I have a dc family that wants to go on vacation just her husband and her when he gets home from Iraq in September. She's asked me to watch 18 month dcg for her for 7 days!! Their marriage is on the rocks and states she wants it to be just them so they can rediscover their love.

What in the world should I charge? I was thinking $50 a day?? Which makes it $350 for the week. She also said she would pay for groceries on top of whatever I asked.

The sad thing is is dcg's grandmother lives in the same town as parents and me. She'd rather have me than her. :-(

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The Dad is coming back from Iraq and they are planning time for him to be away from his baby?

That is INSANE. I could see after he had been home a month or so them taking a weekend together but a WEEK when he returns? Are they talking about doing it right after he returns or a month or so down the line?

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Did the mom mention an amount or ask you to let her know what you think? Hmmmmm I'd say $50/day sounds fair IMO. But that is a big commitment. If they are gone who do you call for an emergency? Just wondering.

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As far as I know, it's the very next week from what I can tell. He either comes home at the end of August or the beginning of September. She told me September 7th is when they would leave. I read the e-mail last night and didn't think about what you said until later that night. My friend was like I could never leave my daughter for a full week! Maybe a long weekend but that is way too long. Then, I keep thinking....how could you as a Dad want to leave that close to coming home. Regardless of the child, when my hubby came home from Iraq...he didn't want to go anywhere for a long while, let alone a SANDY beach!

I already feel so sorry for this little girl. She clings to me every day when her mom comes. I think she doesn't have enough consistency at home and I give it to her. She also clings to my hubby, obviously because she misses her daddy. DCM is very young so I think she just thinks this will fix everything so she's willing to do it. :-(

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She said she would pay "whatever I want" plus groceries.

Grandmother lives here in the same town so I'm sure I can call her but she always comes to get her grudgingly. Last time, she had to come get her when she had a fever, she didn't even have a carseat and I had to give her mine! She says her house is not baby proofed and it's too difficult.

I honestly don't mind watching dcg for the week but I keep thinking about what if she gets sick. Then what?!

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$50 does sound fair. I wonder what the dad thinks of going on Vacation with out his child. When you talk to the mom set it up that if DCG gets sick then grandma will need to take care of her until you DCKs are gone for the day. I dont know about you but I think if it were me after 7 days of taking care of a child I would either be more then ready for her to go home or very sad to see her go, in that week I think I would develop more of a bound with the child.

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We are in the adoption process and thought about becoming foster parents afterwards. I guess maybe this might give us an idea of what it would be like. ;-) I know it's nothing in comparison but still can't help thinking it.

The bigger issue is, she can be somewhat of a whiny child. I have a low tolerance for the whining but dcg knows that and she still loves me. :-) lol

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I think $50 is a fair price as well.

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I'm seeing a LOT less grandparental involvement in this generation. When I first started caring for kids the grandparent generation was really pretty involved. It wasn't unusual for me to have kids that were home with grandma for the first couple of years. As time went on it seemed the time that the kids were with Gma got younger and younger. For a while it was common to get calls for kids who had been at Gma's until they got mobile. Soon as they started getting hard gma said no more free day care.

Now I don't even get calls telling me kid needs day care after being with Gma. Maybe in this economy there are more Gma's doing it for longer times but I think it's probably the opposite. It's probably hard to get gma to do it at all.

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The greatest gift a father can give his daughter is to stay in a loving relationship with her mother. If their relationship is rocky, they NEED this time immediately after he returns.

If he returns for a week or two and then leaves again, it's going to be worse on the girl than if he's just gone for another week in the first place.

Take this girl, $50 is a good price. Grandma doesn't want her, she needs your stability.

I've done this, not for soldiers, but for other parents, 10 day cruise, work related trips, etc. Just make sure you have contact info and permission for medical treatment. You can't bill USDA for a child that spends the night, but that's really beside the point.

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I have a friend that her Mom watches both of her granddaughters that are 41 hours apart. They are now 10 months old so it's getting more difficult for her as they get mobile. I know she feels exactly as what you said....they are getting TOO difficult. She keeps saying "I don't know how much longer I can do this". I was actually cared for by my Great-Aunt from 3 months-11 years.....I wouldn't change a thing about my childhood with her and I know my Mom wouldn't either. I think it's sad that Grandparents don't want to be a part of their lives BUT....I also get the grandparents don't want to feel like they HAVE to do it either.

