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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How to Deal With a Difficult Mother?
courtneyd07 02:34 PM 12-10-2013
I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
craftymissbeth 02:45 PM 12-10-2013
Originally Posted by courtneyd07:
I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
I would honestly just let her find another provider. Not only are her needs not going to fit in with your program, but it's super difficult dealing with people who are "friends" or family.I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
daycare 02:45 PM 12-10-2013
Originally Posted by courtneyd07:
I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
It sounds like she wants an extra case of "SPECIAL TREATMENT"I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
Really the only think you can do is give in to her or put your foot down.
YOu have a contract? Did she sign it? What does it say?
Unregistered 04:02 PM 12-10-2013
Originally Posted by courtneyd07:
I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
I would reiterate that if she does not have a backup plan, she may have to find other child care when you have appointments and such. If she isn't going to find a backup plan, have her sign a paper saying you're allowed to take the child with you. If she won't do either, then have her leave your care. NEVER be too desperate for money...it's a way to guarantee yourself getting screwed, walked on, stepped over and crapped on by parents.I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
JoseyJo 05:22 PM 12-10-2013
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
NEVER be too desperate for money...it's a way to guarantee yourself getting screwed, walked on, stepped over and crapped on by parents.
NEVER be too desperate for money...it's a way to guarantee yourself getting screwed, walked on, stepped over and crapped on by parents.
Agreed 1000%!
Maria2013 09:28 AM 12-11-2013
Originally Posted by courtneyd07:
I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
personally it doesn't matter how much I need the income, I would never work for a difficult parent!I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
....if she can't find another provider than she needs you just as much as you need her. If I were you I would stay firm to my request either she gives me notice or signs a permission to transport
DaycareMom 02:41 PM 12-11-2013
Originally Posted by courtneyd07:
I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
It's simple, she can tell you when she needs care so you can plan accordingly, she can not give you notice and allow you to bring her child with you to run errands or she can find alternate care. I have been speaking with my husbands best friends wife for months about watching her child when she found a job. I also provide care for 1 other child at the moment. The time has finally come and she found a job. Just from knowing her I've been able to tell dealing with the mother is going to be difficult. I gave her my childcare handbook stating my rules, specifically asking for some notice on days I'll be needed. I have a 14 month old and am pregnant again, I have appointments and a life. She just asked me Monday to watch her child all week, on which I will be flying out for vacation Friday. I told her yes, but reminder her of my notice rule. Then she got snappy. After realizing I didn't want to loose her daughter because we need the income I told her that if she can not provide notice but I can take her daughter with me places when I have to run errands then it shouldn't be a problem. She told me no, but can not provide notice. I am allowed and do drive the other little girl I care for. She can't find another provider and just expects me deal with it. How should I proceed from here? I'm at my max with this woman already and need advice.
You have already worked with her regarding schedule, and if you keep giving her "special" treatment, it will be expected and never appreciated.
Let us know how it works out. Good luck!
courtneyd07 04:46 PM 12-11-2013
Thank you everyone! Today was her first official normal day and she didn't bring my childcare contract signed. She also had her husband pick up her child and if I were to ask him for it I know he won't relay the information back to her. I've told my husband and her this is only a trial run. If she proves to be difficult I won't be able to keep providing care. Having said that I know she hasn't been able to find back up care and wont be able to considering how difficult she is with her schedule. Other daycare providers around here require a set schedule or charge astronomically for drop in care, which is usually not even available due to filled spots. If you can't follow a set schedule then you still have to pay the full time rate to save your spot when you do need care. Her daughter also leaves every 2 months to spend a month with her biological dad, so she would have to pay for that month or lose her spot. I don't see her having any other options but to stop trying to get special treatment and go by my rules.
NeedaVaca 05:05 PM 12-11-2013
So what is your plan for tomorrow and not having a signed contract? I wouldn't have provided care without it and I'm betting she doesn't bring it tomorrow either...it's just another way for her to show you she is not planning on following your rules. I know you said you need the money and since they have just started it's time to stand your ground or this mom will walk all over you!
cheerfuldom 07:23 PM 12-11-2013
Call her now and in the morning and leave multiple texts, emails and voicemails that you will not care for a child without a signed contract. Turn her away from the door if need be or print out a copy and have her sign it right at the door. There is no reason that this cannot be done.
But my advice is just to term, now. It wont get easier by waiting and you are already one step behind since you already gave in to several of her demands. Its not looking good.....
But my advice is just to term, now. It wont get easier by waiting and you are already one step behind since you already gave in to several of her demands. Its not looking good.....
