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  #1  
Old 04-11-2019, 05:33 AM
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Default If I Hear He Won't Let Me One More Time

I swear I'm gonna lose it. Mom of 19 month old constantly says first thing in the morning, he "wouldn't let me" change his pajama top into a regular shirt this morning. I mean he outweighed you or what? I said what do you mean he wouldn't let you? She says I get the shirt to where I'm taking it over his head and it turns into a 10 minute temper tantrum. I couldn't help it, I said well he knows that a 10 minute temper tantrum works and he gets his way. WTH never was anything like that a struggle with our kids. Now she thinks he is having night terrors because he's waking up 3 times a night crying. Well, possibly, but more probable that he knows when this happens they go in and rock him. I'm just tired of parents saying kids under the age of 18 "won't let them" do something lol
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:08 AM
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I hear you! I swear most of my dc parents are like this! BE THE PARENT people
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:16 AM
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I hear this all the time! One time a parent dropped off her son who wasn’t potty trained yet in underwear saying he wouldn’t let me put a pull up on him! Hadn’t even started potty training with me yet! I’ve had kids come in with their pjs on with parent saying the same thing. Maybe I should have a rule about this
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:16 AM
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I've just gotten to the point that any time I hear a parent say their kid won't let them I reply with something like;

"Well I am glad your child doesn't treat me that way. He/she listens very well here but I suppose that's expected as they spend so much time with me." Then I just smile big.

I am so over parents that are parents by definition rather than action.
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Old 04-11-2019, 06:31 AM
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I hear this all the time, too!

Mostly from one family. Her child has brought in kitchen utensils, an air pump, worn spurs, all because he wouldn't "let her" take those things away
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Old 04-11-2019, 08:45 AM
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Parenting is a verb.
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Old 04-11-2019, 10:12 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I've just gotten to the point that any time I hear a parent say their kid won't let them I reply with something like;

"Well I am glad your child doesn't treat me that way. He/she listens very well here but I suppose that's expected as they spend so much time with me." Then I just smile big.

I am so over parents that are parents by definition rather than action.
I say “I guess he/she saves the drama for their momma” and then I laugh
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Old 04-11-2019, 10:17 AM
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I hear this all the time, too!

Mostly from one family. Her child has brought in kitchen utensils, an air pump, worn spurs, all because he wouldn't "let her" take those things away
I had a set of twins whose mom let them have anything and everything, then they wouldn't let her take it away.
Dcm used to tell me they just *had* to sleep with chapstick tops at night time(they were maybe 18 mo at the time??!!)because they'd scream. Their older sister had a zillion teeny tiny toys that the girls would bring in and I'd have to confiscate them because they'd scream at mom or hide stuff in their hot little hands to slip by her. Choking hazards dcm?? It's really a miracle more little children don't choke.
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Old 04-11-2019, 11:07 AM
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Last week 7 month old arrived and had her jammies on. I honestly didn't even notice bc her jammies vs day clothes are very similar.

Until dcm opens her mouth. "She wouldn't let me take her jammies off this morning. There's an outfit in her bag for the day.

...I had no words. 7 months old. Ok then.

I was content to leave her in her jammies all day and if questioned by dcm at pick up the response would've been "she wouldn't let me take them off either." But the little booger had a diaper blow out an hour before pick up so I had to change her clothes.
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Old 04-11-2019, 11:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
I say “I guess he/she saves the drama for their momma” and then I laugh
I say something similar. I usually say "he saves it for you" I also said this morning, you think the struggle is bad now, wait until he's older.
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Old 04-11-2019, 11:13 AM
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I had a set of twins whose mom let them have anything and everything, then they wouldn't let her take it away.
Dcm used to tell me they just *had* to sleep with chapstick tops at night time(they were maybe 18 mo at the time??!!)because they'd scream. Their older sister had a zillion teeny tiny toys that the girls would bring in and I'd have to confiscate them because they'd scream at mom or hide stuff in their hot little hands to slip by her. Choking hazards dcm?? It's really a miracle more little children don't choke.
OMG people are crazy. Those twins are so lucky
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Old 04-11-2019, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by lovemykidstoo View Post
I say something similar. I usually say "he saves it for you" I also said this morning, you think the struggle is bad now, wait until he's older.
Let's hope that they're not saying it to the judge one day.

