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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Extreme Case of Picky Eating - Long, Need Advice!
NoShrinkingViolet 03:08 PM 07-13-2016
I have a 3.5 year old girl in my care who is the most extreme case of picky eating I have ever seen or heard of. She has been with me full time for just over two months, and I expected at least some improvement by now. She literally eats NOTHING for me most days. If she ever eats, it's one or two bites of snack, and ONLY if it's a junky snack like Cheez-its. I pride myself on the quality of food I serve in my program. I follow the food program and go above and beyond with fresh organic produce, non-GMO, a very nice, wide variety of different foods, etc. All of the other kids eat great for me and say I make the best food ever!
Mom says previous provider would yell at her and make her eat and she's just traumatized. That got me right in the gut, and so I made extra efforts not to push her to eat anything, I wanted her to feel safe and happy here. I assured Mom that seeing the other kids eating, and not making a big deal out of food would have her doing better in no time. I continue to update mom with the lack of progress. She says her daughter will eat only pizza, grilled chz, chic nuggets, PB&J, Mac n chz for them at home. She also claims she likes apples and bananas but says she does give her baby food squeeze pouches to get her fruits and veggies. I told her that my training and experience has shown me that not giving those familiar fall-back options as a back-up if she doesn't eat the healthy stuff is very important. I gently explained that she won't starve if she's not given the power to choose what she’s served at mealtimes, that she should be eating mostly everything her parents eat by this age. I laughingly reminded her that no mom wants to be a short-order cook, and that some kids just give us more of a challenge.
The foods her mom said she will eat, I consider junk food and are special treats here at daycare. I serve "real" homemade mac and cheese only, never the boxed stuff with powdered cheese. She won't eat it. I serve cheese pizza occasionally on a Friday and she won't eat it. I serve chicken nuggets rarely, but the best she's done with those is eating 1.5 nuggets once for me. She will not eat my grilled cheese or PB&J (PB&J only offered once when peanut allergy kid was absent). She has never touched an apple slice or banana for me, and I serve those a lot. I feel that a child her age is too old to be eating baby food, and I do not do special-order cooking here. I have brought up again the importance of offering her a variety of healthy foods at home, it seems to just go in mom's ear and out the other. I took it a step further and told her exactly what to try at home: have her eat two bites of something like grapes or corn before she's given any of the foods she supposedly eats for them. Make it clear that unless she eats two bites of X food first, the meal is over and they can try again later. If she refuses, stand firm, let her get hungry enough to eat the good stuff. "Ok, good idea, we'll try it" was all I got after that, which was 2 weeks ago and it's clear they aren't following through.
I even tried giving all the kids fruit snacks today at snack, something I've never served at daycare, to see if she’d eat THAT. Everyone (including her) was excited! Other kids wolfed them down, she took one look at them and said she didn't like that particular kind. I'm so tired of throwing food away. I always serve her smaller portions of what everyone else is eating, with no pressure. I just gather her untouched plate at the end of the mealtime and dump it, which is starting to wear on me! The other kids actually try to convince her to try things, she just sits there at the table and stares blankly during all meal and snack times. She only ate one bite of a cupcake at a recent birthday celebration we had. Mom says she eats and eats once she gets home, but sounds like it's just the junk still. She sent a baby food squeeze pouch in her backpack last week, but I have a strict policy against outside food or beverages so I had to remind them that's not allowed.
How is this kid ever going to get over the picky eating if they keep refusing to set limits/expectations for her? What can I do? She doesn’t appear to be malnourished - if she did, I would have more of a reason to be alarmed about nutritional neglect. Is there anything I can do, or just accept that she won’t eat anything for the 40 hours she’s here each week? What would you do?
Mom says previous provider would yell at her and make her eat and she's just traumatized. That got me right in the gut, and so I made extra efforts not to push her to eat anything, I wanted her to feel safe and happy here. I assured Mom that seeing the other kids eating, and not making a big deal out of food would have her doing better in no time. I continue to update mom with the lack of progress. She says her daughter will eat only pizza, grilled chz, chic nuggets, PB&J, Mac n chz for them at home. She also claims she likes apples and bananas but says she does give her baby food squeeze pouches to get her fruits and veggies. I told her that my training and experience has shown me that not giving those familiar fall-back options as a back-up if she doesn't eat the healthy stuff is very important. I gently explained that she won't starve if she's not given the power to choose what she’s served at mealtimes, that she should be eating mostly everything her parents eat by this age. I laughingly reminded her that no mom wants to be a short-order cook, and that some kids just give us more of a challenge.
