Well the mom who was picking up late and felt she didn't need to pay me sent me a notice of withdrawal if you remember because I charged her a late pick up fee for both her children for picking up 35 min late.....again.

Dad was fighting the move and is preparing to take her to court. She thinks its just over the school/daycare situation but he is going to go for primary custody. He sent the daycare/schools a cease and desist and notified them they would be going to court. Mom just got her notice today and was not happy. Started texting him and screaming. Then notified him that she hopes he tells me that she is reporting me as an illegal daycare in court. He called to let me know.

Is she freaking for real!? I have taken her kids for 5 years! She gives me a months notice but has an issue with me that she feels she needs to bring up in court?!!!!! I have allowed her children to come to my house on playdates. Taken them for sleep overs. Taken her oldest on vacation this past year with us (our girls are BFF) and she HONESTLY SAID THAT?! She is messing with the wrong person!! I have gathered witnesses who are making notes of her neglect, late picks ups/drop offs, bounced payments, abandonment of the girls in my car and refusing to pick them up!! She MUST be joking! I have a DYFS worker in my DC and know the head of the division for my county whos child came to my DC. I get she is spewing poison cause she is mad but I am not dealing with her poo!

I wanted to term now. I do not keep hostile clients. But she says nothing to me. My husband thinks I should take a daily pic of the girls noting the date and time and send it to dad so that he can use in court as to WHY she would keep her in my care for the past 5 yr and then another month after she claims to have felt I was 'illegal' instead of pulling them! Said if I term her it would look like I was guilty and trying to hide something. Dad is taking everything down and noting it all. Mom even has a DUI and is going to lose her lic. She doesnt' know he knows this yet. Its getting nasty.

I stopped and spoke with dad. Told him that no matter the outcome I will no longer deal with the mom after she leaves. If he cannot get custody and/or work it that he handles pick up/drop offs then I will no longer take the girls. Mom is not welcomed.

I am soooooooooooooooooooooo over this mess. Mom has got to go!

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What an awful situation for the kids, hopefully the courts resolve this quickly. Right now you're probably the closest thing to stability these kids have which is really sad. I'd be reluctant to cut ties if this was one of my dc families and try to help with a sense of normality/belonging for these kids. Does dad not have family to help with pickups?

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Dad is not my issue. Dad days are awesome days. Mom is the issue. She has few people to pick up. But her issue isn't really that. Her issue is assuming I will just do it. Like the last time she picked up late....she wasn't working that day. She supposed to be done work at 4. And picks up late....like 10, 20, 45 min late to HOURS late. Now in a center her kids would be sitting in a police station. And she has the nerve to expect to treat me that way!? I am so holding my tongue. It takes everything in me to stomach her days.

She doesn't know I know all this stuff. I tried my best to stay in the middle and not get involved but I am done. They are officially divorced as of two weeks ago and I told dad he just lets me know what I can do to help. I don't keep her kids after hours on her days and for FREE and she thinks she is going to throw ME under the bus and cause issues for me!? I will pad dads file for him and put a big old smilie sticker on top! I know this isn't about me. It isn't about the girls even. Mom is pissed and trying to block dads move any way she can. He wants to keep the girls here. So she will try and destroy that option for him so he can't. She is the most selfish and spiteful person I have ever seen in my life and I regret I didn't kick her out last year for bringing her kids sick to me and spreading hand/foot/mouth in my dc and then proudly posting it on facebook! I should have sent her packing then!!!!!!

Now I sit and wait and see what happens. It is so frustrating. I am not sure I can do another two weeks. I honestly don't think I can. I love those kids but not that much!

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I'm confused? Why would she say you are an illegal daycare? Are you licensed or legally unlicensed?

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I am also confused...

Not sure why you (OP) would need to gather witnesses and paperwork documentation for any of this.

None of the stuff going on between dad and mom has anything to do with you.

She is termed and you told dad you would not deal with her, only him if he gets custody so that sounds pretty cut and dried to me.

Their divorce and custody battle shouldn't be something they even involve you in at all.

DCM was late, she is termed so not a problem anymore. Sounds to me like its a good thing since you won't have to deal with her and her lateness anymore.

