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Unregistered 01:09 PM 10-05-2011
Hi ladies! Normally, I just lurk since I don't have too many issues, but haven't found any posts about my current issues so I thought I'd bring them to the experts.....

I have a dcb that is 8mo old. He won't drink breast milk from a bottle for me anymore, but his mom keeps saying she wants me to TRY it every 2 hours. I've never fed an 8mo old a bottle every 2hrs ever and I'm thinking he's ready to be eating more baby food. He LOVES it and will eat 2 containers of it for lunch. He's been so happy since I started him on 2 containers, but mom wishes he'd only eat a half of a container....when I did that, he'd just cry & cry...nothing in his world was going his way then. KWIM? So now I'm doing 2 containers and he's happy. He will drink a formula bottle for me in the afternoon after his nap, but his mom is so stressed out by this and keeps bringing me breastmilk that he won't drink...and then she texts me every morning to ask if I tried it and if he drank any. Ummm...NO...he STILL doesn't want it. She's been told by the doctor & others that all he needs is breastmilk until 12 months, but this is a BIG baby...and he LOVES the baby food. The other issue is that he doesn't sleep all night. She says he nibbles every 2 hours all night so that's why I need to get him to drink the bottles during the day...I say she needs to quit letting him nibble...offer him a drink of water, but no nibbling. An 8mo old shouldn't need to nibble anything all night long. I've also suggested giving him the 2 containers of babyfood for his supper since he's been waking up, but she won't do it. I don't know what else to tell her. He's going to keep waking if she keeps letting him nibble...he's not going to want a bottle from me if he can nibble all night. The cycle needs to be broken BY HER, but I can't get it into her head that she needs to make some changes if she wants to sleep at night.

Also, she's doing Attachment Parenting, which is a whole other topic in itself. I lay him down for naps and he screams for 20 minutes and falls asleep. Every. single. day. she asks if he cried at nap. "Yes, he cried, but not for long and he slept great after that." She just can't bear the thought that he had to cry. Today, she told me "If he cries at nap, why don't you go get him after a couple minutes and see if he'll take some breast milk then?" NOOOOO....I'm not starting that. He won't take it anyway...we've been over this every day for the last month! Once I lay the baby down, it's naptime. He settles down in a fair amount of time. It's usually only 20 min in the morning nap and for afternoon he's out in 5 or so. The trouble is that she naps with him at home...says that's a part of Attachment Parenting, to sleep with baby and anticipate his every need...which is all fine and dandy for her, but doesn't fly at daycare. I can't lay down & take a nap with her baby, nor do I want to. He needs to sleep on his own, but my house is the only place that happens.

It's so frustrating...I know what would help, but she won't do it because it's not what the Dr. Sears book says or what the doctor says or what her friends say...but what they're all telling her IS NOT WORKING. I've tried to just go with "He had a great day" kind of answers, but she specifically asks every day how long he cried, what time I did this or that, did I do this instead of that. She's a first time mom...I've had 2 of my own and cared for 6 other babies through my years in daycare...that's 8 babies to her 1, but she won't just take the advice given and try it. What would you do? I'm open to whatever you got! Thanks a bunch!
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mismatchedsocks 01:36 PM 10-05-2011
I would tell her per the foodprogram you have to offer the child food. No need to tell her how much, if she is so against it. Also offer him breastmilk mixed with formula when you feed him, then he may take some. Not every 2 hours, of course, but say yes he actually had some breastmilk today when i mixed with formula.

As far as her at home, he will keep getting up because he is hungry!!

If she asks if he cries for nap, say nope he falls asleep just fine by himself.
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KBCsMommy 01:41 PM 10-05-2011
Is he on baby cereal?
for my dc babies I feed 2 or 3 tbsp of formula mix it with cereal and then 1/2 a jar of baby food. If they are still hungry I give them the rest of the baby food.
Then I give them 3 or 4 oz of formula.

