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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>relapse in potty
melissa ann 10:29 AM 07-19-2009
I have a 3 1/2 yr old boy in my care. He became potty trained earlier this year. A new baby entered the picture and for about 3-4 weeks after the baby was born, he relapsed. I was expecting this. Now, for the past two weeks, he relapsed again. The first time, it was during nap time. When he wakes up, I ask if he's dry. He said yes. So I said, okay quick go to the potty. Now, I don't go with him, unless he calls for help. He came back and folded his blanket and put it away. Okay, about 1 1/2 hour later, I refolded the blanket,and noticed it was wet. so I called him over and sure enough he was wet. So I had him change his outfit. I informed the grandfather at pick-up. Now, earlier this week, (I have been puttting him back in a diaper for naps) after lunch I have the kids do potty checks and I told him to call me when he's done. So I went to put a diaper on, and sure enough he was wet again. I have been asking him if he's dry/wet, needs to use the potty. But he always says no, he's not wet, and no he doesn't have to use the potty. I'm really upset. More over the lying then the wetting. I tell him that it's okay if you dont make it to the potty in time. But that he has to tell me right away. I have to go around and clean everything he sat/played on. I tell him, I get upset when he lies to me. I always tell him, that I know it's tough to wake up from sleeping to go potty and that's okay. And that sometimes when playing, you "forget" about going potty. And that's okay. But that we have to get out of the wet clothes right away. Any adivce or suggestions? I could really use them. thanks!
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Unregistered 11:13 AM 07-19-2009
Put him back on a time schedule. Every half hour he's in the bathroom with you trying to go potty. After every snack and meal also. Just make it part of the routine and make it matter of fact. Go with him. If he doesn't want you in there with him, leave the door open so you can listen. I don't let them in the bathroom by themselves until they are 4 years old, and that's depending on the child. He'll get back on the wagon.
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kitkat 11:43 AM 07-21-2009
I agree, put him back on a schedule and make him at least try to go. Another thought would be to have him wear pullups OVER his underwear during the day and nap. That way he keeps the underwear on and you are saved a bit of cleaning if there is an accident. Maybe a little more one-on-one attention during the day might be needed also. He's probably feeling a bit displaced at home right now, but a little extra love and security from you might be helpful if he feels like his world has been flipped upside down. Good luck!
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mac60 05:10 PM 07-21-2009
I am having this same problem with a soon to be almost 4 yr old (in October). Mom says she is starting to pee to bed at night, and she has done it for the past 3 days here. I am getting tired of it to say the truth. She knows how to go pee, just doesn't/won't. Plus, when she does pee herself, she doesn't care and will go on about her day until I notice. I am going to put a pull up on her at nap from now on. I am getting very frustrated with it all. She knows better. To top it off, she is having the same problems at home and here, and mom keeps "forgetting to bring extra clothes". I would just put a pull up back on him, sometimes I think we need to just do what is easier for us, since we are with the kids more of their waking hours, and we are so limited in what we can do with them, such as discipline in these instances.
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missaimee 07:52 AM 07-27-2009
Do NOT put him back in pull-ups. You cannot revert back to diapers once they are trained, even if he is relapsing. You will confuse him further, and he won't have to try to go on the potty if he can just pee in the pull-up. Pull-ups may be more convenient for you, but it's not what is best for him.

You will probably have to deal with some bed-wetting issues for a while - have his parents provide changes of clothes, and tell them they need to buy a mat for you to place under him at nap time. This should be absorbent on the top but lined with plastic underneath. Also, they should be providing the bedding, and if it is wet, you send it home with them and they wash it. They should provide you with 2 sets of bedding if he naps once a day, 3 sets if he naps twice. I require all parents to provide bedding for their children. You don't need to be doing the extra laundry.

Try putting cheerios in the toilet and having him try to sink them when he pees - little boys love this, and he'll be potty trained again in no time. Make sure you always praise him for being a "big boy" and mention how he'll have to be "a good big brother" to his new sibling. Say things like, "When Sarah's big like you, you will have to help teach her how to use the potty!" And things like that.

Hope that helps.
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missaimee 09:19 AM 07-27-2009
I forgot to mention this - You need to check him yourself to see if he's wet after naps and throughout the day. If you ask him, he will either lie to avoid trouble and disappointing you, or may honestly not know that he's wet. Diapers are absorbent, they are supposed to draw liquid away. You need to go with him to the potty, every single time, until he is trained again and can be trusted to go on his own. He needs continual praise and positive reinforcement. He is seeing how much time and attention the new baby gets at home, and having accidents is another way for him to get attention. He feels left out...I can just see Mom and Dad cooing over the new baby while they change him/her.

Don't tell him it's okay to have accidents. Just say, "Oh, you had an accident. Now your pants are all wet and yucky! Next time you need to use the potty. Let's go try." And take him to the bathroom, have him sit and try to go. Do the cheerio thing, clean him up and send him on his way.