ANYTHING she reports you for isn't something I'd worry too much about since she is just mad and that's what mad people do.

I wouldn't let any of it get to you.

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just one question…. are you operating an illegal daycare (either being unlicensed if not allowed to be, over ratio on kids, etc.). If the answer to that is NO than you have nothing else to worry about and do not need any type of documentation on this mom. I would step away from the drama of it all and just know that if you are operating a legal daycare you have no issue in their court case.

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Terribly frustrating, I'm so sorry you are put in the middle.
You are being used as a tool for battlement.

I have a divorced couple that I work with, see both parents almost everyday, and have to ease my way out of the middle OF THEIR PROBLEMS.

Like your problem, here too, one parent is the cause of most situations.

I believe your dh's advice is good, taking pictures of the children daily with dates and times, just for your own records, in case needed for allegations she tries against you.

I know this is not easy........
Like pp have said, try to remember it's really not about you personally.

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I don't think you have any reason to get in the middle of any of this. It's really not your place. If she had been neglecting or abusing her children (abandoning them in your car, etc.) you should have reported those things as they happened. It almost seems like you're starting all of this documenting and collecting witnesses out of spite... simply because you didn't feel the need to do that until she threatened to report you.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this mess, but if I were in your place I'd just completely cut ties with the whole family, dad included, and move on. Prepare for a visit from licensing and cover all your bases.

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This. I wouldn't want to be involved, since the kids come along with a mom. Even though she isn't allowed at your house. If dad were to get sole custody I might take the kids back, but even still I don't know

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I know. I am calming now. She just hit my last raw nerves. Breathe.....

I wanted to cut right then and there but (don't say it to him ) I think my husband is right. Terming on the spot only lets them think she is right and I am hiding something so I will keep them till her term date. She doesn't know I know all this stuff. She comes in happy as anything with that fake smile on her face everyday. And no. I am not illegal. Just irks me that she can think she can cause issues. Thats her purpose. And documentation was for having the girls after hours. I have had to take them with me to activities after hours cause their mother won't get them. I have been doing so for a while now. Over the last two month in fact.

Funny part is, she can't take the girls to the new place. She hasn't said anything to me about the last day. And there is two weeks between her notice and the court date. Hope she saved up her vac days cause they ain't stayin here! They have no place to go! Tech she hasn't even confirmed the term date. She never spoke with me or handed me anything. She sent it via email to husband with a cc to me which I never replied too. She doesn't even know if I got it or not. And yet, she says nothing. Comes in smiling like nothing is up. I will bet money she will try pretending that she never sent it since I said nothing and bringing the girls after that date since she is stuck now for two weeks. Nope!

The way this womans mind works amazes me. I have never in my life seen such a spiteful and hateful woman who cares more about her self than her own babies....ever.

Ok...So...breathe.....smile.....go on.........

Just a favor...a prayer for me for the next two week wouldn't hurt either

Count down....day 10.....

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I can see why it would be a slap to your face after all of the time and energy you have invested in her kids. I am learning that just like there were crazies when we were in high school, college, in the corporate world, etc. there are also crazies that have babies and need to use our services. Their crazy words and actions have very little to do with US and have a whole lot to do with THEM. It proudly displays their character. Your words and your actions proudly display YOUR character.
This sounds a whole lot like a pep talk I just had with my teenager...LOL! There truly are crazy people in all walks of life.

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Eh, I don't think terming them would send the message that you have something to hide, but rather that you're done with drama. Chances are good she's already lined something up for those lag weeks, they always do...

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This is also true, I feel. Life is far too short to deal with passive aggressive bullies.

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This ^^^ I wouldn't be afraid of terming someone who does nothing but add drama to the day.

She can call whomever she wants and as long as you are doing things right, I wouldn't worry at all.

It's a shame she couldn't get her ducks in a row because it sounds as though you've given her every chance to do so.

It's okay to just be done.

If you do stick it out....just take one day at a time and remember we (general we) create the drama in our lives so let her own her own drama and don't let her drag you in.

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I wouldn't necessarily believe everything DAD is telling you either. People are manipulative. He could be just telling you things that "MOM" said or done that are simply not true to garner your support. Stay out of it.

