Plz help me.. I have twins 3 year old always crazy when we are shopping. They always want to get out of shopping cart, open and close fridges, picking foods , they don't stop crying or screaming if i prevented them from doing that, they will kick each other and LAUGH yes they Laugh i feel they are pretending. If we are in Macy's they don't want to hold my hands, just want to hide behind clothes, discovering fitting rooms??? shopping is almost a hell with them.
I couldn't keep my self quiet as i found my self recently scream in them as well..they don't listen to me or obey my orders they repeat my words for example if i said 'no don't do that it is your last time' then, if they are angry with me they will said 'mommy it is your last time'(( i feel i am a failing as a mother(

Please help me, how do you keep kids quiet and POLITE?

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Saying what you mean and meaning what you say is the key. Never tell them you will leave the store, or won't go to the park later or whatever... if you don't intend to follow through. It makes your words meaningless. And never give second chances.

It IS a huge pain to leave a cart of groceries and leave a store. It IS a huge pain to stop shopping and go home when you need to get it done. But the kids will learn that you mean what you say and that they HAVE to behave in the store/restaurant/place of business.

I always tried to make the alternative the lesser choice.

For example, I noticed that other people's kids got bored and played up in church, so their parents would get up and leave the chapel, so as not to disturb people.... and let their kids run up and down the hallways instead. Well what kid wouldn't prefer that?!!!

So I would take various quiet activities...coloring books, busy books etc with me. My kids could either do that quietly while sitting beside us, and listen to the speakers, or they could be taken to a vacant classroom and sit on a chair and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Guess what they chose to do?! People would ask me how I got them to behave so well. I just made it less boring to behave!

With my daycare kids, I do the same. If I promise something, I do it. Be it what they want or DON'T want.

If I tell a child "You just lost your arts and crafts time this afternoon" I mean it. Even if they behave better until then. I don't go back on what I say and they soon learn that and think twice before they misbehave. They know they can trust anything I say and I think that makes them more secure in the end. If I promise them brownies...then they'll get brownies if it kills me. Works both ways.

If my kids played up in a restaurant, either my husband or myself left and sat in the car with the child while the others finished their meal. Yes, we had a few meals that were not happy ones. But only one or two. The kids knew we MEANT it when we said they would be taken to the car without their food if they didn't settle down.

I see it all the time in stores and restaurants......"You do that again and we're leaving!" comes from mom. They child does "it" again. Mom just sighs and keeps repeating the same threat over and over. If the words don't mean anything, the child isn't going to listen.

It can take a while, but be consistent. Have a plan and be prepared to follow through. It's SOOO worth it to have a few non-productive trips to ensure good ones down the road. Good luck!

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Too bad.


Keep your cart in the middle of the aisle


Make a list before you leave and share it with them so there are clear cut expectations for what you're going to get. Don't deviate from that list.


Ignore them. They do it because they've seen it gets you upset. I would not up and leave the store because that's what they want.

Grab two carts and keep them separated. Push one, pull the other. Tell them they can go back to *trying* to be decent together in one cart if you can have three reasonable trips to the store with no ridiculousness.

Two words, IRON. GRIP. Holding your hand isn't an option. Hiding behind clothes isn't an option. Going into the fitting rooms isn't an option.

Mission accomplished in their minds, and that's unfortunate, but let go of that and look forward now. Show them from here on out that they do NOT control your emotions or your trips anywhere. Set out to accomplish what you need to and keep the most obnoxious happy smile on your face despite whatever they throw your way.


BEFORE you leave set forth clear cut rules and their related consequences.

*If you sass back and repeat my words, when we get back home you'll be going right down for nap because that will show me you are tired and cranky.

*If you try to touch the food, open freezers, run behind clothes racks etc when we get back home I will be taking away 20 of your toys for one week.

*If you are nasty to your brother, you will not only have to pick up your toys but your brothers toys for one week too.


I completely agree consistency is key. Don't ever say you're going to do something you don't immediately follow through with.

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I agree 100% with Meeko. When I took my own kids shopping and we had to leave the store because of miss behavior we would go right home and they would go to bed. Its only what they want if you don't follow up with a punishment. I would NEVER ignore them. Why should some one else (other shoppers) have to put up miss behaving kids?

