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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Would You Handle the Situation?
LovelyK 10:21 PM 09-22-2019
Hi new member here & I need to vent a little bit. I've been keeping an almost 5 year old for 10 hours a day before school started & now almost 5 hours after school. Its been almost 2 months of consistently keeping the child & almost 4 months over all this year. I have watched her multiple times over the past couple of years & have had no problems. Now the problem that I have is being called & checked on everyday. The before school started calls went like...Is she awake? Did she eat? What did she eat? What is she doing? Did she use the restroom? What are we doing today? Now that school have started the questions are...Wheres (childs name)? How did she say her day went? Do she look ok? I know shes hungry you could give her so & so...She's probably tired & need a nap. This is every single day Monday through Friday. The child have even started to respect me more than her mom & the mom was the one who said that. I feel like there's no need to call everyday sure it was fine for the first couple of weeks but when I'm giving the same answers each day it's become a bit much. I've also said in the nicest way possible that I will call if needed or if something happens multiple times. Would you let the calls keep coming in or shut them down completely? How would you handle it?

Thanks -K
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Pestle 05:19 AM 09-23-2019
I simply don't take phone calls during my operating hours. Only call during an emergency.

Brightwheel is free for the basic service. They get live updates on meals, naps, and toileting. You can add a picture and/or a note. I post one picture per day.

Let them know "The kids need my full attention and I need your trust. I will contact you about anything unusual or concerning."
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knoxmomof2 08:17 AM 09-23-2019
I generally give updates if requested for about the first 2 weeks - and I tell parents that. But we're talking a picture or 2 and a quick blurb over the course of a day. Most will just check in via text a couple of times at most.

This Mom's level of checking in is ridiculous - especially at this point and considering the age of the child. She can talk, for Pete's sake! First, I would let her know that you'll only be available by text from now on. That it has become very difficult to do your job when you're taking so many phone calls. Once that has been established, answer her texts as you have time. Tell her that you'll get back to her when you're able to. You might want to think about another way to relay information if you want to - like a daily activity report either on paper or an app. Or just give her a rundown at pick up. Only you know how badly you want to keep this client and how flexible she'll be with changes. But I would make changes soon and as many and as fast as you can get away with.... Yikes!

How you go about it all depends on how comfortable you are with being direct and her personality. Good luck to you!
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Cat Herder 08:24 AM 09-23-2019
Graduated extinction.

This is an adult problem, not a child problem. Parent seems to have guilt issues and most likely is experiencing "long hours" daycare child behaviors at home. This is not your problem to solve.

If graduated extinction leads to worse adult behavior (as sometimes happens in emotionally fragile or needy adults), schedule a conference and tell her face to face the disruptions are too much.
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LovelyK 08:47 AM 09-23-2019
Sorry forgot to mention its 1 on 1 as it started out as a favor for a week & only about 5 hours now that school have started.
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rosieteddy 09:16 AM 09-23-2019
I would tell her straight out to stop.Only you know if this arrangement is worth it .She is sort of treating you like a nanny.She is in control because she pays you.I would sit her down and explain either you trust me or not.I would consent to one text a day.Let her know when you drop off at school.If that's not good enough I would give notice and get a different client.
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Ariana 10:51 AM 09-23-2019
“Sorry but I cannot talk right now, we can chat during pickup” then do not respond.

I had a nonstop texting mom and the only thing that works is straight up ignoring.
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LovelyK 08:56 PM 09-24-2019
Thanks I tried ignoring the calls for one day & she called my mother (it's a family friend) after my mom told her we were fine she got off early because she claimed she was still worried because I always answer.
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Ac114 06:31 AM 09-25-2019
Originally Posted by LovelyK:
Thanks I tried ignoring the calls for one day & she called my mother (it's a family friend) after my mom told her we were fine she got off early because she claimed she was still worried because I always answer.
Ok that’s ridiculous. I would tell her you either trust me or you don’t but the constant calls is disruptive and I am no longer taking your calls during the day. If that doesn’t work for you, then here’s your 2 week notice. NO ONE else will answer her calls and constant neediness to know if her children are ok. If it’s that important, then she should make arrangements to stay home and take care of her own children. 🙄
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Cat Herder 06:45 AM 09-25-2019
Originally Posted by LovelyK:
Thanks I tried ignoring the calls for one day & she called my mother (it's a family friend) after my mom told her we were fine she got off early because she claimed she was still worried because I always answer.
Her issues are her own. I'd cut the rope.

If she were truly a friend you could tell her she is being an obnoxious pest and you need it to stop immediately.

Unless, of course, her child had just been returned from a kidnapping two years ago.
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Cat Herder 06:54 AM 09-25-2019
"Tina, I love you to bits but you are killing me. Your kid is 5 years old. 5. She will be in public school in just a few months. I can't keep taking your calls all day, I am at work. What is going on with you? Wanna go have lunch sometime, just the two of us, and talk?"
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LovelyK 02:29 PM 11-12-2019
Update still happening everyday but TODAY was the last straw for me , the mother saw this morning the behavior wasnt good (lack of sleep) before she left for work so I recieved a call at 10 something checking in which I expected I told her she was sleep at the time. Then I recieved a call at 1 something which she was still sleep (bedtime is usually late & woke up at 5 a.m). Then I got another call at 3 something asking hows things going I said good I just spoke to you a couple hours ago & she said I know but she was sleep. It's very annoying at this point & it's time to put my two weeks in I've been nice long enough.
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Blackcat31 03:14 PM 11-12-2019
Originally Posted by LovelyK:
Update still happening everyday but TODAY was the last straw for me , the mother saw this morning the behavior wasnt good (lack of sleep) before she left for work so I recieved a call at 10 something checking in which I expected I told her she was sleep at the time. Then I recieved a call at 1 something which she was still sleep (bedtime is usually late & woke up at 5 a.m). Then I got another call at 3 something asking hows things going I said good I just spoke to you a couple hours ago & she said I know but she was sleep. It's very annoying at this point & it's time to put my two weeks in I've been nice long enough.
I doubt I'd make it another two weeks.... that's going to be somewhere near 40 MORE phone calls (4 per day x 10 days).

I would give two weeks WITH the stipulation that she NOT call you during the day and if she does, she'll need to come ASAP and pick up her kid. If she's got all this time to call all day, then she's got time to spend with her kid.

Yikes, that must be exhausting.
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Meeko 08:15 AM 11-14-2019
At this point, I would probably part ways.

However, I have found that pure logic sometimes works with parents who demand special attention for them or their child.

When they ask/demand/behave "special"......I remind them that their child is in GROUP care. I ask them to multiply their request or behavior by 16 and see if it still sounds reasonable. They always look sheepish and say no.
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Tags:5 year old, disruptive behavior, drama for momma, drama triangle, graduated extinction, guilt, micro-managing, parental guilt
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