TheGoodLife 08:24 PM 12-11-2013
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
Call her now and in the morning and leave multiple texts, emails and voicemails that you will not care for a child without a signed contract. Turn her away from the door if need be or print out a copy and have her sign it right at the door. There is no reason that this cannot be done.
But my advice is just to term, now. It wont get easier by waiting and you are already one step behind since you already gave in to several of her demands. Its not looking good.....
Call her now and in the morning and leave multiple texts, emails and voicemails that you will not care for a child without a signed contract. Turn her away from the door if need be or print out a copy and have her sign it right at the door. There is no reason that this cannot be done.
But my advice is just to term, now. It wont get easier by waiting and you are already one step behind since you already gave in to several of her demands. Its not looking good.....
This is exactly what i was going to say! Don't let her drop w/o a contract (IF you decide to keep. I personally would see if she brought the contract tomorrow, then if not explain that it wasn't going to work and since there was no contract that term was immediate. Let her deal with her own high needs- not your fault!
Cat Herder 04:54 AM 12-12-2013
You said you needed notice and a signed contract.
She said no.
That is the point where you should have said no, IMHO.
***There is no way this is going to end well, the best outcome is for it to end fast. ***
She said no.
That is the point where you should have said no, IMHO.
***There is no way this is going to end well, the best outcome is for it to end fast. ***
Maria2013 05:00 AM 12-12-2013
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
You said you needed notice and a signed contract.
She said no.
That is the point where you should have said no, IMHO.
***There is no way this is going to end well, the best outcome is for it to end fast. ***
You said you needed notice and a signed contract.
She said no.
That is the point where you should have said no, IMHO.
***There is no way this is going to end well, the best outcome is for it to end fast. ***
courtneyd07 02:20 PM 12-12-2013
I completely forgot to ask her to send it today but now that I logged on and saw your replies I just remembered and sent her a text. She's supposed to be by later to pay me, her husband already picked up her daughter, so well see how it goes, or if she shows. The problem with terming her is my husband is completely against it. He thinks I'm being harsh, actually I'm trying to prevent getting walked on. If it weren't for him it wouldn't have gotten as far as it has. It's so easy for him to say this because he's not the one watching the children.
craftymissbeth 02:51 PM 12-12-2013
Originally Posted by courtneyd07:
I completely forgot to ask her to send it today but now that I logged on and saw your replies I just remembered and sent her a text. She's supposed to be by later to pay me, her husband already picked up her daughter, so well see how it goes, or if she shows. The problem with terming her is my husband is completely against it. He thinks I'm being harsh, actually I'm trying to prevent getting walked on. If it weren't for him it wouldn't have gotten as far as it has. It's so easy for him to say this because he's not the one watching the children.
Is your husband a co-owner of your business? If not, it's not his place to be against it, quite frankly. Every marriage is different, but I wouldn't consult with him at all regarding the daycare unless it's something that effects him directly... and since taking on his friend's child could effect their friendship I wouldn't have taken them in at all. Since you already have taken them, though, I would just do what you need to do in order for things to work for you and your business.I completely forgot to ask her to send it today but now that I logged on and saw your replies I just remembered and sent her a text. She's supposed to be by later to pay me, her husband already picked up her daughter, so well see how it goes, or if she shows. The problem with terming her is my husband is completely against it. He thinks I'm being harsh, actually I'm trying to prevent getting walked on. If it weren't for him it wouldn't have gotten as far as it has. It's so easy for him to say this because he's not the one watching the children.
daycare 02:58 PM 12-12-2013
Originally Posted by craftymissbeth:
Is your husband a co-owner of your business? If not, it's not his place to be against it, quite frankly. Every marriage is different, but I wouldn't consult with him at all regarding the daycare unless it's something that effects him directly... and since taking on his friend's child could effect their friendship I wouldn't have taken them in at all. Since you already have taken them, though, I would just do what you need to do in order for things to work for you and your business.
ditto this.... I don't ask his advise for my work stuff and he does not ask for mine on his. Is your husband a co-owner of your business? If not, it's not his place to be against it, quite frankly. Every marriage is different, but I wouldn't consult with him at all regarding the daycare unless it's something that effects him directly... and since taking on his friend's child could effect their friendship I wouldn't have taken them in at all. Since you already have taken them, though, I would just do what you need to do in order for things to work for you and your business.
It's no different. The only thing that I can see it being different, is if it will really hurt you financially. I was in that position for a long time where I had to make the choice to keep people on so that I could continue to provide for my family financially. If that is not the case, then tell your husband that unless he wants to deal with the issue first hand that he needs to respect you and your decisions with your business...
Doing this business alone is hard. Don't ever let anyone put you out.