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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Honest Are You To Parents?
ILMommy 02:34 PM 03-30-2012
I'm curious as to how honest everyone is to parents about their child's behavior? For example, do you give a full report of "I had to tell him 10 times to pick up" or "She took toys from other kids all day long"? When my daughter was in daycare, mostly I either was told she had a good day, or she was a little "emotional" that day. I rarely got a play-by-play of her behavior. I find myself doing the same, saying, "he didn't listen as well as usual today" or "had a little trouble settling down at quiet time" without going into details. Part of me feels like I'm lying in a way by not being honest that their child was really difficult all day. But part of me feels parents don't want the full details, and it reflects badly on me if their child isn't behaving. Today I felt all I did was correct behavior, and I don't want to seem like the wicked witch!
SilverSabre25 02:41 PM 03-30-2012
I do what you do; general update. If something is a trend or becoming a frequent problem I will let them know. (i.e. "We've been having a lot of trouble with hitting other children lately.") and usually we come up with a plan --together--to work with the child on the problem.
Parents usually know that their kids aren't perfect angels even on their absolute best day...and don't really *need* to hear about every problem. They are often aware of the same behavior crap that we get...even if they don't want to admit it.
I also do my best to give plenty of positive updates-- "We haven't had as many hitting incidents lately!" "She's doing a great job helping pick up at clean up time, and I don't even need to tell her anymore!" "He actually ate ALL the carrots at lunch today!"
Parents usually know that their kids aren't perfect angels even on their absolute best day...and don't really *need* to hear about every problem. They are often aware of the same behavior crap that we get...even if they don't want to admit it.
I also do my best to give plenty of positive updates-- "We haven't had as many hitting incidents lately!" "She's doing a great job helping pick up at clean up time, and I don't even need to tell her anymore!" "He actually ate ALL the carrots at lunch today!"
ILMommy 02:54 PM 03-30-2012
It helps me feel better, too, when I can list all the positive behaviors from that day. It makes me remember what did go right and why I'm doing this! Oh, but some days the positive list seems so short... 
JenNJ 02:59 PM 03-30-2012
General update. I don't want to chat at the end of the day. If it needs to be addressed at home, I email it after hours/during nap.
cheerfuldom 02:59 PM 03-30-2012
I only give bad behavior reports if there is something the parents can do about it or if the issue has gotten really bad, close to terminating. I dont tell them about anything of which they have no control UNLESS they ask. Most parents really don't want to hear it or they take it as complaining. There are always a few that actually want the full report, good and bad.
permanentvacation 03:20 PM 03-30-2012
I don't think that not telling parents every detail about their child's day is not being honest. I look at it like a school teacher in regular school. It's the teacher's job to deal with the little day to day issues that may arise. However, if my child becomes too unruly, then the teacher calls/e-mails me or the principal calls me to let me know that there is a problem that really needs to be addressed.
I do the same basic thing. I handle the day to day issues without telling the parents that Sally hit Johnny today. But if Sally continues to hit Johnny (or whatever the child is doing wrong) and I can't get her to stop after continually talking with her and correcting her, then I let the parents know that we have been having a problem with this lately. I usually wait a few days before I say something to the parents - unless it is completely out of character for that child or it was something dangerous to themselves or someone else.
Typically, when the parents pick their child up, I greet them with a "Hello" and sometimes a "how are you" or "How was your day?" We might have a bit of nice weather we're having chit chat. Then I tell their child and the parent to have a good night/weekend. If we did something really fun or if there's something I want to make sure the parent sees that's in their child's bookbag, I'll tell them about that. On a slim ocassion I feel the need to tell the parent that their child's behavior has been unacceptable. I usually say something like, "Johnny started hitting Sally a couple of days ago and I can't get him to stop. I don't know what made him irritated with her, but I've been fussing with him and trying to get him to stop hitting her." Usually the parent tells Johnny that he has to stop hitting Sally but that's about it.
My parents are really good at telling me if something extremelly odd has happened at home that might change their behavior, so it really is usually something that I have to just work out here.
I really don't think parents want or expect a complete run down of the child's day. They also don't want to hear constantly that their child misbehaved. Misbehaving is normal and part of being a child and learning how what is and is not expected of them. Every child misbehaves in some way typically at some point in every day. But overall, they are not being HORRIBLE. So, as long as the child is doing a little wrong here and there that is understandable and expected, I don't think the parents want to be told about it.
I do the same basic thing. I handle the day to day issues without telling the parents that Sally hit Johnny today. But if Sally continues to hit Johnny (or whatever the child is doing wrong) and I can't get her to stop after continually talking with her and correcting her, then I let the parents know that we have been having a problem with this lately. I usually wait a few days before I say something to the parents - unless it is completely out of character for that child or it was something dangerous to themselves or someone else.