The foods her mom said she will eat, I consider junk food and are special treats here at daycare. I serve "real" homemade mac and cheese only, never the boxed stuff with powdered cheese. She won't eat it. I serve cheese pizza occasionally on a Friday and she won't eat it. I serve chicken nuggets rarely, but the best she's done with those is eating 1.5 nuggets once for me. She will not eat my grilled cheese or PB&J (PB&J only offered once when peanut allergy kid was absent). She has never touched an apple slice or banana for me, and I serve those a lot. I feel that a child her age is too old to be eating baby food, and I do not do special-order cooking here. I have brought up again the importance of offering her a variety of healthy foods at home, it seems to just go in mom's ear and out the other. I took it a step further and told her exactly what to try at home: have her eat two bites of something like grapes or corn before she's given any of the foods she supposedly eats for them. Make it clear that unless she eats two bites of X food first, the meal is over and they can try again later. If she refuses, stand firm, let her get hungry enough to eat the good stuff. "Ok, good idea, we'll try it" was all I got after that, which was 2 weeks ago and it's clear they aren't following through.
I even tried giving all the kids fruit snacks today at snack, something I've never served at daycare, to see if she’d eat THAT. Everyone (including her) was excited! Other kids wolfed them down, she took one look at them and said she didn't like that particular kind. I'm so tired of throwing food away. I always serve her smaller portions of what everyone else is eating, with no pressure. I just gather her untouched plate at the end of the mealtime and dump it, which is starting to wear on me! The other kids actually try to convince her to try things, she just sits there at the table and stares blankly during all meal and snack times. She only ate one bite of a cupcake at a recent birthday celebration we had. Mom says she eats and eats once she gets home, but sounds like it's just the junk still. She sent a baby food squeeze pouch in her backpack last week, but I have a strict policy against outside food or beverages so I had to remind them that's not allowed.
How is this kid ever going to get over the picky eating if they keep refusing to set limits/expectations for her? What can I do? She doesn’t appear to be malnourished - if she did, I would have more of a reason to be alarmed about nutritional neglect. Is there anything I can do, or just accept that she won’t eat anything for the 40 hours she’s here each week? What would you do?
laundrymom 03:23 PM 07-13-2016
I would ask mom if she plans on continuing to feed her junk after daycare. (Well I'd say "do you plan on continuing to cater to her limited item diet? Because if you keep buying the non nutritional foods she insists on eating, she will never need to choose a healthier option)
And leave it up to mom.
If she eats at daycare, she eats. If not, mom will feed her at pickup.
And leave it up to mom.
If she eats at daycare, she eats. If not, mom will feed her at pickup.
Michael 03:41 PM 07-13-2016
Welcome to the forum. We have more thread on picky eaters: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=picky+eater
Josiegirl 04:04 PM 07-13-2016
Do what you do at dc, let dcm do what she does at home. Dcg will survive. All 3 of my own kids were picky eaters, they'll eat anything now. They're not little forever. I posted something similar to this and someone suggested for me to make no issue about it, especially in front of dcg. I feed her things I know she will eat(such as peas, hummus, cheese, yogurt) but I also feed lots of different stuff I know she won't eat. I have 2 dcgs that are extremely fussy. One of them is trying tiny bites of this or that occasionally, the other one absolutely refuses. So be it.
Silly Songs 06:13 PM 07-13-2016
Just put the food out and don't mention it. It's hard, I know. Some children seem to survive on air, others seem to have huge apoetites. I don't always consider it picky eating. They could very well just not enjoy eating. Mom may be giving her the pouches just to get food into her. It's not a battle.
Unregistered 06:19 PM 07-13-2016
I had a 3 yr old boy who would eat nothing but meat. His mom told me when he started not to worry about it and he'd eat once home. He'd only eat things like pork chops, roast turkey or beef roast-no hamburger.
He never once touched any food at my house! He wouldn't eat fruit, Mac n cheese, snacks....nothing.
He never once touched any food at my house! He wouldn't eat fruit, Mac n cheese, snacks....nothing.
