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dave4him 10:14 AM 10-25-2012
Wish i could be a better husband and have a job which actually could support my family.... im depressed and sad today, cause i know my DW is miserable at her job and needs more from me that i just dont have.....
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boysx5 10:23 AM 10-25-2012
Hey your doing a great thing being home with your kids and doing daycare most men couldn't do that.
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Willow 10:26 AM 10-25-2012
Is she looking for work elsewhere? It's too bad she isn't happy where she's at, that can make things so hard.


When my husband was miserable at his job I encouraged and supported him through the (very) stressful process of finding a new one. He had been there since he graduated college so it was very hard for him to make the break and start over elsewhere. Eventually, with my support, he was able to leave for something much muuuuuch better and life is so much better for our entire family.

Stay strong, the best thing you can do right now is be there for each other as you work through this!
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dave4him 10:44 AM 10-25-2012
She just got the job in August, there really are no other options right now for her out here. Its not what she expected, its pretty frusterating
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Country Kids 01:24 PM 10-25-2012
I'm not entirely sure I know the whole story of why you stay home but....... could you find an outside job and then your wife could stay home with the kiddo's?

It just seems that both of you are unhappy with your current situation. Maybe try reversing and see what that does.
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clep 01:54 PM 10-25-2012
Originally Posted by dave4him:
Wish i could be a better husband and have a job which actually could support my family.... im depressed and sad today, cause i know my DW is miserable at her job and needs more from me that i just dont have.....
Wow this post just broke my heart. You do have it in you, you can do it!!! I used to think the same way and so did my husband. We used to be in much the same boat you are describing. Then I found a work at home solution which makes me lots of money and I can spend time with my child. My husband started an apprentice to be a millwright and he makes much better money now. Basically, both of us could completely support our family on our own which means together we can do very well financially.

It is so important to know your worth, that you do have what it takes, that you can create a life you never thought you would. All you need to do is identify where your passions lie and make a business out of it. It sounds hard at first, but it isn't really. You already run your own business so you can run another one that is more suited towards you which doesn't have a ceiling on income.

I started out by making a list of what I did want to do and what I didn't. After that I found a business that suited me perfectly and the rest is history. Maybe start there?
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dave4him 02:33 PM 10-25-2012
Not sure she would make it with the kiddos all week. She has enough of a handfull of them on the weekends when im working my job at Lowe's. Hopefully i can quit that soon to make it easier for her on the weekends. Three is a lot of work, and two of them are two and no how to get in trouble and throw trantrums. So does my six year old.

As for why i am a stay at home dad. Well two years ago we priced daycare and decided she makes more money than i do and it was too expensive to try us both working and the kids being in daycare. So i opted to stay home with the kids. Last January i started my daycare to add some extra income which turns out still isnt enough income. The last two years we have still been struggling but i realize its better to be struggling at home with the kids then not getting to see them at all. Just wishing she could get in a place where she is happy at her job. Think she needs a career change all together
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countrymom 06:20 PM 10-25-2012
dave, I think your wife is acting like a spoiled brat. There I said it. her being miserable at work should not be making you feel miserable. Seriously, its not your problem that she hates her job, then she needs to figure out by herself how to make it work. Maybe she needs to quit and get 2 part time jobs.

oh, the weekend with the kids, thats a cop out and a guilty thing on you. Seriously, its 3kids, its not brain surgury. I hate when people complain that taking care of their own children is so much work, well guess what its called parenting.

to me, you sound so depressed but its your wife that is doing this to you. I don't care how you want to look at it, but look at all your posts, its your wife. Have you ever tried councilling, either together or by yourself. You shouldn't be feeling down when you are trying so hard.
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Lucy 06:48 PM 10-25-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
dave, I think your wife is acting like a spoiled brat. There I said it. her being miserable at work should not be making you feel miserable. Seriously, its not your problem that she hates her job, then she needs to figure out by herself how to make it work. Maybe she needs to quit and get 2 part time jobs.

oh, the weekend with the kids, thats a cop out and a guilty thing on you. Seriously, its 3kids, its not brain surgury. I hate when people complain that taking care of their own children is so much work, well guess what its called parenting.

to me, you sound so depressed but its your wife that is doing this to you. I don't care how you want to look at it, but look at all your posts, its your wife. Have you ever tried councilling, either together or by yourself. You shouldn't be feeling down when you are trying so hard.
Are you for real posting this? He never said she MAKES him feel guilty. Everything he said was how HE feels about his wife having to be the main breadwinner. It's called being a supportive and caring husband. Wouldn't you feel bad if your husband seemed tired all the time and had an unfulfilling job? I just think what you posted was so rude. THERE, I SAID IT.
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littlemissmuffet 06:58 PM 10-25-2012
Oh Dave, your post made me so sad
You always seem like a really great, caring husband to me... I hope your wife sees this.

