Is this Normal?

[BumbleBee]

Dcb age 5 (almost 6) will scream "I hate my life" and "I want to die" when being disciplined.

I suspect he said those things the first time and got a reaction somewhere so uses it as a means to an end (getting out of 'trouble,' shifting the focus, etc.)

But there's a side of me that wonders if this isn't just anger/frustration/manipulation.

He doesn't do this every time, generally when he's really ticked off about being disciplined. Other things he screams are:

"I'm never coming back to your house ever again"
"You are the worst babysitter ever"
"I'm never using your stupid toys ever again"
"Stupid house, stupid rules, stupid babies, stupid toys, etc."

anyone see this type of behavior at this age? Is it normal?

[Michael]

My first question would be to ask the parents about his behavior. Does he do this at home?

[BumbleBee]

Originally Posted by Michael

My first question would be to ask the parents about his behavior. Does he do this at home?

Yes he does.

[Blackcat31]

I’ve had one kid like that. 6 yr old boy.
Turned out the parent was EXACTLY like that too...
Wouldn’t have had a clue until grandma shared an accidental butt dialed call that recorded the parents fighting and mom saying she was stupid, worthless and should just kill herself every time dad tried to reason with her.
Could he be imitatating a parent?
Sad when kids say stuff like that.
Authentic feelings or learned behavior it’s sad either way.

[Josiegirl]

I was thinking along the lines of BC, that he'd heard it someplace. I cannot imagine a 5-6 yo coming up with that on their own. Older sibling maybe? I get the 'stupid baby, stupid rules' kind of stuff. Or I hate this house, etc. But to say I hate my life, just want to die...those sound like phrases he's copied from someone else.
What are his parents' responses at home?

[Josiegirl]

To answer your question 'is it normal', being frustrated and angry, expressing their feelings, to me, that's all normal. Not nice or fun to hear and until kids learn some self control they're going to be brutally honest. They're not getting their way and they're downright pi$$ed about it. But it'd be the I hate my life, I want to die that isn't normal. But then if it's something he's been exposed to, to him it's normal.
We really have no clue what goes on behind closed doors.

[BumbleBee]

Good point. He could've heard it somewhere and is repeating it. Just like if any of the kids here pick it up from him.

It does bother me and while I don't give it any verbal attention I wouldn't doubt I'm showing how uncomfortable it makes me when he does it.

[BumbleBee]

Parent responses at home I'm not sure. I know what the parents say they do but actions have shown differently, kwim?

Mom is pretty nonchalant about it, doesn't react. Dad gets upset, not yelling upset but it strikes a nerve and hurts his heart. He says he ignores but what I've seen is a lot of coddling and make it better type response. He really struggles when his kids are upset and will do a lot to make it better.

[BumbleBee]

Side note, I love the tags on this thread

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by BumbleBee

Parent responses at home I'm not sure. I know what the parents say they do but actions have shown differently, kwim?

Mom is pretty nonchalant about it, doesn't react. Dad gets upset, not yelling upset but it strikes a nerve and hurts his heart. He says he ignores but what I've seen is a lot of coddling and make it better type response. He really struggles when his kids are upset and will do a lot to make it better.

I won't venture to say this is part of the problem but I think it is in a way. I've seen parents like that....they get really upset when their kids are upset and they do anything to make it better but when you do everything to make it better all the time not only does the child not learn to make it better on their own but what ever is done to make it better usually loses its power and that action has to become bigger and better every time.....

• Child cries; parent gives a piece of candy.
• Child cries so hard they throw up; parent gives child whole candy bar.
• Child cries so hard they are hysterical. Starts hitting self;Parent gives candy bar and a movie before bed.
• Child cries so hard they get hysterical, throw up and starts saying they are worthless and dumb;Parent gives bag of candy, buys child and iPad and lets them ignore their bed time for a few days.
• Child cries so hard they are hysterical, hits themselves, throws up, hyperventilates and says they wish they were dead;Parent hands over keys to the car and house, their debit card and the TV remote.

[Ariana]

I definitely see this as the kid mimicking behavior when having difficult feelings. Know the saying “kids do as we do, not as we say”? That would be my guess. Chances are this child has no real clue what “die” means, except for on tv.

I once heard my daughter sigh and say “ugh I am so stressed”!! She totally heard that from me...what does she have to be stressed about

[BumbleBee]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

I won't venture to say this is part of the problem but I think it is in a way. I've seen parents like that....they get really upset when their kids are upset and they do anything to make it better but when you do everything to make it better all the time not only does the child not learn to make it better on their own but what ever is done to make it better usually loses its power and that action has to become bigger and better every time.....

• Child cries; parent gives a piece of candy.
• Child cries so hard they throw up; parent gives child whole candy bar.
• Child cries so hard they are hysterical. Starts hitting self;Parent gives candy bar and a movie before bed.
• Child cries so hard they get hysterical, throw up and starts saying they are worthless and dumb;Parent gives bag of candy, buys child and iPad and lets them ignore their bed time for a few days.
• Child cries so hard they are hysterical, hits themselves, throws up, hyperventilates and says they wish they were dead;Parent hands over keys to the car and house, their debit card and the TV remote.

Yeah after I posted about the coddling I had a 'duh' moment and it clicked. Not to say it's the only thing going on but it's probably feeding it & making it bigger then it would be otherwise.

[knoxmomof2]

I haven't, but I could see that eventually happening with 1 DCB I had. He was my first, started at 10 months. He was very verbal, very smart / manipulative and a handful!! His birthday was late in the year, so I would have had him until almost 6, but by 4.5, I insisted that he had "outgrown my program". He was screaming bloody murder at timeouts. I couldn't do anything with him, even had the parents on board with discipline, etc. He did use "I never want to come back here!" I could definitely see something like this happening with him had he stayed on... Some of his phrases are disturbing though....