My daycare provider of 1 1/2 years called one morning to tell me she wasn't able to watch kids that day. When I was unable to reach her for a day and a half I went to her husbands work and was informed she was having stress related issues and in the hospital. When she contacted me after 3 days she informed she she had not slept for 3 days and was experiencing psychosis and was under alot if stress, but she was better now. I politely informed her my daughter would not be returning. I asked for a refund of the last week since I had to pay someone else for daycare And she did not notify me that she wasn't watching children the rest of that week, she refused and stated my contract states she gets a paid vacation and ibhave to give her a 2 week notice and suggested I bring my daughter back and would get a week unpaid to make up for the difference. However, in this case I am VERY concerned for my child and others children as she is clearly not mentally healthy. Over the past 1 1/2 years I have noticed alot of memory difficulties and possibly early signs of dementia and have always vowed to discontinue my service with her if anything serious happened. Was I in the right? And should i expect to get a refund? I have been a food parent and the other 3 parents have only been with her for less than a few months and all decided to stay.

Reply

It is very difficult to determine if a caregiver is stable or medicated and unfortunately you just have to go with your gut.

I have a very close friend that babysat my child once for me. I later found out that she is HEAVILY medicated for OCD, Depression and Anxiety. When her meds are on, she's fine, happy, a tad ditsy but a wonderful person. When her meds are off, she's a nightmare. We continue to be friends but I will not leave her in charge of my child again.

You said:"Over the past 1 1/2 years I have noticed alot of memory difficulties and possibly early signs of dementia"

That was your sign to start looking elsewhere. The memory difficulties and possible dementia may be in part due to lack of sleep. I personally would be wary of any home daycare provider that is open more than 10 hours a day. Childcare is exhausting. I am on the older spectrum of the ladies here and the most I work in a center is 5 hours at a time. Sometimes I go home and take a wee nap before my own child comes home from school.

While I don't blame you for pulling your child, if you have a contract and are obligated to pay 2 weeks from termination, then you should do so. You also have to consider that this person took care of your child for 1 1/2 years and you are dumping her now that she is sick. This is her income and if you worked for someone for 1 1/2 years, I'm sure you would expect some sick pay as well.

Reply

You need to follow the contract regardless of your reason for leaving. Her contract is enforceable in small claims court and she could go after you for that money. I would just pay what the contract outlines and look for new care. If I had a daycare provider that was hospitalized for stress issues and psychosis, I would leave too. I am shocked the other families are staying.

Reply

what does her contract say about her illness (not the kids) or emergency/vacation or should I say time off?

Is she required to give you notice if she needs to close and you still have to pay?

Example. I take 3 personal days a year paid. These days that I close, per my contract I am required to give them at least two week notice.

In the event of an emergency, I will not give notice and parents are not expected to pay.

These are my policies, maybe you need to look into your parent handbook and see what she has written regarding this matter.

Even as a daycare provider, coming from the financial side of it, I don't think it's fair that you are asked to pay for day care when you were not given any form of notice....BUT if you signed the contract saying that you will, then unfortunately you will have to follow what her contract/PHB states.

Also, my mother suffered from Bi-polar disorder, OCD and anxiety. I love my mother, but in no way shape or form, medicated or not would I leave my children or any children with her. She is too hot and cold....

I am not saying that your DCP is bad, but when you are dealing with someones mental state, there is not really too much you can do to help. It will effect the environment of the daycare and the children too. I would move my child if I were you knowing what you know...

Sorry you are having to deal with this and good luck...

Reply

I would read through the contract completely.

I'd probably honor the contract this time, and still take your daughter elsewhere though.

Even though, nobody would ever have seen this coming, maybe the next contract you sign can be tweaked a little so it's fair to both parties.

Reply

I'd offer to meet her halfway. You pay half, she accepts half. I doubt a contract will hold up in court if she is unable to provide care due to her mental state, unless you signed a contract that said you would pay her if her mental state declined. You are considering the best interest of your child and I would not take her back either. If the provider isn't willing to compromise with you, I'd let her take me to court.

Reply

I would try and pay the back pay but tell her you will not be paying 2 weeks notice. If she disagreed, I would let her take me to small claims. I also would not leave my child in the hands of someone with metal health issues. Please keep us updated!

Reply

I disagree that a contract is the "end all" of rules and guidelines. I know of several providers in my area that lost in small claims court the minute a parent had proof that the care was no longer safe. The judgement favored the parent since the provider technically was no longer able to provide the care agreed upon when the contract was signed, therefore voiding it.