I understand that your wife doesn't like her job - but you are working a full-time job taking care of your own children, running a daycare and then on top of that working part-time on the weekends in retail! You too, have a lot on your plate. I think your wife needs to realize how much you do and what you sacrifice to keep the house operating... part of that would be to show gratitude she even has a job in this economy at all.
Please don't be so hard on yourself... you're doing so much more than alot of men/husbands out there would even THINK of doing.
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DaisyMamma 05:09 AM 10-26-2012
Originally Posted by dave4him:
Wish i could be a better husband and have a job which actually could support my family.... im depressed and sad today, cause i know my DW is miserable at her job and needs more from me that i just dont have.....
Hang in there Dave!
You do SO much! Clean, take care of kids, cook? You do a lot!


I know exactly how you feel! I went through a terrible time over the last year, my enrollment was SO low that we weren't making ends meet It's so depressing. I feel your pain. (((HUGS)))

Perhaps you have room to add another DCK? That will help in regards to income.

Just give your DW a nice big hug and kiss later the little things go a LONG way with women.
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dave4him 06:31 AM 10-26-2012
Cooking is a bit of work for me, ive never been too good with getting to the store and getting the food. But when i have it i can cook it, just harder to get out to the store with all the kids
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dave4him 06:32 AM 10-26-2012
And i cant fit any more kids in my car
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Sugar Magnolia 07:42 AM 10-26-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
dave, I think your wife is acting like a spoiled brat. There I said it. her being miserable at work should not be making you feel miserable. Seriously, its not your problem that she hates her job, then she needs to figure out by herself how to make it work. Maybe she needs to quit and get 2 part time jobs.

oh, the weekend with the kids, thats a cop out and a guilty thing on you. Seriously, its 3kids, its not brain surgury. I hate when people complain that taking care of their own children is so much work, well guess what its called parenting.

to me, you sound so depressed but its your wife that is doing this to you. I don't care how you want to look at it, but look at all your posts, its your wife. Have you ever tried councilling, either together or by yourself. You shouldn't be feeling down when you are trying so hard.
Once upon a time, I had a restaurant management job that made me absolutely miserable too. If someone called me a "brat" because I hated my job, I'd be really hurt.
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itlw8 07:43 AM 10-26-2012
You both need to find a way to get adult time either alone or together. And working does not count. Maybe just a walk around the block but it helps. soon those kids will be in school so it will get better.

maybe you could sit down together in the evening and make a menu and grocery list. Could she then pick it up on her way home and you unload and put away. Maybe together you could make some meals and freeze them for future evenings

Is she trying to do too much on weekends. like everything you do in 5 days she is trying to do in 2.

identify the problem and then fix one thing at a time.

sounds like you are a strong man and need to fix the world... but she is strong also and you can fix it together.
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dave4him 08:04 AM 10-26-2012
Yeah i think we are way to much alike in that way, we both have to have it this way and done this way. Im just more relaxed than she is which gets interesting
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dave4him 08:08 AM 10-26-2012
BTW DO NOT call my wife names like spoiled brat or otherwise. She is the most wonderful hard working woman i have ever met. I love her more than my own life times forever. She is precious, compassionate, and the most beautiful breath taking creation i have ever seen. So please refrain from name calling!
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mrsp'slilpeeps 08:40 AM 10-26-2012
Originally Posted by dave4him:
BTW DO NOT call my wife names like spoiled brat or otherwise. She is the most wonderful hard working woman i have ever met. I love her more than my own life times forever. She is precious, compassionate, and the most beautiful breath taking creation i have ever seen. So please refrain from name calling!
YEAH!!!
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DaisyMamma 10:31 AM 10-26-2012
Originally Posted by dave4him:
Cooking is a bit of work for me, ive never been too good with getting to the store and getting the food. But when i have it i can cook it, just harder to get out to the store with all the kids
That's ok. Do you have a grocery store that delivers? I use Shoprite at Home. We also have Peapod from Stop & Shop in my area.
Or with a little organization for meals you and your wife can make a shopping list and go shopping once a week.

Also, your comment makes me wonder if you eat out a lot? Or does your wife shop and cook? Eating out can really cause hardship to the budget. Eating out only 3 nights a week can cost $60-$100+ when $100 can feed you morning/noon/night for 7 days.

Anyhow, it's really hard to work at a job that you don't like. I really understand. I once had a job where a woman was mean to me the entire day with snotty comments, etc. I had to do it for the $ for my family, but I got out of there as soon as I had the opportunity . Is your wife looking for jobs?
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dave4him 10:36 AM 10-26-2012
I think she will be okay where she is for now. Hopefully after being there a year she can transfer to something better or different at least.

