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  #1  
Old 11-10-2015, 10:46 PM
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Default Difficult Child and Parent

Hi I just registered here. I hope this is the right place to post this, sorry if it isn't... I really am desperate to figure out what to do about a child I've been looking after.

I've only been watching kids in my home for a little over 3 months now, but I've watched many children over the years through babysitting, daycare, nannying, nursery teacher, so I've seen my fair share of personalities, and I love kids. I'm watching a 2 year old who is extremely difficult, and after just 3 months I feel burned-out by him and his mother. I've seen a lot of people mentioning they're licensed, I'm not. Honestly I can't afford it, I'm going through a separation and need money so I just put up an ad on craigslist and got responses. I didn't establish contracts, I didn't set boundaries, and I was flexible with hours. I actually don't even know one of the kid's last name! Wow I am pathetic.

I have a 2 1/2 yo daughter and I watch a 4 yo boy along with the 2 1/2 yo boy that I'm having trouble with. Three kids would normally be very easy for me, but the 2 yo requires constant supervision. I don't know if this is necessary or if I'm just venting but this bullet list will paint the image of how insane and miserable this has been and why I'm feeling like ramming my head against a wall. I've dealt with most of these issues with kids, they would have one or a few of these but not all of them. So if anything he's quite unique! So much so that I want to ram my head against a wall. Did I already say that? -hysterical laughter that makes everyone uncomfortable- Anyway, list:
  • He doesn't want to/isn't able to participate in the activities that I prepare. I've tried a lot of different things, but his attention span is incredibly short and he eats/destroys everything, so the schedule revolves around him and the others are suffering.
  • He's violent, and not usually when he's angry but when he's playing. He tries to bite and has bitten the 4 yo and bit me this morning. He also throws toys and hits, he puts his feet on the other kids when they're not looking (and his feet are usually dirty because they let him walk outside barefoot into my house so if I don't wipe his feet they're black, that's another bullet). He's doing this as a way of playing, I've warned and used timeout and he still does it every day.
  • He has poor hygiene. He's one of the worst smelling kids I've ever encountered, his clothes smell like mildew and his feet are filthy and his fingernails/toenails are always long and dirty. I've suggested that he use bug spray to his mom because he always has mosquito bites and he scratches them with his long dirty fingernails until they bleed. He developed impetigo a couple months ago, around that time I very passively/politely suggested cutting his fingernails to his mom, but she didn't cut them.
  • He constantly has his fingers in his nose and mouth, he drools down his arm putting his entire hand into his mouth lol. His nose is almost always runny, I think because he licks and puts everything in his mouth. He's potty training now and so his fingers are now going into his butt. I've told him not to because it's germy and I wipe his hands, but he cries and throws a fit if I wash his hands, plus it is literally constant, his finger is always in an orafice of his body. His mom does nothing about it, she watched him chew on my daughter's sandal until I noticed and told him to stop, she watches him lick my screen door, she doesn't care.
  • He is destructive. He has broken so many toys, he's ripped books and torn the other kids art by biting it apart, he threw a hairbrush at my TV in front of his mom and her reaction was to gasp and laugh. He bleeds on blankets and sheets too because he scratches bug bites and cuts the inside of his nose with his fingernails and gets nose bleeds.
  • He eats like a 1 year old, he won't stay sitting down to eat and even when he is the food gets everywhere, he spits things out even if he likes it, he'll take his plate when I'm not looking and throw the entire plate in the garbage. He also eats crayons and markers and chalk and anything else that a 2 yo would typically have grown out of sampling by now.
  • The mom and the dad show up whenever they feel like to drop him off and pick him up, it's literally a different time every day. she has an alternate schedule for each day at work but it's the same schedule every week, but the dad works at night so sometimes he brings him instead. But I never know what they're going to do they never tell me. And she'll tell me she needs to bring him early and then they show up later with no apologies.
  • When the mom drops him off or picks him up, she doesn't leave, she sits down and will take as long as half an hour to leave my house. She also walks through my house, like follows me into my kitchen and has followed me into the bathroom before. She usually is venting about personal problems, so I never feel comfortable telling her about issues her kid is having. In fact I usually don't get a chance.
  • The dad found my personal instagram and started following me, and it feels really awkward. I don't think the mom knows. He commented and liked photos on my instagram late at night, I never responded. He also sent a few weird texts, I took a day to respond and just answered with one word answers to keep it professional.

So basically this is the worst experience I have ever had with a kid and family. I'm sure you're reading this and thinking "what is wrong with you why are you still watching this kid?" or maybe "did you really have to type all this out this is way too long," I understand both. My problem is that I'm pretty shy, I'm not good at saying no, I tend to let people walk all over me. So I really have no idea how to tell someone who I've never established boundaries with that I don't want to watch their kid without it being messy.

Yesterday I meant to ask 2 yo's mom again if she could cut his nails, because he scratched my 2 yo across her nose a couple weeks ago and scratched me last week, and bled on something again. She came late and I was filling the tub for my 2 yo because it was almost bedtime, I didn't hear her knock and she didn't call, she was mad and left quickly. I sent a text asking nicely but casually if she could cut his nails, and I got no response. Today he showed up with long nails and his dad dropped him off and picked him up which isn't normal, so I think she's being passive aggressive.

So I can't sleep, I feel sick and anxious at the thought of a confrontation. I'm really scared things are going to get ugly, and I'm afraid I still won't have the courage to stand up for myself. I really need help with this, as much advice as humanly possible with plenty of detail, because I have no idea how to start this kind of conversation much less execute it. Any advice on how to set boundaries and rules would be great too (like how to tell someone to scram after I've watched their kid for 10 hours, but nicely. Or ask for their last name).

PS, I am really sorry this is so long, it's as long as a Dan Brown novel. I just need to make the font bigger and add tons of page breaks and conspiracy theories and you will have read a Dan Brown novel.
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  #2  
Old 11-11-2015, 03:29 AM
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Term and replace. I don't like confrontation, either, and would describe myself as being shy. What worked best for me the first few times I had to this was to type out my letter (generic: The last day I am able to provide care for your child is ...... Here is the number for your local referral service.) I have that in my hand at pick up (so I can't 'forget') and verbally tell them that I am no longer able to provide care for their child and usher them out the door. I made sure that ALL items were packed up and ready to go so I never had to see them again.

I think in this case you just need to be done. I wouldn't want to deal with that for one second more. It sounds so stressful for you and for the other children in your care. I would send them an email/text/phone whatever and tell them that you are no longer able to provide care. Arrange a time for them to pick up belongings.