I know its different with breastmilk, but some kids prefer real food to bottles.
Im not on the food program but I checked with WIC and they suggest this exact menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner with 4 oz bottles in between meal times.
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nannyde 01:49 PM 10-05-2011
Yikes

Wow that's a minefield of problems.

I think you are giving him way too much baby food. Check here for the eight to eleven month amounts:

http://www.fns.usda.gov/cnd/care/pro...l_patterns.htm

I would have him on the smallest amount for his age which would be two dry tablespoons of cereal and ONE total tablespoon of the fruit/veg. It would be about a quarter of one jar.

Sorry I know that's not what you want to hear.

He NEEDS the breast milk. He NEEDS to get hungry.

Breast milk FIRST and then the small amount of food. Once he's clearing the whole bottle THEN you can increase within the range of the food amounts.

Tell the Mom that he MUST be breast milk bottle trained ... PERIOD or you can't take him. For the future NEVER allow a baby in your house that is breast fed who you haven't SEEN ... watched... drink EASILY a full serving/bottle of breast milk.

I have the parents come for an interview and feed the baby in front of me. I have to SEE that the child can and will.

Did the mom approve the formula? I haven't had any bf moms that would allow formula unless they were a low producer. If she's upset about it she needs to say no formula and you need to say "show me" he will eat a full bm bottle.

If she is okay with the formula then you can always try to do part formula... part breast milk. If he's on eight ouncers... give him seven ounces of formula with one ounce of breast milk. Increase breast milk by one half ounce every THREE days. Once he gets to a fifty/fifty bottle then go in again and try him with the whole thing being breast milk.

NO way would I try to feed a baby his age and size every two hours. I would not allow him up during nap.

If the Mom wants attachment care then she needs to pay for it or do it. She needs to understand that she can't have one to one care for a group rate. If she wants him up during nap and she wants him to have special extra one to one time to get him bm bottle trained then she needs to supply enough money for you to hire an attachment assistant.

You most likely won't get her to stop allowing him to wall to wall suckle... or hold or one to one. She's getting her "my child" on and a child care provider will never be able to steer her away from it.. but her wallet will. Once her wallet starts to get thinner she'll rethink the "my child". She just needs to equate her "my child" with her "my money".
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cheerfuldom 02:14 PM 10-05-2011
I am very familiar with attachment parenting and have had several APer families. I think you have to have a frank discussion outlining what you will and will not offer (or will not offer without an extra fee attached as nanny said). No more discussion about naps and bottles, etc, etc. Let her know in clear terms, in writing if necessary, what you provide and have her decide once and for all if she is okay with what you can provide or if she needs to find care that is more in line with her expectations.Let her know that all the questions about things you have already told her is not okay anymore. What she is really doing is still interviewing you.....hoping you will change to what she was actually looking for, that being a nanny or AP provider.
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Heidi 02:34 PM 10-05-2011
I agree that he should not need a bottle every two hours. Have you tried having him sit in a high chair and learn to use a cup with a lid? When the twins started here, they were about that age, and still getting 4 or 5 bottles a day (formula). I got them going on a cup-took about 2 weeks, and they never got another bottle from me.

As soon as mine are able, they sit at the table with the other children, and eat when they eat. I feed them at first, but as soon as they have tried all the baby foods, and can grab things, I give them "real" food. I have to admit I don't enjoy feeding babies, and I like them to be as self-reliant as possible. I don't mind the mess. It's a mess anyway, and my dog loves comming in after meals and cleaning up.

I don't hurry them, and obviously, I'm not giving them carrot sticks or super spicy foods. At first I just give them the whole food version of the baby food. Cooked peas, carrots, green beans, etc, with no seasonings. After about a year, I will add in some "real" food.

I have never waited a whole year to give a child food. I know that is the modern wisdom, and respect that some people prefer to wait, but I am just not in that camp.

