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  #1  
Old 12-13-2013, 03:48 PM
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Default Just For Fun - Policies You Wish You Could Implement That Are Totally Ridiculous?

* this is just for fun! Just to bring a little humor to our day.

I would love to implement this policy:

Daily tuition will include unlimited wet diaper changes and up to 3 poopy diaper changes per day. Any poopy diapers exceeding 3 per day will be an additional charge of $5/each.

Or this one:

The first client to arrive each day, in addition to dropping off your child(ren) will also drop off a Grande skinny sugar free vanilla latte.
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  #2  
Old 12-13-2013, 03:50 PM
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Late fees need to be made in the form of dinner for four.
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  #3  
Old 12-13-2013, 03:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady View Post
* this is just for fun!

I would love to implement this policy:

Daily tuition will include unlimited wet diaper changes and up to 3 poopy diaper changes per day. Any poopy diapers exceeding 3 per day will be an additional charge of $5/each.

Or this one:

The first client to arrive each day, in addition to dropping off your child(ren) will also drop off a Grande skinny sugar free vanilla latte.
And the last client each day must bring a casserole dish of choice for he providers dinner hehehe
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  #4  
Old 12-13-2013, 04:03 PM
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$25/poopy diaper haha! I've joked with DCPs that I would be wealthy if I did that instead!
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Old 12-13-2013, 04:04 PM
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Rates are not based on attendance nor enrollment but solely based on the level of difficulty the child is.

Bonuses (which happen quarterly ) from parents are also based on the difficulty level of the parent.
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  #6  
Old 12-13-2013, 04:05 PM
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Rates are not based on attendance nor enrollment but solely based on the level of difficulty the child is.

Bonuses (which happen quarterly ) from parents are also based on the difficulty level of the parent.
I think I just wet my pants laughing!!!!!!
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  #7  
Old 12-13-2013, 04:06 PM
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I think I just wet my pants laughing!!!!!!
That would be considered an entire clothing change.....$45 will be sufficient.
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  #8  
Old 12-13-2013, 04:17 PM
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Drop off and pick up is to take no longer than 30 seconds. $1 per second after that.
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  #9  
Old 12-13-2013, 04:34 PM
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$100 fee anytime I hear the phrase " I hope you don't mind"
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  #10  
Old 12-13-2013, 04:59 PM
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My salary is 50,000 a year. It is up to the parents to work amongst themselves to pay me. If they want to save money they can split the spot. They can find new families who can be reliable with payments.
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  #11  
Old 12-13-2013, 05:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Rates are not based on attendance nor enrollment but solely based on the level of difficulty the child is.

Bonuses (which happen quarterly ) from parents are also based on the difficulty level of the parent.


Laurel
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  #12  
Old 12-13-2013, 08:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady View Post
* this is just for fun! Just to bring a little humor to our day.

I would love to implement this policy:

Daily tuition will include unlimited wet diaper changes and up to 3 poopy diaper changes per day. Any poopy diapers exceeding 3 per day will be an additional charge of $5/each.

Or this one:

The first client to arrive each day, in addition to dropping off your child(ren) will also drop off a Grande skinny sugar free vanilla latte.
Definitely!!!! ^^^^
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  #13  
Old 12-13-2013, 08:29 PM
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All parents are required to offer a sincere "thank you" at least once per week. Day and time are at your discretion. Failure to comply will result in a $10 Appreciation Failure fee.
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  #14  
Old 12-13-2013, 09:20 PM
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Pick up your child --OR-- keep him home BEFORE he gets sick or contagious. Failure to do so will result in $25/hour sick child care, back-dated to approximate onset of contagiosity.
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  #15  
Old 12-13-2013, 09:24 PM
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$100 sick child surcharge for when they bring a child and they get sick (vomit, diarrhea, fever, rash, etc!) at daycare and have to be sent home after contaminating everyone.
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  #16  
Old 12-14-2013, 05:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Rates are not based on attendance nor enrollment but solely based on the level of difficulty the child is.