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Yes! I had a situation where dad would say all kinds of things about mom that weren't necessarily true. It was just his overly exaggerated version of the truth, as I found out down the road. But the things he said were painting a picture in my head of mom.

I chose to disregard what he was saying, realizing that people say things when they are upset, and since they were divorcing he clearly did not like her and naturally would not say anything nice about her.

I'm glad I chose to take things with a grain of salt

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This is my thought as well. I have a single DCD and any time there is an issue with DCG it's the moms fault I have no contact at all with mom so I'm not in the middle and I've made it clear it won't be an excuse...

Plus he forgets that this is a small town and people talk

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Oh no. She needed no help. She has done it all on her own. I have had issues with Mom since the split. Once they divided, I got a CLEAR view on who the problem was. Dad days, awesome. Girls fed. On time. Everything I asked or needed. Mom days, horrible. She took over payment...I get bounced checks and late payments. Her days she drops off late and picks up late. She brings the girls in jammies and unfed, unwashed (as in the girls hair still braided from two days prior when dad did it.

One time the oldest had to go to school IN THE SAME CLOTHES two days in a row!). Its just one issue over another. I mean its years of stories and lies. I sent them a notice that I actually got from here. She would come in and tell me everything she was trying to do. Like spiteful things against the dad. Stand in my house and TELL me like I was her BFF. I couldn't take it and someone on here gave me a letter to give them both. OMG it was my blessing. After that I got no more "Guess what I did this weekend" poo!! Dad told me nothing. It was completely her. She would do things like set up the dad and tell him to come get the girls and then leave and call the police and say he was trying to break in the house. I mean just MEAN things. And she TOLD me.

Dad and I are JUST now starting to talk cause I had enough and called him in for a meeting. Told him I was no longer allowing late picks ups anymore no matter whos day it was to have the girls. Mom isn't here on time, I call him to pick up and she can deal with him. I don't get him, I am going down the list. Mom can pay the late fees and them I will hand over term notice. Done. That was when I started hearing dads views.

That was about a month ago. That last late pick up that I charged mom is why she is terming. She didn't feel she owed me anything even though her girls were sitting at my house over 30 min late for the second time in a week!

I get what you guys are saying but it isn't dad. Mom has done everything to point at herself but stand up on the roof and yell it. (can you tell I greatly dislike this lady??)

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What is with people? Her terming over a late fee...just like another post last week from another provider where a family termed over a late fee, essentially

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Well she is going to get termed for none payment. Today to Wed afternoon is dad days but she is supposed to drop it off today if she has not paid already by the Friday before.....no call...no text....no show....no payment. I am NOT going to send her a reminder. She has used all her get out of jail cards. She just keeps going and going and going right up to the end!

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I've been watching and reading… I have this in my policies to avoid the exact scenario that is playing out (it has saved my butt from headache clients a few times over the past 10 years)…

CUSTODY ISSUES: This daycare has no legal authority to refuse either parent the right to pick up their child unless a court has granted temporary or permanent custody to one parent or to a third party and I have been furnished with a copy of the order bearing the court's signature. In the case of separated or divorced parents, I will write ONE CONTRACT per family and take payment from the contracting party only; if parents share payments, it's between them on how one parent gets the fees from the other. The following was put in because of problems years ago that I do not want to repeat...

1. ALL custody issues must be resolved outside of the childcare home; this includes paternity cases. If accusations are aimed at me because I refuse to take sides, I will sue the parents for liable and any damages done (this includes slandering my business and false abuse charges called into CPS).
2. Problems between custodial & non-custodial parents or involving me in disputes in anyway will be cause for immediate termination after ONE warning. Non-notice termination fees will apply.
3. I MUST HAVE custody paperwork showing in writing the terms including visitation rights and they may not interfere with my home life or business.
4. Should I be subpoenaed into court to testify, the parent that had subpoena issued will be required to pay IN ADVANCE for ALL lost wages for the days I have to close; this causes a hardship not only for me, but to the other families in care.