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I second what Meeko said. Consistency and following through is the best option. It doesn't start when you're in public, it starts when you're at home. Do your kids fight and bicker when they are at home? Do they misbehave there also? Kids need clear rules and boundaries so if you haven't already discussed these with your kids you should do this now.

My house rules are all based on three principles ... you cannot hurt yourself, you cannot hurt others and you cannot hurt things. Simple rules like:

• Keep your hands to yourself.
• Respect other people's personal space.
• Use furniture and toys as they were intended.
• Use indoor voices when inside.

Etc. are all reasonable rules to have. Once you explain what the rules mean then you give them consequences. If they throw a toy then they lose the toy. If they climb all over the couch and jump on it give them a time-out on the couch (they MUST use the couch as it was intended ... to SIT).

When it comes to the grocery store I would honestly just leave the kids at home or take only one child at a time. If they can't behave in the grocery store (or anywhere else) then they can't go. It's that simple. Take one child at a time and see how it goes. Make a grocery list and somehow involve the child in the grocery store. Split the list and have that child in charge of taking those items off of the shelves and putting them into the cart (always near you) or go beyond that and include your kids when deciding meals, give them a chance to pick some of the meals (within reasonable limits) so that when they are shopping for groceries they are shopping for things that they decided on. If the one child does well at the store next time bring another child, make it clear before you leave the house that if ANYONE misbehaves you will leave the store and leave the misbehaving child at home. If one or both children misbehaves take the cart and leave it with someone at the front and LEAVE THE STORE AND TAKE THE CHILD(REN) HOME. Leave them there with DH and go back and finish your shopping.

You have to be firm and take charge, Kids need to be told NO sometimes and given consequences otherwise they will have no reason to behave. Whatever your consequences are please remove your children from whatever public place they are in if they are screaming, crying loudly, shouting or having a tantrum. It is unfair for the rest of the people there to have to listen to a wailing child while they are peacefully trying to finish their shopping/dinner. I cannot tell you how many times I have removed my children from a restaurant or store out of respect for others because my kids were crying, but they learn. Yes, it will take a lot of practice and a lot of work on your part to get your kids in line but hey, parenting is one of the hardest jobs there is. But don't forget, it's also one of the most rewarding .

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If you can only take one shopping. If they are good they get to do it again with you. WHEN you are polite in the store THEN we get to do it again.

Make it fun. When they each can do it well alone then try again together. But make it a very short trip and let them know they did a good job or you saw they tried hard to be polite.

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It's interesting that a couple of you are suggesting either removing the child from the situation or leaving them home entirely. I disagree that that teaches a child anything other than that they have control over all of your outings. Avoiding a situation or removing a child when they start to struggle doesn't teach a that child how to gain control over their behaviors regardless of their feelings.

I have friends and family members who never took their children anywhere when they were younger simply because it was easier to avoid the angst and lesson teaching altogether. Now, as older children, they still have zero concept of what it is to be respectful of the general public and their parents have no idea why. Can it be embarrassing? Sure. Can it get messy? Yep. Can it be frustrating and trying for both parent and child? Absolutely. But in the end it's the results that matter. A few pull your hair out trips are worth the end result and guaranteed the public doesn't mind a two year old acting up as much as a ten year old acting up.

Most reasonable people understand that kids will be kids when they're learning. It's simply a part of the process. When I hear other toddlers losing it when I'm grocery shopping or whatever I don't judge the child or the parent. I think to myself wow, that's a heck of a lesson being learned right there and will usually throw the mom or dad a reassuring "I've sure been there before too, he'll be over it before you know it" smile. If however I see an older child doing such a thing I can't help but think why on earth wasn't that behavior confronted and dealt with years ago??

If a baby starts screaming out of frustration because they can't crawl forward to get a toy is a parent supposed to pick them up or simply hand them the toy themselves? As a toddler if they pitch a fit over getting dressed or brushing their teeth does that suddenly become an optional activity where parents are supposed to remove them from their room or bathroom? In school if they get acting up in front of a teacher do we take them home? HECK NO!!! You encourage the baby. You require the toddler gets dressed and brush their teeth regardless and you show that child that although they may not love school or their teacher going isn't an option and neither is controlling their emotions about it.

