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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Huge Vent Coming Up...........You Still Have Time To Walk Away
seebachers 05:55 AM 02-03-2012
Huge vent coming up...........you still have time to walk away


I have a family that arrives at 6:10 - 6:20 in the morning and they get picked up between 5:45 - 6:00 p.m. They are here 4 days a week and never on Fridays. The baby is here all day and the SA is here until she gets on the bus at 8:10 and then gets off the bus at 4:05p and stays until mom picks up both. I charge 148 a week for the both of them (25 a day for the infant and $3 an hour for the SA). When I orginally agreed to take them, it was only for after school for the SA. Then by interview time, she wanted the SA to come here before and after school - leaving the infant in the center she was at. I had no clue that it was going to be 12 hour days when I quoted her a price for the school ager (she was only to be after school for 2 hours). After three weeks in, she decided she no longer liked the center, wanted both of her girls here and i was stuck with the 25 a day for infant, 12 a day for SA.

I was fine with the price (not ecstatic mind you, but fine) until her truck breaks down. She has no one to come get the kids, so I have to take my son, her two girls and go pick her up 40 minutes away. By the time that I finally drop them off at home, we are 20 min late for my son's boyscouts, I had the girls for almost 14 hours and used a ton of my gas. Nope....no extra pay in my paycheck.

Another time, mom gets a migraine at work, cant drive, throwing up......have to wait for her "friend" that lives an hour and a half a way to come pick up her kids. Needless to say another 14 hour day

She comes to drop off her kids at O dark thirty, she has a flat tire on her borrowed truck (she never went back to get her minivan and left it to get towed). All the while I have to hear "I am going to get fired". So I let her borrow my car to go to work in. Meanwhile, hers sits in my driveway all day blocking other parents so that they have to park at the end of driveway and walk kids up in a snowstorm. Calls her "friend" to try and get it fixed. Tow truck can't take it cuz she took the keys with her. Tow truck driver comes at nap time, banging on my door, causing the dog to go ballastic and wakes up the whole house. Not a thing I can do....not my vehicle. So he leaves. "Friend" drives all the way back here with a new rim and tire and tries to fix it in a snow storm. (Lots of plumber's crack going on I might say).

She finally comes back with my car at 6:50p (and I am a stressed out mess cuz I hated giving her my car). She is super late cuz of the snow storm. I did however get an extra 30 for use of the car. So I am appreciative of that, but did have your kids nearly 13 hours.

This family has only been here since September! The infant girl is very high maintenance (can not leave the room without her screeching) and the 9 year old = well lets just say thank goodness she goes to school. Extremely bossy, likes to controll all situations and tries to get the little ones in trouble to see it all play out like a movie. The mom is getting a divorce and I feel like I need to help her all the time. I remember what it was like being a single mom and having to do it all so I guess I give her a lot of leeway.

If I could find one more full time child that fit into our little scene here, I think I would term the both of them. It has been way more work than fun with this family. I do love my job, but the fridays when they are not here and I only have 3 full timers and my one drop in - it is almost like having a vacation day.

Thanks for listening......it was just weighing so heavily on me and I needed to get it all out. I really don't like complaining about this, but it has been sooooo stressful. Then I feel bad, when I do complain because then I feel like I am a bad person for not wanting to help. Can't win, I guess.
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sharlan 06:06 AM 02-03-2012
Stop letting her problems become your problems.
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godiva83 06:08 AM 02-03-2012
You are a very kind soul for helping her like you are! I say, don't expect to be rewarded for your efforts as that seems to be not her thing.
If it is weighing to heavily on you, stop doing the 'extras' as in keeping them for 14 hours, driving them home, borrowing your car.... She the DCM has begun to think the 'extras' are not 'extras' and are par for the course.

I would also have her sign a new contract as her position has changed, and increase her rates to what your normal rate.
You are in charge of your happiness, do what's needed to make you happy! If that is term, term.

All the best in your decisions
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Unregistered 06:17 AM 02-03-2012
Even the DCM that I love and have had for 2.5 yrs, would never ask to borrow the car, and I would not even suggest it! If I could I'd offer a ride, but I would make it plain that she would have to find a way back, or it would only be for a few days.

What would happen if she got into an accident in your car? even if it was not her fault? Ugjh, I'd be mad, and wouldn't be able to look at her!

I think you need to set some ground rules and deadlines with her. If you help her out, or watch her kids longer you need to be compensated. Tell her you are sorry to hear that she is having troubles but they are interferring with your personal life and your business and if she wants you to keep doing what you are doing it's going to cost her.

or term.
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AfterSchoolMom 06:56 AM 02-03-2012
Yes! STOP doing anything extra for her without fees attached to it, and I guarantee she'll magically find a way around all of these problems that she's been having.