We try not to eat out a lot. The main problem is not having a lot of options when it comes to dinner. And of course the daycare kids plus mine eat a lot
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itlw8 10:47 AM 10-26-2012
ok so we need a thread to find some easy meals that do not cost much. Our meals have gotten BORING you can only eat so much chicken eggs and hamburger. Then we have the grandkids most evenings. Whie they are not picky they are slow to try new adult foods.
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lovemykidstoo 11:37 AM 10-28-2012
Originally Posted by itlw8:
ok so we need a thread to find some easy meals that do not cost much. Our meals have gotten BORING you can only eat so much chicken eggs and hamburger. Then we have the grandkids most evenings. Whie they are not picky they are slow to try new adult foods.
That's a good idea. Can we start that kind of thread? I love crockpot recipes too. That makes my life so much easier to do crockpot stuff. That way at the end of the day dinner is already done.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 11:50 AM 10-28-2012
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Once upon a time, I had a restaurant management job that made me absolutely miserable too. If someone called me a "brat" because I hated my job, I'd be really hurt.
Before I began this job I was an in home health care attendant (fresh out of college, newlywed, who brought in a teenager to live with my husband and I two months into our marriage). I had to do what I had to do and I hated it. The woman I worked for hated life and made sure to follow me around 50 hours a week making sure I hated mine, too. It was the worst 9 months of my life.

If she doesn't like her job but still goes then I don't see how she is being a brat? She isn't throwing a temper tantrum saying she won't return when she knows she needs to. She's been a responsible adult helping to pull the weight at home despite her unhappiness. I would be hurt as well if I would have been called a brat for being miserable at my job.
An unhappy work environment can absolutely drain you and throw you into depression so I really feel for her. I hope she is sending out applications elsewhere!!!
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dave4him 04:01 PM 10-28-2012
Things can change. My goal is to be a school teacher soon, so that will help!
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LK5kids 06:27 PM 10-28-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I'm not entirely sure I know the whole story of why you stay home but....... could you find an outside job and then your wife could stay home with the kiddo's?

It just seems that both of you are unhappy with your current situation. Maybe try reversing and see what that does.
That's what I was thinking.
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itlw8 08:20 PM 10-28-2012
I just want to share the story of my BIL He goofed off in school and was asked to leave. He was a great frat brother but not so good of a student. He married raised 3 kids went back to school to finish his degree and finally said heck If I am back in schoo is this realy what I want to do. So he started over.

At the same time he had teens in highschool and entering college he went for his teaching degree. At age 53 he became a music teacher. LOVES IT He has middle school and high school/

So just keep working towards that degree You will finish. We all get depressed at times.
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Nellie 08:52 AM 10-29-2012
Wish i could be a better husband and have a job which actually could support my family.... im depressed and sad today, cause i know my DW is miserable at her job and needs more from me that i just dont have.....

I'm sorry you feel so sad and depressed. When my husband and I were first married he had a job that made him miserable, but we didn't have any options and I felt very guilty nowing that he went to a job that treated him like crap to support us. It helped me feel better when I was able to start daycare and bring home some money. I didn't feel so helpless. My husband has never asked me to get a job or do daycare, but I know that he is very greatful for what I have done. After I started daycare he was able to take a lower paying job and eventually things worked out of us. I feel that your guilt maybe a bit worse because of the "man taking care of his family sterotype." You should take comfort knowing that you are doing everything in your power to support your family. You and your wife made a choice for you to stay home with the kids. You are working weekends and doing daycare to support your family in addition to taking care of your own kids. I'm sure your wife apperciates you staying home with your kids. Hopefully her job gets better or something else will turn up. Honestly I don't know how much more you can do. From my perspective you are doing everything in your power to bring home income while keeping your own kids out of daycare. Please take comfort in knowing that you are doing your best.
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harperluu 09:09 AM 10-29-2012
Originally Posted by dave4him:
I think she will be okay where she is for now. Hopefully after being there a year she can transfer to something better or different at least.

We try not to eat out a lot. The main problem is not having a lot of options when it comes to dinner. And of course the daycare kids plus mine eat a lot
Dave, my husband works until 8 pm. Because I am providing childcare and freelance writing on the side, and with kids evening activities I am too tired to cook dinner at night. My solution, which works for my family, is to make the lunch meal our "hot" meal of the day. We have dinner type food for lunch. In the evening we have sandwiches or waffles and yogurt. That kind of thing. Quick and easy to prepare. Little clean up.

Give yourself a break. Do what works for your family. As long as the kids eat something in the evening, with some protein/milk/fruit/vegetable it doesn't matter if it is a masterfully crafted meal.

Hang in there. We all have moments of doubt.
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