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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Favourtism
providerandmomof4 04:48 PM 08-03-2012
I have a dcm who has been has called me twice now. Her son is 6 and is one of my 7 SAC's. My own daughter (age 5) and son (age 10) are two of these seven children. I used to work with dcm and actually supervised her on occasion when her sup was on leave. Anyway, the first call, she says that her son told her that my daughter hit him, and that when he told me about it (I was in the kitchen at the time) I separated him from the group. I told her that they did have an altercation and that I had been in there twice because dcb was waving dolls in my daugter's face and throwing toys at her. I told her that I didn't realize her son had been hit or I would've had a talk with my daughter and had her apologize. I did seperate him because he was the one who was causing problems. This didn't go over well. The next day she calls and proceeds to tell me word for word several mean things that my daughter had said to her son, nothing about what he had said to her... I am trying to remain calm about this but I'm really irritated. I told her that kids aren't always nice to each other and ALL of them say mean things sometimes but of course I don't allow it and tell them that it's not nice and how would they like it if someone said that to them. Does she think I'm letting my daughter be mean to her son? This boy is constantly provoking all the children. I don't know, am I taking these small altercations between the children too lightly? I don't quite know how to handle the situation, especially since I know her and the child she seems to call into question is my daughter?
daycarediva 04:56 PM 08-03-2012
This sounds PRECISELY like my SA DCG. She can do NO wrong and NO MATTER WHAT SHE DID to provoke a situation, my son is always wrong (and yes, I realize that at 6 he should know better and shouldn't shove her away or tell her to shut up, etc) but this girl starts it, kwim? She also starts it with other kids, and has gotten her mother to question two of my DS's to the point that I told her if she really didn't think I was handling the situation correctly then my home was obviously not the best fit for her. DCG is horribly catty and mean behind EVERYONE's back but has her mother fooled into thinking she is an angel. I called her out in front of her mother on several of these situations and the mother says "Oh I didn't know THAT, I will handle it" (dcg was picking on DS or other DCB, etc)
Truly Scrumptious 05:14 PM 08-03-2012
I would sit down with mom and have a talk. I tell all of my parents that I won't tolerate a child going home and "tattling" on the other kids at daycare, but never telling about their own bad behavior.

I've had children to do this before and they do it to turn the focus off of their own poor behavior onto someone else's.

Also, I tell parents that I'm not telling them about every little infraction that happens during the day, if I have taken care of the problem.
I don't like it when parents come in and ask "Has he been good today"?, I respond by saying.."He's had a good day". I don't like for children to be labeled good or bad...I want their behavior addressed. If it's horrible behavior, and it's gone on the whole day, then I will say "No, he has had a bad day...he hasn't followed the rules...hasn't been a good leader...didn't use his words" etc...I will state specifically what the child had a problem with.

I would not be questioned by this mom...and I wouldn't like her "hints" that my daughter was getting away with things. I would remind her that you're in charge during the day and if she feels that you're not handeling things properly, then you will understand if she looks for other care for her son. Whether I knew her or not, wouldn't matter to me...she sure doesn't seem to let it bother her.
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