Seriously, that is stuff I would not put up with and you don't have to. One thing I have learned is that good clients are out there. My interviewing techniques have greatly improved and I am pretty good about finding families who will be a good fit. I have also gained enough confidence that if I sign a family on and they turn out not to be, I can speak up and either fix the issue or else term.

The single most important thing for me to learn was my own limits and what I am prepared to deal with as part of this job. I had my share of issues come up when I was first starting out. I took on more than I should have. We have all been there!

First things first:
Get a contract and handbook. It is the only way to survive in this business. My contract covers hours, pay, etc. My handbook covers drop offs, illnesses, hygiene (in so far as children arrive dressed and ready for the day), payment, behaviour, etc. It is parents like yours that made me write one up and parents like that that make me keep adding things to it. It protects you but it also makes it clear for parents what they can expect when they sign on with you.

I have set times that children may be dropped off (I do contracted hours). I also have a cut off. Not here by 9 am with no contact? No entry and marked absent.

I am really on top of aggression of any form. Any aggression towards me and that child would be gone instantly. I would call for pick up and be done right then.

Find out about licensing. I am legally unlicensed but I know it varies everywhere. Make sure you are following requirements.

Lastly, come often to the forum and everyone will help you get a backbone Best thing I ever did. Everyone is so helpful and it is so nice to get different perspectives from people who have been there.
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  #3  
Old 11-11-2015, 03:51 AM
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Oh my, I did read your whole post but don't think I made it through the first 1/4 without thinking this family would be history yesterday!! I'm extremely shy and loathe confrontation. Trust me on this. But no way NO WAY would I put up with everything you've put up with. I agree with PP, keep it short and to the point and if they insist on knowing why just say I can no longer provide care. You do NOT need to give any other reason at all. Unfriend them(or whatever you do) from instagram/fb and wherever else you're connected in the cyber world and be done.
You don't need to(you have no contract but even so, with all those issues it could be immediate grounds for termination) but if you feel you should, you could allow them a few days notice.
I know you said you need the $ but you're allowing yourself to be used and abused for a few bucks. Eat beans and rice and do as PP suggested. Get a contract. Replace with good families. Protect YOUR rights and business and find out the regulations for your state. You say you can't afford licensing but you can't not afford following rules too. Good luck!! If you inquire about licensing it's possible you could get financial help to get what's required.
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Old 11-11-2015, 05:01 AM
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I agree with the previous poster. And I will add:

1. Stop caring for this child. It will not improve. Ever.
2. In your shoes, I would probably report to child protective services for child neglect. No baths? No nail cutting? Allowing bug bites to get so bad that he gets impetigo? All red flags to report.
3. Block the dad of Instagram and then make your Instagram a private account.
https://www.facebook.com/help/instag...6700567389543/ (Instructions). If you end care, block both parents (especially dad) numbers from calling your cell.
4. Look at licensing laws in your state and see how many kids you can care for. In my state, it's 1. The fines for going over 1 are $200 a day. You need to know the law. If any parent gets mad they can report you.

** Or maybe someone on here is from LA, and would know? I just looked to see if I could find a quick answer and the licensing laws are complicated! It looks like your state transferred family childcare administration to the department of education. Ugh! That sounds like something California would do. (Though I hope we don't)
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HipUsername View Post
Hi I just registered here. I hope this is the right place to post this, sorry if it isn't... I really am desperate to figure out what to do about a child I've been looking after.

I've only been watching kids in my home for a little over 3 months now, but I've watched many children over the years through babysitting, daycare, nannying, nursery teacher, so I've seen my fair share of personalities, and I love kids. I'm watching a 2 year old who is extremely difficult, and after just 3 months I feel burned-out by him and his mother. I've seen a lot of people mentioning they're licensed, I'm not. Honestly I can't afford it, I'm going through a separation and need money so I just put up an ad on craigslist and got responses. I didn't establish contracts, I didn't set boundaries, and I was flexible with hours. I actually don't even know one of the kid's last name! Wow I am pathetic.

I have a 2 1/2 yo daughter and I watch a 4 yo boy along with the 2 1/2 yo boy that I'm having trouble with. Three kids would normally be very easy for me, but the 2 yo requires constant supervision. I don't know if this is necessary or if I'm just venting but this bullet list will paint the image of how insane and miserable this has been and why I'm feeling like ramming my head against a wall. I've dealt with most of these issues with kids, they would have one or a few of these but not all of them. So if anything he's quite unique! So much so that I want to ram my head against a wall. Did I already say that? -hysterical laughter that makes everyone uncomfortable- Anyway, list:
  • He doesn't want to/isn't able to participate in the activities that I prepare. I've tried a lot of different things, but his attention span is incredibly short and he eats/destroys everything, so the schedule revolves around him and the others are suffering.
  • He's violent, and not usually when he's angry but when he's playing. He tries to bite and has bitten the 4 yo and bit me this morning. He also throws toys and hits, he puts his feet on the other kids when they're not looking (and his feet are usually dirty because they let him walk outside barefoot into my house so if I don't wipe his feet they're black, that's another bullet). He's doing this as a way of playing, I've warned and used timeout and he still does it every day.
  • He has poor hygiene. He's one of the worst smelling kids I've ever encountered, his clothes smell like mildew and his feet are filthy and his fingernails/toenails are always long and dirty. I've suggested that he use bug spray to his mom because he always has mosquito bites and he scratches them with his long dirty fingernails until they bleed. He developed impetigo a couple months ago, around that time I very passively/politely suggested cutting his fingernails to his mom, but she didn't cut them.
  • He constantly has his fingers in his nose and mouth, he drools down his arm putting his entire hand into his mouth lol. His nose is almost always runny, I think because he licks and puts everything in his mouth. He's potty training now and so his fingers are now going into his butt. I've told him not to because it's germy and I wipe his hands, but he cries and throws a fit if I wash his hands, plus it is literally constant, his finger is always in an orafice of his body. His mom does nothing about it, she watched him chew on my daughter's sandal until I noticed and told him to stop, she watches him lick my screen door, she doesn't care.
  • He is destructive. He has broken so many toys, he's ripped books and torn the other kids art by biting it apart, he threw a hairbrush at my TV in front of his mom and her reaction was to gasp and laugh. He bleeds on blankets and sheets too because he scratches bug bites and cuts the inside of his nose with his fingernails and gets nose bleeds.
  • He eats like a 1 year old, he won't stay sitting down to eat and even when he is the food gets everywhere, he spits things out even if he likes it, he'll take his plate when I'm not looking and throw the entire plate in the garbage. He also eats crayons and markers and chalk and anything else that a 2 yo would typically have grown out of sampling by now.
  • The mom and the dad show up whenever they feel like to drop him off and pick him up, it's literally a different time every day. she has an alternate schedule for each day at work but it's the same schedule every week, but the dad works at night so sometimes he brings him instead. But I never know what they're going to do they never tell me. And she'll tell me she needs to bring him early and then they show up later with no apologies.
  • When the mom drops him off or picks him up, she doesn't leave, she sits down and will take as long as half an hour to leave my house. She also walks through my house, like follows me into my kitchen and has followed me into the bathroom before. She usually is venting about personal problems, so I never feel comfortable telling her about issues her kid is having. In fact I usually don't get a chance.
  • The dad found my personal instagram and started following me, and it feels really awkward. I don't think the mom knows. He commented and liked photos on my instagram late at night, I never responded. He also sent a few weird texts, I took a day to respond and just answered with one word answers to keep it professional.