If a child care provider is having mental health issues, I would think that would be reason enough to void the contract. However, I would also be inclined to believe you would need some factual evidence to suggest that there is mental health issues. NEVER ever should a child be left in care of someone who may not be safe to watch the child NO MATTER WHAT THE CONTRACT SAYS. As a parent, I would fight tooth and nail to not be bound by a contract that required me to put my child in what I thought may be a dangerous situation.

OP~ I would not hesitate to contact the licensing agency in your area. The licensor should be able to guide you to your next steps. Leaving your child with any one you suspect may be incapable (for ANY reason) of providing safe and stable care is absolutely NOT advisable.

In order to be fair, however, I would probably pay the two weeks notice to end the services and walk away knowing you did what you could and fairly.

Reply

It makes me sad that so many of you are untrusting of people with mental health issues. Many people have them and make amazing parents and caregivers. I have OCD, myself, and it no way impedes on my ability to care for people.

Reply

mental disorder or not, when someone is experiencing (op stated) "she informed she she had not slept for 3 days and was experiencing psychosis and was under alot if stress" and is in the hospital for the stress related issues, this person cannot even care for themselves let alone a helpless child...

I grew up with a mom who was mentally unstable and even though I can't compare her disorder to everyone else, I would not even leave my children or any children with her.

I think that it would really have to depend on how mentally unstable one is for me to want to leave my kids with someone.

Also, you have to realize that a lot of us are tainted by the media when it comes to hearing things about people with mental disorders. It's never anything good.

I am sorry if we offended you, but if you were in the state of the DCP that the OP wrote about, I would not leave my kids with you...

Reply

I understand what you are saying and to a point agree. However, the flip side is there are pleanty of mental disorders that would make someone an unfit caregiver.

Did your OCD ever cause you to be hospitailized and egnore your daily responsibilities.

Reply

Seriously? I think OCD is a far cry from psychosis. It's not SAD that we don't trust people to care for small children if they are mentally unfit to do so. It is REALISTIC and RESPONSIBLE. As a provider myself, I would not care for children if I felt I was mentally incapable of doing so. It is putting children at risk of serious consequences should the provider experience a significant lapse in judgement due to her mental state.

You have had some valid arguments on this forum, but THIS is not one of them.

Reply

It doesn't make me feel bad. If you are paid to do a job, you need to find a way to handle the job. Even under emergency situations, the rest of us still either work anyway, or make sure our daycare parents know where we are, and when we will be back. We don't just leave the parents to twist in the wind, then expect full payment too.



I had one daycare parent who claimed she was Bipolar, but her issues seemed to be much, much worse than Bipolar. I didn't trust her with her own child much less other children.

On medication, she was pretty reasonable, but very emotional. When she went off her medication (which was often) she was completely unreliable to manage even the simplest task. There were days she'd bring her two year old over to my house just before lunch carrying a huge McDOnald's breakfast, and put her two year old in a high chair and try to spoon feed her, then break down in tears because she felt bad that she forgot to make breakfast. One little mistake for her, and she'd have a complete meltdown. (the child hadn't sat in a high chair, OR been spoon fed in nearly a year)

Reply

I wouldnt expect a refund, even though I don't think she should be able to use her vacation without, some kind of a notice, but again check her policies, but I for sure wouldn't give her a two week notice, to me a contract is void, if you are concerned for your childs safety, and with her having to take a week off, for a mental breakdown, thats reason enough. No way would I give a two week. I never expect a parent to pay, if I close at the last minute.

Reply

I wouldn't expect a refund. I would however use the weeks payment you already paid as part of the two week agreement. Pay her another week and give her written notice of your intent.

Reply

I wanted to give an update because the story unfolded yesterday. After almost a month of no contact I sent a text asking for her tax ID to file taxes. She replied back stating she would give it to me in April and that she had only watched my daughter 11 occasions, which was false. My daughter went for 51 weeks. Turns out, she was denying that I had paid her( mostly in cash and then some by check) or watched my daughter so that she did not have to claim her income on taxes. When I figured out what she was doing I asked her to not contact me again. But, she kept sending texts! I asked 3 times for her to leave me alone. I ended up calling the police because it was not stopping and I was not responding to her. Police attempted to call her multiple times and left messages and went to her home, where she refused to open the door. The calls to me continued. The police went a second time to the home, where she again refused to answer. They felt she was acting impaired, they forced entry, she was intoxicated and watching 2 toddlers. She was arrested and department of child services were called. I wish I was making this all up! But my instincts paid off! Thanks for the support all! It makes me scared to take my child anywhere now... You never really know someone.