I would try the cup for a while first, then show mom how proud he is that he can drink on his own.
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Unregistered 04:45 PM 10-05-2011
I can't get my post to bold or have italics so I put stars around my replies. Hope that's not too hard to read...

Originally Posted by nannyde:
Yikes

Wow that's a minefield of problems.

I think you are giving him way too much baby food. Check here for the eight to eleven month amounts:

http://www.fns.usda.gov/cnd/care/pro...l_patterns.htm

I would have him on the smallest amount for his age which would be two dry tablespoons of cereal and ONE total tablespoon of the fruit/veg. It would be about a quarter of one jar.

Sorry I know that's not what you want to hear.

***Thanks for the link and I'm good with hearing that, however, the only reason I started giving him more food was because he wouldn't take the bottle no matter when I tried so rather than have him scream all day, I fed him what he'd eat. His mom was ok with that because she brings it.****

He NEEDS the breast milk. He NEEDS to get hungry.

***This would be my first thought, that he needs to get hungry, but she doesn't want him to cry, so on her days off, she offers him her milk every 2 hours just to see if he's hungry...so that he never has to cry due to hunger.***

Breast milk FIRST and then the small amount of food. Once he's clearing the whole bottle THEN you can increase within the range of the food amounts.

Tell the Mom that he MUST be breast milk bottle trained ... PERIOD or you can't take him. For the future NEVER allow a baby in your house that is breast fed who you haven't SEEN ... watched... drink EASILY a full serving/bottle of breast milk.

***That's just the thing...he used to drink fine from the bottle. BUT...since he's part time, he had a 5 day wknd for Labor Day, then he had a whole week off because his temp was 99 & he was stuffy & mom just didn't think he should go out of the house when he was SICK. So...she stayed home with him, which I guess I can't complain about too much, but it was after that when he wouldn't drink from the bottle anymore.***

I have the parents come for an interview and feed the baby in front of me. I have to SEE that the child can and will.

Did the mom approve the formula? I haven't had any bf moms that would allow formula unless they were a low producer. If she's upset about it she needs to say no formula and you need to say "show me" he will eat a full bm bottle.

***She brings the formula packets as a back-up in case something happens to her milk or in case he drinks more than what she's brought me. She's just horrified that he won't drink her milk from the bottle, but he'll drink the formula. I guess all my daycare moms in the past have usually pumped as long as they could and eventually switch over to formula so it didn't faze me one bit to give him the formula she brought.***

If she is okay with the formula then you can always try to do part formula... part breast milk. If he's on eight ouncers... give him seven ounces of formula with one ounce of breast milk. Increase breast milk by one half ounce every THREE days. Once he gets to a fifty/fifty bottle then go in again and try him with the whole thing being breast milk.

***Here's the thing...he's the first baby I've had that's NOT on 8 ouncers by now. He has a hard time making it through 4 & even then I have to work at him to get him to drink it. Last spring, before he was off for summer vacation, he was drinking 6 ouncers so he should've been on track to be drinking more by now, but he doesn't.***

NO way would I try to feed a baby his age and size every two hours. I would not allow him up during nap.

If the Mom wants attachment care then she needs to pay for it or do it. She needs to understand that she can't have one to one care for a group rate. If she wants him up during nap and she wants him to have special extra one to one time to get him bm bottle trained then she needs to supply enough money for you to hire an attachment assistant.

You most likely won't get her to stop allowing him to wall to wall suckle... or hold or one to one. She's getting her "my child" on and a child care provider will never be able to steer her away from it.. but her wallet will. Once her wallet starts to get thinner she'll rethink the "my child". She just needs to equate her "my child" with her "my money".

***I think you're right about getting her "my child" on....it's funny how they all do it a different way when they do that. I must be slipping since I didn't think of that before. LOL***

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Michael 04:54 PM 10-05-2011
I put the BOLD in for you.
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Tags:attachment parenting techniques, baby food, breastmilk, cereal, food program, transitioning - breastmilk to babyfood
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