So basically this is the worst experience I have ever had with a kid and family. I'm sure you're reading this and thinking "what is wrong with you why are you still watching this kid?" or maybe "did you really have to type all this out this is way too long," I understand both. My problem is that I'm pretty shy, I'm not good at saying no, I tend to let people walk all over me. So I really have no idea how to tell someone who I've never established boundaries with that I don't want to watch their kid without it being messy.

Yesterday I meant to ask 2 yo's mom again if she could cut his nails, because he scratched my 2 yo across her nose a couple weeks ago and scratched me last week, and bled on something again. She came late and I was filling the tub for my 2 yo because it was almost bedtime, I didn't hear her knock and she didn't call, she was mad and left quickly. I sent a text asking nicely but casually if she could cut his nails, and I got no response. Today he showed up with long nails and his dad dropped him off and picked him up which isn't normal, so I think she's being passive aggressive.

So I can't sleep, I feel sick and anxious at the thought of a confrontation. I'm really scared things are going to get ugly, and I'm afraid I still won't have the courage to stand up for myself. I really need help with this, as much advice as humanly possible with plenty of detail, because I have no idea how to start this kind of conversation much less execute it. Any advice on how to set boundaries and rules would be great too (like how to tell someone to scram after I've watched their kid for 10 hours, but nicely. Or ask for their last name).

PS, I am really sorry this is so long, it's as long as a Dan Brown novel. I just need to make the font bigger and add tons of page breaks and conspiracy theories and you will have read a Dan Brown novel.
Due to your personality, I donít think my normal advice would work. So I will just suggest you set up a conference with the parents. If I were you Iíd have my spouse, parent or strong personality out of sight but in ear shot. When they arrive they would see the other adult. The other adult could go to another area within ear shot but out of sight. This is so they know youíre not alone.

All of the bullet points youíve shared with us is what Iíd share with them. I would say the following:

Iíd let to share with you some observations Iíve noticed caring for _________. I also would like to discuss some boundaries.

First I offer group care, _________ requires a lot of one on one care. During group projects he doesnít appear interested in participating. We were painting flowers. ________ proceeded to tear up his paper as he ran around the room. I stopped him and guided him back to the table. He then started chewing and eating on the paper. While all these examples may be common development stages for a child exploring his environment. _________ needs for constant redirection and guidance results on the other children in care oftentimes missing out on group crafts or activities.

When ________ doesnít want to participate. I encourage him to play with blocks, trucks or look at a book. _________ will play or engage in an activity for a minute or two. Then he will take the truck, block or book and hit a child or me during our activity. He has also bitten. Violence is unacceptable in group care. Itís a safety issue.

Another safety and health issue is _________ Johnny comes in without shoes in the morning. His feet are often black on the bottom. That dirt is transferred to my floor, myself and other children in my care because he often kicks or rubs his feet on us. Other health and safety concerns are due to his excessive insect bites, he scratches he is constantly bleeding. From this point forward all his bug bites must be covered by bandaids and/or clothing or I cannot accept him into care that day. His body odor is also quite strong. He equally must arrive bathed, fingernails cut wearing clean clothes.

I would like us to work as a team in guiding ______ in appropriate behaviors. One of the important steps we can start immediately working together on is creating a routine of appropriate behavior at drop-off and pick-up. When he arrives clean and with shoes on, he is not allowed to lick windows. We all say our good mornings for the day and our goodbyes. At pick up itís the same thing, once you arrive we greet one another and then parents promptly take him home to start an evening of family time.





Also, I would be documenting all your interactions with them AND I wouldíve made a call to CPS and my licensor regarding suspicion of child neglect.

You deserve to sleep at night. You work hard during the day. Lack of sleep, leads to stress and stress leads to lack of patience. And I firmly believe this business requires a ton of patience. Donít allow this family to ruin your business, you have the control in this business relationship. You just need to pick up the reins.
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:26 AM
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In addition, I am attaching a form I received from BlackCat. It has been a wonderful straight to the point tool to document and demonstrate to parents I mean business. Once I hand them that paper and they don’t change their ways, I terminate and don’t look back. I keep the original and give them a copy.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing
Attached Files
File Type: pdf Probation Notice.pdf (267.5 KB, 10 views)

Last edited by Michael; 11-11-2015 at 12:51 PM.
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:41 AM
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I agree on checking with licensing. In some states you can operate unlicensed and keep less kids. Here in Ohio I am a class B home, so legally unlicensed and can have six kiddos. In some states you can't do that and it can cause you big issues and may keep you from ever getting one.

Secondly. On the not knowing one kids last name... Fix that NOW you should have full enrollment paperwork on these kiddos. Medical releases, emergency contact forms, the whole nine yards or you could find yourself in a bind there also.

Last write you up a contract and handbook. You really need these items to keep from going through what you are. People will walk all over you if you let them. You need to term this family and start over with your new policies and backbone!

Good luck!
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Old 11-11-2015, 06:43 AM
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Attachment 3581


In addition, I am attaching a form I received from BlackCat. It has been a wonderful straight to the point tool to document and demonstrate to parents I mean business. Once I hand them that paper and they donít change their ways, I terminate and donít look back. I keep the original and give them a copy.

I tried attaching a file. I kept receiving an error message. So itís in photo format.
I wish I could make this bigger I would love to see it!
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Thriftylady View Post
I wish I could make this bigger I would love to see it!
I added a link to KidGrind's post that has a larger version.

