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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Don't think I'm cut out for this.
KMdcMom 11:53 AM 11-29-2012
ABOUT TO GO ON A COMPLETE UPSET AND ANGRY RANT!!!
I don't think I can do daycare anymore. I am so unhappy. I think I have a meltdown and cry at least once a day. I am only 20 years old and I feel so burnt out with life. I found out I was pregnant October of last year. I was 19 and me and my husband (20 at the time) were terrified, but with some decision making and planning the pregnancy became the happiest thing to ever happen to us! We got married in April and our son was born in July. A month later I started running my in-home daycare with another baby the same age as my son and three 2 yo's. I have always been interested in daycare, especially since my mother ran one, so I was raised in that environment. I thought I would be good at it, a natural, but I am so depressed. I find myself hating the children, which makes me just hate myself even more. I feel like a terrible mother because after only 1 month with him I have gone from loving mother to a childcare drone. I feel like a robot: Change diapers. Clean up. Solve conflicts. Potty train. Make food. Blah, blah, blah. I also find myself angry at my son because he cries and wants to be played with and held and changed and fed. I have such a wonderful husband too, but I take out most of my problems on him. We used to never fight and now we do all the time, I think I pick fights with him just to relieve some tension and blame someone else for my misery. I feel like crap all the time. I hardly feed myself well, I don't have time to workout, my back is killing me everyday, I constantly have headaches, and I am always on the verge of a breakdown. The worst part is I have no escape. My husband is working very hard as well an we can still hardly afford to pay our bills and buy everyday items. We are very fortunate though, we got a lot of help from our families to be able to get a mortgage and start out our own lives as a little family. That makes it so much harder though. We live in a very nice suburban city where both of our parents live, which is great, but it means to afford our house there is no way I can stop working. My husband and I have already talked about moving to a more affordable location so I can be a sahm and concentrate on raising our son and taking care of the house and dog and family in general. That would make us so much happier. But I just feel like we will disappoint everyone, especially my mother because she is still successfully running her daycare after over 20 years and expects me to as well. I am just so so sooo unhappy with my life. I am not cut out for being a daycare provider, no matter how much people try to tell me I'll get through it. I don't want to sacrifice mine and my family's happiness. And my son deserves a happy upbringing. I don't want to do it. I can't do it, I just can't.
I have to, though. There is no way I can stop working. Thanks for listening to me vent though, I feel a bit better. I guess it's time to snap back into reality and put on a happy face, nap time is almost over...
I don't think I can do daycare anymore. I am so unhappy. I think I have a meltdown and cry at least once a day. I am only 20 years old and I feel so burnt out with life. I found out I was pregnant October of last year. I was 19 and me and my husband (20 at the time) were terrified, but with some decision making and planning the pregnancy became the happiest thing to ever happen to us! We got married in April and our son was born in July. A month later I started running my in-home daycare with another baby the same age as my son and three 2 yo's. I have always been interested in daycare, especially since my mother ran one, so I was raised in that environment. I thought I would be good at it, a natural, but I am so depressed. I find myself hating the children, which makes me just hate myself even more. I feel like a terrible mother because after only 1 month with him I have gone from loving mother to a childcare drone. I feel like a robot: Change diapers. Clean up. Solve conflicts. Potty train. Make food. Blah, blah, blah. I also find myself angry at my son because he cries and wants to be played with and held and changed and fed. I have such a wonderful husband too, but I take out most of my problems on him. We used to never fight and now we do all the time, I think I pick fights with him just to relieve some tension and blame someone else for my misery. I feel like crap all the time. I hardly feed myself well, I don't have time to workout, my back is killing me everyday, I constantly have headaches, and I am always on the verge of a breakdown. The worst part is I have no escape. My husband is working very hard as well an we can still hardly afford to pay our bills and buy everyday items. We are very fortunate though, we got a lot of help from our families to be able to get a mortgage and start out our own lives as a little family. That makes it so much harder though. We live in a very nice suburban city where both of our parents live, which is great, but it means to afford our house there is no way I can stop working. My husband and I have already talked about moving to a more affordable location so I can be a sahm and concentrate on raising our son and taking care of the house and dog and family in general. That would make us so much happier. But I just feel like we will disappoint everyone, especially my mother because she is still successfully running her daycare after over 20 years and expects me to as well. I am just so so sooo unhappy with my life. I am not cut out for being a daycare provider, no matter how much people try to tell me I'll get through it. I don't want to sacrifice mine and my family's happiness. And my son deserves a happy upbringing. I don't want to do it. I can't do it, I just can't.