Learning to work through boredom, anger, frustration, feelings of not being in control and uncomfortableness is a process that can't be taught with a lack of exposure to the experiences that make us feel that way.




When we did go to church, our weekly bulletin always encouraged parents with young children to stick it out and not go running off to the cry room at every peep. It asked the congregation to be understanding of the fact that children need to learn to be respectful of the worship space and that parents should be supported through that process. I completely agreed with that thought process



I refuse to give bad behavior any control or power in my life. Little ones are incredibly smart and when you start showing them they have zero control when they're out of control and loads of control when they are in control they'll begin trying much harder to make much better choices behavior wise.

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I agree that bad behavior should not be rewarded. I think it's important that if a mother takes her child out of the store or restaurant (because it annoys a lot of people) and goes home...that should not be it. Consequences for the behavior must also follow..

Just like I did in church. I would not want the people in front or behind me to miss what was being said due to my children. So I took them out. BUT....they didn't enjoy the consequence. They would then CHOOSE to behave while in church.

I remember standing up a few times to take my son out of church services and him starting to say "I'm sorry! I'll be good! I'll be quiet!" He knew what was coming! (a chair facing a bare wall in another room..)Too late buddy! It only happened a couple of times.

It was a win-win for everyone. He learned I meant business and my friends were not disturbed. I didn't think they should put up with MY problem children on THEIR day of rest.

I thoroughly enjoy shopping by myself...even grocery shopping. I do not appreciate yelling, crying, running children spoiling my afternoon out or breaking my train of thought while shopping. I am not alone in this.

By yelling in the store, the child knows they are in charge. They know they are making their mother feel uncomfortable and making other people mad. Their mindset is
"What's Mom gonna do about it?"

If the answer is nothing...then there is no incentive to stop. Having a hissy is much more fun than sitting still!!

If they learn that sitting in the cart is MUCH more favorable than the consequences.......they will behave.

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Ahhhh, but there sure is incentive to stop. The incentive is the same for ANY good behavior - happy parent, praise, more freedom, more choice (and for many parents/kids rewards come in the form of actual treats).


Ignoring a behavior will lead to the extinction of it. That's a trademark of behavior modification theory. And usually the effect is swift and complete because people/children (like all mammals) only do what works for them. If screaming caused candy to drop from the sky then I'd buy that throwing a hissy fit is much more fun than sitting still. But otherwise it's merely the sign of an unhappy child, not one content to continue doing what they're doing because it brings them some amount of pleasure.

By showing the child yelling in the store that that behavior has no power, WILL lead to the extinction of it.

If my kids ever did anything like that I'd probably laugh and alert them to the fact that no one around them cares that they're being ridiculous. Carry on. And louder please if you wish. Next trip we make if you make better choices we can talk about swinging by the park afterward. Pity we couldn't do that today because you're being so silly and you obviously need a nap, it's so sunny outside!



The initial mindset may be, "What's mom gonna do about it, how's she gonna fix this, I'm not happy dang it and I demand she remedy that immediately!!!" but when they learn the answer is NOTHING it takes all the wind out of those sails.


I love shopping alone now that my kids are older because it's usually faster, but when they were younger I saw it as my duty to use those opportunities to teach them manners and how to behave in public. The younger they are the faster they learn so I thought it was imperative I took advantage of those early years.

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I 100% agree !! Too many people lack this knowledge of how very important it is for little ones to LEARN this stuff IN the environment they are in, and go look down on the mother (for dealing with it right then & there) when they should be glad a mother is doing her job and taking care to make sure this child is learning how to behave now and not letting it turn into an issue in the future when the child has grown older/bigger/stronger/louder.

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I completely agree consequences must follow the behavior, my beef with the pulling a kid out of shopping scenario is that that is far more of a consequence for you than it ever would be for a child.

Guaranteed sitting in a cart for an hour long grocery shopping trip is no more fun than going home and taking a nap would be. Whether the kiddo is screaming miserable in the cart or screaming miserable in their bed when they get home is moot for them. NONE of it is fun.

In the end dropping everything only to have to return later is only a punishment to you and a hindrance on your life.




I'd be willing to bet everything I own that your child didn't chose church over sitting in the corner......he chose your praise for enduring sitting through church over your displeasure when he didn't.

