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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Grossed out by DCG
Unregistered 07:15 AM 01-18-2012
I have had this one DCG for several months now and I thought I would never say this about a child, but I'm so grossed out by her. I know it's not her fault, and her parents would be the ones to blame for this but I'm getting to the point where I don't even know if I want her in my care anymore. Her hair is always so messy-uncombed and greasy. She has major dandruff too (perhaps they need to change shampoos or talk to doctor). She wasn't blessed with nice skin at all and is always rashy...even on her face. She comes to daycare in the morning with an unwashed face...sleep still in her eyes and dirty face. Her clothes don't seem all that clean (I think parents try to use chemical free cleaning products and whatever they are using doesn't work that well). Since it's winter she has been arriving with this unbelievable crusty nose(which wouldn't bug me so much if I knew dad was washing her face and trying to clean it up a little) She uses cloth diapers and half the time dad brings her in the AM and the diaper isn't on properly, if on at all and you can tell he didn't do a very good job with cleaning at all! Sometimes I can tell she had a poop and dad didn't clean very well (and they wonder why she has even more rashy skin). This poor thing has her mouth hanging open almost all day long, and drool just comes dripping out (not just when she is teething!) This is all the time!

Did I mention that she is 27 months old?

My husband had to p/u a check from them one week when they forgot to pay (they are normally good with paying on time) and he said the front entrance of their house was absolutely disgusting so it sounds like the entire family is fairly unclean.

Mom and dad don't seem to be helping her along developmentally, or at least that's how I feel. This child doesn't really understand what it means to clean up (I try a million different ways to encourage this and when she finally picks it up she is struggling and doesn't really know what to do). We have been working on simple puzzles for months now and she has no clue how to even try to match up the animals and move the puzzle piece around until it fits into it's correct spot. Even with lots of encouragement she just has this clueless look on her face and just sits there.
I have to tell her EXACTLY what she needs to be doing all the time (example..when I tell the kids it's lunch time they all come quickly to the kitchen..and the younger ones follow along and everyone is happy. This girl will just stand in the play room all by herself for several minutes of me saying it's lunch time. Once I go in and stand directly in front of her and tell her she needs to come and sit down for lunch does she somewhat get it..there are a tonne of examples of this but you get the point)

When mom picks her up she talks to her like she's an infant and it drives me nuts...she talks in this squeely high pitched "fake" way and it's like nails on a chalkboard to me.

I don't know what (and if) I'm doing something wrong or if I'm just being a drama queen. I'm just so annoyed at this point!

VENT OFFICIALLY OVER! Thanks!! (Just had to get that off my chest)
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Cat Herder 07:44 AM 01-18-2012
Does your CCR&R offer an Inclusion program?

If so give them a call and a specialist can come out and evaluate if she has developmental needs.

During their visit mention what you are telling us....it is possible they will get the family the assistance they need.

If the family rejects help, help may come to the DCG in the form of CPS.

Either way, they are specially trained and have resources for stuff like this.
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awestbrook713 08:06 AM 01-18-2012
I understand your situation but at the same time this child sounds like its not her fault for her appearance. Maybe speak to the parents about you concerns and if it doesn't impove try the poster before mes suggestion. Sounds like this little girl needs you because you might be the only one that is really caring. If none of this works decide whether you want to continue care, no reason you need to be disgusted in your own home and maybe it would be a wake up call to parents if you tell them why your terming. Good luck
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countrymom 08:15 AM 01-18-2012
unfortunatly some people are just like this. And I go for the crunchy momma, holistic thing but you can't use that as an excuse for filthiness.
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godiva83 08:39 AM 01-18-2012
It is so hard to see. It is disgusting and it is hard to have a child like this, but it isn't the child's fault.
I would send them a letter saying the importance of good hygiene and they need to take the proper steps with helping their daughter with cleanliness.

If it still doesn't get across to them, give a written notice. Maybe that will open their eyes.