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Oh, my gosh!! I am struggling to NOT cry for this precious little girl. Doesn't anyone (other than you) care about this little girl? From what I gathered, dad has been gone for awhile, possibly most of her little life and she has little to no knowledge of him. Mom is very young and has no qualms about leaving her 18 month old for a WEEK. Plus, mom and dad view a week-long romantic getaway as more important than spending time bonding with the little girl as a family. Seriously, is a love life more important than the parent-child relationship. Sure, every couple needs some time alone, but a whole week, especially since dad's been gone?! Then we have grandma who acts like watching DCG is a "burden" or inconvenience? My parents and in-laws beg to see my daughter more often! My FIL and bro-in-law tell us to get out and so somewhere just so they can watch her! If you don't take this little girl for a week, I will!!! She really needs lots of hugs, kisses, and attention. I can't imagine how lonely she must feel in her own family. I feel so sad for her.
My daughter is 21 months. When she was 19 months, she stayed with my MIL for 40 hours straight while I was taking care of my mom (who just had a hip replacement). Other than that 40 hours, she had been away from me a TOTAL of less than 100 hours her ENTIRE LIFE. After the 40 hours apart, she acted out, got separation anxiety, etc. for about a week. I just can't imagine a whole week away from her! Oh, and I called at least every 6-8 hours the whole time.
Seriously, I would love to take this little girl in for a week. I would want to do it for free. But these parents need to pay for this insane selfishness! So $50/day is fair in my opinion!

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Standing, clapping, cheering for proffesional Mom. It IS really sad.

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I'd have to agree on this. This child obviously needs stability. She will not get that if this couple splits up. I would definately have a hard time saying no to a couple who is doing it to keep their family together. This is a temporary seperation - much better than a permenant one. I know this seems odd to most people. As many have already said, who could stand to be away from their kids for that long? When I was a single mom trying to get a college education, I got burned out. My doctor was getting ready to put me in the hospital for exhaustion. I had to send my daughter to my parents house for a month while I tried to finish up. That was the single most difficult thing I ever had to do in my entire life. And I couldn't do it. About halfway through, I dropped out of college and moved in with my parents and got a job as a shift Manager at a McDonalds so I could be with my daughter. This couple is sick - obviously in a different way, but sick none the less. If they are using this time of seperation to be better for eachother and their children, I would have to say - more power to them.

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I agree with almost all of your posts but this one I don't. The greatest gift the father can give his daughter is TIME with her and TIME with her and Mommy as a family. Time away is just that.. time AWAY. It's not a problem to have everything work out when you are AWAY from your day to day life. It's time IN that makes families whole.

If their relationship is rocky then the ONLY solution is to be with each other in their normal life WITH their child to work on their day to day. Day to day IS what life is about not a vacation or rejuvination time. Get to the vacation as a FAMILY when you get your day to day worked out. It's bassackwards to me. None of it should occur WITHOUT the baby with them. Kids sleep so they will have plenty of time to talk things out. When she's up it's all about THEM making it work together WITH her.

She should be telling them that she's going to keep the baby HOME for a couple of weeks when Daddy gets back so they can WORK on their rocky relationship. Sorry but this "me time" or "us time" is what is tearing this generation away from their kids. It's the shunning of their child when things get hard that is changing our humanity all over the globe.

I don't buy it.

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I charge double my daily rate for overnights...so if your daily rate is $25/day then I would charge $50.

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50 a day is cheap.

more like 100!

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I would make sure she brings plenty of extra stuff: diapers, wipes, etc. I would also ask if there is something special to the girl at home that can be brought to your house to make her more comfortable. I would agree that doubling your normal daily rate is reasonable as long as, as you said, she's helping with groceries for the week.

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I have no qualms about keeping her....that isn't up for negotiation. It's the money part that I'm questioning. My husband is worried about how she will sleep here at night....she's not a great napper for me and refuses to spend one iota in a playpen (which is all I have for her to sleep in). I have a crib that was given to me for my adoption garage sale this summer so I'll probably bring it in and let her use this.

As for doubling my rate....that would be $64 a day.....which in my mind is too steep. My daily rate is $32 so I feel that $50 is fair enough. Because, I know they've had issues with their relationship AND because he's serving our country....I think I've decided with all your help that $50 is what I'll charge + grocery money. She already supplies all diapers so it won't be an issue to make sure she brings those as well.

I love this little girl dearly and she's really a good child most of the time.

I actually can't help but agree with BOTH sides of the disagreement. I understand needing time away from their child so they can focus on themselves. HOWEVER, I also think leaving as soon as he gets back is going to create some serious anxiety in an 18 month old....one that especially is missing a male father figure and has for a large portion of her life. I've had dcg since she was 9 months old and he was gone before that. He will actually have been gone longer than a year all together because he had to go to the another state to train before leaving for Iraq. :-(

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If dad had been gone on an extended business trip or something, I would agree that he needs to be with his daughter right away. But going off to war is a totally different kind of thing, and depending on where he's been, what he's seen and what he's had to do during his time in Iraq, going straight home to his child before he and his wife have had a chance to get "reaqquainted" could do much more harm than good. Many on this board are military families, and know the sacrifices that are made by not only our soldiers, but also their families. I don't think this couple is being selfish, I wish every soldier had the opportunity to do this after a long deployment. Sorry if this is coming off rude, but this weekend is Memorial Day, a weekend dedicated to remembering those who have given thier lives for us, and this young man could very easily have come home in a coffin, and his wife would be a widow and this little girl fatherless forever. I see absolutely nothing wrong with them going away to work on their marriage, it may pay huge dividends in their family's future and I think we just jump to judge people much too quickly now a days. Thanks for letting me vent

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I think I would say 350 also but dont have her pay extra for food and maybe take 1 day maybe on a Saturday and take her to the zoo or chuck e cheese somewhere like that make it special for her as it seems no one else wants to care for her for that week poor baby.