Leigh 07:48 PM 07-13-2016
All you can do is serve it. It's up to her if she wants to eat it or not. One thing I do, though, is OCCASIONALLY offer dessert to children who eat their meals (they don't have to eat it all, but they do have to eat SOME of it). That snapped my picky eater out of his year long hunger strike. He spent several days with us recently, and I had to send his mom photos of him eating the lettuce salad that he ASKED for, as well as him eating homemade onion straws one night (and he knew there were onions in there!). He eats burgers here (won't at home), he eats broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, green beans, etc. with gusto. At home, NO veggies. None. They give him what he wants and that's it. I don't bully him to eat, I don't beg him to eat, just put it down and walk away. I DO make him stay at the table whether he eats or not, until everyone is finished (which I think helps encourage them to try foods). I DO also announce before lunch if there is to be a treat after lunch for those who eat their meal.
My3cents 06:32 AM 07-15-2016
Originally Posted by NoShrinkingViolet:
I have a 3.5 year old girl in my care who is the most extreme case of picky eating I have ever seen or heard of. She has been with me full time for just over two months, and I expected at least some improvement by now. She literally eats NOTHING for me most days. If she ever eats, it's one or two bites of snack, and ONLY if it's a junky snack like Cheez-its. I pride myself on the quality of food I serve in my program. I follow the food program and go above and beyond with fresh organic produce, non-GMO, a very nice, wide variety of different foods, etc. All of the other kids eat great for me and say I make the best food ever!
Mom says previous provider would yell at her and make her eat and she's just traumatized. That got me right in the gut, and so I made extra efforts not to push her to eat anything, I wanted her to feel safe and happy here. I assured Mom that seeing the other kids eating, and not making a big deal out of food would have her doing better in no time. I continue to update mom with the lack of progress. She says her daughter will eat only pizza, grilled chz, chic nuggets, PB&J, Mac n chz for them at home. She also claims she likes apples and bananas but says she does give her baby food squeeze pouches to get her fruits and veggies. I told her that my training and experience has shown me that not giving those familiar fall-back options as a back-up if she doesn't eat the healthy stuff is very important. I gently explained that she won't starve if she's not given the power to choose what she’s served at mealtimes, that she should be eating mostly everything her parents eat by this age. I laughingly reminded her that no mom wants to be a short-order cook, and that some kids just give us more of a challenge.
The foods her mom said she will eat, I consider junk food and are special treats here at daycare. I serve "real" homemade mac and cheese only, never the boxed stuff with powdered cheese. She won't eat it. I serve cheese pizza occasionally on a Friday and she won't eat it. I serve chicken nuggets rarely, but the best she's done with those is eating 1.5 nuggets once for me. She will not eat my grilled cheese or PB&J (PB&J only offered once when peanut allergy kid was absent). She has never touched an apple slice or banana for me, and I serve those a lot. I feel that a child her age is too old to be eating baby food, and I do not do special-order cooking here. I have brought up again the importance of offering her a variety of healthy foods at home, it seems to just go in mom's ear and out the other. I took it a step further and told her exactly what to try at home: have her eat two bites of something like grapes or corn before she's given any of the foods she supposedly eats for them. Make it clear that unless she eats two bites of X food first, the meal is over and they can try again later. If she refuses, stand firm, let her get hungry enough to eat the good stuff. "Ok, good idea, we'll try it" was all I got after that, which was 2 weeks ago and it's clear they aren't following through.
I even tried giving all the kids fruit snacks today at snack, something I've never served at daycare, to see if she’d eat THAT. Everyone (including her) was excited! Other kids wolfed them down, she took one look at them and said she didn't like that particular kind. I'm so tired of throwing food away. I always serve her smaller portions of what everyone else is eating, with no pressure. I just gather her untouched plate at the end of the mealtime and dump it, which is starting to wear on me! The other kids actually try to convince her to try things, she just sits there at the table and stares blankly during all meal and snack times. She only ate one bite of a cupcake at a recent birthday celebration we had. Mom says she eats and eats once she gets home, but sounds like it's just the junk still. She sent a baby food squeeze pouch in her backpack last week, but I have a strict policy against outside food or beverages so I had to remind them that's not allowed.
How is this kid ever going to get over the picky eating if they keep refusing to set limits/expectations for her? What can I do? She doesn’t appear to be malnourished - if she did, I would have more of a reason to be alarmed about nutritional neglect. Is there anything I can do, or just accept that she won’t eat anything for the 40 hours she’s here each week? What would you do?
