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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>reward ideas
jenboo 07:54 AM 08-01-2014
I have a 2.5 yr old daycare boy. I have mentioned mentioned him before. He is very strong willed and very smart (street smart and a huge vocabulary) and very active! He is be far my must challenging child. At the same time, he can be very loving, sweet and helpful. It's a daily struggle with this DCB.
Here are some of his main offenses:
Completely ignores anything I say to him
Does things I have asked him not to do while staring me in the eyes
Laughs when he hurts someone or makes them cry.
Encourages other dck to break the rules
Yells "no" and "stop" at me
Yesterday he jumped over the baby
Yesterday he smeared his snack all over his arm (that's a new one)
Jumps off chairs
Constantly pushing other kids so he can have the toy they have......
That's just the beginning.
I nannied DCB from 6 months to 1.5 years then opened the daycare. He has always been very independent and strong willed. I know a lot of his family and he acts the same with all of them. Mom and dad don't let him get away with it but nothing they do phases him. He is much better when it's just him but still very determined to do what he wants.
I have tried praising him when he does something good, separating from the group (did this for a week and as soon as he got to play with everyone he went back to his old ways), redirecting and giving him choices to pick from. Oh and I've made him a helper. None of it has really helped at all. I don't want to term, I'm almost positive his behavior will be the same where ever he is.
I was thinking about trying some type of reward system but I'm not a huge fan of them and I don't really know what to try. I'm just getting tried of the constant battle with him all day long.
Here are some of his main offenses:
Completely ignores anything I say to him
Does things I have asked him not to do while staring me in the eyes
Laughs when he hurts someone or makes them cry.
Encourages other dck to break the rules
Yells "no" and "stop" at me
Yesterday he jumped over the baby
Yesterday he smeared his snack all over his arm (that's a new one)
Jumps off chairs
Constantly pushing other kids so he can have the toy they have......
That's just the beginning.
I nannied DCB from 6 months to 1.5 years then opened the daycare. He has always been very independent and strong willed. I know a lot of his family and he acts the same with all of them. Mom and dad don't let him get away with it but nothing they do phases him. He is much better when it's just him but still very determined to do what he wants.
I have tried praising him when he does something good, separating from the group (did this for a week and as soon as he got to play with everyone he went back to his old ways), redirecting and giving him choices to pick from. Oh and I've made him a helper. None of it has really helped at all. I don't want to term, I'm almost positive his behavior will be the same where ever he is.
I was thinking about trying some type of reward system but I'm not a huge fan of them and I don't really know what to try. I'm just getting tried of the constant battle with him all day long.
Indoorvoice 08:37 AM 08-01-2014
I used to do a progressive reward chart with the difficult ones in my classroom. I let them pick what they wanted to work for. I would have 3 smaller prizes and then one big prize. Small prizes were 30 minutes of computer time, 30 minutes of a favorite show, or 30 minutes of a favorite toy (I restricted use of the toy so they could only play with it if they earned it). Big prizes were things like me bringing in food from a favorite restaurant for lunch, a gift certificate to a store, or a new toy or game. Parents were often happy to supply these rewards and let me take the credit. I know a lot of people don't agree with food as rewards, but sometimes it is the only thing they will respond to. They would earn a sticker at the end of each day for following the rules. You might want to pick one behavior to work on and target that because it will be confusing to tackle them all at once and he won't be successful. At the end of the week, if they earned 4/5 stickers, they could cash in the prize they picked. At the end of the 4th week, if they earned 16/20 stickers they could get the big prize. I actually hate doing rewards for behaviors that are just expected, but sometimes certain kids just need an extra incentive.
Indoorvoice 08:42 AM 08-01-2014
I was just thinking about his age... At that age you might want to do that on a smaller scale because he won't be able to keep what you are expecting of him in his head that long. You could have him earn a prize in the morning and one in the afternoon before he goes home so it is fresher in his mind. The bigger prize could be at the end of the week.
Blackcat31 09:18 AM 08-01-2014
Originally Posted by jenboo:
I have a 2.5 yr old daycare boy. I have mentioned mentioned him before. He is very strong willed and very smart (street smart and a huge vocabulary) and very active! He is be far my must challenging child. At the same time, he can be very loving, sweet and helpful. It's a daily struggle with this DCB.
Here are some of his main offenses:
Completely ignores anything I say to him
I would have him repeat back to you what was said.