NON CUSTODIAL PARENTS
1. Non custodial parent's must call and make an appointment to visit the daycare. The custodial parent must state in writing the terms of the visit and allowable times and it must match court documents. This also applies to phone calls and texting.
2. Non custodial parents that cause problems when picking up their child at the daycare will be permanently barred from the premises. If you show back up, you will be charged with trespassing.
3. Do not call and ask me for information about your child. You will have to obtain this from the custodial parent.
4. Do not call and ask if your child is in care. I am not at liberty to divulge this information to anyone than those authorized on the child's forms. If you want this changed then go through the custodial parent for authorization. I am a daycare provider, not a mediator for custody issues.

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Thanks! You know...been doing this for over 20 something years and this is the first time I have ever had this mess. I actually have three divorce families currently. Or in the process. This is the only one with any major issue. I am so snitching some of that!! Love it!

Now custodial and non means what exactly? If the parent has no custody why would they be picking up? I am just curious if that is comparable to primary/non primary custody. This one family, mom is primary right now and dad is the secondary non primary. Both have custody. I like the one form etc. Right now I have dad pick ups and mom pick ups and never should one pick up on the others day. Not in any court set up. Just the way they have it worked out. Dad is rather flexible but not mom. If I called someone off his list on HER day she would shoot through the roof. She would rather leave her child here than have someone SHE didn't pick, pick up. Rolling it all into one makes it easier.

I have one set that do dividing payments. It works actually for them. The only issue I got in the beginning was if dad was late paying (he had to or out payments and his days into it. Took a few weeks but we got him there ) and I gave notice to both, mom would say "But I paid." No doesn't work that way. Both are liable. Both get notice. One opts not to pay, they both get notice and kids can't return as payment wasn't in full. But they worked it out and there is peace there. Just a matter of getting into the groove there. The other two divorce families have court orders and the moms pay.

I am going to print that off though. I like it. Thanks!!

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So smart.

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mrsnj, and everyone else, feel free to use the policy; it is a lifesaver.

Non custodial usually means they have visitation, but that's all in most states ( they can pick up and take the kid to dinner and then return to custodial home; sometimes it just means they have permission to visit at the childcare). In some states it could be taken as one parent is primary, the other secondary. Either way, I dont want people showing up when they aren't suppose too and cause the same kind of garbage I went thru before (I'm sure it weeds out some families from the get go when they read my website).

I use to work as a skip tracer and private process server ( I served divorce & child support papers on people lol). After what happened to me with the one family, I NEVER wanted to go thru it again

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Well I am done at the end of this week......... If not before.

The mom paid me late two weeks ago. She forgot she had to pay me. She has been arriving late for drop offs which is making her school age child over an hour or more late for school. She never showed up last Monday for pick up. I had to call the father to pick up the girls. She was a no show, no call, no answer. The girls were picked up 15 min late from me by Dad of which the mom still owes late fees. She picked up the girls....ready?......THREE HOURS LATE at the fathers house. And that was after several phone calls from dad & me, texts, etc. She 'fell asleep' and forgot the girls. Dad called several more times before she finally called back and got the girls at 7:30 at night! THIS is the poo I have been dealing with! Do you all know how livid I would have been had I NOT called dad to pick up!?

They go to court this Friday. Mom thinks it is because of daycare (dad wanting to keep the girls here). But Dad and his lawyer are going for custody. I was asked to write a letter stating care, etc and issues. I was hesitant. Still am to be honest. I hate getting in the middle of this mess (not that I haven't already been for a long while). So I simply wrote a letter stating facts.....The girls were enrolled by mom, been here xyz years, I am in agreement with removal/termination of the care of the girls with the mother, that father is welcome to continue with care on his days if desired. All dates of issues enclosed which covered only dates of things I could remember or noted....like this past Monday of 'forgetting' to pick up her kids and what I did. Just simple facts. It was hard. I so wanted to give opinions. Must have rewrote everything like 20 times. Its hard to keep to facts when you just want to burst and say what you think.

But I am done. Mom paid for the week but shorted me $50. I will take the girls on dad days until Wed and then mom is on her own after that as she is not paid in full (unless that check magically appears before tomorrow afternoon) . I offered to take the girls on dad days but have to say I will not be sad if the court says no. NOT that I have issues with the girls or dad. Just that I am kinda done with the drama. I didn't realize how much so until now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! Its like a weight being lifted. No more mom...no more mom....no more mom!

