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mia 10:30 AM 01-11-2016

What age should you be concerned or stop helping a child eat.

I have a little one who is 16 months old on the 19th of this month. This child is still on jar baby food, I have tried adult table foods will not eat, unless I finger feed it. Mom say child eats lots of table foods at home but she feeds the child the first bite by finger then says child eats rest by self, says child will not eat the baby food for them anymore. I have tried to get child to hold spoon and child has no interest or fine motor grip for holding it (child does have some fine motor skills).

This is a list of foods mom says child eats
-Bologna
-Cheese
-Sandwiches cut in quarters
-Toast
-Pasta / Spaghetti
-Pork Chops ( shredded when cut)
-Chicken (shredded when cut)
-Roast beef (shredded when cut)
-Bananas (not cut, likes it whole but you need to hold it)
-French Fries
(Does not like ketchup or anything with ketchup taste)

We had roast, mash potato, corn, carrots today and child sat for 20 mins not eating even after I had gave first bit, I ended up feeding child jar food.

Should I just keep feeding child the jar food, and feed child by my hand? Should I say something to mom and then hear (oh child is fine I'm not concerned older child was the same) etc...

Play Care 10:38 AM 01-11-2016

Are you on the food program? At one year they are on "table" food (maybe cut smaller?) I don't feed any child after 1, unless there is medical documentation of a feeding issue.
I'd be having mom take the the child to the doctor to rule out issues. Or have mom show you how the child eats...

childcaremom 10:39 AM 01-11-2016

Generally I assist with spoons but usually by 14-15 mos have handed over the reins, so to speak. I will continue to assist if needed but let them try first. I don't 'feed' them finger foods. if they are hungry, they will eat. Obviously I will assist a child who requires the assistance, but if there is nothing preventing a child from feeding themselves, then I will not help. It is a skill that they need to learn.

mommyneedsadayoff 10:42 AM 01-11-2016

I would not be feeding jar food. Food would be cut up and placed in front of child. They eat or don't, but it's not helping him learn how to do it on his own if we do it for them. I have an 18 month old who has been eating table food for 6-8 months by himself and is now becoming pretty good at using his spoon and fork, so imo, the little boy should be very capable of feeding himself. And of course, it is hard to know if the mom is lying or exaggerating his eating skills at home, but if she says he can do it there, then he can do it at your place too. Just give him the time and the opportunity to figure it out.

nannyde 10:44 AM 01-11-2016

Ask her to videotape him eating chicken, beef, pork chops, fresh fruit and vegetables and show it to you.

MunchkinWrangler 10:47 AM 01-11-2016

I would have to assume that you're not hearing the whole truth. Explain that may be that's happening at home but it's not happening in yours. Put forth the accommodations you are willing to make and see what mom says.

mia 11:01 AM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by Play Care:
Are you on the food program? At one year they are on "table" food (maybe cut smaller?) I don't feed any child after 1, unless there is medical documentation of a feeding issue.
I'd be having mom take the the child to the doctor to rule out issues. Or have mom show you how the child eats...

Not on a food program here. All the children I have cared for are always eating by them selves by 1 years of age. I would have to blend the food to cut it any smaller then what I already do lol...

mia 11:04 AM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by childcaremom:
Generally I assist with spoons but usually by 14-15 mos have handed over the reins, so to speak. I will continue to assist if needed but let them try first. I don't 'feed' them finger foods. if they are hungry, they will eat. Obviously I will assist a child who requires the assistance, but if there is nothing preventing a child from feeding themselves, then I will not help. It is a skill that they need to learn.

This is what I normally do as well, mind you most are already fully eating adult table foods by 1yrs, This child could sit there for over an 1hr if I let child. I just can't let child go any longer with out eating lunch knowing that child did not eat much or anything for morning snack.

mia 11:07 AM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by nannyde:
Ask her to videotape him eating chicken, beef, pork chops, fresh fruit and vegetables and show it to you.

Good idea, thanks... Just not sure mom would do that.. It took her a week to give me the list of foods and that still was not what I had asked for. I asked her to give me a full detailed list of foods that child eats amounts, name brands etc... The list above is what I got ( better then nothing I guess)..