I have potty-trained a lot of kids, and the #1 mistake all people make is putting kids back in diapers once they've started training. DON'T DO IT! You need to talk to the parents also, and explain while diapers may be convenient, it's not worth it in the long run. Make sure they are doing underwear at home also.
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mac60 01:16 PM 07-27-2009
Personally, I would not want another person's child to have regular accidents in my daycare home. I have used pull ups for over 10 years on children with great success. Kids regress for different reasons, with the biggest one probably being "because they can and are allowed to". I just can't imagine having 10 daycare children over time thru the years going thru potty training and having several accidents each on my carpets and furniture. This is my families home. You need to do what works for you and your daycare and what is sanitary for the other children.
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Unregistered 10:46 AM 08-20-2009
I have an in home daycare and I have a 2 1/2 year old girl who has started going potty concictently at home for two days, but she does not want to use the potty at daycare. The mom asked me to put her in cloth training pants, but after an accident on the carpet yesterday, I asked the mom to get the plastic covers for them. The reason being is that I have an infant in care who is beginning to crawl and I do not feel it is sanitary or fair to make that infant crawl around through other kids messes even after they've been cleaned. The mother came today with diapers and told me not to bother training her child at daycare and she would just do it at home. I know that this is going to be harmful to her child and I don't understand why she wouldn't bring the plastic covers. She acts as if it is my fault that her child has no interest in the potty here. Her response when I tell her I have been asking her daughter if she has to go potty and putting her on the potty every hour, which the child does not go, but goes a few minutes after sitting on the potty, The parent response is, well she goes fine at home. I don't know what I did wrong. Is asking for plastic covers for sanitary reason too much to ask? Any advice would be helpful.
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mac60 01:12 PM 08-20-2009
Asking for plastic pants is not too much to ask. It is quite rude of the parents to expect you to train their child without the right things. Like I said before, potty training here only happens with pull ups, no cloth training pants. I do not want my carpet and furniture peed on.

At 2 1/2, still on the young side, maybe she is not ready. I would go ahead and let the parents do it at home, I would suspect it won't be long and they will be done, and the child will probably be back in diapers.

Anyways, potty training should start at home. That is where they should learn the concepts of it. It is not our job. We are here to help once parents have introduced it and are having good results at home. This is only my opinion, and I know others will think differently, as everyones views on it are a little different.
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mrs.meg 12:05 PM 08-21-2009
My daughter and the 2 year old boy I watch have both relapsed on their potty skills. I had a baby in June, and it seems like it has gone downhill since the I started back to work. It is so frustrating. I like the idea about the plastic training pants. I may really work on that with my daughter because she is ruining my carpet. She will be 3 the end of November, and she hates the potty, almost has a fear of it. The 2 year old boy acts like he doesn't have a clue. The mom says he is potty trained, but he never tells you, you have to put him on the potty and if he has to go then he will, but LOTS of times he gets up and messes his pants. I wish just once potty training could be easy, but it never has been for me.
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JHilliard 10:28 AM 10-01-2009
All good information. I am wondering how to approach the recent night-time only bed-wetting. My 4 year old has just recently started waking up at night and coming into our room after she has wet her bed. I tell her that it was an accident -but I'm not sure if she understands that she can "do" anything about it - if she is wetting unconscientiously during the night.

Any suggestions on what to tell her, or how to help her?

There are no other children in the house - no new siblings arrived or on the way...
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ecemom 04:11 PM 10-02-2009
I also am dealing with this issue. The 3 year old dcb I watch has regressed back to having accidents- both #1 and #2. I had to ask the parents to start bringing pull ups for him. He wouldn't even notice when he had an accident. He's still the same way with his pull up on- doesn't even notice. He hasn't been completely dry for a single day since August. I just can't have pee and poop all over my house. That's gross! One day it was smeared all over my couch and carpet- not to mention the ride on toys. That was the day I insisted on pull ups. Once he is successful in pull ups for a week, he can try in undies.

I also recommended to his mom that they get the Cool Alert Pull Ups that turn cold when they get wet, so the child recognizes that they have had an accident. She hasn't yet, but sounded interested.

Good luck!
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melissa ann 06:25 AM 10-15-2009
he did it again yesterday. After lunch the kids use the bathroom and then take naps. He got up and went right into the "nap" room. I was like, where are you going? You didn't go to the bathroom. He just stood there. So I knew. I'm so frustrated with him. He was out of underwear so I put him in a diaper. One of his cousin, which is a size 2 diaper and it fit. Grandpa said he did it the night before. he said boy was watching tv while he was cleaning. Then when he went to tuck him in bed the bed was all wet. (apparently a tv in his bedroom, which I disagree on, but that's another issue) The boy just kept sitting in it. didn't bother to get up. HE will be 4 in 2 months. I know he still wears diapers to bed. Which, I also disagree with. When my daughter was going through potty training we put her in underwear at night. Sure, she had accidents, but after a bit, she learned to wake up to use the bathroom. He will not. I think dcb's behavior will not change until he stops using diapers all together. 4 yr old in diapers is unacceptable. Grandpa just takes the easy way out so he has less work to do. (laundry and stuff). And yes, I didn't enjoy waking up at 2am to change sheets either. But this a part of parenting.
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Tags:potty accidents, potty training, regression, toileting issues
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