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  #1  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:23 PM
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Unhappy My Brother Is Gone....What Do I Do About Time Off?

I lost my brother this morning to a senseless tragedy. I informed my parents that I will be closed tomorrow.

How long should I stay closed?

How do you handle an unexpected death?


I'm in so much pain I don't know what to do........
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  #2  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:31 PM
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I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please try to take a week off, if possible. Peace be with you.
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  #3  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:32 PM
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Oh dear... I am so very sorry for your loss.

I personally would close for the week and let the parents know that they should also be prepared to have back up care for the following week as well and you will keep them in the loop. I allot myself 5 paid personal days each year - and I pay a portion of my daily fee back to parents if I run out of days. In a case like this, we have savings that would allow me to close for considerable period of time without being financially affected, but I realize that isn't the case for everyone.

That said, I would absolutely close for the week and see how you're feeling over the weekend.

Again, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. My family's thoughts are with you and yours.
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  #4  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:33 PM
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So sorry for your loss. I think you should take as much time as you need. The first few days are the hardest and you will go through several different emotional stages. Time heals all things. Our prayers are with you and your brother.

Last edited by Michael; 10-27-2013 at 06:11 PM.
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  #5  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:33 PM
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I am so sorry. My father in law just passed away from cancer. It was expected and I let my parents know I would take 2 days off. My husband took a week off. I lost my brother several years ago when he was electrocuted at work. I was in terrible shape......I say take a minimum of 1 week off. Your parents should understand. Again.....I am so sorry.
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  #6  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:37 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss!

I would do whatever works for you and your family. If you need to (and can) stay closed for a week, a month, or more, do it. If you think you won't be in a state of mind to provide care, then stay closed and take the time to grieve.

I also lost my brother unexpectedly last year as well and what helped me was to take a week to grieve and then I went back to work so that I didn't have so much time to stew in my thoughts. I also set aside an hour or two for "me time" to grieve. It helped. Eventually, it got better...but it took time. Lots of time.

If you need time, take it. Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
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  #7  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:38 PM
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Oh my goodness! I am so sorry for you loss!

Depending on how you personally process this tragedy, will dictate how long you need to remain closed. In my honest opinion that is only something you can answer.

Take whatever time you feel is necessary. People grieve in their own ways and on their own schedules. There is no right or wrong time line.

I am sure your clients will all understand. Those that don't aren't worth keeping.

I know it helps to stay busy for some but re-open only when you feel you are able to physically and emotionally manage the kids you care for. YOU need to be your priority right now.

I know if it were me, I wouldn't feel obligated to go re-open until I was ready.

I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

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  #8  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:39 PM
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Wow, Lala! I am so sorry to hear about your loss!

I would plan on taking the whole week off. After the initial shock of all this, you will need time to deal with your own emotions, then deal with the rituals. After that, you'll be drained and need a few more days just to recover.

Still, by next week, although you'll still be devastated, you may need the comfort of having to work. The kids will give you something else to focus on.

We lost my niece (my sister's child) a few years ago, and it was very difficult. I believe my sister took 2 weeks off, but then found she needed work to help her start to recover.


I do agree with BC, that only you can know for sure. I said a week, because I was afraid you might think "they will be upset if I take 3 or 4 days", but if you need more time, take it.
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  #9  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:45 PM
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I am sorry for your loss. Take Care.
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  #10  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:54 PM
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So sorry for your loss. I would suggest at least a week, leaving yourself the option for more time if you need it. Thinking of you and your family.
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  #11  
Old 10-27-2013, 05:05 PM
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Oh, I am so very sorry to read this. It is so hard to lose people we love, but, a sibling would be especially hard. I agree with others that you need to take as much time as you can afford and need to. Don't let your dcf's dictate your grieving. God bless your family.
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  #12  
Old 10-27-2013, 05:05 PM
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I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say, I am so sorry for your loss.
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  #13  
Old 10-27-2013, 05:12 PM
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I am so so sorry for your loss.

