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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Screamer. Urg Help!!!!!
MommyofThree 04:24 AM 09-10-2012
Ok I have a sixteenth mounth old that every time I walk out of the room screams her lungs out and always want me to pick her up. How the heck do I break that habbit
Its annoying when my dc familes pick up and drop off. They are prob wondering why she is always crying. Any and all advise please.
Its annoying when my dc familes pick up and drop off. They are prob wondering why she is always crying. Any and all advise please.
Angelsj 04:49 AM 09-10-2012
Personally, I would wear her during that time, and as often as possible until she gains confidence. If she is always being held, she will soon get the idea that others are having fun and she is not.
MommyofThree 06:00 AM 09-10-2012
Wear her? Meaning hold her? I run a daycare with 11 other children. I have no time to hold her the whole day
brookeroo 06:16 AM 09-10-2012
It will pass. It's usually just a phase they go through anywhere from 7-12 months old usually. I do have 6 month old that is like that though (always has been). He's just a little bit spoiled rotten... to the core. 
Personally I don't give in. I let him cry and rarely give into it unless he's wet or hungry.
If he's screaming when parents get here I just tell them... "he likes to be held" and smile. Day after day of this they usually can tell where I'm coming from. Especially if I'm holding him when they get there and I put him down and he starts screaming. They are pretty understanding.
Sometimes I just put him up in his nap area if he's relentless. It's not fair to any of us to have to hear him cry all day. His mom understands and even has admitted to spoiling him. Makes it that much harder for him to adjust.... She told me that she knows I can't spend the same amount of time with him that she does because I have other kids and there are times she has to let him cry just to get things done.
Personally I don't give in. I let him cry and rarely give into it unless he's wet or hungry. If he's screaming when parents get here I just tell them... "he likes to be held" and smile. Day after day of this they usually can tell where I'm coming from. Especially if I'm holding him when they get there and I put him down and he starts screaming. They are pretty understanding.
Sometimes I just put him up in his nap area if he's relentless. It's not fair to any of us to have to hear him cry all day. His mom understands and even has admitted to spoiling him. Makes it that much harder for him to adjust.... She told me that she knows I can't spend the same amount of time with him that she does because I have other kids and there are times she has to let him cry just to get things done.
momma2girls 07:21 AM 09-10-2012
It's called seperation anxiety and hopefully will pass for you!!!
I have had 2 children in the past 9 yrs. that it didn't pass. I finally had to terminate both of them!! I kept them both for over a month, thinking the same thing, it will pass, but it didn't. I have had daycare friends that have kept children with seperation anxiety for 2 -4 months, and they went crazy and finally decided it was time to terminate. They both said they would never ever do that again!!! One you finally decide enough is enough, you will think to yourself, "why didn't I do this sooner"
I have had 2 children in the past 9 yrs. that it didn't pass. I finally had to terminate both of them!! I kept them both for over a month, thinking the same thing, it will pass, but it didn't. I have had daycare friends that have kept children with seperation anxiety for 2 -4 months, and they went crazy and finally decided it was time to terminate. They both said they would never ever do that again!!! One you finally decide enough is enough, you will think to yourself, "why didn't I do this sooner"
cheerfuldom 09:16 AM 09-10-2012
Originally Posted by MommyofThree:
Wear her? Meaning hold her? I run a daycare with 11 other children. I have no time to hold her the whole day
I wear my own kids and sometimes daycare INFANTS but at 16 months, this little daycare girl needs to get with the program. I know its tough and she obviously is having a hard time with it.....but I dont do any techniques that I cant do for a prolonged time. I cant hold or wear just one child for an indefinite time while waiting for them to decide they would rather play. Wear her? Meaning hold her? I run a daycare with 11 other children. I have no time to hold her the whole day
so, I give them lots of floor time, no picking up unless absolutely necessary or they are not crying beforehand, playing next them or letting them sit in my lap but not carrying them. Find something that keeps her busy during pickups...a snack or a lovey item, favorite toy, exersaucer, etc. I would hold during pickup if I had to, just so the parents werent hearing the crying and worrying about things.
and I agree with the PP....it doesnt always pass. Thats why you have 3 year olds that want to be held and have never moved on from this stage. It depends a lot on their personality and what is going on at home. Dont feel bad OP if you set a limit of how long you will work with this before terming. I termed one that was so crazy clingy, that I just couldnt take it anymore. Had her for almost a year and she never got over this stage.
Angelsj 03:35 PM 09-10-2012
Originally Posted by MommyofThree:
Wear her? Meaning hold her? I run a daycare with 11 other children. I have no time to hold her the whole day
I use a moby wrap. Hands free, but allows you to cuddle her close. If you have 11 other kids, you may not be what this particular kiddo needs. Wear her? Meaning hold her? I run a daycare with 11 other children. I have no time to hold her the whole day
Insisting a 16mo must "get with the program" just makes me sad. If you give a child closeness and confidence, the separation will come as their trust increases.
littlemissmuffet 08:52 PM 09-10-2012
Originally Posted by Angelsj:
I use a moby wrap. Hands free, but allows you to cuddle her close. If you have 11 other kids, you may not be what this particular kiddo needs.
Insisting a 16mo must "get with the program" just makes me sad. If you give a child closeness and confidence, the separation will come as their trust increases.
I disagree. I never hold or carry my daycare kids and they all adjust with 2-3 weeks and even the parents begin to comment about how great it is that their child is growing independant enough that they can actually go into another room and do something without being screamed at or cried too. I use a moby wrap. Hands free, but allows you to cuddle her close. If you have 11 other kids, you may not be what this particular kiddo needs.