If necessary, get down on the floor, facing him, take his hands in yours and make direct eye contact with him and then speak.
Have him repeat back if necessary.
Does things I have asked him not to do while staring me in the eyes
Don't say anything, just immediately remove him from the area, group, activity or whatever and say FIRMLY "I said NO!"
Rinse and repeat when necessary. This behavior is purely for the thrill of pushing boundaries.
Laughs when he hurts someone or makes them cry.
Ignore if possible. While making sure to point out how nice it is that others are concerned. This demonstrates how to have empathy for others. This is a skill he is NOT familiar with at this age...yet.
Encourages other dck to break the rules
Immediate removal or time out from the group. If the other child actually did break the rules I would give them a free pass and do so in a way that this boy KNOWS that it was HIS actions that were unacceptable.
Yells "no" and "stop" at me
Ignore. If you can't then I would reply FIRMLY back to him "Do NOT speak to me like that".
Yesterday he jumped over the baby
Remove the baby from anywhere he can get
Yesterday he smeared his snack all over his arm (that's a new one)
The second he started displaying behaviors that are unacceptable to meal time, remove him from the table.
Jumps off chairs
Remove his privilege to be on the chairs unless you are sitting right next to him
Constantly pushing other kids so he can have the toy they have......
I would require him to be part of assisting the other child up and handing back the toy he snagged. I would then have him paly alone for a period of time. Once he is allowed back into the group of kids, rinse and repeat.
That's just the beginning.
I nannied DCB from 6 months to 1.5 years then opened the daycare. He has always been very independent and strong willed. I know a lot of his family and he acts the same with all of them. Mom and dad don't let him get away with it but nothing they do phases him. He is much better when it's just him but still very determined to do what he wants.
I have tried praising him when he does something good, separating from the group (did this for a week and as soon as he got to play with everyone he went back to his old ways), redirecting and giving him choices to pick from. Oh and I've made him a helper. None of it has really helped at all. I don't want to term, I'm almost positive his behavior will be the same where ever he is.
I was thinking about trying some type of reward system but I'm not a huge fan of them and I don't really know what to try. I'm just getting tried of the constant battle with him all day long.
I added comments in bold above. I have a 2.5 yr old daycare boy. I have mentioned mentioned him before. He is very strong willed and very smart (street smart and a huge vocabulary) and very active! He is be far my must challenging child. At the same time, he can be very loving, sweet and helpful. It's a daily struggle with this DCB.
Here are some of his main offenses:
Completely ignores anything I say to him
I would have him repeat back to you what was said.
If necessary, get down on the floor, facing him, take his hands in yours and make direct eye contact with him and then speak.
Have him repeat back if necessary.
Does things I have asked him not to do while staring me in the eyes
Don't say anything, just immediately remove him from the area, group, activity or whatever and say FIRMLY "I said NO!"
Rinse and repeat when necessary. This behavior is purely for the thrill of pushing boundaries.
Laughs when he hurts someone or makes them cry.
Ignore if possible. While making sure to point out how nice it is that others are concerned. This demonstrates how to have empathy for others. This is a skill he is NOT familiar with at this age...yet.
Encourages other dck to break the rules
Immediate removal or time out from the group. If the other child actually did break the rules I would give them a free pass and do so in a way that this boy KNOWS that it was HIS actions that were unacceptable.
Yells "no" and "stop" at me
Ignore. If you can't then I would reply FIRMLY back to him "Do NOT speak to me like that".
Yesterday he jumped over the baby
Remove the baby from anywhere he can get
Yesterday he smeared his snack all over his arm (that's a new one)
The second he started displaying behaviors that are unacceptable to meal time, remove him from the table.
Jumps off chairs
Remove his privilege to be on the chairs unless you are sitting right next to him
Constantly pushing other kids so he can have the toy they have......
I would require him to be part of assisting the other child up and handing back the toy he snagged. I would then have him paly alone for a period of time. Once he is allowed back into the group of kids, rinse and repeat.
That's just the beginning.
I nannied DCB from 6 months to 1.5 years then opened the daycare. He has always been very independent and strong willed. I know a lot of his family and he acts the same with all of them. Mom and dad don't let him get away with it but nothing they do phases him. He is much better when it's just him but still very determined to do what he wants.
