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Country Kids 08:02 AM 02-08-2013
With the recent issue on posting/hurt feelings/drama/etc. I thought the information I'm going to post would be a great learning tool for us all.

I am taking a wonderful class with a lady that is know nation wide for her work with children in childcare settings. She travels all over teaching on all aspects of childcare.

Anyway, this is one of the pieces of information from last nights class.

Communication:

7% WORDS
35%TONE
58% BODY LANGUAGE

Anytime you write on the computor or phone-forums/e-mail/blogs/texting/etc. the only thing the reader is really getting is the wording. Know you can get a somewhat of a tone by word choices but at the same time you are not getting the body language.

When someone appears to be hostile, they actually maybe speaking matter of factly but the wording appears hostile. You can't hear the tone or see the body language.

This is why communication is more important to do:

In person
On the actual phone (not texting)
Even letter writing can be a better form of writing (something in our brain with our learning style)


So next time you go to post/respond really think if you can actually come across where the person will be able to take in the wording, tone, and body language of your post. Probably not!

Then the next thought should be: should I even post this or respond?
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Blackcat31 08:04 AM 02-08-2013
and your point is
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Blackcat31 08:05 AM 02-08-2013
and your point is?


`~ see how much friendlier my words are with smilies attached?
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Country Kids 08:12 AM 02-08-2013
Thanks for the heart attack!

When I read the first one my immediate thought-did she really not understand and did I upset her.

Your second post reset my heart!
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Blackcat31 08:14 AM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Thanks for the heart attack!

When I read the first one my immediate thought-did she really not understand and did I upset her.

Your second post reset my heart!
See? I just proved your point. Words are words. Black marks on white backgrounds.

Adding a bit of human element like body language and tone is tough to do...hence the smilies we have.

Adding tone/body language using smilies makes ALL the difference.
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SilverSabre25 08:21 AM 02-08-2013
Yes, smilies help a lot!! So does punctuation :P

I do wish we had a bigger/more expressive collection of smilies. Most other forums I've been on have a huge variety.
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Blackcat31 08:30 AM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Yes, smilies help a lot!! So does punctuation :P

I do wish we had a bigger/more expressive collection of smilies. Most other forums I've been on have a huge variety.
I use these: http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php

Just right click on the area where it says "Forum Code" hit copy, then put your cursor on the spot you want the smilies to show up and paste.

Viola` you see the smilie in your post.
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mom2many 08:34 AM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
With the recent issue on posting/hurt feelings/drama/etc. I thought the information I'm going to post would be a great learning tool for us all.

I am taking a wonderful class with a lady that is know nation wide for her work with children in childcare settings. She travels all over teaching on all aspects of childcare.

Anyway, this is one of the pieces of information from last nights class.

Communication:

7% WORDS
35%TONE
58% BODY LANGUAGE

Anytime you write on the computor or phone-forums/e-mail/blogs/texting/etc. the only thing the reader is really getting is the wording. Know you can get a somewhat of a tone by word choices but at the same time you are not getting the body language.

When someone appears to be hostile, they actually maybe speaking matter of factly but the wording appears hostile. You can't hear the tone or see the body language.

This is why communication is more important to do:

In person
On the actual phone (not texting)
Even letter writing can be a better form of writing (something in our brain with our learning style)


So next time you go to post/respond really think if you can actually come across where the person will be able to take in the wording, tone, and body language of your post. Probably not!

Then the next thought should be: should I even post this or respond?
This is so true... I was raised that it wasn't "what" you say, but "how" you say it.

So often things can misconstrued through texting, emails, etc and a post can totally be taken the wrong way too, because you can't hear the tone or see the body language.

I think when people are anonymous they can be less respectful & considerate of others and this only adds to the animosity in some of the posts.

Remembering that there is an actual person behind the avatar is important.
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canadiancare 08:35 AM 02-08-2013
I do agree with the idea that we can't read tone into words, however I do also feel it is important to remember to just read the message without trying to infer anything else into it.

I think many of the misunderstandings happen when people jump straight to being defensive rather than just taking the post for what it is. We don't need to climb all over each other but we do need to accept that everyone comes from different places in life and, sometimes suggestions and opinions do have value- even if they differ from your own. That said I will reiterate that if we want to be taken seriously as professionals and use this forum that way we need to take unprofessional behaviour seriously and accept that sometimes "feeling really, really bad" about something that happened just isn't enough. Accountability in life goes a long way.