Good kiddos care how their parents feel, they want to please them. Your approval and disapproval matter far more when the options are one miserable activity over another miserable activity (or consequence). When you take the power away from bad behaviors kids generally come to that conclusion a lot faster

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The advice is awesome...except, it really only works when only ONE child is the one acting up at a time. When you have two in the same stage of hellishness, you can really only teach one of them at a time.

I have two 3yo boys, and I can only take one shopping at a time (in order to enforce correct & polite behaviors). One boy is MUCH worse than the other(although both are way more headstrong than my older kids every were), but together they would make Mother Theresa run headlong into expressway traffic. It is definately a different dynamic when you have 2

IF I ABSOLUTELY have to take both, it is for ONE quick thing, and that is the end of the errand. So, groceries will be a very quick trip to the store, grab enough for Lunch, dinner and snack, and be done. And then have to go again the next day. WHY? Because if they are acting up(usually at the same time), I have to put them in the double stroller to contain them for their safety, so that means no shopping cart. They hate the stroller. *I* hate the stroller. But when out & about, learning together, it is a must as a backup plan.

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Usually at age 3 you should be able to start tell them where you are going and what is expected and the consiquences of breaking the rules.

"We are going to the bank, then the store then we are comming home. While we are out you will use inside voices, keep your hands to yourself, be kind to others, only get items on the shopping list, and stay close by mom/dad/grandma" have it all written down on a chart so they have a visual (can help them with early reading skills too). At this age keep it to 5 or less things once they master it you can add one or two more things at a time. Try to keep it as possitive as possible (so they know what they can do instead of what they can't do). If you notice one is on the verge of breaking the rules just use a reminder: "stay by mom" "be kind to others" "inside voice".... or you can praise the child that is following "I like how (Twin) isn't asking for anything that is not on the list/isn't taking anything off the shelves...."

"If you break the rules you will not get a suprise"; "If you break the rules we will have time out in the car; if you act up again you will go home and you will not go anywhere with me for a while"

Maybe offer them a "suprise" if they behave with no warnings (an activity/video at home, sticker/stamp, a small toy, or candy/cookie but don't tell them) and then after a few times use a sticker chart how many times they have behaved at a store and maybe take them to the park after 5 nice visits then 10... and if they don't behave they don't get a suprise or you will take them both out of the store and sit in the car [you in the driver's seat not talking/looking directly at them (use rear view mirror)] for 3 minutes (starting when they stop talking/crying) and then try taking them in again but they do not get a "suprize" for this visit.

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I agree with Meeko. I've learned that the most effective consequence for kids is nothing. Everything beats nothing....getting yelled at, a talking to, even a spanking. A kid would much rather sit screaming in a shopping cart than leave and go home and do nothing.

Yes it is a major inconvenience to a parent to collect a cart full of groceries and then leave it, but it teaches thr child that he will get absolutely nothing for misbehaving. My nephew knows that if he acts up in a store, he and I will go the car without a word, he will get strapped in his carseat, and we will sit there silently (or i will sit there silently and he whines) until his mom and grandma come out. If it's just me and him, we will.go home and sit. When bumblebee is born and he/she gets old enough to act up in a store, i will do the same thing.

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I hate to disagree again, but I do lol.

When my kids were two and three respectively I accepted a placement of premie foster twins. Born at 35 weeks, I got them at 36 weeks when they were allowed to leave the hospital. They were cocaine exposed in utero and there was definitely fall out from that. They needed to be fed every two hours, their bodies were still detoxing and their poos when they had them literally burned their underdeveloped skin, and they were both incredibly irritable pretty much around the clock. I had the four of them round the clock pretty much by myself and being they were foster kiddos I couldn't just leave them with anyone to go and run daily errands (not that I would have anyway as it's just not my style).