Reply

omg i can't believe it, you are so lucky you pulled your child. I have never heard of something so disturbing. Well I have but, this one is bad too. So happy for you that your child is safe.

Reply

I agree with the other poster that it is not fair to judge a childcare provider on a mental disorder. In this situation if the provider was hospitalized due to her mental disorder I agree that (OP) you should go ahead and look for another daycare. I would still honor your contractual agreement however and pay what you are expected to pay.

I am a excellent childcare provider and I suffer from a generalized anxiety disorder as well as panic disorder. For anyone that is unaware of panic disorder, I can have panic attacks if my anxiety levels are really high. My anxiety levels will raise with the stress levels I am under. I also have a history of developing agoraphobia, which is a fear of specific situations in which I have a panic attack in. For example, I am uncomfortable driving because I have had panic attacks while driving before, this causes me to avoid driving.

I have dealt with all three mental disorders my entire life. In the past I was medicated for these mental disorders because I was unable to “deal” with them or rather get through them without the aid of medication. Today, I am 5 years medication free. I took a cognitive behavioral therapy course and am able to not only understand my disorders in a way that makes them less life impacting but I can get through the physical feelings of anxiety and panic without taking it to a mental state. This means that I will still have the physical feelings of a panic attack such as a racing heart but I do not go into the fight or flight reaction and am able to stay calm and collected while having an attack. I also know my triggers (such as stress) and have excellent coping skills to keep those triggers from causing an attack for me.

Most of my friends are entirely unaware that I have this disease, it does not cause any problems with my parenting or my daycare. Even my husband forgets sometimes that I have this disease as it’s very rarely that I will ever complain, “gee my anxiety levels or high today.” I also very rarely experience a panic attack due to the fact that I am able to properly manage my anxiety levels.
Now if you were a potential client that came to my daycare and I told you all of this information prior to you signing on with me, very few of you if any would choose me as your childcare provider. It is VERY SAD that people that are plagued with these diseases have to “hide away” in fear of being ridiculed and judged solely on the disease.

OP it might give you a different perspective to know that some antidepressants can cause psychosis and insomnia. It may not be that your childcare provider was unstable because of her mental disorder, but rather she experience a side effect from the medication prescribed to her. I know this wouldn’t make you decide to keep your child in her care, but I thought you should understand a bit more so as not to be so judgmental and harsh towards the provider, if you have been.

Reply

I posted about the anxiety/panic/agoraphobia prior to reading the OP’s update. I very strongly hope that something is being done to ensure that this individual is unable to watch children again until they have proven that their mental disorder is at a point where it doesn’t impact their daily life. The provider was likely intoxicated due to “self medicating” and if the provider is in a state where she is so mentally unstable that she has chosen to self medicate while in charge of other children, she should not be watching other children at all. Some people will get help with mental disorder, some people want to be “fixed”, so to speak, and then there are some people that feel they are “so far gone” that there is no hope and will just stay plagued under a mental disorder and let it “run” and ruin their lives. The story of this specific provider is very unfortunate.

Reply

Follow the contract. That woman cared for your child for over a year. She deserves it- it is sad that she is not ill, that is something that she cannot help. Do the right thing

I would definitely pull your child from her care, however.

Reply

Sad that she IS ill, I meant to say.

Reply

WOW

I am glad you got out of there... Parents should pay attention to how the provider behaves. We are human, too, and can give in to depression/alcoholism/burnout like anyone else. I am glad you did...

Please don't think we are all like that.

I'd advise all parents to take some time, check some word of mouth references from people you know (not written), get to know your provider (my clients bring chocolate if I don't talk their ears off about the funny/obnoxious things the kids did today They would notice INSTANTLY if I was not talkative, energetic and affectionate with the kids), pay attention to the home environment, sometimes places with fewer "perks" have the happiest kids... Don't fear us all..

Also, Just because someone has all the bells and whistles does not make them stable and fit to care for kids... IMHO, Sometimes it is just what they HAVE to do until their ship comes in and they resent it.

Reply

You should really read the whole thread and revise this post...

Reply

OP, I am so very glad you followed your mama instincts and your child did not remain in her care.

Reply

oh goodness! I hope this woman gets help and that no parents trust her with their kids. I would imagine that the two toddlers mentioned where families that stayed with her after the first episode. Now that there are numerous documented proofs that she was clearly impaired and unfit to care for kids, I can definitely agree that her contract would not hold up in court. I am assuming OP that you never paid her anything further since the first post? Is there anything you can do to still claim taxes?

Reply