Bonuses (which happen quarterly ) from parents are also based on the difficulty level of the parent.
Definitely this! Some of these kids would make me hundreds more a week.
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  #17  
Old 12-14-2013, 05:47 PM
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Any time I hear that diarrhea, runny nose, coughing, fever, and excessive drooling is due to teething will result in a $50.00 charge, and each time I have to wipe, change, or clean up will result in an extra $10 fee each time and must be paid at the end off the day! LOL I have 3 lil ones under the age of 1 and parents tell me this ALL the time lol
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  #18  
Old 12-14-2013, 07:16 PM
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Whining is a $50 fee each occurrence.
Whining by parents is $5,000.
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  #19  
Old 12-15-2013, 03:31 PM
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$100 fee for fever that appears suddenly at Noon.
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  #20  
Old 12-15-2013, 03:57 PM
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$15 per snotty nose wiped per day. $50 per accident form. extra $25 if child was climbing or running when they werent supposed to be. $20 for every day your child doesnt nap.
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  #21  
Old 12-15-2013, 06:46 PM
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$100 an hour therapy pay for all those after hour talks about things that should be discussed with their pediatrician or therapist. I am not a licensed therapist or doctor but since parents seem to think I am I may as well take the pay!
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  #22  
Old 12-15-2013, 09:06 PM
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Not having sufficient back-up clothes will result in the following fees:

$45 Pain and suffering
$15 Search fee (for me having to scour the school for extra clothing that do not exist)
$20 communication fee (for when I have to call and tell you to come get your child because he's wet and naked)
$5 Headdesk fee (for when you tell me its okay to have him put on pink flowery pant with no underwear because you don't feel like coming early)
$90 Mental Health fee (for time spent cajoling your child into the pink flowered pants and no underwear, and listening to him complain about it, and giving his classmates a constant stinkeye for cracking a smile)

Fees will include an ice cold Dr. Pepper and must be paid before you can ever set foot on the property again. If you resist, winged monkeys will escort you from the property by your whale-tail.

Thanks.
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  #23  
Old 12-16-2013, 12:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Rates are not based on attendance nor enrollment but solely based on the level of difficulty the child is.

Bonuses (which happen quarterly ) from parents are also based on the difficulty level of the parent.
Best. Idea. Ever!
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  #24  
Old 12-16-2013, 06:17 AM
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A Pinocchio fee - 15$ for every time a DCP lies to me about something.

I would be rich!!
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  #25  
Old 12-16-2013, 07:49 AM
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$25 for every time I have to ask you to close the door. It's 10 below and I don't live in a barn. Nor do you pay my heating bill.

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  #26  
Old 12-16-2013, 08:00 AM
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$50 stupidity fee for every time you try to make an excuse for "little Johnny's" behavior.
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  #27  
Old 12-16-2013, 08:42 AM
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These are great! I'd add Snowy Feet fee- failure to wipe your and your children's feet off/remove snow boots before tracking mud, rain, snow, etc..inside will be met with a mop and/or a $10 fee.
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  #28  
Old 12-16-2013, 08:50 AM
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$20.00 every time you question a policy, with, do I have to ?
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  #29  
Old 12-16-2013, 11:52 AM
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If grandma and grandpa visit for the weekend and hold your baby the whole time, you need to keep him home on Monday!
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  #30  
Old 12-16-2013, 11:59 AM
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$1 per minute for crying. $2 per minute at nap time!
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  #31  
Old 12-16-2013, 12:25 PM
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1. $1,000.00 Teething Fee. Cash only.

For every time provider (or providers family member) becomes infected with teething.


2. Automatic Termination and Front Page Photo Ad of any parent who so much as utters any form of "I am off work, can you keep my kid/s longer so I can....."
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  #32  
Old 12-16-2013, 01:10 PM
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Snooping around my classroom when we're not in there:

$3,000 fine cash only, must be paid immediately. Must wear a cowbell while on the premises at all times so staff can know where you are.

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  #33  
Old 12-16-2013, 01:23 PM
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Quote:
Must wear a cowbell while on the premises at all times so staff can know where you are.
Bwahahaha....I love this one! I could really use it on dcd who comes in all stealth like at all hours to "bring the car seat."
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  #34  
Old 12-16-2013, 01:25 PM
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$50 nonrefundable interview fee, to be paid before the interview


$20 per day "cat nap" fee for any nap under one hour long

If your child cries continuously for more than 20 minutes or screams for more than 2 minutes (and they are not bleeding or being chased by a bear or an axe wielding maniac) they must be picked up immediately.


A rate that is equal to or more than what we pay our date night sitter (this shouldn't be considered ridiculous, but for this area...it would be).

Parents pay a separate fee to a "drop off/pick up coordinator" who handles all drop offs, pick ups, and communication with parents.
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  #35  
Old 12-16-2013, 01:45 PM
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This is just an awesome thread. LOL Love the "infected with teething" comment! I once became infected with teething, and had to close daycare for a full week!
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  #36  
Old 12-16-2013, 03:46 PM
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Quote:
Parents pay a separate fee to a "drop off/pick up coordinator" who handles all drop offs, pick ups, and communication with parents.
I would love a Coordinator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have often wondered if a drive-thru window for drop offs/pick ups would be out of line!
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  #37  
Old 12-16-2013, 04:34 PM
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$15 for every time your child coughs or sneezes on me.
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  #38  
Old 12-17-2013, 04:10 PM
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Parent watches kids for the day with instructions for everything you do! You get a spa day or alone day...Paid!!
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  #39  
Old 12-17-2013, 06:19 PM
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Love it!
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  #40  
Old 12-17-2013, 08:04 PM
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$300 puking fee...if its on my carpet, you pay to have it cleaned.
$350 puking fee if its in my playpen!