"I'm sorry, your honor. I tried to take the car keys away from him, but he wouldn't let me."

"I'm sorry, your honor. I tried to tell him to not play with guns, but he wouldn't listen."

etc

Grown ups need to be in charge! Kids don't have the brain power to make these kind of choices!

Yes, I totally give in to stuff that doesn't matter. But some of it does....
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Old 04-11-2019, 11:29 AM
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Originally Posted by BumbleBee View Post
Last week 7 month old arrived and had her jammies on. I honestly didn't even notice bc her jammies vs day clothes are very similar.

Until dcm opens her mouth. "She wouldn't let me take her jammies off this morning. There's an outfit in her bag for the day.

...I had no words. 7 months old. Ok then.

I was content to leave her in her jammies all day and if questioned by dcm at pick up the response would've been "she wouldn't let me take them off either." But the little booger had a diaper blow out an hour before pick up so I had to change her clothes.
I keep the kid in whatever they came in and just say the same thing...... "she wouldn't let me change her". Too bad you had the blow out but at least you had clothes to put her in.
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Old 04-11-2019, 11:53 AM
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I had a one year old come in with a half eaten waffle one morning. According to his father, "He insisted on bringing it with him!"
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Old 04-11-2019, 12:12 PM
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My mom did this with my son last week.
He's 3 and spent the night at her house. I sent a pull up for bed time but he "wouldn't let" her put it on.

Would you be surprised if I told you my 30 and 32 year old brothers still live with my mom?
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  #16  
Old 04-11-2019, 12:16 PM
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I also have a parent like this. Kid is 3 years old and wakes up at 2am most nights to have a "dance party" (not even kidding). And he is hungry for a snack at 3am. Mom wakes up for work at 5am so she is tired most days. Kid comes here in same clothes from the previous day because "he wouldn't let me change him". AYKM?!?! Never once has a daycare kiddo told me I couldn't change their clothes. Never once have they refused to nap because they wanted food or a dance party.
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Old 04-11-2019, 12:34 PM
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Originally Posted by happymom View Post
My mom did this with my son last week.
He's 3 and spent the night at her house. I sent a pull up for bed time but he "wouldn't let" her put it on.

Would you be surprised if I told you my 30 and 32 year old brothers still live with my mom?
Sorry but that made me chuckle a bit.

I have a cousin that her favorite line when her daughter was little said "pick your battles" OMG if I had a nickel for every time she said that. Well, her darling daughter is now 21 and has been smoking pot, dropped acid a few times, by the time she was 14. How'd that work out for her.
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Old 04-11-2019, 01:45 PM
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I also get the "she/he insisted" excuse too. Kids who "insist" on the chocolate cup cake in the car and come in COVERED in it....etc etc. Don't ya just love a two year old who "insists" and puts their 30 year old parents in their place?
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Old 04-11-2019, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by CountryRoads View Post
...has brought in kitchen utensils, an air pump, worn spurs, all because he wouldn't "let her" take those things away
Wait... "worn spurs" ???
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Old 04-11-2019, 02:09 PM
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I keep the kid in whatever they came in and just say the same thing...... "she wouldn't let me change her". Too bad you had the blow out but at least you had clothes to put her in.
Had she had the blowout earlier in the day I probably would have washed and dried her jammies then put them back on her...but I'm like that "sometimes."
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  #21  
Old 04-11-2019, 03:18 PM
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I have had a child for three years - SUPER well behaved here not so much for the parents (to the point they tried as hard as they could to get an Autism diagnosis for him to explain his behaviour ).
The number of times I have heard "He wouldn't let me ...", "I couldn't get him to do ...." it makes my head spin.