I have to, though. There is no way I can stop working. Thanks for listening to me vent though, I feel a bit better. I guess it's time to snap back into reality and put on a happy face, nap time is almost over...
Blackcat31 12:26 PM 11-29-2012
First...((((((BIG HUGS)))))) as it can be hard to admit feeling like you do and an even bigger person to share it.
Daycare can be a loney, isolating job and networking with others helps a lot so I definitely recommend registering here with this site and hanging with some others who "get it" and can help make your stresses a bit easier to manage.
I also think you have an awful lot of changes happening at once so I can fully understand your position. New marriage, new baby, new job, new lifestyle all in a small amount of time. That is alot!
I think you are doing the first important thing and that is reaching out to others. I wish I had easy answers for you but I don't.
One piece of advice though that might help is maybe try and see if you can care for kids that aren't the same age as your own son. Sometimes that makes enjoying your own child and not feeling like you can't meet his needs a bit easier. I think that taking older kids is also somewhat easier when you have a little one of your own.
I am glad you can talk to your DH and good for him for letting you vent! Don't stop talking to him...even if you are only venting...as it is important to keep your communication lines open with your spouse.
I am sure there are lots of providers on this board that can relate to your situation aand there are a lot of providers who have been there and made it through so don't give up yet!!!
I hope things get better for you and I hope you are able to find a way to get some relief from the pressure and stress of your current situation Hang in there...wishing you the best!
Daycare can be a loney, isolating job and networking with others helps a lot so I definitely recommend registering here with this site and hanging with some others who "get it" and can help make your stresses a bit easier to manage.
I also think you have an awful lot of changes happening at once so I can fully understand your position. New marriage, new baby, new job, new lifestyle all in a small amount of time. That is alot!
I think you are doing the first important thing and that is reaching out to others. I wish I had easy answers for you but I don't.
One piece of advice though that might help is maybe try and see if you can care for kids that aren't the same age as your own son. Sometimes that makes enjoying your own child and not feeling like you can't meet his needs a bit easier. I think that taking older kids is also somewhat easier when you have a little one of your own.
I am glad you can talk to your DH and good for him for letting you vent! Don't stop talking to him...even if you are only venting...as it is important to keep your communication lines open with your spouse.
I am sure there are lots of providers on this board that can relate to your situation aand there are a lot of providers who have been there and made it through so don't give up yet!!!
I hope things get better for you and I hope you are able to find a way to get some relief from the pressure and stress of your current situation Hang in there...wishing you the best!
bunnyslippers 03:31 PM 11-29-2012
I have been there, too. Black Cat is right (as always). Try to keep your head up. As a mother of a 5 and 2 year old who only got into this business so I could stay home, I can tell you that as slow as your days feel, before you know it, your babies will be getting beigger and leaving for kindergarten. The years will FLY by, and you will someday wish for them to be back at home with you.
Hugs to you, and hang in there!!!!
Hugs to you, and hang in there!!!!
cheerfuldom 04:06 PM 11-29-2012
Your life will be amazing when you live by this rule: Dont live your life for anyone else. You cant continue doing daycare just to please your mom or those that helped you purchase the house.
Figure out what YOU want and what works for YOUR family. That is the only way to get on the road to happiness. You dont want to spend your life living someone else's dream (your mom's dream of you doing daycare like she did). Just tell people "we tried this, its not working for us, we appreciate your support as we try to figure out what does work for us. thank you for everything you have done but we need to move on to some better options for our family at this time"
If you have to make it work for now, take only the kids you absolutely have to. Keep posting here about particular issues and we can help solve issues with the payments, hours, kids, etc, etc that you are having. There is a lot of experienced providers here that can help you! You can also post issues about motherhood or anything else you want to talk about in "off topic" and I promise people will jump in to help. I know I will!
I have four kids and a daycare and a husband and all that....totally know where you are coming from!