Ariana 11:08 AM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by nannyde:
Ask her to videotape him eating chicken, beef, pork chops, fresh fruit and vegetables and show it to you.

Yep. It is simply not happening at home OR the child is too nervous to eat in your house (if she is new).

At 16 months I give forks or spoons to eat but my expectation is that they will eat with their hands mostly. I personally would stop feeding any jar food at this age and if mom says she is doing it at home then she should be doing it at your house. If the child chooses not to eat that is her choice.

mia 11:08 AM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
I would have to assume that you're not hearing the whole truth. Explain that may be that's happening at home but it's not happening in yours. Put forth the accommodations you are willing to make and see what mom says.

I would say the same that I don't get the full truth from this family on a lot of things.

mia 11:13 AM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by Ariana:
Yep. It is simply not happening at home OR the child is too nervous to eat in your house (if she is new).

At 16 months I give forks or spoons to eat but my expectation is that they will eat with their hands mostly. I personally would stop feeding any jar food at this age and if mom says she is doing it at home then she should be doing it at your house. If the child chooses not to eat that is her choice.

The child has been with me since 9month old now 16month on the 19th.

Thanks Ladies, you are all awesome.

TXhomedaycare 11:18 AM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
I would not be feeding jar food. Food would be cut up and placed in front of child. They eat or don't, but it's not helping him learn how to do it on his own if we do it for them. I have an 18 month old who has been eating table food for 6-8 months by himself and is now becoming pretty good at using his spoon and fork, so imo, the little boy should be very capable of feeding himself. And of course, it is hard to know if the mom is lying or exaggerating his eating skills at home, but if she says he can do it there, then he can do it at your place too. Just give him the time and the opportunity to figure it out.

If he is hungry he will figure it out

mommyneedsadayoff 11:27 AM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by mia:
Good idea, thanks... Just not sure mom would do that.. It took her a week to give me the list of foods and that still was not what I had asked for. I asked her to give me a full detailed list of foods that child eats amounts, name brands etc... The list above is what I got ( better then nothing I guess)..

Chances are this list doesn't contain the foods the child actually eats at home. These may be the foods they have offered and maybe the child took a taste, but I imagine the child reacts the same to them as he does the food at your house. And the parents respond by worrying about him being hungry and then out come the cheetos, chips, and snack foods he prefers. That age is not too young for them to understand and realize that if they hod out, they will get something "better". My little 18 month old is being fed oreos and cheetos and snickers at home (FB is good for a sneak peek into their home life

), so there are times when he refuses to eat, but it is not because he can't. It is because he doesn't want what is offered...he wants junk. And those are the days he doesn't eat much here

spedmommy4 11:51 AM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
Chances are this list doesn't contain the foods the child actually eats at home. These may be the foods they have offered and maybe the child took a taste, but I imagine the child reacts the same to them as he does the food at your house. And the parents respond by worrying about him being hungry and then out come the cheetos, chips, and snack foods he prefers. That age is not too young for them to understand and realize that if they hod out, they will get something "better". My little 18 month old is being fed oreos and cheetos and snickers at home (FB is good for a sneak peek into their home life), so there are times when he refuses to eat, but it is not because he can't. It is because he doesn't want what is offered...he wants junk. And those are the days he doesn't eat much here

Potentially, but this little one is so young I would keep feeding issues on the radar. (Based on the OP's description of what is going on)

I would not go a whole day allowing him to attempt it on his own if he is clearly not getting it. If your gut instinct is telling you motivation is a big issue here, you might try:

* take that list from dcm and include one of those items at each meal (the rest of the meal should be whatever you are feeding the rest of the kids)
* offer the first bite and then encourage him with words to eat on his own
* monitor for gagging. Any gagging and you should stop, tape it, and address it with mom. That's a huge red flag.
* if no gagging, offer the next meal. If he doesn't eat, that would also be concerning.

