I have had a certain dcg for a little over a year now. She came to me at 5 yo, and has been an extremely picky eater from the very start. She will only eat certain brands of certain foods, with a certain type of packaging, etc. The rule in my daycare is -- I make what I make, and if you don't like it, you can wait for the next mealtime. Sometimes she will literally go an entire day without eating.

So fast-forward to now -- she is 6 and in school during the day. Her mom packs her lunch, which is usually full of junk -- chips, candy, cookies, cheez-its, etc. because that's all dcg will eat. Our elementary school feeds the kids breakfast in the classroom -- which is also junk! Sugary processed everything. What is happening now is dcg will ask me for breakfast here, then refuse to eat it, and eat the sugary processed crap they are giving her at school in the morning. It's really frustrating. This morning she asked for dinosaur-egg oatmeal, promised me she would eat all of it, then picked the little candy pieces out of it and wouldn't eat any more. I had her sit at the table until it was time to go to the bus, and she would not take one more bite.

I've spoken to her parents about this before, and they say she is just as bad at home. Her dad had cancer a couple years ago, and they say the really picky eating started then. I've suggested looking into some kind of food therapy for her, and they seemed receptive -- but so far nothing has been done. The thing is, I can tell that they cater to her demands and give her whatever she wants to eat at home. She eats chicken nuggets, mac & cheese or a hot dog for dinner every night, and every morning she comes in here with a Pop Tart. I'm fighting a losing battle here, because no matter what I say or suggest, her parents are letting her fill up on junk, so she won't eat at my house. I'm really tired of throwing expensive food in the garbage every meal! What I've resorted to is offering her the food (saying, "We are having _____; are you going to eat _______ with us, or no?"), and when she says no, I have her sit at the table with us for a bit and then I send her off to play when she starts being disruptive. Which is also frustrating, because it makes the other kids want to say, "I'm done!" after a few bites so THEY can go and play too. Ugh. I'm really at a loss here; I can't force a child to eat. Also frustrated at the school system for serving these kids junk every day!

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My house rule is the same - here's your food, eat it or don't, see you at the next meal. However, they need to keep their thoughts about their food to themselves, meaning no "this is gross" or the whole group joins in, and they must stay seated at the table until their friends are finished eating. If they can't do that they can go straight to their nap cot.
I too have had a couple of dcks who would go all day without eating a thing, and they are still alive and well. Like you said, we can't force them.

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Food costs the same whether it ends up in her tummy, or the garbage

I know its hard to watch parents make choices you don't agree with, but it can't be your battle.

Let it go. Offer her a healthy breakfast. Let her choose to not eat it. Its ok.

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Ditto. My worst offender is a 10.5 year old dcg. The 3.5 year old put her in her place one day when she was being particularly difficult and ever since then she has toned it down.

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I tell every family my "food rule" at enrollment. I will not make any child eat anything, but I won't make them something different and they will have to wait until the next scheduled time to eat. My worst offender is an 8 yr old. They eat out fast food nearly every night, and she will eat anything junk food. Just nothing that is real, home cooked food. I offer, she chooses if she eats or not.

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^^^This^^^

My dog is always thankful for picky eaters, he gets what they don't eat.

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