Figure out what YOU want and what works for YOUR family. That is the only way to get on the road to happiness. You dont want to spend your life living someone else's dream (your mom's dream of you doing daycare like she did). Just tell people "we tried this, its not working for us, we appreciate your support as we try to figure out what does work for us. thank you for everything you have done but we need to move on to some better options for our family at this time"
If you have to make it work for now, take only the kids you absolutely have to. Keep posting here about particular issues and we can help solve issues with the payments, hours, kids, etc, etc that you are having. There is a lot of experienced providers here that can help you! You can also post issues about motherhood or anything else you want to talk about in "off topic" and I promise people will jump in to help. I know I will!
I have four kids and a daycare and a husband and all that....totally know where you are coming from!
Happy Hearts 04:11 PM 11-29-2012
{{{ hug }}}
Meeko 04:49 PM 11-29-2012
Oh I just want give you a hug!
Lots of great advise in the above posts. Have you thought about other things you could do from home? I've heard medical transcripting can be a nice income from home.
Are you crafty? Maybe sell things on Ebay or Etsy?
It sounds like you are overwhelmed at the moment and something has to give. Sit down with your husband and go over everything that is bothering you. Show him your post here. He is your partner and if ever you need one ...it's now.
I wish I had some great, awesome solution for you....I don't. But I do have you in my prayers and hope you are able to work things out and feel better about life.
Lots of great advise in the above posts. Have you thought about other things you could do from home? I've heard medical transcripting can be a nice income from home.
Are you crafty? Maybe sell things on Ebay or Etsy?
It sounds like you are overwhelmed at the moment and something has to give. Sit down with your husband and go over everything that is bothering you. Show him your post here. He is your partner and if ever you need one ...it's now.
I wish I had some great, awesome solution for you....I don't. But I do have you in my prayers and hope you are able to work things out and feel better about life.
mom2many 05:07 PM 11-29-2012
Originally Posted by Meeko:
Oh I just want give you a hug!
Lots of great advise in the above posts. Have you thought about other things you could do from home? I've heard medical transcripting can be a nice income from home.
Are you crafty? Maybe sell things on Ebay or Etsy?
It sounds like you are overwhelmed at the moment and something has to give. Sit down with your husband and go over everything that is bothering you. Show him your post here. He is your partner and if ever you need one ...it's now.
I wish I had some great, awesome solution for you....I don't. But I do have you in my prayers and hope you are able to work things out and feel better about life.
Oh I just want give you a hug!
Lots of great advise in the above posts. Have you thought about other things you could do from home? I've heard medical transcripting can be a nice income from home.
Are you crafty? Maybe sell things on Ebay or Etsy?
It sounds like you are overwhelmed at the moment and something has to give. Sit down with your husband and go over everything that is bothering you. Show him your post here. He is your partner and if ever you need one ...it's now.
I wish I had some great, awesome solution for you....I don't. But I do have you in my prayers and hope you are able to work things out and feel better about life.
e.j. 05:20 PM 11-29-2012
Originally Posted by KMdcMom:
We live in a very nice suburban city where both of our parents live, which is great, but it means to afford our house there is no way I can stop working. My husband and I have already talked about moving to a more affordable location so I can be a sahm and concentrate on raising our son and taking care of the house and dog and family in general. That would make us so much happier. But I just feel like we will disappoint everyone, especially my mother ...
Do what feels right for you and your family. If you and your husband have talked this situation through and you both agree that moving will make your lives happier, healthier and more affordable then do it. Don't worry about disappointing "everyone", including your mother. If she is disappointed, she'll get over it. Even if she doesn't, all that matters is that you and your family are happier and your marriage remains strong. Good luck.We live in a very nice suburban city where both of our parents live, which is great, but it means to afford our house there is no way I can stop working. My husband and I have already talked about moving to a more affordable location so I can be a sahm and concentrate on raising our son and taking care of the house and dog and family in general. That would make us so much happier. But I just feel like we will disappoint everyone, especially my mother ...
KMdcMom 08:12 AM 11-30-2012
OP here. Sometimes I just have the most terrible days, but all of your encouraging words and advice are very helpful and made me feel so much better. I will definitely register on this sight. I can always talk to my husband and mom, but sometimes it's hard to share with them exactly how I am feeling without them just getting upset (and usually ends in some sort of fight) so it is definitely helpful to have some other people who know what I am going through. Thanks to all of you!
My3cents 11:08 AM 11-30-2012
your young, a young Mom. You probably have not had a chance to find out who you are yet.