Insisting a 16mo must "get with the program" just makes me sad. If you give a child closeness and confidence, the separation will come as their trust increases.
You can provide closeness and confidence to a child without carrying them around all day and spoiling them.
Angelsj 04:42 AM 09-11-2012
Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet:
I disagree. I never hold or carry my daycare kids and they all adjust with 2-3 weeks and even the parents begin to comment about how great it is that their child is growing independant enough that they can actually go into another room and do something without being screamed at or cried too.
You can provide closeness and confidence to a child without carrying them around all day and spoiling them.
Kids adjust to many things, some that are fine, others that are less healthy for them. To each their own.I disagree. I never hold or carry my daycare kids and they all adjust with 2-3 weeks and even the parents begin to comment about how great it is that their child is growing independant enough that they can actually go into another room and do something without being screamed at or cried too.
You can provide closeness and confidence to a child without carrying them around all day and spoiling them.
countrymom 05:32 AM 09-11-2012
they all go thru this. If anyone asks tell them it seperation anxiety, trust me all parents understand this. I would not carry this child, why, because once you start then how are you going to break this habit (and yes at this age its a habit) how is the child going to gain independence if your carrying them around, and I have a heart to hear sling so I'm no stranger to baby wearing.
Blackcat31 06:38 AM 09-11-2012
Originally Posted by MommyofThree:
Ok I have a sixteenth mounth old that every time I walk out of the room screams her lungs out and always want me to pick her up. How the heck do I break that habbit Its annoying when my dc familes pick up and drop off. They are prob wondering why she is always crying. Any and all advise please.
How long has this child been in care with you?Ok I have a sixteenth mounth old that every time I walk out of the room screams her lungs out and always want me to pick her up. How the heck do I break that habbit
Its annoying when my dc familes pick up and drop off. They are prob wondering why she is always crying. Any and all advise please.Is she new to child care?
I definitely agree with the fact that you need to build that trusting relationship with her in order for her to feel secure and confident enough to understand that when you leave her sight, you will still return.
If you don't have the secure attachment with her, she won't adjust and will be stressed and upset each and every time you leave her sight.
If she has been with you for a while and is comfortable in every other aspect of your environment, then I would absolutely chalk this up to separation anxiety and believe it will pass.
In the mean time, I would start talking to her BEFORE you leave the room "Miss B is going to go in the kitchen for a few minutes but I will be right back" and then if necessary/possible, talk to her from the other room "Miss B will be back in a minute, you are ok...I am right here." and so on.
She might not fully understand what you are saying but she will be able to hear you and will be able to put the connection to gether that you ARE still present in her world and aren't leaving her.
The other kids can also be super helpful by helping soothe her while you are away and by reassuring her that you will be right back when you leave the room. Peers are wonderful tools, especially at this age so never underestimate the resources you have right there already.
Another option for pick up time is maybe even go so far as include her..."Jessie, would you like to come with me while I say goodbye to Timmy?" and then let her come with you while you greet Timmy's parents and get him out the door.
cheerfuldom 09:26 AM 09-11-2012
Originally Posted by Angelsj:
Kids adjust to many things, some that are fine, others that are less healthy for them. To each their own.
I see what you are saying. I personally do support many attachment parenting techniques but do not agree that they are functional at all for a daycare settings. A very small group of children or nanny style care and you can make most of the techniques still work. So if a child is with a caregiver and not adjusting and really need more attention, its up the parents to find (and pay for) the appropriate level of care their child needs. Its not fair to ask that a provider with 12 children to care for, adjust everything around one child and their particular needs. In essence, the parents are paying for 1/12th of the attention/time/resources of the provider, if their child needs more than 1/12th, then they need to find other care. Kids adjust to many things, some that are fine, others that are less healthy for them. To each their own.
On a side note, I dont agree that attachment techniques always result in secure and confident kids. I know a HUGE circle of AP parents and there are quite a few that have 3 and 4 year olds that are still wanting to be carried and needing a lot of attention....not secure or confident at all. Its not fair to expect the provider to possibly deal with this same issue until this child goes off to kindergarten. Not every provider is the best fit for every kid....and not every parenting technique is the best for every kid either.
Angelsj 12:07 PM 09-11-2012
Maybe, but I honestly feel some concern for any ratio (legal or not) that allows for 12 children to be cared for with a single provider, even if only ONE of them is 16 months old.
Like I said, to each their own, people have their own way of doing things, but if I cannot provide what a child needs, then I either have too many children, or it is not a good fit. Regardless of reason, it still makes me sad that a child is forced to "adjust" at what may very well be the expense of their security. It just isn't how *I* would do things, and she was, after all, asking our opinions. It is ok if yours does not agree with mine.
I think if you look more closely at what some pass off as "attachment parenting," you may find a different result. It is one thing to help a child become confident and secure in a new setting. The goal is to create confident children who then move on to do other things and become more independent. If you are seeing 3 and 4 year olds who are still lacking confidence, something else is going on that is not a part of attachment parenting.
Like I said, to each their own, people have their own way of doing things, but if I cannot provide what a child needs, then I either have too many children, or it is not a good fit. Regardless of reason, it still makes me sad that a child is forced to "adjust" at what may very well be the expense of their security. It just isn't how *I* would do things, and she was, after all, asking our opinions. It is ok if yours does not agree with mine.
I think if you look more closely at what some pass off as "attachment parenting," you may find a different result. It is one thing to help a child become confident and secure in a new setting. The goal is to create confident children who then move on to do other things and become more independent. If you are seeing 3 and 4 year olds who are still lacking confidence, something else is going on that is not a part of attachment parenting.