I have tried praising him when he does something good, separating from the group (did this for a week and as soon as he got to play with everyone he went back to his old ways), redirecting and giving him choices to pick from. Oh and I've made him a helper. None of it has really helped at all. I don't want to term, I'm almost positive his behavior will be the same where ever he is.
I was thinking about trying some type of reward system but I'm not a huge fan of them and I don't really know what to try. I'm just getting tried of the constant battle with him all day long.
He sounds a lot like my son. With kiddos like that it requires LESS talking and MORE immediate action because a majority of his actions are based on his need for shock, action on your part and simply pleasure in "controlling" the environment around him.
As for rewards and consequences...my son did better with removal of privileges verses rewards for good behavior.
jenboo 09:59 AM 08-01-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I added comments in bold above.
He sounds a lot like my son. With kiddos like that it requires LESS talking and MORE immediate action because a majority of his actions are based on his need for shock, action on your part and simply pleasure in "controlling" the environment around him.
As for rewards and consequences...my son did better with removal of privileges verses rewards for good behavior.
Thanks BC! I'm literally doing everything you said. Ugh he is just so difficult. Grandma says dad was the exact same way when he was little. I just keep hoping he grows out of it.I added comments in bold above.
He sounds a lot like my son. With kiddos like that it requires LESS talking and MORE immediate action because a majority of his actions are based on his need for shock, action on your part and simply pleasure in "controlling" the environment around him.
As for rewards and consequences...my son did better with removal of privileges verses rewards for good behavior.
Blackcat31 10:10 AM 08-01-2014
Originally Posted by jenboo:
Thanks BC! I'm literally doing everything you said. Ugh he is just so difficult. Grandma says dad was the exact same way when he was little. I just keep hoping he grows out of it.
With firm boundaries, clear expectations and immediate consequences he will eventually out grow the behaviors. Thanks BC! I'm literally doing everything you said. Ugh he is just so difficult. Grandma says dad was the exact same way when he was little. I just keep hoping he grows out of it.
Well...at least my son finally did. I'm sure this little guy will too.
Most kids like that function better in an environment with simple rules and firm boundaries. It's almost like too much is stimulation overload and that creates chaos for them (well THEY create the chaos, I believe as a coping mechanism).
Anyways good luck. Just be patient and firm.
AmyKidsCo 11:46 AM 08-01-2014
Originally Posted by jenboo:
Completely ignores anything I say to him
I would have him repeat back to you what was said.
If necessary, get down on the floor, facing him, take his hands in yours and make direct eye contact with him and then speak.
Have him repeat back if necessary.
Agreed. I'd go to him and touch his shoulder to get his attention before saying anything.
Does things I have asked him not to do while staring me in the eyes
Don't say anything, just immediately remove him from the area, group, activity or whatever and say FIRMLY "I said NO!"
Rinse and repeat when necessary. This behavior is purely for the thrill of pushing boundaries.
Agreed about BC's boundary comment, and for the thrill of seeing how upset you'll get. The less excitement you provide the less he'll test.
Laughs when he hurts someone or makes them cry.
Ignore if possible. While making sure to point out how nice it is that others are concerned. This demonstrates how to have empathy for others. This is a skill he is NOT familiar with at this age...yet.
Agreed. Again, the more upset you get the more he'll do it to get a reaction out of you. I would remove him from the group though, and say "People are not for hurting. I will not let you hurt the other children."
Encourages other dck to break the rules
Immediate removal or time out from the group. If the other child actually did break the rules I would give them a free pass and do so in a way that this boy KNOWS that it was HIS actions that were unacceptable.
I'd give him a bored look and say "Nice try. ________ is too smart to do that." Then ignore him and give the other child/ren lots of attention to redirect them.
Yells "no" and "stop" at me
Ignore. If you can't then I would reply FIRMLY back to him "Do NOT speak to me like that".
Smile. (Ha, you can't upset me!) "Nice try." in a bored voice. Continue what you were doing as if he said nothing.
Yesterday he jumped over the baby
Remove the baby from anywhere he can get
Definitely!!
Yesterday he smeared his snack all over his arm (that's a new one)
The second he started displaying behaviors that are unacceptable to meal time, remove him from the table.
Personally I'd let him make as big a mess as he wanted. Then when he was done I'd hand him a washcloth to clean himself up with. If he asks for more snack I'd say "Oh, that's so sad... Your snack ended up all over your arm. That's OK - I'll bet your mama will make a good supper tonight." If he continues to ask for more I'd say "I'm sorry, but I only give seconds to children who eat their snacks." The less emotion the better.