I think you can download from the link as well.
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Old 11-11-2015, 07:46 AM
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BlackCat is my hero of the day.
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:31 AM
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Oh thank you so much everyone. These are all really great and very specific answers. Yes I really am an idiot for not looking more into licensing, in Louisiana I think it's legal to watch up to 8 kids over 18 months, under 18 months it's 6. I think that is unlicensed. But I should know not think.
Thank you for the examples, I need this. Now if you could all send an attached vertebrae I can put together a backbone to do this.

I will research and respond more later in the day, again thank you for all the responses. If anyone has anything else I'd love to hear it as well
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Old 11-11-2015, 08:49 AM
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Oh thank you so much everyone. These are all really great and very specific answers. Yes I really am an idiot for not looking more into licensing, in Louisiana I think it's legal to watch up to 8 kids over 18 months, under 18 months it's 6. I think that is unlicensed. But I should know not think.
Thank you for the examples, I need this. Now if you could all send an attached vertebrae I can put together a backbone to do this.

I will research and respond more later in the day, again thank you for all the responses. If anyone has anything else I'd love to hear it as well
According to this you can only have 6 and not be licensed. It is common in states that allow unlicensed daycare that you can have less children.

http://www.daycare.com/louisiana/
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Old 11-11-2015, 09:12 AM
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Agh! Run and run fast!

I am not super confrontational either, so I would probably use email or text and let them know "Due to changes in my schedule, I will no longer be able to provide care. Sorry for the inconvenienece and best of luck in your child care search."

If they have stuff at your house you can offer to mail it or have them pick it up when you know you won't be home and just have it ready to go on your door step or something. Hopefully, you won;t have to see them and you can move on and get some sleep!
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by spedmommy4 View Post
I agree with the previous poster. And I will add:

1. Stop caring for this child. It will not improve. Ever.
2. In your shoes, I would probably report to child protective services for child neglect. No baths? No nail cutting? Allowing bug bites to get so bad that he gets impetigo? All red flags to report.
3. Block the dad of Instagram and then make your Instagram a private account.
https://www.facebook.com/help/instag...6700567389543/ (Instructions). If you end care, block both parents (especially dad) numbers from calling your cell.
4. Look at licensing laws in your state and see how many kids you can care for. In my state, it's 1. The fines for going over 1 are $200 a day. You need to know the law. If any parent gets mad they can report you.

** Or maybe someone on here is from LA, and would know? I just looked to see if I could find a quick answer and the licensing laws are complicated! It looks like your state transferred family childcare administration to the department of education. Ugh! That sounds like something California would do. (Though I hope we don't)
I replied but I realized you meant LA state, not LA city hahaha!
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Old 11-11-2015, 11:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spedmommy4 View Post
I agree with the previous poster. And I will add:

1. Stop caring for this child. It will not improve. Ever.
2. In your shoes, I would probably report to child protective services for child neglect. No baths? No nail cutting? Allowing bug bites to get so bad that he gets impetigo? All red flags to report.
3. Block the dad of Instagram and then make your Instagram a private account.
https://www.facebook.com/help/instag...6700567389543/ (Instructions). If you end care, block both parents (especially dad) numbers from calling your cell.
4. Look at licensing laws in your state and see how many kids you can care for. In my state, it's 1. The fines for going over 1 are $200 a day. You need to know the law. If any parent gets mad they can report you.

** Or maybe someone on here is from LA, and would know? I just looked to see if I could find a quick answer and the licensing laws are complicated! It looks like your state transferred family childcare administration to the department of education. Ugh! That sounds like something California would do. (Though I hope we don't)
ALL of this and everything else everyone has said. Just because your not licensed doesn't mean you shouldn't have rules or a contract. Also, if you do continue to take care of this child...write every injury to himself he gets...some parents can get really angry about their children and they might try to turn around and say that it's YOUR fault he is being hurt, etc. Which could cause all kinds of long drawn out issues with your being unlicensed since your not really sure, it seems, of how you can operate as an unlicensed provider. You might already be breaking some rules without knowing that they could bring you up on later. Hopefully they will simply accept your decision and go away though.

Some people look specifically for unlicensed providers because they think that they will "get their way" more if you have no apparent legal backing. He may very well had already been in care before and had these problems and was asked to leave!
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Old 11-11-2015, 11:44 AM
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Does anyone else get a "red flag" feeling that this kid is severely neglected at home? Maybe a call to Childrens Services is in order as well.

This behavior reminds me eerily of a boy we had at a centre that was being neglected by his crack addicted mother. I am thinking a mental illness situation might be at play here.
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Old 11-11-2015, 11:48 AM
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http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00N6H...dingTag=1&fp=1


Holy Smokes. Term and buy this book!
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Old 11-11-2015, 11:51 AM
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http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00N6H...dingTag=1&fp=1


Holy Smokes. Term and buy this book!
Oh goodness yes, that book has changed my whole way of looking at things. It really helped my backbone I feel like a meany sometimes, but with some people you just have to be.
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Old 11-11-2015, 12:41 PM
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I just downloaded BlackCat's Probation notice, it's so... exactly what I need. But I sort of feel like I don't deserve to hand that to someone, maybe that doesn't make sense. I'm just not authoritative in any way and I can only imagine myself handing this to someone to sign in a parallel universe. I will have to gain some confidence by starting off on the right foot with contracts and rulebooks like everyone has mentioned. You're all so organized and efficient, I'm very impressed and have a lot to learn!

I think at this point the tone has been set with this family, and I'd be better off saying that it's not working out. This morning she showed up early and knocked, I didn't hear it but I heard 4 y/o yell "someone's here!" (he's the watchdog lol) So I came out and before I could unlock the door she started pounding on it, then looked into the window and I could see she looked angry. I opened the door, she started pushing her way in and said very rudely "he has to pee!" I have no idea why she was angry with me that he had to pee, but she lives maybe 5-6 blocks away from me, so that means she didn't make him go before they left, and she had him in thick denim jeans and regular underwear after I told her he and I can't get them off fast enough and he needs either training underwear or diapers. Then he didn't pee. Then she sat in my house for 15 minutes. She also announced that she cut his nails, like she had done me a huge favor by cutting her child's nails, I just said thank you.

They're paid out until next Friday, I think I'll wait until this Friday to talk to her when she picks him up? And tell her that the unpredictable schedule and late nights are affecting my kid's schedule, which is true, and if she probes anymore I can tell her as politely as possible that his behavior is costing me money and negatively affecting the kids and me. I feel like because I never laid any ground rules in the first place, and they're difficult anyway, that it would be wasted effort on my part. Does that sound reasonable?