Typically, when the parents pick their child up, I greet them with a "Hello" and sometimes a "how are you" or "How was your day?" We might have a bit of nice weather we're having chit chat. Then I tell their child and the parent to have a good night/weekend. If we did something really fun or if there's something I want to make sure the parent sees that's in their child's bookbag, I'll tell them about that. On a slim ocassion I feel the need to tell the parent that their child's behavior has been unacceptable. I usually say something like, "Johnny started hitting Sally a couple of days ago and I can't get him to stop. I don't know what made him irritated with her, but I've been fussing with him and trying to get him to stop hitting her." Usually the parent tells Johnny that he has to stop hitting Sally but that's about it.
My parents are really good at telling me if something extremelly odd has happened at home that might change their behavior, so it really is usually something that I have to just work out here.
I really don't think parents want or expect a complete run down of the child's day. They also don't want to hear constantly that their child misbehaved. Misbehaving is normal and part of being a child and learning how what is and is not expected of them. Every child misbehaves in some way typically at some point in every day. But overall, they are not being HORRIBLE. So, as long as the child is doing a little wrong here and there that is understandable and expected, I don't think the parents want to be told about it.
EntropyControlSpecialist 04:07 PM 03-30-2012
I have a general checklist regarding behavior on my Daily Report.
I find that some of the children behave worse with their parents than they do me (and the children that do are allowed to), so bringing up a minor issue would be worthless.
I find that some of the children behave worse with their parents than they do me (and the children that do are allowed to), so bringing up a minor issue would be worthless.
Bookworm 07:26 PM 03-30-2012
I have a good relationship with about 90% of my parents so that helps when I have to give a bad report. Just like most of you, I don't tell every little hit, poke, or push. If I see that there is a behavior issue about to get out of control with their child, I usually try to work with the child. But after a week and the behavior doesn't improve, then I send a note home.
Now, when I have to send a note to the 90%, by the next day,they immediately jump on the problem and we work together to change the behavior. The problem comes with the other 10%. These are the ones who think you dont't like their child and is lying on them or they just flat out don't care.
I think that you should consider if the parent is open to hearing a bad report. If they are, then have a talk with them and try to work out a plan to work on the issues. If not, then let them know that this behavior won't be tolerated and if there is no improvement, you will have to term. Now I wouldn't constantly bombard them with negative reports everyday be ause no parent wants to hear that every single day. But at the same time, I wouldn't let the parents off the hook for correcting their child's behavior.
Now, when I have to send a note to the 90%, by the next day,they immediately jump on the problem and we work together to change the behavior. The problem comes with the other 10%. These are the ones who think you dont't like their child and is lying on them or they just flat out don't care.
I think that you should consider if the parent is open to hearing a bad report. If they are, then have a talk with them and try to work out a plan to work on the issues. If not, then let them know that this behavior won't be tolerated and if there is no improvement, you will have to term. Now I wouldn't constantly bombard them with negative reports everyday be ause no parent wants to hear that every single day. But at the same time, I wouldn't let the parents off the hook for correcting their child's behavior.
nannyde 03:59 AM 03-31-2012
I tell my parents any behavior that doesn't work for the child, group, my staff assistant, or me. I usually don't say anything unless I see a pattern of the behavior after utilizing a normal fix for the undesired behavior.
We are able to work around most normal kid behavior so when I do go to them often the situation is a layered problem and I really need the TIME to talk to them about it.. find out if she/he is doing it at home... and find out why the child is doing it now. I explain what solutions we have put in place and what isn't working that normally works.
When I tell the parents there is a behavior or care issue they know I mean business because it's pretty rare that I have to do it. My kids are raised here from birth so I don't see things like fighting, hitting, biting, or aggressiveness. I don't see disrespect to adults. So when we need to work on things it's more of a "fine tuning" of their behavior.
More often than not the discussions are about a child using their "powers" for things that don't work for the rest of us instead of using the power for good. We want them to to excell in the things they are naturally great at BUT with all great things comes responsibility. Sometimes I need the parents to work WITH us to steer the child's behavior towards more public ready or group setting outcomes.
These kind of conversations and post conversations take a lot of time and we just tackle it between all the adults and get it fixed. Nothing changes overnight so we have to do progress reports and when the issue fades dramatically or disapears we move on.
I don't like any kind of punishment or consequence at home for child care behaviors. The things we see here often don't even occur at home and I don't want the child to have consequences for something that happened here. I ask the parents to please not do anything BUT talk with the child and I make sure the child is there when I talk to the parents every step of the way.
We are able to work around most normal kid behavior so when I do go to them often the situation is a layered problem and I really need the TIME to talk to them about it.. find out if she/he is doing it at home... and find out why the child is doing it now. I explain what solutions we have put in place and what isn't working that normally works.
When I tell the parents there is a behavior or care issue they know I mean business because it's pretty rare that I have to do it. My kids are raised here from birth so I don't see things like fighting, hitting, biting, or aggressiveness. I don't see disrespect to adults. So when we need to work on things it's more of a "fine tuning" of their behavior.
More often than not the discussions are about a child using their "powers" for things that don't work for the rest of us instead of using the power for good. We want them to to excell in the things they are naturally great at BUT with all great things comes responsibility. Sometimes I need the parents to work WITH us to steer the child's behavior towards more public ready or group setting outcomes.