Jumps off chairs
Remove his privilege to be on the chairs unless you are sitting right next to him
Agreed. (Although I allow the children to jump off the chairs. In the year since I started allowing it there have only been 2 falls and neither was serious. And I'm much more relaxed now that I'm not constantly trying to keep them from walking on/jumping off the chairs.
Constantly pushing other kids so he can have the toy they have......
I would require him to be part of assisting the other child up and handing back the toy he snagged. I would then have him paly alone for a period of time. Once he is allowed back into the group of kids, rinse and repeat.
Our rule is that whoever has an item can keep it as long as they want, so I'd give the toy back to the first child and say "No, John, Jane had it first. You can have a turn when she's done. After comforting "Jane" I'd ask, "Jane, John wants a turn with that - can you give it to him when you're done?"
The whole idea is to avoid letting him get you upset, or at least don't let him SEE how upset you're getting.
I don't totally agree with Blackcat for once... Or maybe this is the second time? Completely ignores anything I say to him
I would have him repeat back to you what was said.
If necessary, get down on the floor, facing him, take his hands in yours and make direct eye contact with him and then speak.
Have him repeat back if necessary.
Agreed. I'd go to him and touch his shoulder to get his attention before saying anything.
Does things I have asked him not to do while staring me in the eyes
Don't say anything, just immediately remove him from the area, group, activity or whatever and say FIRMLY "I said NO!"
Rinse and repeat when necessary. This behavior is purely for the thrill of pushing boundaries.
Agreed about BC's boundary comment, and for the thrill of seeing how upset you'll get. The less excitement you provide the less he'll test.
Laughs when he hurts someone or makes them cry.
Ignore if possible. While making sure to point out how nice it is that others are concerned. This demonstrates how to have empathy for others. This is a skill he is NOT familiar with at this age...yet.
Agreed. Again, the more upset you get the more he'll do it to get a reaction out of you. I would remove him from the group though, and say "People are not for hurting. I will not let you hurt the other children."
Encourages other dck to break the rules
Immediate removal or time out from the group. If the other child actually did break the rules I would give them a free pass and do so in a way that this boy KNOWS that it was HIS actions that were unacceptable.
I'd give him a bored look and say "Nice try. ________ is too smart to do that." Then ignore him and give the other child/ren lots of attention to redirect them.
Yells "no" and "stop" at me
Ignore. If you can't then I would reply FIRMLY back to him "Do NOT speak to me like that".
Smile. (Ha, you can't upset me!) "Nice try." in a bored voice. Continue what you were doing as if he said nothing.
Yesterday he jumped over the baby
Remove the baby from anywhere he can get
Definitely!!
Yesterday he smeared his snack all over his arm (that's a new one)
The second he started displaying behaviors that are unacceptable to meal time, remove him from the table.
Personally I'd let him make as big a mess as he wanted. Then when he was done I'd hand him a washcloth to clean himself up with. If he asks for more snack I'd say "Oh, that's so sad... Your snack ended up all over your arm. That's OK - I'll bet your mama will make a good supper tonight." If he continues to ask for more I'd say "I'm sorry, but I only give seconds to children who eat their snacks." The less emotion the better.
Jumps off chairs
Remove his privilege to be on the chairs unless you are sitting right next to him
Agreed. (Although I allow the children to jump off the chairs. In the year since I started allowing it there have only been 2 falls and neither was serious. And I'm much more relaxed now that I'm not constantly trying to keep them from walking on/jumping off the chairs.
Constantly pushing other kids so he can have the toy they have......
I would require him to be part of assisting the other child up and handing back the toy he snagged. I would then have him paly alone for a period of time. Once he is allowed back into the group of kids, rinse and repeat.
Our rule is that whoever has an item can keep it as long as they want, so I'd give the toy back to the first child and say "No, John, Jane had it first. You can have a turn when she's done. After comforting "Jane" I'd ask, "Jane, John wants a turn with that - can you give it to him when you're done?"
The whole idea is to avoid letting him get you upset, or at least don't let him SEE how upset you're getting.
I follow Love and Logic (http://www.loveandlogic.com), and one big strategy is to NOT get upset - "Don't water your weeds" - so I'd handle some things a little differently. My comments are in purple.