.... & then said, "I know what the advice with be" & delete it?

(This girl does!)

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No, because I know that someone always has a different perspective for me to consider.

Every time I think I have heard it all someone proves me wrong

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I start threads, then wish I hadn't, only because they seem whiney or obvious.

Plus, after reading some threads by others & what they're dealing with, I tend to get paranoid. I do love all the different advice, even if I don't feel like I am strong enough to follow it personally.

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I've started a thread then wished I hadn't when it took a completely different turn

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Been there too. I'm also am guilty of hi-jacking a thread...., by accident of course!

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I love when that happens.

I figure it is much like regular face to face conversation.

One thing leads to another and before you know it you solved two issues not just one..kwim?

Plus imagine how complicated it would be to follow a ton of different threads for every singular topic/idea that pops up.

Even when threads take an ugly turn and get dramatic, they are still learning experiences and there is nothing wrong with that.

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All the time!

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Sorry...

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The best threads on this site IMHO started out as one thing and ended up addressing a way more complex issue in our business. Never shy away from the road less travelled.

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This.

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yes, usually because I know the answer will be "term them". If only it was always that easy.

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Yes, I frequently do. I probably start a thread abut once a week or so, decide I won't really get the input I'm looking for, so I just delete it.

Honestly, I don't seem to get a lot of responses to some of the issues that I post about.

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Thank you for posting this topic. It is one of my favorites and I have some new found free time, Wee!

I hear (well, read) people say that a lot here.

BUT, When I read the actual threads where people are told to term it is usually because the provider has let the parent/child get away with so much already that getting them back into ring would be more work and stress for a already frazzled provider than enrolling a new family and starting fresh.

**the formula of: stressed provider + more stressors + house full of kids + isolation = risk for child abuse**

This is known but nobody seems willing to talk openly about it. It offends people when we try to talk about it. "Not me, how dare you" is the general reaction to it.

Protecting the provider's stress level is more important than saving the client. Many providers offering support KNOW how to solve it, but also see that the one asking can't/won't do it. IYKWIM? It is all in perspective.

I love the hijacks!! Those are the best REAL discussions ever...

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The above post is SO true.

The bolded part is also important because there is a fine line between doing what's right for everyone involved and doing what is best for the provider's finances or the provider's need to not feel like a failure for trying to solve an issue that really isn't their problem to begin with.

Those are the had truths of this business.

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I've started some to vent then deleted because I got the frustration out.

I've started some and deleted because I didn't want to sound dumb.

I've started some and deleted because I was afraid of being pounced on.

I do enjoy others ideas. Everyone does things different and this forum opens up a world of new ideas.

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PM those to me and I will post the questions.

My flamesuit is super powered.

There is no dumb question

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Yeah. I don't fell like I contribute very much productive advice anymore. I should take a break, my funk is pretty deep lately. I'm just lonely and depressed.

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You have always provided excellent opinions, IMHO. I am sorry that you are in a funk right now. I understand the loneliness and depression that can come with this job. Maybe a short vacation can regenerize you.

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Oh no Shug. You are one of my all time fave posters. You know you can visit with me any ole time. Send me your phone number and a time. If I have a consult during that time we can figure out a time that works for you.

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The hijacks also lend themselves to providers working their way towards each other over time. I've seen that happen a zillion times. Your greatest detractor will be your greatest resource when something goes wrong.

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To me, you have the coolest daycare I have ever heard of. I wish I could legally have one like yours. Your concept is original and AWESOME.

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Yup! Though to be completely honest and transparent, many times I just delete what I've written because I don't have the energy or patience to deal with the issue in person and online.

That makes sense to me but probably not many other people. What I mean is I feel like I either get the "Here's the black and white advice and that's the end of it." responses OR the responses that assume things about my business, home, family, life, etc and trying to correct those assumptions completely shuts down the responses-plus the question, concern, situation never gets answered, resolved, or advised on.

Anyways, that's my 2 cents. I still read quite frequently though.

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This is a very lonely job at times. coming on here helps when I'm in a funk. You can complain or vent anytime. Makes us all feel like we r human and not diaper changing, snot cleaning robots.

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This DOES need to be talked about. Early in my career I felt myself reach that point more often than I care to admit. It can happen to anyone. And if you don't take steps to reduce that stress and learn to handle those times, kids WILL get abused.
It doesn't have to be physical. I have seen people say some very cruel things to children because they were stressed beyond their breaking point. Or treat kids as though they are a bother and annoyance. Those things are just as damaging.
Providers, like parents, need to know that EVERYONE feels that way sometimes, and how to get support to deal with it.