If this forum is intended more for a social hand-holding and mutual admiration club then that is a completely different story.
Reply
momofboys 08:51 AM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Thanks for the heart attack!

When I read the first one my immediate thought-did she really not understand and did I upset her.

Your second post reset my heart!
I get it!! Tks for sharing, so true!
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Blackcat31 08:56 AM 02-08-2013

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melilley 09:15 AM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by mom2many:
This is so true... I was raised that it wasn't "what" you say, but "how" you say it.

So often things can misconstrued through texting, emails, etc and a post can totally be taken the wrong way too, because you can't hear the tone or see the body language.

I think when people are anonymous they can be less respectful & considerate of others and this only adds to the animosity in some of the posts.

Remembering that there is an actual person behind the avatar is important.
Ditto!
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SquirrellyMama 09:59 AM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
I do agree with the idea that we can't read tone into words, however I do also feel it is important to remember to just read the message without trying to infer anything else into it.

I think many of the misunderstandings happen when people jump straight to being defensive rather than just taking the post for what it is. We don't need to climb all over each other but we do need to accept that everyone comes from different places in life and, sometimes suggestions and opinions do have value- even if they differ from your own. That said I will reiterate that if we want to be taken seriously as professionals and use this forum that way we need to take unprofessional behaviour seriously and accept that sometimes "feeling really, really bad" about something that happened just isn't enough. Accountability in life goes a long way.

If this forum is intended more for a social hand-holding and mutual admiration club then that is a completely different story.
Agree
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Willow 11:02 AM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
I do agree with the idea that we can't read tone into words, however I do also feel it is important to remember to just read the message without trying to infer anything else into it.

I think many of the misunderstandings happen when people jump straight to being defensive rather than just taking the post for what it is. We don't need to climb all over each other but we do need to accept that everyone comes from different places in life and, sometimes suggestions and opinions do have value- even if they differ from your own. That said I will reiterate that if we want to be taken seriously as professionals and use this forum that way we need to take unprofessional behaviour seriously and accept that sometimes "feeling really, really bad" about something that happened just isn't enough. Accountability in life goes a long way.

If this forum is intended more for a social hand-holding and mutual admiration club then that is a completely different story.

I vote this in as best post of the day!!!

Perfectly said!
Reply
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:41 AM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
Thanks for the heart attack!

When I read the first one my immediate thought-did she really not understand and did I upset her.

Your second post reset my heart!




Reply
Hunni Bee 03:24 PM 02-08-2013
I said it on the other board and ill say it again.

I have no issue and actually appreciate the straight talk, serious language and differing viewpoints we see sometimes on the forum. I have been called out on here for certain things and I appreciated it.

I also appreciate that people have different approaches and viewpoints on just about everything. I love reading them, and I have gotten so much useful info from the forum.

What I dont appreciate is people who troll the forum looking for a sensitive or controversial topic and post something outrageous to bait other users, who reply to users posts with insulting and unnecessary attacks because they said something they dont agree with, or even the handful of registered users who post rudely and negatively in every thread they go in.

I just dont see how users like this benefit the forum. Love the rest of you guys to pieces though!!
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Unregistered 04:19 PM 02-08-2013
Hunibee...
It's my understanding she was referring more to communicating with parents...either way it makes sense whether here on the forum, or with parents.
What I got out of it is you can let the parents know what you expect without causing any hurt feelings...maybe I'm wrong.
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Hunni Bee 04:59 PM 02-08-2013
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
With the recent issue on posting/hurt feelings/drama/etc. I thought the information I'm going to post would be a great learning tool for us all.

So next time you go to post/respond really think if you can actually come across where the person will be able to take in the wording, tone, and body language of your post. Probably not!

Then the next thought should be: should I even post this or respond?
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hunibee...
It's my understanding she was referring more to communicating with parents...either way it makes sense whether here on the forum, or with parents.
What I got out of it is you can let the parents know what you expect without causing any hurt feelings...maybe I'm wrong.
From what I gather, she was like you said, applying something she'd learned for use with parents to the forum issues. It makes a lot of sense. And I believe people feel empowered to respond harshly when there's no body language or eye contact, they figure "oh its just an internet board, not real people."
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Tags:body language, forum use, posting ettiquitte, tone, words
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