I think closing for a week is a very good idea. That way you have a somewhat decent amount of time to clear your head, and not worry about rushing back to work.
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  #14  
Old 10-27-2013, 05:39 PM
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La la you have my number. Call me if you need me.
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  #15  
Old 10-27-2013, 05:48 PM
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So sorry for your loss you really need to see how you take it and go from there i would tell parents off this week then see what to do the.
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  #16  
Old 10-27-2013, 05:49 PM
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I'm so very sorry Lala. I cannot imagine your pain right now.
PLEASE do what you feel you need to now, for yourself, and don't worry about your families.
All I can say is when I lost each of my parents, I took a week off. When I lost my son, I shut my daycare down for the whole summer. So no matter what you decide, daycare will still be there. Just worry about you and your family.
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  #17  
Old 10-27-2013, 05:50 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others. You need to take as much time off as you need to be able to properly grieve. If your dc families can't understand that, they are not worth having. Praying you find comfort and peace with the situation. Take care of you first though, so you can be able to take care of the little ones when you are ready.
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  #18  
Old 10-27-2013, 05:51 PM
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Sorry to hear that. to you and your family.
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  #19  
Old 10-27-2013, 05:58 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. As everyone else said take all the time you need. You and your family will be in my prayers.
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  #20  
Old 10-27-2013, 06:03 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others that you need to take whatever time you need. Every person processes grief differently and you need to do what you need to.
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  #21  
Old 10-27-2013, 06:13 PM
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So sorry to hear about your brother. Take as much time as you feel is necessary. This is hard to deal with and I'm sure they will understand.
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  #22  
Old 10-27-2013, 06:35 PM
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Oh LaLa I'm so sorry! Take off as much time as you need!
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  #23  
Old 10-27-2013, 06:49 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. That is rough. Just do what you need to do for as long as you need to. You just have to.

Hugs, Laurel
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  #24  
Old 10-27-2013, 06:54 PM
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Thank you all !

My family and I have so many unanswered questions. We are all grieving.

I never got a chance to say goodbye, I think that's the hardest part.

It really stinks when your loss is made public. No one knows the entire story about what happened yet, but the media has blown it out of the water. My family has already made a statement.

I will post more about this when I know more.

Thank you for your support.
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  #25  
Old 10-27-2013, 07:03 PM
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Praying for you and your family!
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  #26  
Old 10-27-2013, 07:05 PM
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So sorry about your loss. =/ Take care of you and your family.
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  #27  
Old 10-27-2013, 07:14 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss! I think at least a week is certainly reasonable!

Take care of yourself
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  #28  
Old 10-27-2013, 08:23 PM
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Very very sorry to hear about your loss. Take whatever time you need. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
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  #29  
Old 10-27-2013, 08:55 PM
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Oh I am so sorry for your loss. It is tough losing a sibling. I lost my brother when I was a teenager. I am still not ok. Hugs and more.
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  #30  
Old 10-27-2013, 08:57 PM
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Lala I am so sorry for my loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.
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  #31  
Old 10-27-2013, 08:59 PM
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Oh la la, in so sorry for your loss. Please take at least a week off to process things. And give yourself time to grieve. After a week you might find comfort in dedicating yourself to your daycare.

I will pm you my cell phone number in case you want to talk to someone.

I will pray for you and your family.

Please let us know if there's anything we can do
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  #32  
Old 10-27-2013, 09:00 PM
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I have no advice, but I am very sorry for your loss.
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  #33  
Old 10-27-2013, 09:10 PM
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I am very sorry to hear this. I agree you should take as long as you need. Parents will understand. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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  #34  
Old 10-27-2013, 09:15 PM
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Comforting thoughts for you and your family, Lala. You do not have to decide today what time you need.
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  #35  
Old 10-27-2013, 10:17 PM
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I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss- I will keep you and your family in Prayer.
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  #36  
Old 10-28-2013, 05:51 AM
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My sympathies to you and your family. So sorry for your loss.

