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Old 05-17-2018, 06:28 AM
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LittleSproutsLongwood LittleSproutsLongwood is offline
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Default Terminating a Colic Baby?

Hi guys! I have an infant only(6 weeks-until they are one and walking) home daycare. I had a new baby start back in March. She is in my care from 730am-615pm. She was 8 weeks and was solely breastfed. Moms milk supply has slowed down a bunch and now we are incorporating formula. She was very fussy when she first started but I just chalked it up to baby having a hard time with a bottle (mom had never even given her a bottle... I gave her the first one ever on her first day.) She has now been here for 11 weeks... and she cries ALL DAY when she is awake. I have made a couple of suggestions to mom (mom changing her diet, changing baby's formula, burping her longer, gas drops, talking to her pediatrician) but mom is young and just kind of laughs at me (very awkwardly.) Mom knows how extremely fussy she is because its an all day every day thing. To be honest, I feel like baby is in pain. She holds her breath for a few seconds and screams as if she is hurt. Usually out of no where (no noisemaking before hand) and 0-60. I'm honestly nearing the end of my rope. I have 3 other babies in my care and they are frustrated as well. I guess my question is... Would this be something you would terminate over? Or should I just continue with care? I don't want to feel like a "quitter" its just such a long day with a screamer. Please help!!
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Old 05-17-2018, 06:43 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Originally Posted by LittleSproutsLongwood View Post
Hi guys! I have an infant only(6 weeks-until they are one and walking) home daycare. I had a new baby start back in March. She is in my care from 730am-615pm. She was 8 weeks and was solely breastfed. Moms milk supply has slowed down a bunch and now we are incorporating formula. She was very fussy when she first started but I just chalked it up to baby having a hard time with a bottle (mom had never even given her a bottle... I gave her the first one ever on her first day.) She has now been here for 11 weeks... and she cries ALL DAY when she is awake. I have made a couple of suggestions to mom (mom changing her diet, changing baby's formula, burping her longer, gas drops, talking to her pediatrician) but mom is young and just kind of laughs at me (very awkwardly.) Mom knows how extremely fussy she is because its an all day every day thing. To be honest, I feel like baby is in pain. She holds her breath for a few seconds and screams as if she is hurt. Usually out of no where (no noisemaking before hand) and 0-60. I'm honestly nearing the end of my rope. I have 3 other babies in my care and they are frustrated as well. I guess my question is... Would this be something you would terminate over? Or should I just continue with care? I don't want to feel like a "quitter" its just such a long day with a screamer. Please help!!
First, do NOT feel like a quitter....this is not YOUR baby.
You provide a service and if one child creates an environment that is less than ideal and you have exhausted your efforts to find a solution, it is perfectly acceptable to say you are no longer willing.

Why is the baby in care for such long hours? In my experience but not always, it's because the baby IS hard and the parent would rather not have to parent if you are available. I don't know if that is the case or not but just throwing that out there as food for thought I guess.

Anyways, if I were you I would terminate services. I just don't have it in me any more, not to mention how unfair it is to the others to have to listen to a baby that isn't mine scream all day long whether due to pain or just their disposition. I would just tell the mom that you have tried everything you can and nothing is improving so you need to let her go. She might need to find a nanny or a family member to care for baby as not all babies are meant for daycare.

She might be that type of baby or she might have something physically or medically wrong and while that is sad it's still not your responsibility to fix it. Especially since mom isn't too concerned. That isn't fair to anyone.

I don't know if your area is saturated with providers or if the spit can easily be filled but either way, it's okay to term. It doesn't make you a quitter nor does it mean you failed in any way...
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Old 05-17-2018, 06:53 AM
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She IS here so long because mom can't deal with it. She even makes comments about dropping her off a little early so she can take a nap in her car before work.

I get a call almost everyday asking if I have any space available, so I'm not concerned with filling the spot. I just feel bad for the baby. I've always been overly caring and would hate to make them find someone else . My home daycare is relatively new (August will be a year) and I'm having a hard time putting my foot down. I know what I should do... I just need some confidence that I'm not being a big baby!! Lol
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Old 05-17-2018, 07:08 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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She IS here so long because mom can't deal with it. She even makes comments about dropping her off a little early so she can take a nap in her car before work.

I get a call almost everyday asking if I have any space available, so I'm not concerned with filling the spot. I just feel bad for the baby. I've always been overly caring and would hate to make them find someone else . My home daycare is relatively new (August will be a year) and I'm having a hard time putting my foot down. I know what I should do... I just need some confidence that I'm not being a big baby!! Lol
Okay, well then this easy.... Mom is basically dumping baby on you because she can't do it either. You also have other babies in care so the fact that mom thinks what she is doing is acceptable is something that should really get your goat....

Focus on the fact that she IS pushing HER responsibility off onto you...How would you feel if we were talking about laundry? What if mom changed clothes 6 times a day and dropped off a couple laundry baskets of clothing for you to wash every day. What if she didn't have a care in the world about the expense (soap, electricity, wear and tear on your washer/dryer etc) and the amount of time it costs you to do this FOR HER?

See? It's kind of the same thing. You are a SERVICE provider. Not a relief pitcher for parents that slough their parenting duties off onto others.

If mom doesn't feel bad for baby FIRST, she can't expect you to feel bad for her MORE than she does. It's HER baby.

You can feel bad...(feeling bad is an emotion NOT an action ) but that doesn't mean you have to keep this baby in care. If mom was working WITH you trying to find a resolution I would feel bad for baby WITH her but I wouldn't feel bad for baby on your own when mom isn't.

This is a hard job because providers do love and care for the kids in care but honestly if you really want to make it in this business and not be a short term provider that isn't in business long, you will have to recognize and accept that these children are not ours to fix or save alone.

Partnering with parents and assisting them while THEY raise their children is ideal but again, you are assistance and support not a substitute parent.

Give mom two weeks notice (or whatever your policies are for withdrawal) and let her know that any bad behavior (on her part) during the final two weeks will result in immediate termination. Many times you'll see the best client exhibit the worst behaviors during their last few weeks in care.... Fill her space and move on.

You will be doing baby a favor in the long run...maybe mom will realize that it IS her responsibility to parent and not push it off onto others.

You'll also enjoy the stress-free days....as will the other babies that have had to listen to this poor baby scream all day.

Terming is hard but worth it.
Once you've decided, you'll feel the weight lifted.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 05-17-2018 at 07:10 AM.
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