One day we *had* to head out for groceries and my then two year old son started acting up over cereal(we never bought the sweet stuff, why he choose that, on that day I have no idea). He was in one of my two carts (pushed the one with the babies and pulled the one with him in it) and just decided to let it buck like he never had. His ruckus caused both the babies to start up which was fantastically overwhelming but I took several deep breaths and just proceeded on. I felt bad and apologized to those around me but they were all incredibly kind. A couple peeked at the babies, acutally re-nuked them and offered kind words to me. I spoke calmly and sweetly to my daughter telling her how proud I was that she was being so good but beyond that I simply endured the ridiculous behavior my son was throwing out of nowhere. Thankfully the babies eventually settled but my son carried on all the way out to my truck. I am usually not big on physical rewards but I drove right to a Dairy Queen (ice cream) after all that. Got myself a giant sundae and let MY DAUGHTER pick whatever she wanted. She got her first banana split that day My son, got NOTHING. I then drove over to a park not far away, strollered up the babies, let my daughter out and left my son strapped in his carseat and closed the doors (it was fall, there was definitely no danger of overheating). I sat on a bench right next to the vehicle and fed the babies as they were starving at that point, my daughter got to eat her ice cream and hit the slide and swings and he sat in the vehicle and just screamed like I had never heard him belt it out before. Took a good ten minutes of that screaming, that evolved into all out gagging and then silence before I opened the door and asked him if he was done. He said he was, I let him play for 5 minutes and then told him if he was good in the store from here on out there may be other opportunities to get ice cream and come back to the park again.

I pushed that promise hard as I know we must have made at least a dozen trips before he got his chance at ice cream but he never and I mean NEVER acted like that out in public again.

He would have learned absolutely nothing if I'd have turned tail and left the store without groceries for our family.

He definitely had consequences for his behavior, much worse ones that simply going and sitting at home, I just refused to let those consequences be mine as well. Took the power out of his bad behavior and he quickly (immediately) learned the alternative was a much better choice for him.



My point is, taking one child alone isn't the only option. I couldn't have made the point I did without another child with me that day. If she would have acted up to I'd have gotten ice cream for myself and left them both in the vehicle until they were done. The same theories and methods can apply to any child you have with you regardless of how many you're trying to manage at one time.

I do the same thing with my daycare kids. I'm not big at all on traditional forms of punishment or rewards but I am HUGE on rewarding good behavior with loads of positive reinforcement. Jane can pitch a fit all she wants but she best know that will not influence what, when, where, when and how the rest of us go about our day. Johnny however being kind, respectful and helpful will be rewarded with control as to what we do, when we go, where we go, when we go and how awesome the rest of his day is. He is rewarded for his good behavior.


Punishment doesn't have to be a physical act to be effective. Not leaving a store when a child acts a fool isn't doing nothing. It certainly isn't some sort of "non-consequence." The intentional absence of positive reinforcement is in and of itself a very powerful tool when it comes to raising kids to be decent human beings. I'd venture to say it's the most powerful. It's why kids can be driven into the ground with loads of various punishments and still be completely out of control heathens into adulthood.

If you want to delve super deep into how powerful it is consider that most of your serious of career criminals will detail a childhood filled with physical punishment and void of any or enough positive reinforcement in relation to their behaviors.

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Your example doesn't touch on 2 hellions egging each other on. I have taken 7 kids out and about without problems frequently...very, very rarely are there TWO in the same stage of zero impulse control, yet difficult to manage physically (the 2.5-3.5yo age range). Usually one is having a good day, or the other is (when I have two that same age).

Seriously, even with 6/7 kids, if only ONE is 2/3yo and difficult...it is relatively easy to manage. Unless you have two 3yo, in midst of defiance...your example in the store would equal...one barely turned 3yo running out the front door & while the other is dragging the cart off the other direction or trying to put 8 loaves of bread in the freezer.

Or, if they are both on a mean streak....while gettting in the car, one will be literally dragging on the ground while I am buckling the other in....*if* he is being cooperative. THAT is why the stroller has to be a backup plan, to have them both secured as needed. It is a safety issue...when they are in a "mood", i cannot risk one of them getting hit by a car or running out of the store as a lesson..there is no ignoring that behavior. Even with just the two of them, they are more of a hassle than 7. There is NO learning to behave with them both...they are uncontrollable in tandem, and really only listen to each other. Even praising while doing well, it doesn't last through an entire trip. Individually, yes. Together...haven't seen it yet.

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Solandia - I have no idea what about what I've said that you're disagreeing with?

My entire point is that in regards to operant conditioning extinction is a great way of teaching children what is and isn't acceptable behavior wise. Leaving immediately isn't the only way to mange or "punish" in the case of a child acting up out in public.