These kind of conversations and post conversations take a lot of time and we just tackle it between all the adults and get it fixed. Nothing changes overnight so we have to do progress reports and when the issue fades dramatically or disapears we move on.
I don't like any kind of punishment or consequence at home for child care behaviors. The things we see here often don't even occur at home and I don't want the child to have consequences for something that happened here. I ask the parents to please not do anything BUT talk with the child and I make sure the child is there when I talk to the parents every step of the way.
bunnyslippers 06:50 AM 03-31-2012
I agree with Nan 100% on this one.
I also keep any major milestones to myself - If a baby walks or says a new word or a tooth makes it's first appearance, I usually don't tell the parents. I would rather they discover that exciting development on their own, and pretend I didn't see it the day before when they tell me about it the next day. I know I would be crushed if someone else saw my baby's first anything while I was at work, and so I just keep it to myself!
I also keep any major milestones to myself - If a baby walks or says a new word or a tooth makes it's first appearance, I usually don't tell the parents. I would rather they discover that exciting development on their own, and pretend I didn't see it the day before when they tell me about it the next day. I know I would be crushed if someone else saw my baby's first anything while I was at work, and so I just keep it to myself!
Blackcat31 07:00 AM 03-31-2012
I am extremely honest with my dcp's.
If a dck has an issue, I start out saying something vague such as "Sonny had a tough day today keeping his hands to himself." If the parent asks for details I will tell them but usually my parents all trust me to handle what happens at daycare AT daycare and I trust them to encourage Sonny to keep his hands to himself at home.
I agree with Nan on the no punishment or consequence at home for things that happened at my house. I only want the prents to support/encourgement their child to change a bad habit/behavior overall, not a specific incident.
I wouldn't want a parent to come to daycare on Monday and say that a child was naughty at home on Sunday so he can't go outside and play at daycare as a punishment for something that happened at home...
I try to always work together with my families so when behaviors and things happen at daycare and it comes to honesty, I can be very honest without feeling like the parent might be offended. I don't sugar coat anything but I am also not a tyrant either.....it is all in how you say it IMHO. I expect the same from my DCP's too.
Communicating is an ongoing thing and the relationships you have with your daycare parents should be built not just made up of isolated exchanges during drop off and pick up times. I work pretty close with my DCP's so that we CAN be honest with each other. Open honest communication is the foundation to ANY healthy relationship.
If a dck has an issue, I start out saying something vague such as "Sonny had a tough day today keeping his hands to himself." If the parent asks for details I will tell them but usually my parents all trust me to handle what happens at daycare AT daycare and I trust them to encourage Sonny to keep his hands to himself at home.
I agree with Nan on the no punishment or consequence at home for things that happened at my house. I only want the prents to support/encourgement their child to change a bad habit/behavior overall, not a specific incident.
I wouldn't want a parent to come to daycare on Monday and say that a child was naughty at home on Sunday so he can't go outside and play at daycare as a punishment for something that happened at home...
I try to always work together with my families so when behaviors and things happen at daycare and it comes to honesty, I can be very honest without feeling like the parent might be offended. I don't sugar coat anything but I am also not a tyrant either.....it is all in how you say it IMHO. I expect the same from my DCP's too.
Communicating is an ongoing thing and the relationships you have with your daycare parents should be built not just made up of isolated exchanges during drop off and pick up times. I work pretty close with my DCP's so that we CAN be honest with each other. Open honest communication is the foundation to ANY healthy relationship.
CheekyChick 07:50 AM 03-31-2012
I used to keep it really light and would write things like: "She had trouble falling asleep" when she actually got up 400 times, woke up the other children, and knocked over my water glass while flailing around. 
I've changed. I think parents NEED to know the reality of their child's behavior so we can work together to rectify it. Now I would write: "Jenny received a time out for getting off her cot mutliple times and disrupting the other children's sleep."
I've changed. I think parents NEED to know the reality of their child's behavior so we can work together to rectify it. Now I would write: "Jenny received a time out for getting off her cot mutliple times and disrupting the other children's sleep."
Country Kids 09:59 AM 03-31-2012
I actually have started just telling parents how it is. They need to know that their child isn't perfect and especially if there are some major issues to be worked with. I do put a positive with it at the end though.
I did have one comment to a mom "They didn't like getting the behavior reports every day" The mom said, "Well its the only way she can let us know what is happening at childcare".
My feeling is if there are constant reports coming home everyday and its they same sort of things, hopefully the parents will get on board with this and try to help the provider or not be surprised when the termination notice comes.
I also, document what is going home for my own records so if there is a problem I can show it concides with what I have documented for the behavior that day.
I did have one comment to a mom "They didn't like getting the behavior reports every day" The mom said, "Well its the only way she can let us know what is happening at childcare".
My feeling is if there are constant reports coming home everyday and its they same sort of things, hopefully the parents will get on board with this and try to help the provider or not be surprised when the termination notice comes.
I also, document what is going home for my own records so if there is a problem I can show it concides with what I have documented for the behavior that day.