest or weighted lap blanket can be calming to a child like this. Heavy work is pretty much what it sounds like. Anything that requires pushing/pulling a little bit of weight. Pulling sand in a wagon from one place to another, pushing a laundry basket filled with toys, stacking books, etc. It actually redirects the way the brain processes information.

Also, you might try gentle squeezes on her arms, legs, & shoulders when she gets crazy. My son has moments when he gets hyper & out of control. He literally feels like he can't calm himself down. If I gently squeeze his shoulders & limbs while talking calmly he'll settle within minutes. Kind of like a firm massage. In theory their brain is looking for sensory input so they crash, bounce, twirl, run to get the input. The weight/pressure gives them the needed input in a more constructive way.

I had to help my son frequently when he was younger. Now I'm teaching him to squeeze his arms himself, do wall push ups, wrap up tight in a blanket, things he can do for himself to give him more control over himself when he feels out of sorts. It's a process.
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Old 04-24-2018, 09:15 PM
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https://yourkidstable.com/how-to-han...ractive-child/

https://yourkidstable.com/sensory-red-flags/

https://yourkidstable.com/sensory-strategies-wild-kids/
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