An OT gave a presentation to my class in grad school and said very young children (with genuine feeding issues) will starve themselves. If a 16 month old skipped multiple meals, rather than try solids, that would warrant a talk with the pediatrician.

mia 12:03 PM 01-11-2016

I know that they really like their timbits... mom seen's to give that to both children a lot in the morning on the way to my place...

mommyneedsadayoff 12:04 PM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
Potentially, but this little one is so young I would keep feeding issues on the radar. (Based on the OP's description of what is going on)

I would not go a whole day allowing him to attempt it on his own if he is clearly not getting it. If your gut instinct is telling you motivation is a big issue here, you might try:

* take that list from dcm and include one of those items at each meal (the rest of the meal should be whatever you are feeding the rest of the kids)
* offer the first bite and then encourage him with words to eat on his own
* monitor for gagging. Any gagging and you should stop, tape it, and address it with mom. That's a huge red flag.
* if no gagging, offer the next meal. If he doesn't eat, that would also be concerning.

An OT gave a presentation to my class in grad school and said very young children (with genuine feeding issues) will starve themselves. If a 16 month old skipped multiple meals, rather than try solids, that would warrant a talk with the pediatrician.

I definitely agree that if you feel there is a medical issue that could be causing it, a trip to the doc is in order, BUT, if mom is saying he eats on his own at home, then she is either flat out lying and he does not or she is lying about or leaving out he foods he actually eats on his own. (It seems to be pretty common for parents to use junk foods or sweet foods to entice their child to eat if they are not picking it up on their own.) She said they don't do baby food at home, so he is either eating the foods they give him or letting him starve, in which case I would be highly concerned. If he is actually not eating at all, I would expect weight loss and a lot of irritability from an empty stomach. If that is not present, then I would really question if what she says is happening at home is actually happening. Just to add that I have found it very common for parents to keep the bottle a lot longer, whether they put milk or formula in it, so it is also possible that he is filling up on liquids at home or being offered the bottle when he refuses solids.

mia 12:12 PM 01-11-2016

Yes this child will gag on almost everything.... even the jar foods and always has.... (seemed like child only wanted to swallow the foods instead of trying to chew the foods)... has gotten better at the chewing part, but will only chew if wants to (helded the meat / carrots in mouth today for almost 5 mins without chewing it.... will only drink warm milk from bottle sometimes sippy cup, mom says child only drinks from strawed cups at home and only gets bottle for bed...

mia 12:16 PM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:
I definitely agree that if you feel there is a medical issue that could be causing it, a trip to the doc is in order, BUT, if mom is saying he eats on his own at home, then she is either flat out lying and he does not or she is lying about or leaving out he foods he actually eats on his own. (It seems to be pretty common for parents to use junk foods or sweet foods to entice their child to eat if they are not picking it up on their own.) She said they don't do baby food at home, so he is either eating the foods they give him or letting him starve, in which case I would be highly concerned. If he is actually not eating at all, I would expect weight loss and a lot of irritability from an empty stomach. If that is not present, then I would really question if what she says is happening at home is actually happening. Just to add that I have found it very common for parents to keep the bottle a lot longer, whether they put milk or formula in it, so it is also possible that he is filling up on liquids at home or being offered the bottle when he refuses solids.

True... we have snack here around 9:00 am then lunch around 11:30 am afternoon snack around 3:30 pm, only gets liquids with meals and only at tables, (unless really thirsty then is allowed more but still only allowed at table)...

spedmommy4 12:56 PM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by mia:
Yes this child will gag on almost everything.... even the jar foods and always has.... (seemed like child only wanted to swallow the foods instead of trying to chew the foods)... has gotten better at the chewing part, but will only chew if wants to (helded the meat / carrots in mouth today for almost 5 mins without chewing it.... will only drink warm milk from bottle sometimes sippy cup, mom says child only drinks from strawed cups at home and only gets bottle for bed...

With gagging, the medical professionals usually need to be involved. The occupational therapists at my school district wouldn't work with a child who was gagging until the pediatrician had ruled out swallowing problems.

Ariana 01:02 PM 01-11-2016

Originally Posted by spedmommy4:
With gagging, the medical professionals usually need to be involved. The occupational therapists at my school district wouldn't work with a child who was gagging until the pediatrician had ruled out swallowing problems.

If the child is gagging on baby food and is starving themselves for days then yes I would also recommend a medical professional evaluate the child.

I have a child who was still overstuffing their mouth at 18 months, sometimes not swallowing and drooling excessively while eating. This child is now being evaluated for ASD. In this case the child is Hyposensitive to stimuli.

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