About them possibly blaming me for things, I think there's a chance they'll do that. She initially asked me about his impetigo in an accusatory way, even though I told her he had a gaping, weeping gash on his back at the beginning of the week that he showed up with. I usually treat his wounds with neosporin and bandaids, then he comes back the next day with no bandaids and wounds. He's never gotten injured at my house but he is pretty clumsy, I think they just let him run around barefoot and they don't watch him outside so he gets scraped up a lot.

As far as calling CPS, she told me she had CPS called on her by her husband's ex-wife. She tells me way too much. But they were inspected and he's still with them. They do dumb things, but I don't think it's outright abuse or neglect. The dad was spanking him for having accidents, I don't agree with spanking but I keep my opinion to myself about it, but I did point out that he gets incredibly distraught over pooping his pants now, seems to be scared and upset over it, and doesn't even want to poop in the potty anymore. I feel bad for him, but I think it takes a lot to get a kid taken from you, they mainly worry about severe physical abuse and drugs.

This is a side question, but I mentioned this kid potty training, it has been really hard because he's still pooping in his pants and I'm having to clean it up. I don't want to make him regress, but I also don't want poop all over my stuff and I don't think I should have to clean his poopy clothes every day, I don't have time to do it. What are some policies you guys have with potty training?
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Old 11-11-2015, 12:44 PM
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http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00N6H...dingTag=1&fp=1


Holy Smokes. Term and buy this book!
Lol, the title of that book is savage. But true
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Old 11-11-2015, 01:09 PM
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I wouldn't care when they were paid up to. I would hand her the probation notice or a termination notice today at pick up. If you want you can make the term. notice end when she is paid up. Since you have no contract with her you can term at will.

I am going to tell you what I needed to hear and have heard it here and likely need to hear it more. If it comes of harsh I don't mean it to, but I have to just be blunt.... You are going to HAVE to backbone up. If you don't, you will get rid of this parent and just grab another one like them. Do your contract and handbook and cover the things this family does that really irk you in it. Set hours or contracted hours for each family. And in the interview process, remember you are also interviewing them. Trust me I know how hard this is, but you will not be doing this very long otherwise.
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Old 11-11-2015, 01:29 PM
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I wouldn't care when they were paid up to. I would hand her the probation notice or a termination notice today at pick up. If you want you can make the term. notice end when she is paid up. Since you have no contract with her you can term at will.

I am going to tell you what I needed to hear and have heard it here and likely need to hear it more. If it comes of harsh I don't mean it to, but I have to just be blunt.... You are going to HAVE to backbone up. If you don't, you will get rid of this parent and just grab another one like them. Do your contract and handbook and cover the things this family does that really irk you in it. Set hours or contracted hours for each family. And in the interview process, remember you are also interviewing them. Trust me I know how hard this is, but you will not be doing this very long otherwise.
I know this is true, just watching this kid and dealing with his parents has made me question whether I want to really do this, and whether I'm qualified to because I'm really losing my patience and I'm so unhappy. My husband has been out of town since Friday, we're separated but we're on good terms and he comes over a few times a week after work and plays with the kids. He'll be back late tonight, I was thinking I'd feel a little more comfortable if he was in the house within earshot like someone else mentioned. 2 y/o gets picked up early on Thursdays before husband can get off work so I thought Friday would be best. Haha, maybe he could be there just to make sure I bring it up.
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Old 11-11-2015, 01:38 PM
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I know this is true, just watching this kid and dealing with his parents has made me question whether I want to really do this, and whether I'm qualified to because I'm really losing my patience and I'm so unhappy. My husband has been out of town since Friday, we're separated but we're on good terms and he comes over a few times a week after work and plays with the kids. He'll be back late tonight, I was thinking I'd feel a little more comfortable if he was in the house within earshot like someone else mentioned. 2 y/o gets picked up early on Thursdays before husband can get off work so I thought Friday would be best. Haha, maybe he could be there just to make sure I bring it up.
I don't think it has anything to do with you being qualified. Sadly, there is a huge gap between the caring end of the business and the business end of the business. Many of us find that what makes us great at the caring end, makes the business end harder. We are loving, nurturing people. Blackcat told me not long ago something to the effect that I needed to not always think emotionally. I can't remember her exact words or the exact thread but she was right. For many of us, the emotional part comes easy, to easy really when we need to not be emotional over the business end. I hope that is at least as clear as mud lol.
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Old 11-11-2015, 01:57 PM
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I don't think it has anything to do with you being qualified. Sadly, there is a huge gap between the caring end of the business and the business end of the business. Many of us find that what makes us great at the caring end, makes the business end harder. We are loving, nurturing people. Blackcat told me not long ago something to the effect that I needed to not always think emotionally. I can't remember her exact words or the exact thread but she was right. For many of us, the emotional part comes easy, to easy really when we need to not be emotional over the business end. I hope that is at least as clear as mud lol.
(Bolded above) .....Which makes for a fantastic provider but a not so good business person always.

That particular trait is also the reason so many providers are taken advantage of.

Confrontation is also a word sorely misused in this field.

It is NOT confrontational to expect certain behaviors from those that enter your home. BOTH adults and children.

It is not confrontational to expect to be paid on time every time for the services you provide.

It is not confrontational to draw a line between what things are parent responsibilities and provider responsibilities and not allow those categories to blur/blend or cross.
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Old 11-11-2015, 03:14 PM
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Honestly, when you terminate her, keep it short. The more information you give her the more wiggle room she'll take to try and squeeze herself back through your door. Be firm, smile and say 'I'm sorry but this arrangement is no longer working. Dcb's last day will be______.' Don't elaborate or explain or give excuses. If she keeps hounding you, stay firm, get firmer, and keep repeating what you just said.
If you need all of us here to be your backbone to help you do this then pretend we're all standing right behind you. Imagine if you have to come back here and tell us you changed your mind, gave more time, couldn't do it, etc., etc. We might have to hunt you down and greet dcm at the door ourselves.
You've got this, really you do!! The first time is always the hardest! But the relief you'll feel and the self-respect you'll have after it's said and done will be all so worth it!!!
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Old 11-11-2015, 03:56 PM
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Honestly, when you terminate her, keep it short. The more information you give her the more wiggle room she'll take to try and squeeze herself back through your door. Be firm, smile and say 'I'm sorry but this arrangement is no longer working. Dcb's last day will be______.' Don't elaborate or explain or give excuses. If she keeps hounding you, stay firm, get firmer, and keep repeating what you just said.
If you need all of us here to be your backbone to help you do this then pretend we're all standing right behind you. Imagine if you have to come back here and tell us you changed your mind, gave more time, couldn't do it, etc., etc. We might have to hunt you down and greet dcm at the door ourselves.
You've got this, really you do!! The first time is always the hardest! But the relief you'll feel and the self-respect you'll have after it's said and done will be all so worth it!!!
x 1000

You don't owe her a thing. Write a cheque to refund the unused fees if it makes you feel better.