Mom is going to lose her lic on the DUI too. The daycare hearing was set for July 11th but mom asked it moved up. Turns out her punishment hearing for the DUI is set for July 9th and she is trying to get the daycare part done before she loses the lic. She doesn't know the dad and his lawyer know about the DUI/Car accident. AND she is going in on Friday without a lawyer. Man. I would not want to be her Friday.

Count down for me...........5..........

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You being in agreement of removal of moms custody isn't a fact... that's an opinion. I don't mean to offend you, but do you honestly believe this woman isn't going to cause problems for you if you continue to watch the dck's for DCD? You're going into court to tell them you think she shouldn't have custody of her children... it's likely she'll retaliate. I wouldn't touch this family with a 50 foot pole after the court date.

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It's a bad situation, but I feel for the dad and the girls. They seem to mesh well with you, but mom is screwing it all up! If she loses custody, it won't be up to her where he places them for care, but God help the person who has them. If it's you, the drama will not be over by Friday. I agree that she will continue to cause problems and you will likely start getting cps visits because she will try to prove you unfit and dad by proxy, since he chose to keep the kids with you against her wishes.

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I rather think your right. And I haven't decided on if they will be allowed to return. IF they are allowed. I am rather over the momma drama. IF it happens it will never be with mother on my property. Mom cannot pick up. Mom cannot drop off. If that can't happen it won't be here. Nothing I wrote however was anything was isn't already known. I gave no opinion. Didn't state anything other than obvious issues I have had that is not unknown to anyone already.

And the 'agreement' wasn't removal of moms custody. It was agreement in removal of her here in care. Mom gave notice because she was upset I was charging her late fees. I agreed in a termination notice back. I acknowledged and agreed with the decision. Sorry if that was misunderstood. The whole custody thing has nothing to do with me. I am OUT of that one! The court asked how long the girls were here, who enrolled, and why I was in agreement of termination. Thats all that letter was. Other than the noted dates of issues like bounced checks or late picks up I never stated anything else.

The whole DUI....Custody....etc etc etc. They are on their own on that. I just know about it.

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I would cut all ties asap. I also would have termed a looong time ago!

Mom will make your life heck for getting involved

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Yeah. Its sad but true. I feel so bad for the girls. They have no place to go. Nothing I can do though.

Im kinda excited. I am almost done. Its been way too long!

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I'm glad it's almost over for you!

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I took your considerations into account and have decided to term as of tomorrow. Not picking up last week.....not full payment this week.....the hearing coming up on Friday (which is her day to pick up and I AINT listening to that bitchfest). I think I am done. I just wrote the term notice. Going to call dad and let him know. Only way I will take the girls is if he gets custody which we know is gonna take one act of God.

Dad is off for the summer due to an injury so I know I am not messing him up. Just want to be done.... Mom on the other hand won't be pleased but then again neither was I having to wait for a no show last week.

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Oh, ok. I totally misunderstood that. I thought you were going to tell the court that you agree that mom shouldn't have custody of the dck's. I hope everything blows over smoothly for you and she doesn't cause any more problems for you.

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Question....

Mom paid for this week but shorted $50 which she still owes. I was nice and simply stated in the notice that I was not able to keep the children until her requested date as the positions are no longer available. If I do that should I owe the money back for the rest of the week? You know this question is coming so figured I would get thoughts. Or should I be the itch and term openly for not showing last week, not paying the late fees or this weeks payment in full and say oh well. THAT will flip her over like a mad hornet and will probably give dad more ammo.

So.....nice......honest?
Keep payment.....give back and say chow lady? (note that payment is done by dad through court. So TECH the payment if I give back goes to the dad. Not the mom??)

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Wow. I would have termed too because you will never be able to not deal with mom, KWIM? What if one of the girls gets sick and you can't get a hold of dad? What if she shows up demanding the girls? What if she gets visitation and they are to happen at daycare ?

Can you let us know if dad gets custody? I am feeling really bad for those little girls!

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