Is there something about that assertion that you disagree with?

I didn't say anything in regards to safety or strollers


If you're trying to say that managing two ill behaved children is harder than seven well behaved children I don't disagree with you there. But as a parent I wouldn't let that level of difficulty prevent me from taking those two out and about. I would actually be hard set on making sure I took them out more as they obviously believe at that point that working together to make my life miserable will get them out of behaving decently out in public. Na-ah. No flipping way. I'd crush the crap out of that notion with an iron fist right quick. They'd be near living at the mall so they got more than their fair share of practice at getting better lol.

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.....So then after I work a 10-11 hour work day taking care of kids, I now have to go to the grocery store and listen to some other persons child scream? ...and then listen to them scream louder because the mother doesn't mind or wants to teach them a lesson?!

That isn't really fair to me. I do NOT want to shop while kids are tantruming in every aisle. I do NOT want to hear a screaming child while I am not at work.....I pay the same prices as other customers and spend just as much so I have just as much right to expect a peaceful shopping trip as the next person.

I shouldn't have to give up my peace of mind because someone wants to teach their child a life lesson in public. They can do that at McDonald's or at Toys R Us.

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If you are proactive in handling it, it's not something that should or will happen trip after trip after trip though.

The families that would ruin your trips are the ones who haven't adequately exposed their children to those situations, who's children haven't had the opportunity to learn how to manage their behaviors.


You can't learn what you never experience. Correct or not? We were all little and had to learn somehow at some point in our lives. Guaranteed we were annoying at some point. That's life. Not sure about you but I have more trouble with what I see as far as obnoxious adult behavior goes than I ever see out of kids. That's troubling to me.

Children don't generalize well. It's exactly why they can be on their best behavior in one place and act like complete crazies in others. What you teach your child in your own home won't necessarily apply in their minds to the playground, in church, at the grocery store or at a family reunion. When they're young you have to be active in exposing them to all different environments to teach them regardless of the place certain behaviors across the board are acceptable and others aren't.

If someone disagrees with that that's fine, but it's not merely my opinion. It's behavior basics 101. B.F. Skinner at the core.


I'd rather my child act up once and learn right then and there what that will get them as opposed to simply removing them and having them "annoy" the general public over and over and over and over again into infinity because they learn that their behavior nets them power over the outing.

I scream - mom takes me home.

The next time that child was out what would stop them from repeating that behavior when it got them exactly what they wanted the last time?

And why wouldn't they then start to apply the same principle to being dropped off at daycare? Going to the doctors office? Running to the bank? Etc. Etc. Etc....

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.....I actually agree with you...

You were just so busy typing in this thread to get your point across that I had to make you type some more

I tell ALL my dacyare parents if they ask me about this that people in the store who have children themselves FULLy understand and those that don't will never get it so don't get flustered when your kid is screaming.

Public is just like private.....they don't get to break the rules just because they are loud.

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And I agree with you, the last thing I want to have to listen to at the end of the day is a screeching kid lol. I don't blame anyone who is understanding but still cringing at the same time.

I think this whole topic just hit me hard because of a trip we took to Walmart yesterday. Several times we ran into a mother who was trying to manage a particularly crabby toddler and I truly felt for her, it looked like she was handling him well and he was just giving her everything he had. Then we heard hollaring a few aisles down. We eventually ran into a different woman and her four children, was surprised to learn SHE was the one acting bat crap crazy....screaming back and forth at the woman who was with her and SINGING. Not like humming to herself but busting out rap tunes with some pretty abhorrent rap lyrics much to the disgust of everyone around her. All I could think of was where was that womans mother when she should have been hunkering down on her daughters behavior 30 years ago just like the mother of the toddler was doing?? The womans children were acting far more appropriately than even she was!

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I think to some extent it depends on the child - as a single parent, I HAVE to bring my child to the store with me. He is generally well behaved but for him, leaving the store is a very successful consequence because he loves shopping! However that is rarely an option for me, so usually when he does act out I simply ignore him, which hs also been very effective. These days any squabbles at all are few and far between.

Twins really are a different story though. How about getting kid "leashes" - you can get really cute ones to avoid dirty looks from other shoppers My son had one for outings & he loved it. Then you don't have the hazard of them climbing out of the cart, but they also can't run freely over the store.

