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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Non-Stop Crying Baby
brookeroo 04:26 PM 06-19-2012
I have recently started watching my friends new baby. This is her first child. He's about 11 or 12 weeks old. I've had him since he was 9 weeks old. They are really good about paying me on time. Really nice people, no real problems. Overall it's been going well except... I'm pretty sure that she holds him till he falls asleep...and sleeps with him.... and pretty much holds him most other hours of the day she is with him.
She is breast feeding him which (I am also breast feeding my own daughter. So I realize there is a big difference between the breast fed and formula fed babies when it comes to independence.)
She drops this baby off at 7:30 am and always tells me that she thinks he's ready to go back to sleep but THIS KID NEVER EVER SLEEPS............. EVER....
He pretty much screams from the minute she leaves till the time she picks him up at 5:40pm. Sometimes I can get him to stop but only if I pick him up and hold him...as soon as I put him down, whether he's asleep or not asleep, he starts screaming and this is an irrational, hysterical blood curdling scream. He pretty much wants to be held non stop, all day long.
Does anyone else have this problem?? If so, how do/did you handle it? I've been trying cry-it-out for a couple of weeks. I haven't told her that because I don't think she will take it very well. I'm just telling her that he's been fussy and hasn't slept much but overall she seems happy with me. Not really sure what to say to her about it because I kind of feel like we both need to be on the same page as far as how we are handling it but I don't know that she would change either.
We haven't made much progress so far. He rarely gives up during cry it out, he will just lay up there and cry until I come and get him. I don't know what the longest amount of time I should really let him go like that should be. So I feel bad doing this but I don't know what else to do for a baby that can't be soothed. He doesn't take a pacifier and I can't spend the whole day holding him and I can't force everyone to listen to him scream all day. He will only usually fall asleep if I hold him.
She is breast feeding him which (I am also breast feeding my own daughter. So I realize there is a big difference between the breast fed and formula fed babies when it comes to independence.)
She drops this baby off at 7:30 am and always tells me that she thinks he's ready to go back to sleep but THIS KID NEVER EVER SLEEPS............. EVER....
He pretty much screams from the minute she leaves till the time she picks him up at 5:40pm. Sometimes I can get him to stop but only if I pick him up and hold him...as soon as I put him down, whether he's asleep or not asleep, he starts screaming and this is an irrational, hysterical blood curdling scream. He pretty much wants to be held non stop, all day long.
Does anyone else have this problem?? If so, how do/did you handle it? I've been trying cry-it-out for a couple of weeks. I haven't told her that because I don't think she will take it very well. I'm just telling her that he's been fussy and hasn't slept much but overall she seems happy with me. Not really sure what to say to her about it because I kind of feel like we both need to be on the same page as far as how we are handling it but I don't know that she would change either.
We haven't made much progress so far. He rarely gives up during cry it out, he will just lay up there and cry until I come and get him. I don't know what the longest amount of time I should really let him go like that should be. So I feel bad doing this but I don't know what else to do for a baby that can't be soothed. He doesn't take a pacifier and I can't spend the whole day holding him and I can't force everyone to listen to him scream all day. He will only usually fall asleep if I hold him.
daycare 04:46 PM 06-19-2012
can the baby drink from a bottle?
AfterSchoolMom 05:14 PM 06-19-2012
Is it possible for you to wear him? Have you tried swaddling or white noise for sleeping?
brookeroo 06:35 PM 06-19-2012
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
Is it possible for you to wear him? Have you tried swaddling or white noise for sleeping?
Is it possible for you to wear him? Have you tried swaddling or white noise for sleeping?
I prefer not to have to wear him because I am up and down steps very frequently and I just think as clingy as this baby is it's only encouraging that expectation from him. I just don't feel like that's realistic and we will never get where he needs to be if I wear him. Plus he's here from 7:30-5:40pm... there is no way I'm wearing him that long.
I use a fan in the room he's in. It doesn't seem to help at all and he has no interest in swaddling. It makes him angry.
