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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How To Handle This?
Ariana 06:09 AM 07-13-2017
I have a child who cannot play. I take part timers so they spend a LOT of time being directed and played with by adults. Some of them start playing while here and some of them just cannot handle being told to "go play" at all.

This one child will dissolve into tears and lie on the ground. He is 2.5 years old with very little language. As long as I am engaged with him he is fine but as soon as I stop he gets upset. How would you handle this?
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finsup 06:28 AM 07-13-2017
Have you tried being very specific as to what he needs to do for play? Like "go play with the blocks." I have a dcb who's a screen addict and he's struggled SO much with playing independently. I had to do specifics for a while and even then, had to think of ways to challenge him to change his play. Like with the blocks, he'd go and build the same tower over and over. So then I would say "go build me a tower using only green and purple blocks." Now at 4.5 he does ok but still will get into ruts occasionally. But I can at least say "go play" without the tears, meltdowns etc. Took a while though, really we've been working on it for years.
Typically the crying etc I ignored for just whimpering and whining but full on screaming, kicking, throwing himself on the floor etc he's gotten put down for a nap. Now that he's older if he starts whimpering at all I remind him that behavior gets him put down for a nap and he stops. Good luck! It's tough...I've never seen a kid so incapable of playing before and it seems to be getting more common.
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Ariana 06:40 AM 07-13-2017
Thank you! I definitely tell him to do specific things and he will go and do them for a few seconds and then come looking for me. Unless I am right there watching him do it he gets upset. I put him down for nap this morning just so I could change diapers and set up my art activity. I went and got him a few minutes later and he has been fine ever since.

Maybe the nap tactic is the way to go here.
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Cat Herder 08:45 AM 07-13-2017
Maybe a picture schedule? http://www.pre-kpages.com/picture-schedule-cards/ http://www.pictureschedule.com/index.html

Sometimes they lack vision to see everything that is right in front of them. Much like my sons and the refrigerator this summer...
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Ariana 10:00 AM 07-13-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Maybe a picture schedule? http://www.pre-kpages.com/picture-schedule-cards/ http://www.pictureschedule.com/index.html

Sometimes they lack vision to see everything that is right in front of them. Much like my sons and the refrigerator this summer...
I have used these before, especially with special needs children, so it might be very useful! Thanks
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Pestle 08:46 AM 07-13-2017
How about giving him a single option that doesn't require you to direct him verbally?

Try a few days where you set him up in a play yard alone, with a single complex activity like Duplos or a play kitchen. If he eventually settles in to play, keep an eye on him; as soon as he starts getting bored, open the gate so he can choose to go play in the main play area.

I don't have a fast fix for you. I don't think fast fixes really exist when it's an ingrained behavior. Sometimes, when we change our tactics, it startles the child into modifying the negative behavior, but long-term change requires long-term effort.
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Ariana 10:06 AM 07-13-2017
Originally Posted by Pestle:
How about giving him a single option that doesn't require you to direct him verbally?

Try a few days where you set him up in a play yard alone, with a single complex activity like Duplos or a play kitchen. If he eventually settles in to play, keep an eye on him; as soon as he starts getting bored, open the gate so he can choose to go play in the main play area.

I don't have a fast fix for you. I don't think fast fixes really exist when it's an ingrained behavior. Sometimes, when we change our tactics, it startles the child into modifying the negative behavior, but long-term change requires long-term effort.
I don't have a play yard but he seems to only engage in one activity which is cars. Cars are located downstairs and when we are in my upstairs play area is when he has problems. I just don't want to cater to his very limited play repertoire.

He is acting very much like another child I had who I suspected had ASD. This child is much more social however so I am not convinced this is his issue. His 16 month old brother only plays with trains but is able to adapt when trains are not available because he is still in the exploring phase.

Today while outside he held his hands over his eyes/ears and just walked around the yard. Then eventually started crying, wanting to come inside. At this point I feel like management is the obly thing I can do with the behavior.
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Pestle 09:21 AM 07-14-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I don't have a play yard but he seems to only engage in one activity which is cars. Cars are located downstairs and when we are in my upstairs play area is when he has problems. I just don't want to cater to his very limited play repertoire.
You might be working against yourself here, though. You're fighting him on TWO counts--first, that you want him to play and he doesn't want to play, and second, that you want him to play with something other than cars and he doesn't want to play with something other than cars.

I would try to break the problem down into easier-to-tackle components. I'd bring a few cars upstairs and put them into a section of the space just for him. That way, I'd be under less stress as soon as he started focusing on the cars. I wouldn't try pushing him to play with other toys until he was playing comfortably and reliably with the toys he currently prefers. One step at a time.

Sometimes I draw a line; other times, I decide my quality of life is more important than having my way.
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Rockgirl 10:12 AM 07-13-2017
I have had a few kids over the years who didn't really "play". What worked for them was to have a task to complete. I'd give them jobs like: use a wet cloth to scrub the paint easel, sort a container of beads by color, etc. They thrived on this.
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Ariana 07:12 PM 07-13-2017
Originally Posted by Rockgirl:
I have had a few kids over the years who didn't really "play". What worked for them was to have a task to complete. I'd give them jobs like: use a wet cloth to scrub the paint easel, sort a container of beads by color, etc. They thrived on this.
Will try this too!
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