If possible I would take only one at a time, and alternate, until their shopping manners improved. This also is a great chance to give each child some positive, one-on-one attention which is often lacking for twins

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When my children were small (they are all adults now), if they misbehaved in a store...out we would go. Period. And they would not be allowed out shopping with me again in that store for a while. If they behaved, I would allow them to pick 1 small item before we left or they would get something special when we returned home...positive reinforcement. We did have to leave a few times with my oldest daughter. Only once with my youngest. Hope this helps.

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You definitely have to set the boundaries and follow through with what you say...every single time.
In the past I have talked to the kids before I left home and again in the car once we got to the location to make sure they understood what I expected from them. 3 yo's are capable of understanding what you mean, but may 'forget' once they are in the store.That's when you have to show them you meant what you said.
I've left carts of groceries in the stores, I've left uneaten meals in the restaurants and once, we were at Sea World in Florida when we left because my kids kept whining. Fortunately we had a free day for the next day so I didn't feel as though we HAD to stay because it had cost so much. Needless to say, the kids behaved beautifully the next day. I rememberr at one point my then 3 yo daughter started to act up, looked up at me as though to 'remember' what had happened the day before and thought better of it immediately.
I don't mess around and the kids know it...whether it was my own kids, grandkids, foster kids or daycare kids.
Consistency is the key. If they KNOW what you expect, they WILL behave. It will take a little work but it is so worth it when you can take your kids into the store and KNOW they will behave. It only takes a couple times for them to get it.

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I don't know your personal circumstances but when mine were little my husband took them into the car with him, put them in their seat and proceeded to read the paper- no talking to them or anything for as long as I took.

I'd finish my shopping and we'd go home. End of outing.


When the kids managed we'd finish our shopping and go play at the token arcade or go for doughnuts or something special.

I am also the parent who used "look with your eyes" as my cue and my kids would walk around the store and not touch anything.

I have 5 daycare kids that I can take into any store and get errands done (even home depot) because they know that if they aren't managing I am perfectly willing to turn around and go home. I use a 6 seater stroller so our errands are all done as part of a walk. If we get what we need to do done, then we do something special.

They get tons of reinforcement for making me proud and managing so well. As they get older they begin to comment "that boy isn't managing, is he?" when other kids aren't behaving.

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As a mom to identical 3 year old boys, I know how tough it can be. For the most part my boys are fairly well behaved in the store, but we all have bad days. On those days they get 1 warning, if the behavior continues, we leave and they loose a privilege for the day. If I have to get the shopping done right then, I get my stroller out of the car and I push that and pull the cart. They hate the stroller b/c it's for babies, their words, that alone is usually enough for them to straighten up. Mine love to go shopping, so before we even enter the store we go over the rules, we grab our list, and they help grab the items off the shelf and put it in the cart. This really helps keep them occupied and they love feeling like they're helping My hubby and I also take turns taking them out on errands, they love the one on one time!

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You reminded me BC-I've never heard so many crying children as in a Toys R Us or at Disney. The "happiest" places on earth are usually the biggest tantrum inducing places on earth. Maybe it's just the ratio of children, but just stand in the middle of a toy store for 15 minutes and listen...

Edited to add: You know, it just occurred to me that taking a young teen there might be the best birth control in the world..lol

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I have 4 kids all 2 years apart, I have always done the shopping or eating out by myself with 4 kids. Yes there have been days I want to rip my hair out, but I do it.

1.you are the parent, not thier friend

2.respect, you need to have respect for the other people. I don't want to listen to your child screaming and yelling and tearing up the aisles because they don't want to behave

3.consequences!!!! you do the crime you do the time. trust me, usually it only takes a couple of times to leave a store before they know that you are serious

4.ground rules. If they are old enough, you need to give them a guidline of what you expect of them when you go into a store, keep it simple. My kids are older now and they still get the same lecture.

5.take your kids out, I really believe that this is the only way they are going to learn, but the minute they act up you need to follow it by a consequence.

6.talk to your kids in the store, I ask my kids still to get things, to compare prices, what do they think of this food, they hold my coupons (we do more measurement and price comparison now but mine are older) I hold conversations with them in the store (heck I even talk to myself in store lol!)