Be done done done
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Old 11-11-2015, 09:40 PM
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"They're paid out until next Friday, I think I'll wait until this Friday to talk to her when she picks him up? And tell her that the unpredictable schedule and late nights are affecting my kid's schedule, which is true, and if she probes anymore I can tell her as politely as possible that his behavior is costing me money and negatively affecting the kids and me. I feel like because I never laid any ground rules in the first place, and they're difficult anyway, that it would be wasted effort on my part. Does that sound reasonable?"

NO! This will give her grounds to get upset with you and to accuse you further. When you terminate someone you need to simply say, "I'm sorry but this is not working out. DCB is not adjusting well and I think he would do better somewhere else." Don't say anything else at all. If she asks for further reasons don't say anything, your not obliged to tell her anything else. If she wants her last week back...I'd just give it to her. Unfortunately since you don't have a contract to protect you (mine requires last two weeks up front with no refunds and I can term immediately with no refunds in cases like these) she could try to harass you over the money or even attempt small claims court if she is crazy enough.
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:46 PM
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ThriftyLady, the concept is clear as water but the execution is where it gets muddy. Someone has told me something similar to this recently, that I need to stop thinking emotionally, just decide what is best for my situation and then follow through with that reasoning in mind only. And my response was "HOW?" Maybe I just need to keep my own feelings in mind and remind myself how exhausted I am from this, and that it's the right thing to do. I'm always worried about doing the right thing.

Blackcat, I need to write what confrontation isn't down on the back of my hand before I talk to her. (Professionalism amiright?) On second thought I'll probably flop sweat it off, I'll just read it until I've memorized it.

And Josiegirl the thought of that makes me smile and scares me at the same time. So much pressure! I will definitely imagine this.

I do need to be done with this family. I just feel like I need to do it right so that I don't feel guilty after.

Considering her personality, I don't think she wants to hear reasons that would be insinuating her or her child have done anything wrong. But she'll definitely want a reason, so I'd feel guilty not giving her one. I also want to let her bring him to me until the end of when she's paid up, so she'd at least have a week's notice. I think just never coming here again without warning might be hard on the kid (he actually likes coming here). SO, with those things in mind, I thought I could talk to her this Friday and tell her that it's not working out because his inconsistent schedule is affecting the schedule I'm trying to keep, and the late evening pick-ups are affecting my kid's bedtime (both are true and doesn't directly involve her kid). If she does get pushy with whys and wants to change the schedule or something then I can delve more into his behavior. I can have his stuff ready and even have next week's pay on hand to refund her in case she's offended and never wants to come back.

I think if I do it this way (not with EVERY parent I have a problem with but this one because I never set boundaries or contracts or anything) then I will be able to walk away from this guilt-free, regardless of what her reaction is. I have to make sure I do it right otherwise it will seriously haunt me. Does this plan seem reasonable?
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Old 11-11-2015, 10:50 PM
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"They're paid out until next Friday, I think I'll wait until this Friday to talk to her when she picks him up? And tell her that the unpredictable schedule and late nights are affecting my kid's schedule, which is true, and if she probes anymore I can tell her as politely as possible that his behavior is costing me money and negatively affecting the kids and me. I feel like because I never laid any ground rules in the first place, and they're difficult anyway, that it would be wasted effort on my part. Does that sound reasonable?"

NO! This will give her grounds to get upset with you and to accuse you further. When you terminate someone you need to simply say, "I'm sorry but this is not working out. DCB is not adjusting well and I think he would do better somewhere else." Don't say anything else at all. If she asks for further reasons don't say anything, your not obliged to tell her anything else. If she wants her last week back...I'd just give it to her. Unfortunately since you don't have a contract to protect you (mine requires last two weeks up front with no refunds and I can term immediately with no refunds in cases like these) she could try to harass you over the money or even attempt small claims court if she is crazy enough.
Oh I just saw this... Eek. Well what about my last post would that be better?? Ah I can't imagine her not being even weirder without any reason, just saying it's a problem with the schedule I think will be safe. I hope?

I think I definitely should use the term "not adjusting" because it is pretty neutral. I honestly don't care if she's rude or accusatory at this point, because she's already being rude to me. I just don't want long term consequences like her trying to report me or her husband is a cop and has told me things that have brought me to the conclusion that he abuses his power with people he doesn't like, so I'm worried about that... I have to really wrestle with this for the next 40 something hours.
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Old 11-12-2015, 04:56 AM
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I would tell her on Friday, ďI canít take care of ________ anymore.Ē

DCM, ďWhy?Ē

"The late nights arenít working for my family. Also _______ is constantly having potty accidents. I donít want feces all over my home. Also, you rudely came early pushing your way through my door.

Itís not working out for me."



She will trying to guilt trip, get mad, yadda, yadda. You have to be strong for yourself, the other kids and your own children.
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Old 11-12-2015, 05:31 AM
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If you are really unable to confront her you can just blame it on something vague and then invoke your dh.

"Dcm, I am giving you two weeks notice. My husband and I have made a decision that we want to go a different direction with my business."

She will ask what that means and want specifics. Tell her that you have promised your husband you won't discuss the details. When she insists keep saying "I gave my word to my husband."

Then she will ask if the other kids are leaving. Tell her that you can't discuss specific families. Assure her they will be informed that your business is going in a different direction.


Tell her that she is welcome to take him out immediately should she find immediate care. You will refund any unused portion.
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Old 11-12-2015, 06:31 AM
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How about a letter tomorrow that you hand to her after she walks out the door - along with a refund for the week. "Hey dcm, this is for you, bye!"

And then:

"Due to unforeseen circumstances with my health, I am unable to continue providing care for DCB effective immediately. Here is your refund for the next week. Should you need assistance in your child care search the number for the child care referral agency is 1-800-CRAZYPARENT. I apologize for the inconvenience but I must follow doctors orders. It has been a pleasure caring for DCB and I wish you the best.