It's a battle your not going to win. Take the control out of it. Give her a small plate if she eats that serve her more. Put her next to a good eater. She doesn't want to eat....she doesn't eat. Your job is to serve her, her job is to choose what she eats and how much, even if she eats nothing at all. (Unless she was not thriving or medical reasons) Don't go above and beyond to serve junk food to see if she will eat it. Don't take it personally. If junk food is the staple at home your not going to change that. It is probably what the mom knows. You can send home information sheets on healthy eating. I don't even do the take one bite rule. I think you will find when you take out the "control" aspect on both ends of the spectrum the eating will become a non issue for not only the child but also you. It does stink when you provide good food and the kids will not eat it and you try to share good nutrition. Best advice I have for you is to let it go-I have a 3.5 year old girl in my care who is the most extreme case of picky eating I have ever seen or heard of. She has been with me full time for just over two months, and I expected at least some improvement by now. She literally eats NOTHING for me most days. If she ever eats, it's one or two bites of snack, and ONLY if it's a junky snack like Cheez-its. I pride myself on the quality of food I serve in my program. I follow the food program and go above and beyond with fresh organic produce, non-GMO, a very nice, wide variety of different foods, etc. All of the other kids eat great for me and say I make the best food ever!
Mom says previous provider would yell at her and make her eat and she's just traumatized. That got me right in the gut, and so I made extra efforts not to push her to eat anything, I wanted her to feel safe and happy here. I assured Mom that seeing the other kids eating, and not making a big deal out of food would have her doing better in no time. I continue to update mom with the lack of progress. She says her daughter will eat only pizza, grilled chz, chic nuggets, PB&J, Mac n chz for them at home. She also claims she likes apples and bananas but says she does give her baby food squeeze pouches to get her fruits and veggies. I told her that my training and experience has shown me that not giving those familiar fall-back options as a back-up if she doesn't eat the healthy stuff is very important. I gently explained that she won't starve if she's not given the power to choose what she’s served at mealtimes, that she should be eating mostly everything her parents eat by this age. I laughingly reminded her that no mom wants to be a short-order cook, and that some kids just give us more of a challenge.
The foods her mom said she will eat, I consider junk food and are special treats here at daycare. I serve "real" homemade mac and cheese only, never the boxed stuff with powdered cheese. She won't eat it. I serve cheese pizza occasionally on a Friday and she won't eat it. I serve chicken nuggets rarely, but the best she's done with those is eating 1.5 nuggets once for me. She will not eat my grilled cheese or PB&J (PB&J only offered once when peanut allergy kid was absent). She has never touched an apple slice or banana for me, and I serve those a lot. I feel that a child her age is too old to be eating baby food, and I do not do special-order cooking here. I have brought up again the importance of offering her a variety of healthy foods at home, it seems to just go in mom's ear and out the other. I took it a step further and told her exactly what to try at home: have her eat two bites of something like grapes or corn before she's given any of the foods she supposedly eats for them. Make it clear that unless she eats two bites of X food first, the meal is over and they can try again later. If she refuses, stand firm, let her get hungry enough to eat the good stuff. "Ok, good idea, we'll try it" was all I got after that, which was 2 weeks ago and it's clear they aren't following through.
I even tried giving all the kids fruit snacks today at snack, something I've never served at daycare, to see if she’d eat THAT. Everyone (including her) was excited! Other kids wolfed them down, she took one look at them and said she didn't like that particular kind. I'm so tired of throwing food away. I always serve her smaller portions of what everyone else is eating, with no pressure. I just gather her untouched plate at the end of the mealtime and dump it, which is starting to wear on me! The other kids actually try to convince her to try things, she just sits there at the table and stares blankly during all meal and snack times. She only ate one bite of a cupcake at a recent birthday celebration we had. Mom says she eats and eats once she gets home, but sounds like it's just the junk still. She sent a baby food squeeze pouch in her backpack last week, but I have a strict policy against outside food or beverages so I had to remind them that's not allowed.
How is this kid ever going to get over the picky eating if they keep refusing to set limits/expectations for her? What can I do? She doesn’t appear to be malnourished - if she did, I would have more of a reason to be alarmed about nutritional neglect. Is there anything I can do, or just accept that she won’t eat anything for the 40 hours she’s here each week? What would you do?
3cents