7.timing is everything. don't go at nap time and when your kids are hungry or tired. I find going in the morning the best with kids.

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I thought it was having a home daycare and being around whiney kids all the time was the answer

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and never do the "OK I am leaving you here, then.....bye....I said bye....Mummy's leaving....." unless you mean it

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When I was a kid if I was acting up in a store I got brought back to the car, got a spank and then back to the store to finish shopping. Needless to say, I was usually quite well behaved in public.

I know many will disagree, but I will do the same with my child.

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On the contrary, in my experience with my DCK's and my own children explaining what behavior I expect and then explaining the consequences of not exhibiting that behavior (such as not being able to accompany me to some public place) has taught them clear boundaries and limitations. If I go anywhere with them and they don't behave in the way that is expected then they have to deal with the consequences of that choice, which is that they don't get to go next time.

In my case however I don't leave them home every time, I do allow them another chance to show whether or not they can go or not but depending on their behavior and how drastic it is I will take them back if it's severe or not. That is a consequence that they are aware of before we leave my house. Going to public places like a grocery store, department store or restaurant has the same reasonable behavioral expectations in my eyes as places such as a library, park or kids fun place. It's a privilege to be able to go. If they misbehave then they lose that privileged. My DCK's and my own children all behave well when we go anywhere because they know what is expected of them and they know the consequences. If you don't behave, you don't go.

As for removing a screaming or tantruming child from a restaurant or store ... why wouldn't you? You can just as easily correct unwanted behavior from the outside of the building as you can from the inside. You can talk to the child and give the child the choice of behaving or being taken back home. If the child refuses to change the behavior or is in such emotional distress that he/she simply can't control him/herself at that moment then why not remove the child from the stressful situation and take the child home where the child can decompress and calm down so that the situation can be addressed in a calmer state of mind? Allowing a child to scream, shout and tantrum in a public place is rude and unnecessary to other people in the public building ... I would never allow it. I would take my child out of the area and take my child outside so that the people inside aren't subjected to the behavior. I don't see anything wrong with that and I've done it many times with my own children and I'm grateful when other parent's do the same with their children especially at places like restaurants and stores. Nothing ruins a nice relaxing dinner than a screaming 2yo or loud siblings throwing food while the parents simply sit there and ignore the behavior and allow it to continue. Why not just remove the child and address the behavior outside and away from the other patrons?

At least that's where I'm coming from. I'm not simply saying "Don't take your kids anywhere because it's easier" I'm saying don't allow a child to make a scene in an establishment where it can disturb others. Give clear boundaries, expectations and consequences and then follow through with them.

I don't think of it in this way at all but maybe because in my own experiences my kids want to go with me to grocery store shopping trips, they think it's fun. But I have always included my kids and even my DCK's in the experiences and use it as learning experience. For example every year before thanksgiving I do an entire month of talking about manners specifically about behavior in a restaurant, at home at the dinner table and at the grocery store. Within the month of November we learn about what we each like to eat at thanksgiving and then we make shopping lists of simple to make food that they like to eat during Thanksgiving and we as a daycare group go on a field trip to the grocery store. They each have a small list of items that they must get and they all must behave. For the most part I don't have problems but there have been times when a child has ran off down the aisle or has misbehaves, that child then must then sit out at least a portion of the next field trip. It happens like this no matter where we go as a group and the consequences depend on the severity of the behavior. If it's extremely bad behavior to the point of throwing oneself on the floor and screaming/crying inconsolably then I will remove the entire group from the store and we will address the behavior outside. If it continues then we leave. Same goes with normal grocery trips with my own kids. It's not a hinderance to me, it's a hinderance to the child that doesn't want to leave. I suppose that if the child were to want to leave and that was why the child was misbehaving (let's say my child out of boredom) then I would take my child home, leave her with her father and give her chores. If she's bored then she can wipe the baseboards, take out trash, sort toys and clean the bathroom while I'm gone and I can take the short drive back to the store to finish my shopping unhindered. I think it just depends on why the child is misbehaving and how the situation is handled by the adult.

Definitely for sure if a child was taken home simply because the child was misbehaving out of boredom and then the child got to play in their room or play video games or with their friends then yes definitely, this is counter productive.

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Where's the like button?!

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