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Sugar Totally get it on the lonely and depressed, right there with you. I'm not on much anymore, but if you wanna talk, send me a message.

I have started threads numerous times. I start some and remember that I don't get on much anymore so it's pointless. Also, I look back at my threads and realize they must be dumb or repeated or something since I get a lot of looks, but not replys.

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I completely get where you're coming from on this one. Have had these thoughts myself.

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I am guilty if this. I will often view a thread and not reply.

Sometimes it's because I want to wait and see what others say, sometimes I looked but then something came up and I didn't have time to reply and other times, I don't reply because I KNOW my advice can come across as harsh or very black & white and I know a lot of posters don't or appreciate that kind of feedback.

Sometimes I don't respond because "what I would do" is NOT what the poster would do....based on my knowledge of whomever it is posting..kwim?

For example, for many situations I would reply that the provider should speak directly to the client but the provider will come back and say "But I can't do conflict" or "I am not a confrontational person" so then I am at a loss as to what to suggest or advise so I don't.

It's hard too because a lot of times, you (general you) put your 2 cents in because the poster asked for feedback but then says "I didn't ask for that kind of reply" or something similar. So again I don't reply anymore.

Sometimes it is a certain poster and sometimes it's the situation itself.

I guess the way I look at it when it comes to those who say they don't want to get "jumped on" etc, they need to just learn to take what they can use from the advice posted and leave the rest or they can always post specifics on what kind/type of feedback they want.

It's hard to "read" each person's requirements/needs in print.

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Many of my threads are the same way. I don't really worry about the number of responses, just an answer.

I know that I don't respond unless my own answer would be different that what was already posted. (or if the user was hostile to an honest effort on my part previously, those are on ignore.)

My bet was that if there was an "I agree" flag option on replys you'd see that people really are taking the time to consider your question.

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Very true.

I tend to be too much of a black and white person. That's why I delete so many of my responses.

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I have started a lot of threads and responses that I have deleted because when I am typing them or rereading them, they just aren't good enough/long enough/important enough. I have rewritten this response several times. But that is my own issue, so I just keep reading and sometimes get the courage to say something.

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Exactly. We need to talk about cumulative stress and we NEED to say that ANYONE can snap. I don't care who you are... what your experience is... how much you think you have your temper in check... you CAN go overboard with a kid in a split second.

I know this about myself. I know I am not superwoman. I'm flesh and blood.

When you realize you could do one thing one day that could ruin a family's life and your own life... then you can put in the escape hatch that keeps you from ever doing it.

The escape hatch has CUMULATIVE STRESS written on the hatch cover.

I've been obsessed with intentional child injury and death in daycare for years. I don't have a single statistics to back this up but I see a strong pattern of who the most at risk for injuring and or killing a kid. I think it is the mid 40 to mid fifty provider who allows herself to do the smaller non catchable acts that escalate over time and she doesn't get caught.

Every time she is successful being rough or mean it gives her licence to go even further. She releases her stress by committing these acts instead of dealing with the root

The root is always a crying kid and or anger at the parents.

Those two things are at the root of nearly every act of violence.

What do we see here nearly every day? Kid crying posts and pissed at the parents posts.

We talk about it. We lash out with words and try to deescalate ourselves by bringing in our friends and those who we respect.

We have a ton of lurkers who don't come forward. They are important to reach by our words.

I am often called harsh because I tackle issues that in my mind CAN and DO end up with a hurt or dead kid. The issue may be six steps before the act but they ARE on the staircase that leads to committing an act that in a flick of a moment will change your life, take away your freedom, ruin your ability to parent your own kid, and ruin another families whole world.

It's not worth it. Post away and say the truth. If you need help ASK for it and don't let what someone else thinks or does keep you from reaching out.

Know that even the most experienced and able person can go too far. Nobody is immune. I don't care who they are.

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These are some VERY true words.

I have had my fair share of stressful situations and situations I KNOW could have ended badly had I not simply given myself permission to walk away.

To term. To admit I can no longer deal with.
Failure on my part or not.

If a provider is stressed enough to break but is "held hostage" by thoughts of "owing it to the child/family" or "finances" or "I really like this kid" etc...then that sets the stage for a really bad outcome should all the contributing factors come together at once.

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This is where I get most of my statistics for the abuse recognition classes I teach. Sadly, the rest are from the coroners office.

https://www.childwelfare.gov/systemw..._outOfHome.cfm

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