I have a DCB whose parents are always well put together and clean, he on the other hand is filthy, smelly, and just dirty. Once he was walking funny so I took off his socks to see what the matter was- his toe nails were so long they curled under his toes and were digging in. Ouch!
I took a picture sent it, saying your child was having difficulties playing due to overgrown nails - I had to trim his nails. If this happens again I will consider it neglectful behaviour.

Good luck - be blunt but professional
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Ariana 10:38 AM 01-18-2012
This is blatant neglect!! I'd be calling someone ASAP to find out what's going on at home. Are they hoarders? Have no access to a bathroom let alone stimulating toys?

I think you are the best thing she has in her life so don't give up on her!! Find some resources to help you if you can.
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Unregistered 11:03 AM 01-18-2012
Thanks for your replies.
Oh boy! The parents are really nice people so I don't even have a clue on how I should even write a letter to them. To be honest, I don't even think they are aware that they are raising their child to be this way. I should mention that they live in a nice house (on the outside at least), mom drives a brand new SUV, and they are both teachers full time (so I don't think money or being low income is the problem).
I honestly don't even know what the problem could be! That's why I'm having such a hard time with this...and baby #2 will be arriving in a handful of months!
Dad seems a little aloof and not put together each day. I think he literally just wakes up DCK, throws her together as quickly as he can and get's here...then I think he goes back home to finish getting himself ready.
Anyway, I don't even know how to put this letter together. Any advice? I lack a back bone already which I'm really trying so hard to overcome so this is overwhelming me a tad
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Meeko 12:49 PM 01-18-2012
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Thanks for your replies.
Oh boy! The parents are really nice people so I don't even have a clue on how I should even write a letter to them. To be honest, I don't even think they are aware that they are raising their child to be this way. I should mention that they live in a nice house (on the outside at least), mom drives a brand new SUV, and they are both teachers full time (so I don't think money or being low income is the problem).
I honestly don't even know what the problem could be! That's why I'm having such a hard time with this...and baby #2 will be arriving in a handful of months!
Dad seems a little aloof and not put together each day. I think he literally just wakes up DCK, throws her together as quickly as he can and get's here...then I think he goes back home to finish getting himself ready.
Anyway, I don't even know how to put this letter together. Any advice? I lack a back bone already which I'm really trying so hard to overcome so this is overwhelming me a tad
On occasion, I have wanted to tackle a sensitive subject. So I have written a general open letter to all the parents and mentioned the offending thing without singling out anyone.

Maybe you could give each parent a notice that you just wanted to remind "everyone" that children need to come to day care bathed and in clean clothes. Explain that cleanliness is important. I don't know if you're licensed, but as a licensed provider, I am bound by law as a mandated reporter of abuse or neglect.

Maybe your notice could mention something about being required to keep records on each child, including their health and CLEANLINESS.

Maybe that will wake up the offending parents. If not....then a more face to face would be necessary.

I have children in my care who are filthy a lot of the time. I have given the mom both subtle hints and sit-down ultimatums. Nothing seems to work. I wash them and their clothes when I want to and I don't care what their mother thinks. She is already in the radar of the state, so she doesn't say anything to me even though I know she notices when her kids go home in clothes that are clean. I keep in touch with the state too and let them know when it gets really bad and they run over to her disgusting house and read her the riot act. She cleans up for a few weeks and then it's back to normal.

I hate to say it...but you just can't change some people. They see nothing wrong with way they live and are offended by anyone trying to offer help.
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Childminder 08:49 PM 01-18-2012
See highlighted lines

