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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Pissed At My Assistant...Never Work With Family!
Christina72684 07:31 PM 10-20-2011
So my assistant is basically my sister-in-law (she's my husband's brother's girlfriend and they have a 2yr old together and been dating for 5 years). My mother (we co-own the DC) and I hired her 2 months ago and she works about 30 hours a week. She's a really good worker most of the time. She does text quite a bit, but we don't say anything bc she does just about all of the diaper changes and takes care of the 3 month old boy that can be a pain sometimes.

Well my mom needs to work less bc she has another PT job, and I am sick of working 6a-6p every day, so we decided to hire another person just a couple days a week, 5 hours a day. She said her cousin needed about that many hours, so we hired her. She's worked 4 days now, and 2 of those days my mom hasn't been here, so it's been the 3 of us. Both times (today was one of them) the two of them have slacked off, sat around talking, texted a lot, while I do the majority of the work. Today I was washing dishes and boiling bottles while one of them fed a 3 month old and the cousin held my 7 month old daughter, which never needs held bc she's very independent. The whole time they're laughing and goofing off while two of our 1yr olds kept coming in the kitchen bothering me. They both went outside to get the kids off the bus, even though I told them we don't even need to go out there, all we have to do is open the door and watch for them. They both smoke and instead of taking turns and one staying inside to help me, they both go out to the garage together.

I was slightly annoyed today and told my mom about it. She knows what I'm talking about from what she's seen, but they act a little better when my mom's around. What really set me over the edge tonight was when my husband told me that his sister texted him today wondering why I'm talking bad about her. He asked how she knew that and she said my assistant told her. Apparently today while I was feeding all the kids and she was rocking a kid, which was unneeded, they were texting each other and she was ratting me out. I've made a few little comments here and there about my sister-in-law, but never thought that my assistant would go and tell her. My husband says I can't do anything about it b/c he wasn't supposed to say anything, but really if I do anything at all I can always go back on the way they were slacking off today instead of just what she did.

Sorry if this is completely confusing and basically pointless, but I have NO ONE else to vent to and am really upset/hurt/pissed off. I should have known better because this is the SECOND time she's done it to me. Tomorrow I'm not gonna work hardly at all, and told them that we don't need the cousin to work, it'll be just my mom and my sort-of sister-in-law. I don't know if I want the cousin to work anymore at all really.

It's stressful enough owning and running a business with my mom, I guess I should have known better than to hire other "relatives".
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sharlan 07:45 PM 10-20-2011
First of all, DON'T talk crap about anybody. It will always come back to bite you.

Have a talk with both girls and set down some basic rules. They are being paid to do a job, not sit around chit chatting and going into the garage to smoke.

I would not allow them to smoke during daycare hours. Most parents prefer that their little ones not smell like a cigarette.
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dave4him 07:53 PM 10-20-2011
Wish i could find a sticker that says this is a non smoking enviroment...
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Christina72684 08:16 PM 10-20-2011
I have them wear a jacket or different shirt and take it off when they're done. Then they have to spray body wash before coming inside. I personally HATE the smell of any type of cigarette and it sucks that the 3 other people who work here all smoke.
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sharlan 08:35 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
Wish i could find a sticker that says this is a non smoking enviroment...
Go to a restaurant supply store. They have a ton of signs.
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MsMe 08:41 PM 10-20-2011
Originally Posted by Christina72684:
So my assistant is basically my sister-in-law (she's my husband's brother's girlfriend and they have a 2yr old together and been dating for 5 years). My mother (we co-own the DC) and I hired her 2 months ago and she works about 30 hours a week. She's a really good worker most of the time. She does text quite a bit, but we don't say anything bc she does just about all of the diaper changes and takes care of the 3 month old boy that can be a pain sometimes.

Well my mom needs to work less bc she has another PT job, and I am sick of working 6a-6p every day, so we decided to hire another person just a couple days a week, 5 hours a day. She said her cousin needed about that many hours, so we hired her. She's worked 4 days now, and 2 of those days my mom hasn't been here, so it's been the 3 of us. Both times (today was one of them) the two of them have slacked off, sat around talking, texted a lot, while I do the majority of the work. Today I was washing dishes and boiling bottles while one of them fed a 3 month old and the cousin held my 7 month old daughter, which never needs held bc she's very independent. The whole time they're laughing and goofing off while two of our 1yr olds kept coming in the kitchen bothering me. They both went outside to get the kids off the bus, even though I told them we don't even need to go out there, all we have to do is open the door and watch for them. They both smoke and instead of taking turns and one staying inside to help me, they both go out to the garage together.

I was slightly annoyed today and told my mom about it. She knows what I'm talking about from what she's seen, but they act a little better when my mom's around. What really set me over the edge tonight was when my husband told me that his sister texted him today wondering why I'm talking bad about her. He asked how she knew that and she said my assistant told her. Apparently today while I was feeding all the kids and she was rocking a kid, which was unneeded, they were texting each other and she was ratting me out. I've made a few little comments here and there about my sister-in-law, but never thought that my assistant would go and tell her. My husband says I can't do anything about it b/c he wasn't supposed to say anything, but really if I do anything at all I can always go back on the way they were slacking off today instead of just what she did.