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My husband went to Iraq in half of 2006 and almost all of 2007. I understand better than most that it's a good call to spend time with your wife after a deployment. We however, don't have a child. I agree that most soldiers would love this time with their wife. There are just some extreme issues with this situation that I haven't said. Soldier's 8 y.o. son's mother (from another marriage) was murdered a few months ago. I think 18 month old dcg aside....the 8 year old son needs some extra stability from dad. Grandmother just doesn't want to keep the 18 month old but she's partially raised the 8 year old even before the mother was murdered. This family has been dealt a raw end this year.

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Maybe it's just me but the way I see it and from what I have read it sounds to me that the mom is very young and so I'm just guessing but I assume that maybe he is too. There are so many things to think about here that are causing stress in the marriage ... young couple with a child, dads gone most of the time, marriage has problems and may be failing, mom works and so child spends most of her time at DC, dads coming back from Iraq (do you know how much trauma a soldier carries back with him?), Grandma for whatever reason is not an option (whether Grandma doesn't want to do it or mom doesn't feel comfortable with the idea or thinks the home is usafe) etc.

If taking a week off to re-connect can save their marriage then I think that they are thinking of the child as well as themselves. A child would rather have both parents than one anyway. My hunny and I do a weekend getaway every year and I know that one weekend just the two of us is not nearly enough. And if he is just coming back from fighting in the war as a mom I would be hesitant to have my loved one around our kids until I can see whether he has traumatic stress. My heart goes out to families that have loved ones in the war because not only do they endanger their lives for us but their family relationships and mental health as well. For a soldier the fight doesn't end as soon as they come home. If what they are doing is for a good reason then good for them. As for what you are asking for as payment, I also think that is fair.

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DCM told me that they'd only be gone for 5 days now but I told her $50 a day and she was shocked. She said "are you sure?"...HA! I felt like saying, "No, I meant $100 a day". No, I told her that they deserved some time. She started crying so I think she knows what she's asking. I told her there were a few stipulations and that I'd e-mail her. So all in all, I think she was pretty happy at the though.....I guess the thing that everyone takes for granted is that she's pretty much been a single parent for the past year so SHE deserves the break as well.

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I agree. I was a single mom for a few months until got together with my hunny and I know how much I struggled on my own. Even after we started dating (I've known him since I was in the 3rd grade) and he wanted to help it didn't feel right but I felt so thankful and relieved for the extra help. I'm blessed. I've never been in the situation that this DC mom is in but when the other half of the partership is gone for much of the marriage it can add a lot of stress to the relationship. If you are anything like me (and DC mom really is genuine) the thought of you helping someone out and being available to offer this opportunity is added payment. Good for you. Just make sure they leave authorization for you to be allowed to sign for emergency treatment, insurance information and all contact information and a basic itinerary so you can reach them if you have questions or have an emergency. Just as a thought ... maybe you should offer a nigh over to test it out for a night to make sure that she'll be comfortable in staying with you. You also don't want to traumatize the poor little thing .

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The overnight test is actually one of the stipulations of mine. I know that this DCM is truly genuine...I have not one iota in my mind that she won't truly appreciate what I'm doing. She e-mailed me the sweetest comment on Mother's day about how she knows I will be a great Mom one day (we are adopting) and that she loves that N has a "Mom" away from home. It made me cry. :-) And fortunate for me, I'm not so far out of the military that I know all the in's and out's of their insurance. And even who takes their insurance. I already have a written consent as part of my contract for emergency care but I'll just have to get social security number for dad and I may already even have that. All insurance info is already in my contract so I'll just make sure it's correct still before they leave.

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yes this little girl has not seen much of her father. but think of how hard him being gone has been on the mother and him. it takes a lot for a man to get back to himself after returning from the awful things he has to see while on duty. As far as choosing a love life over the parent-child...don't forget that if not for that love life the child would not be here to begin with. This child deserves a mother and a father who have a strong loving relationship that she can look upto and expect for herself when she grows up. I think it's great they are taking time right away to mend things and let him heal from what he has endured so that he can be the happy father and spouse both his girls need him to be before he jumps back into family life. I think that if more women would remember that it was their husband that they made this child with and out of love and took the time to make sure they were on track our divorce rate wouldn't be so high. Love your children absolutly...but don't forget your man needs your kisses hugs and unconditional love support and attention as well!

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