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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>4 Year Old That Cries About Everything!
sahm2three 11:51 AM 06-02-2010
I have a new dcg who is 4 and she cries about absolutely everything. If it doesn't go quite exactly her way, or if someone isn't doing what she wants them to do she does this fakey cry. She can turn it off in a second. But I think she has gotten away with whatever she wants by crying. I have just been telling her that I can't understand whining and that she has nice big girl words and she needs to use them so that I can understand her. I am hoping I can nip it in the bud, because WOW! Pretty much wears me out by the time she goes home! Any other advice?
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momofboys 11:58 AM 06-02-2010
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
I have a new dcg who is 4 and she cries about absolutely everything. If it doesn't go quite exactly her way, or if someone isn't doing what she wants them to do she does this fakey cry. She can turn it off in a second. But I think she has gotten away with whatever she wants by crying. I have just been telling her that I can't understand whining and that she has nice big girl words and she needs to use them so that I can understand her. I am hoping I can nip it in the bud, because WOW! Pretty much wears me out by the time she goes home! Any other advice?
I have a DCG that is like that. At someone on this board's advice whenever she did that I would tell her "oh, it sounds like you are very tired & need to take a few minutes to sit down & rest & think things over. You can't have much fun doing (Whatever activity we are doing) if you are crying." It did curb her outbursts. I don't have much patience with fussy girls sometimes so this did wonders for me.
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Janet 11:58 AM 06-02-2010
The mere fact that she can turn it on and off tells me that it's something that she knows that she can use with people to get what she wants. Just lay down the law right away and even though she may use it to get her way with her parents still, she won't try it with you. I have a dcg who used to do that and I would ask her to please leave the daycare room and go calm herself down in the purple daycare room. I would tell her that when she was ready to play without the tears, then she could join us. She was 4 when she started and she's 7 now. I couldn't ask for a better kid! I just let her know that I knew what she was doing, because I used to do it myself. I let her know that it would never work on me. Once your dcg knows that she can't use that to manipulate you, then she won't even try. Just make sure to stay consistent and never, ever let her get away with using the fake crying to get her way. She seems like a kid who will be keeping score in her mind for how many times she can use tears to get her way. Remember that with this type of kid, if you allow her to win the battle, then you've lost the war. Be consistent and just tell her to cry elsewhere.
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fctjc1979 11:59 AM 06-02-2010
I used to tell my daughter that I don't speak Whinese. I heard her tell one of the daycare girls that the other day. Very funny!
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nannyde 12:05 PM 06-02-2010
Originally Posted by fctjc1979:
I used to tell my daughter that I don't speak Whinese.


That's a good one
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momofboys 12:17 PM 06-02-2010
Originally Posted by fctjc1979:
I used to tell my daughter that I don't speak Whinese. I heard her tell one of the daycare girls that the other day. Very funny!
Too funny!!!
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nannyde 12:23 PM 06-02-2010
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
I have a new dcg who is 4 and she cries about absolutely everything. If it doesn't go quite exactly her way, or if someone isn't doing what she wants them to do she does this fakey cry. She can turn it off in a second. But I think she has gotten away with whatever she wants by crying. I have just been telling her that I can't understand whining and that she has nice big girl words and she needs to use them so that I can understand her. I am hoping I can nip it in the bud, because WOW! Pretty much wears me out by the time she goes home! Any other advice?
I wouldn't discuss whining with her. I would just tell her to shush. Just use a hand signal.. pick one you like... I use the hand stop signal... hand up and palms forward and say "shush"

No eye contact... turn HER body away from you and then turn your body away from her after you do it so when she turns her head to see you all she sees is your back walking away.

You dismiss the behavior with as little words and as little nonverbal as possible. This sends the message that you won't offer her time for this. If you don't make a deal of it she will stop it.

This is similiar behavior to constant talking.. constant interupting... constant whatever. She is doing it so much that it has become her. The best thing to do is pick a SMALL reaction that is consistently done each and every time over and over. When it lessens... and it will within a few days.. then take the hand motion out of it and just use the "shhhh" and then walk away.

Another technique that works great is to give her something that she can whine at but it is away from the group and while she is whining at it her back is to the group or action. You can put up a stuffed animal for her to whine to .. something like a whining winnie the pooh. When she starts direct her with her hands over to Winnie and say "uuuuppp over there to Winnie. You can't cry with me or you can't whine with me... only Winnie". If she comes back over while she is still whining repeat as necessary. It doesn't take too long for them to stop because whining at a stuffed animal is really boring and doesn't "do" her any good. Human babies do what works.

If she refuses to go to Winnie then she goes AWAY from the group until she has completely stopped it for at least ten/fifteen minutes.
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fctjc1979 06:11 PM 06-02-2010
Originally Posted by fctjc1979:
I used to tell my daughter that I don't speak Whinese. I heard her tell one of the daycare girls that the other day. Very funny!
My daughter said, "I can't believe you wrote that! Now everyone knows I used to be a whiner!!"
I said, "Used to be?"
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misol 08:39 PM 06-02-2010
Originally Posted by fctjc1979:
I used to tell my daughter that I don't speak Whinese. I heard her tell one of the daycare girls that the other day. Very funny!
I love this. I am going to have to steal it!
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tenderhearts 02:43 PM 06-08-2010
I have a dcb who is 4 and has been doing this quite a bit off and on. Whining and crying over everything and being mean. He does it mainly to the other kids,(the whining) it drives me crazy. I've told him that we don't like whining and he needs to use his big boy voice to tell the others what he's feeling instead of whining. Even alot of times he will whine over something that he wants from someone else but they had it first. It is very exhausting. I've done what others on here do and after a couple episodes and warnings I tell him that his whining must mean he needs to take a rest,it doesn't work he just starts it back up again. So today it's been bad, I put him in "quiet time" a few times this morning first time for 10 min and the next for 15 min and down for a early nap and he hasn't fallen asleep, he's laid there the whole nap time, so now what do I do if he continues whining? I can't make him fall asleep but with this particular child his excessive whining usually means he's tired and he's better after nap. If he whines put him back out? ugh it's tiring.plus very annoying.
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Tags:4 year old, cry
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