Sincerely,
Happy Provider"

So what that SHE is the unforeseen circumstance? And where can she go with it? You're not saying anything about her or her child. You are having health issues, doc says to slow down/stop etc. So when she calls you can do the broken record "yeah I haven't been feeling well and my doc says I need to slow down, so it was time. Thanks for calling!"
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Old 11-12-2015, 06:45 AM
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I hate confrontation also, but as BC said we need to quit thinking of it like that really. I hate admitting she is right all the stinking time.

But having been through this, you won't feel guilty when it is done. You will feel free, like a bird just released from a cage. Think of it like this, this family is holding you hostage emotionally only that isn't how your brain is processing it. As soon as this term is over, guilt is not what you will feel.
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Old 11-12-2015, 07:14 AM
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I hate confrontation also, but as BC said we need to quit thinking of it like that really. I hate admitting she is right all the stinking time.


I learned the hard way.

I try to save others from having to do the same.



Save the emotional side of you for the kids and use the business/logical side for parents.
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Old 11-12-2015, 08:55 AM
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I had an issue with "confrontation" with one particular family because it was a friend of a friend, someone I "knew" through a forum and I termed her very early. I blamed it completely on myself rather than the behavior of her child to ease the blow. I said something like "I am finding it a bit overwhelming to have 5 children in my care and unfortunately I will need to term. Your children are bright beautiful boys and I really wish I could care for them. I will be happy to help you find alternative arrangements if possible".
That was it and it ended very pleasantly.
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Old 11-13-2015, 05:38 PM
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Sorry I haven't posted on here, here's a depressing update:

I actually decided Thursday morning to talk to them because he's usually not supposed to come on Thursdays (but always does) because both the mom and dad would be dropping him off picking him up. They didn't show up and didn't let me know, I had to text to ask.

So today I was very ready. He got dropped off by his dad, I sent a text asking if she'd be there to pick him up she said yes. I had all of his stuff packed and the money that would need to be refunded if she didn't want to have him come another week... and then she shows up with this kid??? He's her little half brother who lives out of town, he hasn't seen her or her kid in months so there's this joyful reunion in my living room that includes them pulling things out that I just put away for 5-10 minutes. I went into the kitchen where my husband was and was like "WTF DO I DO RIGHT NOW???" He's like Į\_(ツ)_/Į and so I just awkwardly freaked out and tried not to explode while she told me about her fun plans with her little brother until she left. I also told her that her kid has a red swollen testicle that she will probably do nothing about.

So I guess I'll just have to text her, I wanted to be respectful and do it face to face but I realize that waiting is actually just making the anxiousness worse. I should text her and ask her to call me or something.

I feel horrible because I feel like I failed in following through, but that really threw me off my game! That's understandable right??

I'll go sit in the corner and cry now.
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Old 11-13-2015, 06:13 PM
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oh man. I'm sorry that's how it went down when you had gotten yourself all psyched up and ready. I'm just another anonymous person following your story and I just want you to know that I'm rooting for ya too. I haven't had such a hard situation as this with a parent and I am really getting worried about this boy.
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Old 11-13-2015, 07:05 PM
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Gesh, I didn't read all the posts but I definitely agree to finding a new family to provide care for. With that said that poor child, it sounds like he has some major issues in his home environment bug bites that bleed, and un bathed at 2.5 it's just sad
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Old 11-13-2015, 08:08 PM
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Yeah. The swollen testicle is probably bacterial from dirty habits and poor hygiene. He has dirty fingernails, so once he started potty training it was just a matter of time before he got an infection (he plays with himself every time he potties lol). I do feel bad for him, he's not behind developmentally at all, I think he has a lot of potential and is bright, but he has no consistency, and they go back and forth between treating him like an infant and expecting him to be a big kid and he's really confused. But from all the years that I nannied and took care of kids before I started this I know I can't do anything about it, and like I said in a previous post they've had CPS called and nothing happened.

I really, really appreciate all of the support and advice and kind words. Before I posted here I was really considering giving up on daycare altogether, but I feel a lot better about it now. Hopefully I can get this experience out of the way and start things differently with new families.
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Old 11-13-2015, 08:36 PM
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Yeah. The swollen testicle is probably bacterial from dirty habits and poor hygiene. He has dirty fingernails, so once he started potty training it was just a matter of time before he got an infection (he plays with himself every time he potties lol). I do feel bad for him, he's not behind developmentally at all, I think he has a lot of potential and is bright, but he has no consistency, and they go back and forth between treating him like an infant and expecting him to be a big kid and he's really confused. But from all the years that I nannied and took care of kids before I started this I know I can't do anything about it, and like I said in a previous post they've had CPS called and nothing happened.

I really, really appreciate all of the support and advice and kind words. Before I posted here I was really considering giving up on daycare altogether, but I feel a lot better about it now. Hopefully I can get this experience out of the way and start things differently with new families.
Swollen testicles are no small matter, and likely not due to hygiene. Hubby has had this twice in two years. Now my hubby they said it was his diabetes and his driving a truck (all the bumping and bouncing). This needs to be considered a big issue because it is.
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Old 11-13-2015, 09:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Thriftylady View Post
Swollen testicles are no small matter, and likely not due to hygiene. Hubby has had this twice in two years. Now my hubby they said it was his diabetes and his driving a truck (all the bumping and bouncing). This needs to be considered a big issue because it is.
Oh! Yeah I read it could be from impact too. I can't imagine what he could have done, although he did jump on a kid pantsless before I could catch him from the potty (that was the first time he said it hurt, he thought the kid he jumped on was the one who hurt him so he didn't notice until then). So I guess it would make sense that he would injure himself if he didn't have padding. It was only one side though. It was very red, and by the end of the day it looked a little purple in an area of it. Poor little guy, she said she was taking him to a local place that has obstacle courses and foam pits. It's gonna hurt if she ignores what I told her.
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Old 11-13-2015, 11:14 PM
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I had a two year old who got a swollen testicle before. It turned out to be hydroceles and needed surgery to correct.
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Old 11-14-2015, 03:42 AM
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Oh no Keep on her about the swollen testicle thing! Make sure she knows it's no small matter because I have a feeling with the half brother visiting everything else will be 2nd place. Poor lil kid, has he been complaining a lot about it hurting?? That's got to be painful.
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Old 11-14-2015, 10:16 AM
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Originally Posted by HipUsername View Post
Sorry I haven't posted on here, here's a depressing update:

I actually decided Thursday morning to talk to them because he's usually not supposed to come on Thursdays (but always does) because both the mom and dad would be dropping him off picking him up. They didn't show up and didn't let me know, I had to text to ask.