Child care providers are mandated reporters. Under the Child Protec- tion Law (1978 PA 238), providers must contact Children’s Protective Services (CPS) immediately when they suspect child abuse and/or neglect. The immediate verbal report must be made to the local DHS office in the county where the child currently resides. The verbal report must be followed by a written report. The written report must be made within 72 hours. DHS encourages the use of the Report of Suspected or Actual Child Abuse or Neglect (DHS-3200) form which includes all the information required by the law.
When child abuse and/or neglect is suspected, caregivers need to only obtain enough information to make a report. If a child starts disclosing information regarding abuse and/or neglect, the caregiver must only ask open-ended questions, if necessary, to determine whether a report needs to be made to CPS. The child must not be led during the conver- sation. Caregivers must not attempt to conduct their own investigation either before reporting it to CPS or during the CPS investigation.
Determining when to report situations of suspected child abuse/neglect can be difficult. When in doubt, contact the local DHS office for consul- tation. Below are some commonly accepted warning signs associated with various forms of child abuse/neglect. Note that the warning signs below, in themselves, are not the only indicators of child abuse/neglect and, if present, do not always mean a child is being abused or neglected.
Physical Abuse: Sores, burns, bruises, injuries on body and a reluc- tance to tell or vagueness about where these originated. Injuries may not match the explanation.
Neglect: Consistent signs of hunger, inappropriate dress, poor hygiene (unwashed clothes, hair and body odor); regularly displays fatigue or listlessness; unattended medical needs.
Sexual Abuse: Unusual sexual awareness or behavior. Inappropriate sexual behavior such as attempting to insert tongue in your mouth; pain, itching, bleeding, or bruises in the genital area; persistent sexual play with other children, themselves, toys, or pets; withdrawal or depression.
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sahm2three 09:23 PM 01-18-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
unfortunatly some people are just like this. And I go for the crunchy momma, holistic thing but you can't use that as an excuse for filthiness.
I am fairly crunchy, but my kids are clean, my house is clean. Crunchy doesn't = dirty! I agree with you! To me it sounds like laziness!
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countrymom 08:06 AM 01-19-2012
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
I am fairly crunchy, but my kids are clean, my house is clean. Crunchy doesn't = dirty! I agree with you! To me it sounds like laziness!

so, the lady around the corner from me started hosting playdates (we all knew each other from a parent site) well she was into the holistic crunchy mamma thing. So the first time I go there, I noticed how she had bras hanging on the door handles and the poopy diaper bags that greeted us at the door. Then as we go into the other room, there is a baby gate that we have to climb over, but we coulnd't step on the mat because there was a huge hole in the ground that you can see in the crawl space. The filth in that house was beyond disgusting. She even greated us braless because, you know, nursing everyones child is the way to go (not!) I have never ever been a filthy filthy house. And all she would do while we were there was talk about holistic ways to benefit the child. So gross!
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MamaBear 11:58 AM 01-19-2012
Ah man. I don't think I could have a child like that in my daycare. Not that its her fault, but totally the parents. I had one like that who was temporary for 2 weeks and I was SO happy when that ended.

She was 2 yrs old and her hair was always dirty & greasy and soooo smelly. Her parents smoked so she always smelled like cigarette smoke. When I'd change her diaper she actually had a fishy odor that made me want to puke. I didn't even think girls that young could "smell" like that. It was awful.

She'd scratch at her butt all the time because it itched all the time. I used that as a way to try to make her mom aware of the problem. I told her that she was scratching at her bottom all the time & told me that it itches and probably needs to soak in a nice warm soapy bath to clean real good. She said she didn't bathe... just would shower every few days! EW! Well thats why. I was so thankful when they left. So I feel your pain
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Daycaremomof2 12:10 PM 01-19-2012
I would consider myself a "crunchy momma," but my house is so clean you can eat off of the floors! I am all about natural products, and organic organic organic (I only feed my kids and dayare kids organic or all natural). So crunchy does not = dirty. Dirty is dirty and lazy is lazy. I feel SOOOOO sad for this girl. I have a psychology degree and based on what you said, it sounds like she may have to be evaluated. It is better to catch these things early on- the parents as teachers should be able to recognize this. Also, I may be wrong, but don't teachers have to go through training to be able to identify children who have been neglected?
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Tags:bathing issues, ccrr, cps, developmental - support, mandated reporter, neglect
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