I would advise all parents that you will be closed for the week but don't commit to next week either. Take all the time that you need.
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  #37  
Old 10-28-2013, 06:10 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss
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  #38  
Old 10-28-2013, 06:12 AM
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I agree with all the others take at least a week off. I am so so sorry for your loss.
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  #39  
Old 10-28-2013, 06:17 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss I think that you should take all the time that you need. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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  #40  
Old 10-28-2013, 06:24 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with those who said take whatever time you feel you need and can afford to take.
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  #41  
Old 10-28-2013, 06:40 AM
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My BIL died very young a couple of years ago. I closed for the week, unpaid per my contract. All of my families were unbelievably understanding and sent a lovely floral arrangement to the funeral home.

My thoughts are with you.
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  #42  
Old 10-28-2013, 06:56 AM
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I am so very sorry for your loss. I know words may seem empty right now, but know that there are people out there sending you love and prayers. I am wishing you peace and comfort. Please be kind to yourself.
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  #43  
Old 10-28-2013, 07:01 AM
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Oh Lala, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. And then the added grief of the media and the hurtful things they say and do all in the name of "the story". I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers as you grieve your loss.
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  #44  
Old 10-28-2013, 07:05 AM
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I am so sorry for your loss..I will be praying for you and your family for comfort and strength during this difficult time. I would take a week off, and then see how you are doing emotionally afterwards and go from there. It was mentioned that your clients will understand, and those who don't are not worth keeping. Again I am very sorry!
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  #45  
Old 10-28-2013, 07:06 AM
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Lala,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I believe I am quite close to you, geographically, if you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to reach out.
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  #46  
Old 10-28-2013, 07:19 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss! Prayers to you & your family...
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  #47  
Old 10-28-2013, 07:49 AM
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so sorry to hear that. I also agree with others and take a week off. Dh said that it was the best to go back to work rather than stew in his sorrows.
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  #48  
Old 10-28-2013, 07:59 AM
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The other providers here have given some great advice. Just want to give my condolences. Take their advice and give yourself time to deal with this. I am so sorry.
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  #49  
Old 10-28-2013, 08:13 AM
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Sorry for your loss, Lala. Please take all the time you need to heal, thoughts and prayers for your family.
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  #50  
Old 10-28-2013, 08:18 AM
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It will be two years next month that I will have lost my brother, and it was a very public thing for us also- a major car accident in a small town. It was on the news non stop for quite a while. I was an idiot and read all of the horrible comments under the online news articles. I don't know your situation, but please don't do that. People are stupid and don't realize that there are actually people and loved ones connected to those stories and horrible pictures. To this day I get annoyed when they put graphic accident pictures on the news.

Hugs
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  #51  
Old 10-28-2013, 08:24 AM
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I'm so sorry lala. I hope you can take the week off at least to have to yourself and help make any arrangements for your brother.

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  #52  
Old 10-28-2013, 08:34 AM
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I have notified my families and they have all been so wonderful.

We may never know what happened in this story. Three families are now shattered. I believe that there were 3 victims in this case, not just two.

The man I know would never hurt a living soul, he has served our country since he could enlist in the marines.

What the stories did not say- there was NO forced entry, this was NOT planned. He did not go there to do this. He is a cop and has to carry his gun. It's just sad...the media only tells a portion of the story.


Thank you all for your kind words.


http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/mar...,2836885.story
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  #53  
Old 10-28-2013, 09:58 AM
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You are right that there are many victims of this tragedy. I am so sorry for the losses of everyone involved.

Please do not hesitate to seek counseling for this. You are going through a loss of a sibling which is very difficult and there will be added stress from the media coverage, investigation, and speculation. You may also feel angry. There is no shame in feelings. Remember him as he was to you, not for this one incident. If you need to stay away from TV and news sources for a while, that is very understandable. Please take care of yourself.
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  #54  
Old 10-28-2013, 10:06 AM
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so sorry for your loss
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  #55  
Old 10-28-2013, 10:23 AM
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Oh Lala I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now. I would try to take at least a week off if you can and inform parents to have back ups for next week too, just in case. I'll be thinking about you. Call if you need any thing
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  #56  
Old 10-28-2013, 11:04 AM
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LaLa I am so sorry for your loss. Like posted before, eveyone grieves differently so only you know how much tme you need.
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  #57  
Old 10-28-2013, 11:13 AM
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So sorry for your loss.
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  #58  
Old 10-28-2013, 11:14 AM
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I am so very sorry for your loss. Praying.
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  #59  
Old 10-28-2013, 11:35 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take as much time as you need. Now that your families know, you can just let them know how you are doing and when you feel ready to return to work.
Please try not to read comments on news stories. They are made by people who didn't know your brother. Take care of yourself and your family.
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  #60  
Old 10-28-2013, 11:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaLa1923 View Post
I lost my brother this morning to a senseless tragedy. I informed my parents that I will be closed tomorrow.