So today I was very ready. He got dropped off by his dad, I sent a text asking if she'd be there to pick him up she said yes. I had all of his stuff packed and the money that would need to be refunded if she didn't want to have him come another week... and then she shows up with this kid??? He's her little half brother who lives out of town, he hasn't seen her or her kid in months so there's this joyful reunion in my living room that includes them pulling things out that I just put away for 5-10 minutes. I went into the kitchen where my husband was and was like "WTF DO I DO RIGHT NOW???" He's like Į\_(ツ)_/Į and so I just awkwardly freaked out and tried not to explode while she told me about her fun plans with her little brother until she left. I also told her that her kid has a red swollen testicle that she will probably do nothing about.

So I guess I'll just have to text her, I wanted to be respectful and do it face to face but I realize that waiting is actually just making the anxiousness worse. I should text her and ask her to call me or something.

I feel horrible because I feel like I failed in following through, but that really threw me off my game! That's understandable right??

I'll go sit in the corner and cry now.
1. I would be reporting them to CPS regardless.

2. I would have your hubby be there on Monday at drop off or pick up. Whichever he can swing. Have all belongings packed up and money in hand when you open the door. That way there is no possibility of backing down. Do not let them in your house. Short speech, hand them their things, and done immediately.

You do not owe a notice period. You do not owe a huge explanation. End of story.


Maybe it's just me but something seems off about the whole thing.
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Old 11-14-2015, 10:50 AM
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His lack of hygiene is exposing yourself and your family to all kinds of yucky things that could make you sick. I know confrontation is horrible, but I would much rather a confrontation than having one of my kids catch something that could make them very sick.

Not giving them a reason at all is probably the best option, but I probably wouldn't be able to do it. I tend to talk too much when I'm nervous, and most of the time it comes back to bite me on the butt! Maybe tell them that your own child is having a difficult time adjusting and they have to be your first priority, and that you are sure that as a mother she will understand?

I would def call CPS and give them a detailed description of everything you are telling us. That poor little boy.
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Old 11-14-2015, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by angelw2babies View Post
Not giving them a reason at all is probably the best option, but I probably wouldn't be able to do it. I tend to talk too much when I'm nervous, and most of the time it comes back to bite me on the butt!
THIS! I do that. I've decided to make it mainly about the schedule, so there won't be any offense, but if she does get ugly I can say it's more than just the schedule, and after considering this for months it is my final decision. I still have my refund money ready and everything, but I'm pretty sure she'll want to finish the week out.

She sent me a text this morning that she realized that it was a mosquito bite on his testicle. I'm really not surprised, he always has mosquito bites because they never use bug spray, and she's told me they encourage him to pee outside for potty training purposes. His mosquito bites turn into giant welts that are very itchy and I think painful too. He had one on his forehead that bruised.

Maybe I should buy them the bug spray I use as a parting gift
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Old 11-14-2015, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by HipUsername View Post
THIS! I do that. I've decided to make it mainly about the schedule, so there won't be any offense, but if she does get ugly I can say it's more than just the schedule, and after considering this for months it is my final decision. I still have my refund money ready and everything, but I'm pretty sure she'll want to finish the week out.

She sent me a text this morning that she realized that it was a mosquito bite on his testicle. I'm really not surprised, he always has mosquito bites because they never use bug spray, and she's told me they encourage him to pee outside for potty training purposes. His mosquito bites turn into giant welts that are very itchy and I think painful too. He had one on his forehead that bruised.

Maybe I should buy them the bug spray I use as a parting gift
I don’t allow parents to diagnose. It’s is a liability, not even my two medical school clients. He wouldn’t be able to return to care without a doctor’s note.

I also would be allowing him to come on Thursdays if he is not scheduled too.
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Old 11-14-2015, 06:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HipUsername View Post
THIS! I do that. I've decided to make it mainly about the schedule, so there won't be any offense, but if she does get ugly I can say it's more than just the schedule, and after considering this for months it is my final decision. I still have my refund money ready and everything, but I'm pretty sure she'll want to finish the week out.
At this point, what she wants is irrelevant. It's about what you want. You wanted her gone Friday. Stay strong and let her know that finishing the week is not an option. Good luck.
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Old 11-16-2015, 04:01 AM
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At this point, what she wants is irrelevant. It's about what you want. You wanted her gone Friday. Stay strong and let her know that finishing the week is not an option. Good luck.
This. I would send her a letter/email or text letting her know that as of today you won't be able to watch her child anymore due to schedule changes. Wish them the best. Tell them their refund is on the way.

Then block her number.
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Old 11-16-2015, 06:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Play Care View Post
This. I would send her a letter/email or text letting her know that as of today you won't be able to watch her child anymore due to schedule changes. Wish them the best. Tell them their refund is on the way.

Then block her number.
I agree! Do it now. If not, give me her number--I will do it for you, lol. Believe me, I know it's a dreadful feeling, thinking of that confrontation, and making yourself actually say it. But when it's done, it is the BEST feeling! You can do this.
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Old 11-16-2015, 08:46 AM
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I automatically think he has bed bug bites! Yuck.
I think you need to report them.
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Old 11-16-2015, 09:17 AM
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Where do you live that there are still active mosquitoes? I am in NY, and had a child come in with bites- it was bed bug bites. It's possible the family has an infestation.

I would be done and have already emailed to term and mailed his things and refund.
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Old 11-16-2015, 10:02 AM
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The sending her a text/email and telling her that you have decided not to care or him anymore is great advice. I would be concerned that if you didn't have a face to face meeting with her, she wouldn't realize that you are 100% serious and she can't try to convince you otherwise. If you are prepared for a confrontation it will be much easier than if you think it's over and she shows up unexpectedly to confront you in person.

I'm in Florida, and the mosquitos are just now beginning to come out. It's been high 80's low 90's every day though. I wish it was cold enough here to scare them away!
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Old 11-16-2015, 10:59 AM
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I would definitely be calling CPS again. Two calls on one family is hard to ignore. It would at least give you peace of mind that you've done all you can for this little guy. An ignored swollen testicle is not something you want happening.

Good luck with terming her. Once it's over you will have a HUGE sigh of relief and wonder why you were so worked up. She obviously doesn't give a crap what you think so why do you care what she thinks of you?
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