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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Update On My 4 Yo Tantrum-King (Long)
Heidi 01:26 PM 02-23-2012
We all post our issues, people give ideas, but sometimes we don't get any info on how it turned out...

I joined here in Sept, and my first post was about a 4yob that threw multiple tantrums every day. Basically, every time he didn't get his way.

I tried removing him to another location, but he was 57 lbs of mean 4yo, and it was physically too tough on me. He was not a hitter, biter, etc. Thankfully! His 3yo sister was, but she's improved a lot too..another thread though

I spent some time observing how the parents deal with him, and had a lot of talks with mom, one of which was "look, I don't want to term, I love your kids, but this has GOT to stop".

I beleive one thing that was happening at home was he would have a tantrum, and not get what he wanted. That was the first part. BUt then, he will shut off the tantrum (on a DIME, too), and be all sweet . "Now, can I have ***x?" uhhhh no! Yeah, I don't fall for that!

So, first of all, I began to ignore the tantrums COMPLETELY. He would throw himself around, and I would very calmly take the other kids elsewhere and go do something fun. My 11yo ds tried to talk to him...I (whispered) "He does NOT exist right now". ooooo....no audience. I am still doing this for when he tantrums, but then stepped it up a notch:

About 2 weeks ago, there were some really, really awesome RC cars on clearance at Kohls (down to $6 from $40 at Christmas). I bought 2, and let my ds pick one.

Phase 1-he played with it in front of DCB. oooooohhh is that ever cool! I had primed my son to really flaunt this amazing thing...lol. It rolls and twirls and spins. It's shiny and flashy. K stood there in awe....

Then I pointed to the top of the kitchen cabinets and said..."Hey, K...do you see what's up there?" Eyes light up... I get it down to look at it real good. "Oh, red is your favorite color? awesome!" Big Smiles.... "Yeah, I'd sure love for you to have this one...but....well...this a BIG BOY toy". "I'm a big boy". "Yeah, well, you are getting pretty big, but....(sadly) big boys don't have temper tanturms. , and that's been a bit of a problem for you" thinking face..... "Hey, I have an idea, let's see if we can figure out a way for you to EARN this car? I'll think about it, and we can talk later, ok?"

Later that day...

I came up with a chart of days, Monday-Friday. Put a little car pic on it, and his name in big letters.

I explained that each day that is temper tantrum free, he gets a little sticker on it. WHen he has his "report card" full of FIVE stickers, he gets to take that awesome car home!

Week 1: M, W, TH no tantrums... 3/5
Week 2 so far NO TANTRUMS!

We go over it at the end of each day, we talk about how great he's doing, how he even avoided one by listening, and we solved the problem together. It's also a way to reinforce days of the week and numbers.

Frankly, I honestly don't care if that car is still up there in July. It seems to be motivating him, and he is breaking the cycle of screaming first, thinking later...

I'll let you all know if he makes it, and then I'll let you know if he flips out again!
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KBCsMommy 02:08 PM 02-23-2012
BBO...thanks for sharing that!!

Not to go off track, but when my dd was in kindy she had a hard time adjusting because of severe seperation anxiety. This is the exact plan the school counselor came up with and it worked like a charm. But hers was a small thing every week for going a whole week without a morning meltdown i.e an ice cream cone on Friday after school on up to a new Barbie doll.

This is a great plan for kids who understand that what they are doing is unacceptable. And it doesnt work until they are a bit older!!!

Im proud of you and your little guy!!! I hope he loves his shiny new car!!
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Tags:4 year old, tantrums
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