Then a few days back I'm telling another parent in this parents hearing about how my 19-year-old son (who is no longer under my roof and supports himself fully), has just bought himself a motorbike. The other parent pipes up with, "Oh there is no way I would let my son buy a motorbike. I would be telling him no and he would respect my decision". I honestly thought I was going to pass out as I was laughing so hard. I turned around and said to this parent that they can't get their 3-year-old to respect them but they think their child is magically going to do what they are told when they are 19.
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Old 04-11-2019, 04:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom View Post
My mom did this with my son last week.
He's 3 and spent the night at her house. I sent a pull up for bed time but he "wouldn't let" her put it on.

Would you be surprised if I told you my 30 and 32 year old brothers still live with my mom?
Ohhh, don't tell they still wear diapers.
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  #23  
Old 04-11-2019, 09:02 PM
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I have one little girl who is almost five that has been with me for about 2.75 years. I would say in that time she has come in her pjs I would guess 2-3 times because “she wouldn’t get dressed”. Child got here and immediately went to the bathroom when I told her to and put her clothes on. She has been having a rough few weeks lately. Mostly at 4K but spilling over to daycare a bit. Mom told me at pick up on Wednesday that she took her to 4K that morning in her underwear wrapped in a blanket because she “wouldn’t get her clothes on”. Uhm WHAT?!? She’s supposed to go to Kindergarten in the Fall. They better correct this sh*t pronto.
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Old 04-12-2019, 03:51 AM
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I keep the kid in whatever they came in and just say the same thing...... "she wouldn't let me change her". Too bad you had the blow out but at least you had clothes to put her in.
Same here. You send a kid in pj's they staying in pj's. You change their clothes the parents think they don't have to anymore.
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Old 04-12-2019, 01:19 PM
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Mom told me at pick up on Wednesday that she took her to 4K that morning in her underwear wrapped in a blanket because she “wouldn’t get her clothes on”.
Oh, my! I used to threaten my son with that on a regular basis when he was in grade school. (He was very hard to motivate in the morning.) Thank goodness I never had to follow through with it! lol
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Old 04-12-2019, 01:31 PM
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Mom told me at pick up on Wednesday that she took her to 4K that morning in her underwear wrapped in a blanket because she “wouldn’t get her clothes on”. Uhm WHAT?!? She’s supposed to go to Kindergarten in the Fall. They better correct this sh*t pronto.
I did that with my daughter once. She was always super-slow moving and I'd had it being late all the time so I sent her in pajamas with her clothes in a bag. She was so embarrassed it never happened again.

I was the same way - in High School I'd do everything before getting dressed because I knew my dad would make me go without makeup or hair done, but not in my PJs.
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Old 04-12-2019, 01:40 PM
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Understand.

I told dcm that she needed to practice saying the word no the other day.
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Old 04-13-2019, 02:07 PM
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I did that with my daughter once. She was always super-slow moving and I'd had it being late all the time so I sent her in pajamas with her clothes in a bag. She was so embarrassed it never happened again.

I was the same way - in High School I'd do everything before getting dressed because I knew my dad would make me go without makeup or hair done, but not in my PJs.
Bingo. Old enough to grasp consequences? Don't let them put the consequences on you. We're doing this with DD more often than we want to, but she can cry in embarrassment and change in the school bathroom or DH can be late to work. It's a Love and Logic school so they encourage this approach.