He does take a bottle. I'm using a #1 nipple and making sure he's burping.
CIO- I've done this for up to an hour and a half with this baby. I honestly don't know how long it's really ok to go with him. I feel like an hour and a half is pretty long already. It just doesn't seem healthy to leave a baby cry that long. But he is just relentless and I make sure that he's fed, burped and his diaper is clean and dry...he cannot stand any moisture or uncleanliness with his diaper. He does not give up and he is just really irritable.
I have to be able to get through lunches and get the kids down for naps... I also have another infant who I had before him. He was pretty fussy himself due to acid reflux initially. He is also breast fed. He is doing much better lately since I had started CIO with him after we got his acid reflux issue. He still is at times a bit fussy though. The CIO seemed to have worked well with the first infant. He's now 3 months old but together these two really give me a run for my money some days...
Heidi 05:19 PM 06-19-2012
Does he eat for you?
What does CIO mean to you? How long would you comfortably let him cry?
I think you do need to sit down and ask mom what she expects. If it's that you hold him whenever he cries, then I think you need to let him go. That is just not realistic in "group" care, even if the group is only 2 kids.
Are you the type of person that would be ok with a snuggly or a back pack? I personally don't buy into it, but I know it works well for others. It'd quite honestly drive me koo koo. My own kids went got cuddles and kisses, went to be, and the end.
Another option might be swaddling, if you are comfortable with that. I know some babies do better sleeping with a little pressure at the top of their head, but since crib bumpers have fallen out of favor, not sure how you'd do that. Maybe someone else here knows...
What does CIO mean to you? How long would you comfortably let him cry?
I think you do need to sit down and ask mom what she expects. If it's that you hold him whenever he cries, then I think you need to let him go. That is just not realistic in "group" care, even if the group is only 2 kids.
Are you the type of person that would be ok with a snuggly or a back pack? I personally don't buy into it, but I know it works well for others. It'd quite honestly drive me koo koo. My own kids went got cuddles and kisses, went to be, and the end.
Another option might be swaddling, if you are comfortable with that. I know some babies do better sleeping with a little pressure at the top of their head, but since crib bumpers have fallen out of favor, not sure how you'd do that. Maybe someone else here knows...
MizzCheryl 05:47 PM 06-19-2012
I would consult with Nanny de. She is great for getting babies on a schedule.
http://daycarewhisperer.com/
It is $25.00 for half an hour over the phone consult. She helped me fix all my problems in a 1 hour consult and I have been great every since. It is cheap for what you get and it would be worth it if she could help you. Fill out the consult form and she will email you. She will let you know how she can help you. It was the best thing I ever did for my daycare.
Good luck!
You could also seach thru some of her old posts and see if there is any help for you in them.
The baby is young enough that I bet she could help you get him straight in a week.
http://daycarewhisperer.com/
It is $25.00 for half an hour over the phone consult. She helped me fix all my problems in a 1 hour consult and I have been great every since. It is cheap for what you get and it would be worth it if she could help you. Fill out the consult form and she will email you. She will let you know how she can help you. It was the best thing I ever did for my daycare.
Good luck!
You could also seach thru some of her old posts and see if there is any help for you in them.
The baby is young enough that I bet she could help you get him straight in a week.
cheerfuldom 08:33 PM 06-19-2012
I wouldnt let a baby so young CIO. The mom needs to know that you are having trouble with him and then let her decide what she feels comfortable with you doing as far as letting him cry.
I would try swaddling, white noise, a darkened room for naps. I swaddle my kids for as long as they want age-wise! I would rock and shush to sleep and then put him down (or put him down right when he is getting tired so he actually gets to sleep on his own). you could also try babywearing in a sling so you can carry him but your hands are free. dont feel that you have to do this though. it will be a sacrifice to go the extra mile with this baby, especially if your own child is still very young as well or if you have other young kids that need just as much attention.