How long should I stay closed?

How do you handle an unexpected death?


I'm in so much pain I don't know what to do........
Call your parents and tell them you need to take a few personal days there has been an untimely death in the family.

Hugs to you- my heart is heavy for you and your family at this time.
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  #61  
Old 10-28-2013, 11:44 AM
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So sorry for your loss lala. I will be thinking of you and your family. Like others have said, take all the time you need and don't pay attention to the media.
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  #62  
Old 10-28-2013, 11:50 AM
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I am so sorry La La. *hugs*
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  #63  
Old 10-28-2013, 12:28 PM
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Yes, take all the time you need. You may need to talk to a grief counselor or attend a few grief/loss meetings.

To you and your family So sorry that you are going through this! More hugs!
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  #64  
Old 10-28-2013, 12:30 PM
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Location: Ventura County, CA
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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  #65  
Old 10-28-2013, 02:49 PM
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Lyss Lyss is offline
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Location: NW
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family
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  #66  
Old 10-28-2013, 03:55 PM
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proudmommyofthree proudmommyofthree is offline
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I'm so sorry for your loss
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  #67  
Old 10-28-2013, 05:28 PM
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Neekie Neekie is offline
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Location: Wisconsin Northwoods
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I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I just can not imagine the heartache you and your family are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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  #68  
Old 10-28-2013, 05:33 PM
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daycare daycare is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Mars
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I have been in your shoes, losing someone unexpectedly. It was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with.


Please know you have a huge amount of support here and that we all are behind you.


Take care of yourself, let your families deal with themselves.
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  #69  
Old 10-29-2013, 04:45 AM
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boysx5 boysx5 is offline
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Thoughts and prayers for you and your family
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  #70  
Old 10-29-2013, 07:19 AM
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jenn jenn is offline
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Location: Kansas
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I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your pain.

I would take as much time as you need. You need to put your own mental health ahead of daycare at this time. I would tell the parents that you will be closed for at least the rest of this week.

I think how long you are closed after that depends on your financial situation and your own back up support.

If your financial situation allows, you could ask them to find care for next week. I know that some of mine have grandparents, friends,...that could watch without any trouble. I have a few that back up care is difficult, so I might consider just taking them, simply because I couldn't afford to lose them. If you need to have everyone next week due to finances, consider having someone there with you (if licensing allows) in case you need to take some breaks.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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  #71  
Old 10-29-2013, 08:30 AM
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spud912 spud912 is offline
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I'm so sorry to hear about your loss .
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  #72  
Old 10-29-2013, 08:30 AM
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spinnymarie spinnymarie is offline
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Location: Illinois
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I'm so sorry.
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  #73  
Old 10-29-2013, 10:44 AM
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Sugar Magnolia Sugar Magnolia is offline
Blossoms Blooming
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Where the wind goes.....
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Oh my, it made national news on the Huffington Post. I'm.so incredibly sorry for this tragic loss. It is heartbreaking.
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  #74  
Old 10-29-2013, 12:39 PM
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mls620 mls620 is offline
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Location: Virginia
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  #75  
Old 10-29-2013, 02:55 PM
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blessed mom blessed mom is offline
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Location: Northern California
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So sorry for your loss. I hope you were able to take a full week off. So so sorry.
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  #76  
Old 10-30-2013, 09:23 AM
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AfterSchoolMom AfterSchoolMom is offline
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Lala, I am so very sorry. My sympathies to you and your family.
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