Do an addendum to your contract that you're charging extra fees for ANY overtime that the girls are there, regardless of reason. Require her to sign it to continue care. Make it worth your while.
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KEG123 09:02 AM 02-03-2012
I am shocked you'd let her borrow your car. Close friends and family do not even borrow my car. (Not like they'd ask) but wow. That is nuts IMO!

I have to say that I'd stop doing favors all together. Send a note home saying the 25$ is for care under 10 hours per day. All extra hours are X amount per hour. Make sure she signs it, put it in her file. If she doesn't like it, she finds care somewhere else.
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TBird 09:21 AM 02-03-2012
Originally Posted by AfterSchoolMom:
Yes! STOP doing anything extra for her without fees attached to it, and I guarantee she'll magically find a way around all of these problems that she's been having.
AMEN SISTER!!! You're making having problems not so problematic for her. Attach fees to everything, but if I were you I wouldn't do any of it. You're responsible for the BABY during your business hours. Outside of that, SHE is responsible for her life, her life incidences, AND her life choices....just like you're responsible for yours. Don't be an enabler my friend...she'll only start to take advantage and in the long run...you're not doing her any favors.
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cheerfuldom 10:05 AM 02-03-2012
why do they not have reliable backups to pick up the kids on time? I insist on each family having two backups. These kids are getting picked up by someone. keep advertising to replace this family!
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MNMum 10:33 AM 02-03-2012
It is really hard to separate business and friendship. I think that most people who do daycare are naturally very giving of themselves and desire to help people. Also, if you have helped out in this way in the past...they come to expect this from you. When I originally started doing daycare, I wanted to help families to make their lives easier. I have worked outside of the home part-time since I had my daughter 9 years ago. I am learning very slowly that this is a business and I need to run it that way.

If it is going to bother me to do it, it needs a price tag. For example, I had a family this week that the parents were going on vacation and gma and a paid babysitter were watching the kids. Mom emails asking how much it would be to have the child here an hour later,...oh and she'll need to drop him off 45 min earlier, too(apparently she thought that piece would be free). Now..she did me a favor doing it over email, I had a few hours to think before I replied. This would be an inconvenience to me and my family, but it was something I could make work. I told her the price and gave her the option to pay me to help her out, or find someone else willing to take care of her needs. Her vacation is not my problem.

I would stop allowing her to use you for free. What business would do extra work (2 hours extra on multiple occasions!) and not charge you for it? Would you expect your mechanic to add in something free, because he found out about it while fixing the other problem? No, he would call, explain the problem and you would then have to pay for the extra time and parts. Maybe this mother needs it explained in this way.

Kuddos to you for being a good person and wanting to help others, but don't let them take advantage of you in the process.
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busymommy0420 11:41 AM 02-03-2012
My policy is there is a $15.00 late pick up fee for every 30 minutes until the child is picked up. I don't care if there is a blizzard, a flat tire or if George Clooney comes over.My policy is my policy! My parents Know it! I have some children for 10 straight hours...I CLOSE AT 6:00PM!!! I need time to see my older children, make dinner & use the bathroom without the door cracked open. Once you let them be late once without a fee, they will take advantage.

If I worked a regular 9-5 and punched out at 7pm because I had extra work I would get overtime...why is a daycare any different?
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My3cents 11:58 AM 02-03-2012
Originally Posted by seebachers:
Huge vent coming up...........you still have time to walk away


I have a family that arrives at 6:10 - 6:20 in the morning and they get picked up between 5:45 - 6:00 p.m. They are here 4 days a week and never on Fridays. The baby is here all day and the SA is here until she gets on the bus at 8:10 and then gets off the bus at 4:05p and stays until mom picks up both. I charge 148 a week for the both of them (25 a day for the infant and $3 an hour for the SA). When I orginally agreed to take them, it was only for after school for the SA. Then by interview time, she wanted the SA to come here before and after school - leaving the infant in the center she was at. I had no clue that it was going to be 12 hour days when I quoted her a price for the school ager (she was only to be after school for 2 hours). After three weeks in, she decided she no longer liked the center, wanted both of her girls here and i was stuck with the 25 a day for infant, 12 a day for SA.

I was fine with the price (not ecstatic mind you, but fine) until her truck breaks down. She has no one to come get the kids, so I have to take my son, her two girls and go pick her up 40 minutes away. By the time that I finally drop them off at home, we are 20 min late for my son's boyscouts, I had the girls for almost 14 hours and used a ton of my gas. Nope....no extra pay in my paycheck.