I understand that breastfeeding and co-sleeping is important to mom but it is not fair for you to have to be with an unhappy child all day. Its no wonder that he is so unhappy without mom. I would assume that she may be nursing him to sleep too so with all that combined, she is doing you and baby a disservice by caring for him in a way that can not be replicated at daycare.
Its up to you to decide when you have reached your limit with his care. I will be honest in saying that "attachment parenting" type kids have a very difficult time at daycare. The provide can never replicate the nursing and cuddling that mom would do at home so it is no wonder that they are so unhappy at daycare. At this young age, unless you and mom can come to some sort of agreement on the particulars of his care, it would be best to let him go. Mom can find a nanny or SAHM that is able to provide the immense amount of one-on-one attention that this baby is used to and wanting.
I would try swaddling, white noise, a darkened room for naps. I swaddle my kids for as long as they want age-wise! I would rock and shush to sleep and then put him down (or put him down right when he is getting tired so he actually gets to sleep on his own). you could also try babywearing in a sling so you can carry him but your hands are free. dont feel that you have to do this though. it will be a sacrifice to go the extra mile with this baby, especially if your own child is still very young as well or if you have other young kids that need just as much attention.
I understand that breastfeeding and co-sleeping is important to mom but it is not fair for you to have to be with an unhappy child all day. Its no wonder that he is so unhappy without mom. I would assume that she may be nursing him to sleep too so with all that combined, she is doing you and baby a disservice by caring for him in a way that can not be replicated at daycare.
Its up to you to decide when you have reached your limit with his care. I will be honest in saying that "attachment parenting" type kids have a very difficult time at daycare. The provide can never replicate the nursing and cuddling that mom would do at home so it is no wonder that they are so unhappy at daycare. At this young age, unless you and mom can come to some sort of agreement on the particulars of his care, it would be best to let him go. Mom can find a nanny or SAHM that is able to provide the immense amount of one-on-one attention that this baby is used to and wanting.
Lyss 10:15 PM 06-19-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
At this young age, unless you and mom can come to some sort of agreement on the particulars of his care, it would be best to let him go.
At this young age, unless you and mom can come to some sort of agreement on the particulars of his care, it would be best to let him go.
I agree. I really struggled with a baby (5mos) that had this same issue and who's parent's were not willing to work with me (I asked if they could work on not holding 24/7 because it's unrealistic in a daycare setting) and didn't they believe in CIO. I finally had to say it's not working and let him go. It was hard but it was best for all of us.I have another 6mo old (also a breastfed, co-sleeping baby) that recently started that I had the same issue with, she screamed the entire time and I wanted to pull my hair out! But I was honest with the parent's and we worked together, they really worked on putting her down and not holding her to sleep. I had a lot of success with swaddling (She hates the process of being swaddled but once she's snug she calms down) and fairly loud waterfall music. I keep the music to a level that I think is a little loud but it really works for her. It took about 4 weeks (her schedule is VERY inconsistent so it took longer) but she is a completely different baby! She plays, laughs, and goes to sleep without screaming!
renodeb 10:04 AM 03-25-2013
Thats rough, have you tried swaddling the baby? If she is holding him 24/7 at home then you have a tough battle ahead. I am all for breastfeeding but the baby needs to learn self soothing skills as well. Most new moms cant stand hearing there new little ones crying so they hold them all the time never letting them cry or learn to put them selves to sleep. I think your doing what you need to be doing to survive the day. I dont think cio is a bad thing (within reason).Do you have the baby every day? I started two babies with in a month or so of each other. One was 4 weeks old when I started him and the other was 2 months. I swaddled them both from the get go and the younger of the two was alreadt used to a sound machine so that made it a bit easier. They are both pretty adjusted now. It takes some work and a lot of consistency but they can adjust. Will the baby be happy in a baby swing for a bit at all? Baby swings can be life savers! I tend to "soften what I say to the new moms about there babies days. I dont think theres anything wrong with it. Why make them worry while there at work?! I would love to hear how this baby is over the next several weeks. I always tell new moms, there is usuallly a 4-6 week adjustment period before they really get used to being away from mom. Good luck!
Deb
Deb