3yo DCK is spending part of our outdoor play time each day sitting miserably in the middle of the pavement barefoot because she wants people to put her shoes on for her, and I'm like, "We're not making everybody else wait for you to do it. We're going outside, and when your shoes are on you may ride a bike or play in the grass." It's a skill she almost has down, but she pretends she can't even start it, so she's not advancing the skill.
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Old 04-13-2019, 09:55 PM
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I had a foster son who would not let me get him dressed, he did not want to go to school that day. He was not going to get dressed, no way. Sat on his bedroom floor with his arms crossed. So I helped him get undressed, which he was cooperative with but not with getting redressed. If I put a arm in, he would take it out, the only thing I got on him that he didn't take off was his underwear. I took his hand, gathered his clothes and headed for the door. Picked him up and carried him outside. Half down our long private driveway, he asked to get dressed. I let him.
A week later he asked to do it again. Lol, I let him carry his socks and shoes to the bus stop. His sister was So very mad at me.
Another time he didn't want to go to school. He wouldn't allow me or the bus driver buckle him in. Once we finally did, He squirmed and squirmed until he got out of the five point harness, he couldn't get out past his shoes so he kicked them off. Honestly I didn't think that he was going to be able to get out. Bus driver said, if he won't stay in his seat he can't ride, so I had to take him off the bus.

Did I mention that he was only three?
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Old 04-14-2019, 04:07 AM
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Originally Posted by 284878 View Post
I had a foster son who would not let me get him dressed, he did not want to go to school that day. He was not going to get dressed, no way. Sat on his bedroom floor with his arms crossed. So I helped him get undressed, which he was cooperative with but not with getting redressed. If I put a arm in, he would take it out, the only thing I got on him that he didn't take off was his underwear. I took his hand, gathered his clothes and headed for the door. Picked him up and carried him outside. Half down our long private driveway, he asked to get dressed. I let him.
A week later he asked to do it again. Lol, I let him carry his socks and shoes to the bus stop. His sister was So very mad at me.
Another time he didn't want to go to school. He wouldn't allow me or the bus driver buckle him in. Once we finally did, He squirmed and squirmed until he got out of the five point harness, he couldn't get out past his shoes so he kicked them off. Honestly I didn't think that he was going to be able to get out. Bus driver said, if he won't stay in his seat he can't ride, so I had to take him off the bus.

Did I mention that he was only three?
Wow! what were the consequences for this type of behavior?
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Old 04-14-2019, 05:41 AM
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Wow! what were the consequences for this type of behavior?
From what I have read and heard from foster parents, children who have been through the kind of trauma that leads them into the foster system don't act out for the same reasons that typical children do, and don't process consequences in the way the typical children do. Unfortunately, typical discipline strategies can backfire with them. Obviously it varies case to case, but foster parents have to have a different playbook.
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Old 04-15-2019, 11:03 AM
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Wow! what were the consequences for this type of behavior?
Well, the next time I threaten to take him in his underwear he got dressed.

Not staying on the bus thing had to do with my niece (12), see she had missed the bus so she walked over so I could take her and was waiting in my car at the time. I was going to take her then go right to class. Instead, I was forced to call the daycare and see if I could drop him off in the morning. She let me. He thought I was going to "play" with my niece and was jealous. He tried this again when his other sister ( 8 ) moved in. Since they had been separated, she attended a different school. one morning her ride was running late so he thought we were going to "play" and I figured it out and explained that she was going to school too. He then got on the bus. (I would not have sent him to school but the previous foster family had him enrolled, I didn't reenroll him for the fall.)

One day he told me that he was no longer going to use the toilet and proceeded to wet himself in front of me, so I took his underwear away. He hated pull-ups. I told him that he could have them back when he decided to use the toilet again. Again his sister (12) was mad at me for this, she would help him change the pull-up and hide the wet one in the trash, then try to tell that he went on the potty so he could have his underwear back. When I didn't do as told, she got mad at me again.
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Old 04-15-2019, 01:48 PM
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Here's a new one for me.

A balloon. This 2 year old child brought in a blown-up balloon on a string, because according to mom "he wouldn't leave the house without it." I should've "accidentally" popped it, but it will be going right back to mom at pick-up.
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