Sorry if this is completely confusing and basically pointless, but I have NO ONE else to vent to and am really upset/hurt/pissed off. I should have known better because this is the SECOND time she's done it to me. Tomorrow I'm not gonna work hardly at all, and told them that we don't need the cousin to work, it'll be just my mom and my sort-of sister-in-law. I don't know if I want the cousin to work anymore at all really.

It's stressful enough owning and running a business with my mom, I guess I should have known better than to hire other "relatives".
I can't even manage my own situation so I can't offer any advice, but please try to talk with everyone and try to get it under control soon so it doesn't snowball like mine situation has.

Other than that I offer you hugs and I hope it all works out for you!!
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Crystal 08:42 PM 10-20-2011
You need to LEAD them. You need to set clear expectations for behavior, job description and duties, you need to model appropriate behavior and speak up when they "slack-off". You employ them. Do something about it.

It really is setting up a hostile environment and that can't be good for ANYONE....especially the CHILDREN.

Do it tomorrow.
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Cat Herder 06:43 AM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by dave4him:
Wish i could find a sticker that says this is a non smoking enviroment...
All the office supplies stores sell them as well.

I am REQUIRED to have one posted on my front door. It is a misdemeanor to allow smoking on Childcare premises.


I posted "No Soliciting"....just for me.

My Mom gave me one that said "All unattended children will be given an espresso and free puppy" to minimize dawdling on the lawn at pickup (don't know why they let them throw gravel?).



OP, Toxic environments effect everyone. I think you KNOW you need to get this under control YESTERDAY.
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melskids 06:53 AM 10-21-2011
my mom and my sister worked for me one summer, and i only have two words to say about that...

NEVER AGAIN!

Mom sat under the tree chatting with the neighbors all summer, ignoring the kids, and my sister was just as immature as the 3 year olds. I spent the summer yelling at her half the time.

I finally had to tell them, nicely, what I expected from them, and they could take it or leave it.

Mom understood, but my sister never worked for me again...which was fine by me.

I suggest writing up some sort of job expectation sheet, and having a meeting with everyone to go over it in detail.

I also had a daily checklist everyone (including me) had to check off when each item was accomplished. It was the only way to stay on top of them to get everything done.
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nannyde 06:55 AM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
You need to LEAD them. You need to set clear expectations for behavior, job description and duties, you need to model appropriate behavior and speak up when they "slack-off". You employ them. Do something about it.

It really is setting up a hostile environment and that can't be good for ANYONE....especially the CHILDREN.

Do it tomorrow.
My work here is done.

Cept I will say take their cell phones AWAY FROM THEM and S-E-P-E-R-A-T-E them as much as possible.

I've tried two assistants at the same time with the same group and I haven't been able to manage it. They spend too much energy on what they don't have to do then on what they do have to do. For me it's easier to have ONE who has to do everything.

Once they undertand they have to do everything then the next chore is getting them to do it in a good fast amount of time.

The "holding" the baby that didn't need to be held is a VERY common stall and least possible amount of work the person can find at the moment. In many years of having a helper I've ran into it over a hundred times. In nearly a year of watching center workers on camera I've seen it hundreds of times. The assistant thinks they are the first to think of it
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Unregistered 07:08 AM 10-21-2011
have a sit down an put it all out there.......


write out expectations and duties and leave room to add to this.

Do a six month review- again explaining what you need.

Explain to them.......they are not needed, they are wanted.

Encourage team work- we all work together for the good of a whole.

All you need is one bad apple to set out a reputation for your place.

Do little things that show you care as a boss and appreciate your employees.

Explain work is different then a social setting or family setting. When we are working, we are working, when we are not working- it's different and we do not mix the two.

If everything is clear to everyone, and everyone knows what their place is, it helps to make a smooth working atmosphere

no smoking so many feet from your facility (most state laws), and no two breaks at one time, unless you clear that.

You need to let them know who is in charge, who the boss is, and if they can't comply they will be replaced, family or not. Absolutely no dissing one another, because it takes a good team to make this place run smooth-

Address issues now, don't let them fester
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Unregistered 07:15 AM 10-21-2011
boiling bottles


just curious but why are you doing this? I wash mine thouroughly with hot soapy water and rinse them well with hot water.

When my sippy cups get gunked, I soak them in bleach and then wash and rinse well.

Old School?
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Preschool/daycare teacher 07:27 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
My work here is done.

Cept I will say take their cell phones AWAY FROM THEM and S-E-P-E-R-A-T-E them as much as possible.

I've tried two assistants at the same time with the same group and I haven't been able to manage it. They spend too much energy on what they don't have to do then on what they do have to do. For me it's easier to have ONE who has to do everything.

Once they undertand they have to do everything then the next chore is getting them to do it in a good fast amount of time.

The "holding" the baby that didn't need to be held is a VERY common stall and least possible amount of work the person can find at the moment. In many years of having a helper I've ran into it over a hundred times. In nearly a year of watching center workers on camera I've seen it hundreds of times. The assistant thinks they are the first to think of it
Sitting in a chair reading to one child on their lap, while 10 other children are left for the other person to care for, is another great stall. Even better when it's their own child they are reading to (any parent coming in thinks "oh how sweet. She's reading to the children" ) Seen that too many times with any subs that have come in to "help" when the owner can't be here. Or re-organizing an already organized kitchen
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Tags:assistant, venting
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