$100 fee for turning around in my neighbors driveway because the driveway is occupied and you're too darn lazy to park in the street and walk your child up to the door!

$300 fee for packing the snow down in my driveway with your vehicle causing more shoveling/scraping than its worth!

Quarterly bonus of one weeks salary required for putting up with parents baloney!
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  #41  
Old 12-18-2013, 02:53 AM
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I always tell the babies as I change them that they are silly and need to poop at home and I should charge extra per Poopy diaper...
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  #42  
Old 12-18-2013, 02:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maggie View Post
If grandma and grandpa visit for the weekend and hold your baby the whole time, you need to keep him home on Monday!
That would make it worse!
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  #43  
Old 12-18-2013, 04:55 AM
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I fantasize about placing this announcement in my daycare, aside from your weekly fee, everytime I change a poopy diaper that is $10 extra. The other day I had a child with diarrhea and changed him 8 times in 4 hours. I make more per change of poopy diapers than changing a weekly fee.
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  #44  
Old 12-18-2013, 06:05 AM
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Default Just for fun-policies you wish you could implement

Those were all great!! Covered most of the ones I could think of.
I thought Black Cat 31 and Hunni Bee were right on target with some of my thoughts!! All were really funny from everyone!!

Here is one I didn't see--
Every year I sit down and spend a good deal of time working out a YEARLY schedule for the dcp. It includes all appointments I try to make ahead of time...all personal days off....all regular holiday days off...
They get a copy of this schedule on January 2 when day care reopens after holiday.

I should charge 25.00 every time I hear -----I didn't look at the schedule!
25.00 every time I hear....... Oh, your not open today?
25.00 every time I hear........What days are your vacation
again?
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  #45  
Old 12-18-2013, 06:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Rates are not based on attendance nor enrollment but solely based on the level of difficulty the child is.

Bonuses (which happen quarterly ) from parents are also based on the difficulty level of the parent.


When your child is dropped off ill a sanitation service will be at my house within the day!
I will charge $30 per half hour for any personal conversation not pertaining to the child in care! $50 if advise is required!
Parents will be put on a rotating schedule to shop for food and general supplies
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  #46  
Old 12-18-2013, 07:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tay View Post
I fantasize about placing this announcement in my daycare, aside from your weekly fee, everytime I change a poopy diaper that is $10 extra. The other day I had a child with diarrhea and changed him 8 times in 4 hours. I make more per change of poopy diapers than changing a weekly fee.

Ouch! You should have called the parents to pick up the child on the first running poop. State law! But I love if we could charge them extra, not because of the diapers change, but for bringing in a sick child.
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  #47  
Old 12-18-2013, 08:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazydaycarelady View Post

I have often wondered if a drive-thru window for drop offs/pick ups would be out of line!
THIS! I would love a drop-off/pick-up window!
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  #48  
Old 12-18-2013, 08:18 AM
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Ladies you are too funny! I love all of your comments.
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  #49  
Old 12-18-2013, 08:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tay View Post
I fantasize about placing this announcement in my daycare, aside from your weekly fee, everytime I change a poopy diaper that is $10 extra. The other day I had a child with diarrhea and changed him 8 times in 4 hours. I make more per change of poopy diapers than changing a weekly fee.
8 times in 4 hours! No way, parents would have been called to pick up immediately after the second time. uck.
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  #50  
Old 12-19-2013, 07:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee View Post
Not having sufficient back-up clothes will result in the following fees:

$45 Pain and suffering
$15 Search fee (for me having to scour the school for extra clothing that do not exist)
$20 communication fee (for when I have to call and tell you to come get your child because he's wet and naked)
$5 Headdesk fee (for when you tell me its okay to have him put on pink flowery pant with no underwear because you don't feel like coming early)
$90 Mental Health fee (for time spent cajoling your child into the pink flowered pants and no underwear, and listening to him complain about it, and giving his classmates a constant stinkeye for cracking a smile)

Fees will include an ice cold Dr. Pepper and must be paid before you can ever set foot on the property again. If you resist, winged monkeys will escort you from the property by your whale-tail.

Thanks.
BAHAHAHAHA!
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