Another time, mom gets a migraine at work, cant drive, throwing up......have to wait for her "friend" that lives an hour and a half a way to come pick up her kids. Needless to say another 14 hour day

She comes to drop off her kids at O dark thirty, she has a flat tire on her borrowed truck (she never went back to get her minivan and left it to get towed). All the while I have to hear "I am going to get fired". So I let her borrow my car to go to work in. Meanwhile, hers sits in my driveway all day blocking other parents so that they have to park at the end of driveway and walk kids up in a snowstorm. Calls her "friend" to try and get it fixed. Tow truck can't take it cuz she took the keys with her. Tow truck driver comes at nap time, banging on my door, causing the dog to go ballastic and wakes up the whole house. Not a thing I can do....not my vehicle. So he leaves. "Friend" drives all the way back here with a new rim and tire and tries to fix it in a snow storm. (Lots of plumber's crack going on I might say).

She finally comes back with my car at 6:50p (and I am a stressed out mess cuz I hated giving her my car). She is super late cuz of the snow storm. I did however get an extra 30 for use of the car. So I am appreciative of that, but did have your kids nearly 13 hours.

This family has only been here since September! The infant girl is very high maintenance (can not leave the room without her screeching) and the 9 year old = well lets just say thank goodness she goes to school. Extremely bossy, likes to controll all situations and tries to get the little ones in trouble to see it all play out like a movie. The mom is getting a divorce and I feel like I need to help her all the time. I remember what it was like being a single mom and having to do it all so I guess I give her a lot of leeway.

If I could find one more full time child that fit into our little scene here, I think I would term the both of them. It has been way more work than fun with this family. I do love my job, but the fridays when they are not here and I only have 3 full timers and my one drop in - it is almost like having a vacation day.

Thanks for listening......it was just weighing so heavily on me and I needed to get it all out. I really don't like complaining about this, but it has been sooooo stressful. Then I feel bad, when I do complain because then I feel like I am a bad person for not wanting to help. Can't win, I guess.
Wow, everyone gave you great advice. Listen to it. Do you have a policy, hand, rule book? If not, first thing you want to do. Be professional and don't mix bus, with friendship or whatever you want to call it ( I see it as you, being used) It is one thing to help- but you are enabling her. It will catch up with you, you will crack and you will be out of daycare in no time if you keep up at this rate. We see it all the time.

Don't be afraid to tick someone off by standing up for yourself and your family.

I think your taking too much advice from our goverment- helping someone is one thing, enabling them is another. Welfare used to be a helping hand up, now its a way of life- not right!!!

Get it together and put your compassion to help others in better places, I see your coming from a good place, but I also see someone is using the crapola out of you and your going to end up resenting this if your not already there.

Start by telling this women on Monday, that you have to really come down on your daycare rules, and run your business more professional and for now on late fees apply to anything over- revamp, redo and don't look back. IF it doesn't work out for this women, it will for someone else who appreciates you

Great advice co-workers
Best-
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saved4always 12:12 PM 02-03-2012
Originally Posted by sharlan:
Stop letting her problems become your problems.
This is exactly what I was thinking the whole time I was reading your post. These are not your problems. I would never have let her leave her kids that long and especially not for that dirt cheap price (what does it come to, like $3 an hour?!). Especially a baby...I would never take a high maintenance baby for that many hours a day. Actually, I would never take any age kids for that many hours. I would not agree to drive to get her 40 minutes away and I would not have my child miss an extracuricular because of a parents car problem. And I would definitely never offer one of my parents the use of my car especially when there was a snowstorm coming.

It sounds like you feel bad for her and want to help but this seems to be way over-stressing you. That is not good for you or your family. Doesn't she have anyone closer to her than her childcare provider to help her??!!! I know you want to help her and feel for her, but I think the best thing would be for you to term her and her problems.
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saved4always 12:25 PM 02-03-2012
Wow..I read everyone else's posts after I wrote my reply and I am obviously very quick to term compared to most...lol. I don't put up with anything that makes my life harder when it comes to my business but I am fortunate in that I don't "have to" do this if I don't want to. My husband would really prefer if I didn't. I know most other providers cannot term as quickly as I may choose to so probably a better option is to refuse to do any of the favors anymore and charge for any extra time you have the kids regardless of the reason as all the other wonderful providers here suggested. And, of course, put it in writing and make her sign it.

Oh..and I would add, if you still have her kids and need to be somewhere with your own kids after hours, tell her they will have to come with you and she will need to pick them up at the activity. And, of course, she will have to pay overtime right up to when she gets her kids then, too. And I would make it really expensive.
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bunnyslippers 01:08 PM 02-03-2012
Are you new to child care? My first year, I tried to help my families as much as possible, and found myself agreeing to things that I did not want to do. After that first year, I figured out that I needed to have very specific, clear rules for the families. People will take advantage if you let them, and you are letting her take advantage. Saying no is difficult initially, but it starts to feel really good when you gain control back of your own world. It is just your job, not your life. Your family and your children need to come first.
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Tags:enforcing policies - consistency, provider - burnout risk, venting
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