I will say having a young child, it is nice to be able to stay home with your child and not have to send your child to daycare. Just because this worked out for your Mom doesn't mean it has to be your career. Find yourself. Your child is young enough that you still have time to do this. It will just be a bit harder then if you didn't have a child/family, but still doable.
The best advice I can give you is to do things for the right reasons and not because you feel someone else expects you to do it one way or another. Everyone has their own life to live and own choices to make. It is great to have advice and help but ultimately you should demand to be respected for how your choosing to live out your life. (unless your on a path to massive destruction) You may go through many things until you find the right fit for yourself. Give yourself a chance- especially being so young-
I wish you the best-
I will say having a young child, it is nice to be able to stay home with your child and not have to send your child to daycare. Just because this worked out for your Mom doesn't mean it has to be your career. Find yourself. Your child is young enough that you still have time to do this. It will just be a bit harder then if you didn't have a child/family, but still doable.
The best advice I can give you is to do things for the right reasons and not because you feel someone else expects you to do it one way or another. Everyone has their own life to live and own choices to make. It is great to have advice and help but ultimately you should demand to be respected for how your choosing to live out your life. (unless your on a path to massive destruction) You may go through many things until you find the right fit for yourself. Give yourself a chance- especially being so young-
I wish you the best-
melilley 02:15 PM 11-30-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
Your life will be amazing when you live by this rule: Dont live your life for anyone else. You cant continue doing daycare just to please your mom or those that helped you purchase the house.
Figure out what YOU want and what works for YOUR family. That is the only way to get on the road to happiness. You dont want to spend your life living someone else's dream (your mom's dream of you doing daycare like she did). Just tell people "we tried this, its not working for us, we appreciate your support as we try to figure out what does work for us. thank you for everything you have done but we need to move on to some better options for our family at this time"
If you have to make it work for now, take only the kids you absolutely have to. Keep posting here about particular issues and we can help solve issues with the payments, hours, kids, etc, etc that you are having. There is a lot of experienced providers here that can help you! You can also post issues about motherhood or anything else you want to talk about in "off topic" and I promise people will jump in to help. I know I will!
I have four kids and a daycare and a husband and all that....totally know where you are coming from!
Exactly! Don't listen to others and do what is best for you and your family! If mom gets mad or upset, oh well, she will get over it. It's not her life. The child care profession is not for everyone! I would be miserable sitting at a desk, just as miserable as you are now!Your life will be amazing when you live by this rule: Dont live your life for anyone else. You cant continue doing daycare just to please your mom or those that helped you purchase the house.
Figure out what YOU want and what works for YOUR family. That is the only way to get on the road to happiness. You dont want to spend your life living someone else's dream (your mom's dream of you doing daycare like she did). Just tell people "we tried this, its not working for us, we appreciate your support as we try to figure out what does work for us. thank you for everything you have done but we need to move on to some better options for our family at this time"
If you have to make it work for now, take only the kids you absolutely have to. Keep posting here about particular issues and we can help solve issues with the payments, hours, kids, etc, etc that you are having. There is a lot of experienced providers here that can help you! You can also post issues about motherhood or anything else you want to talk about in "off topic" and I promise people will jump in to help. I know I will!
I have four kids and a daycare and a husband and all that....totally know where you are coming from!
Heidi 03:03 PM 11-30-2012
Please, please talk to your doctor!!!! You could be suffering from post-partum depression!!!!!
Please rule that out before you make any life changing decisions or continue to live like this!
Please rule that out before you make any life changing decisions or continue to live like this!
Unregistered 11:31 AM 03-11-2015
I started tearing up as I read this because I feel exactly the same way. I quit my job when I was pregnant and started a home daycare so I could be home with my kids. I've been doing this for almost a year and I am so burnt out. As the days/weeks go on I find myself more and more unhappy with what i'm doing. This is harder than I ever imagined it would be and i'm so overwhelmed most days. I feel like a prisoner of my own house most days and I can't give my own kids the attention I would like to give them. Some days i'm so exhausted from going through the motions of diaper changes, naps, feeding, cleaning.....that I forget why I started this in the first place. My husband and I have decided to downsize financially so that I can afford to stay home with the kids without having to care for other kids. My advice to you is do whatever makes you happy. Your kids are only young for a very short time and you don't want to look back and think of how unhappy you were. So if you have to move into a house where you can afford to stay home - then do it!!! Best of luck!