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blessedmess8 11:16 AM 02-07-2012
I haven't posted in a while. Anyone ever dealt with suspected RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)? If so, how did you approach the parents? Were you able to find a way to keep the child and work through the issue?
I know everyone likes to scream DROP THEM! But, I don't want to do that. I love this child and if RAD is the case, he would not fare well in another setting. I've had him since birth and he is 18 months old.
Just wanting to hear any of your stories who may have dealt with this situation - the solutions, things you tried, the way you approached parents and the outcome. Thanks!
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Cat Herder 11:24 AM 02-07-2012
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
I know everyone likes to scream DROP THEM!
First, I feel this is an unfair statement. Asking for advice, then making such a statement about the very people you are asking is off putting.

Second, I'd recommend you contact your own local CCR&R and see what Screening and Inclusion services they offer to Home Providers for the children in your care.

Here the child could get free screening and therapy up to 3 days a week.
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blessedmess8 11:41 AM 02-07-2012
Originally Posted by Catherder:
First, I feel this is an unfair statement. Asking for advice, then making such a statement about the very people you are asking is off putting.

Second, I'd recommend you contact your own local CCR&R and see what Screening and Inclusion services they offer to Home Providers for the children in your care.

Here the child could get free screening and therapy up to 3 days a week.
Sorry! Just saying that I realize that is a common solution... and a viable one, for sure. It may come to that. I just didn't want 13 posts about how I need to drop him because I know that is the most obvious solution and may be the only one. No offense meant. If someone has a story about what they TRIED and it didn't work and they had to drop them anyway, I'm all ears, but the static: You should drop him if it doesn't work for you, is just not what I'm looking for because I already know that is an option. I just want some advice about what I should or should not try to resolve the situation and would love to pull from anyone's experience with this. I wasn't trying to be hateful, but was trying to weed out a long thread of being told to drop the child. I was being specific about the advice I was looking for... and not looking for.

I know I can call in help from the Health Department... But I'd have to talk to mom first and I'm just not sure how to approach that. It's always a touchy subject when you tell parents you think something may be "wrong." Wondering how you all have approached that with parents.
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blessedmess8 11:46 AM 02-07-2012
Also, by "everyone" I wasn't referring to just daycare.com members. I rarely even get on here. I'm also talking about family and friends who reply to this situation of mine.
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jojosmommy 11:52 AM 02-07-2012
I do agree with the OP noting everyone says drop them. That is a common theme on here, anything that requires more (work, time, patience, etc) gets the standard answer drop them.

I haven't had a dck with RAD but attended a training on it through our county. It was rather doom and gloom but was put on by parents of children with RAD. I would call and find out if there are trainings or support groups to attend. Good luck, this can be a hard road.
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Cat Herder 12:02 PM 02-07-2012
I understand what you meant.

RAD is HARD to find training for. We currently don't have access to training on it.

The only "first hand" resources I know of are www.rainbowkids.com (huge section on parenting toddlers with RAD, this is an adoption site) and www.adoption.com forums (lots of threads about actual parents dealing with this).

I bet they can answer your question in a heart beat and offer tips.
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Cat Herder 12:07 PM 02-07-2012
Originally Posted by jojosmommy:
I do agree with the OP noting everyone says drop them. That is a common theme on here, anything that requires more (work, time, patience, etc) gets the standard answer drop them.

.
I disagree...

I feel it is the standard answer after a provider vents about a particular child/situation more than a few times..

It is a general goal to let them know they are not failures if they let them go. It is more about preventing possible child abuse/provider burnout than "avoiding hard work".

I understand it may read that way some days if you miss a few posts here and there.
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blessedmess8 12:33 PM 02-07-2012
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I understand what you meant.

RAD is HARD to find training for. We currently don't have access to training on it.

The only "first hand" resources I know of are www.rainbowkids.com (huge section on parenting toddlers with RAD, this is an adoption site) and www.adoption.com forums (lots of threads about actual parents dealing with this).

I bet they can answer your question in a heart beat and offer tips.
Thank you SO much! I will go there. I've had a gazillion trainings and it's never been addressed really. Maybe I should suggest it to some CCRC resources around here!
[quote=jojosmommy;194657]I do agree with the OP noting everyone says drop them. That is a common theme on here, anything that requires more (work, time, patience, etc) gets the standard answer drop them.

I have felt this way, too. And as Cathereder stated, maybe it is my hit and miss reading on here.
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I disagree...

I feel it is the standard answer after a provider vents about a particular child/situation more than a few times..

It is a general goal to let them know they are not failures if they let them go. It is more about preventing possible child abuse/provider burnout than "avoiding hard work".
I get that. And I think so many providers have had a hard time dropping, but once they did it was a huge relief (I could see why!) and they want to convey that to us. I just know dropping him would be SO hard on him and I love him and want to do whatever I can to help. But, I can't let the other kids suffer either from my own burn out or his constant crying!!
I understand it may read that way some days if you miss a few posts here and there.
Thanks!!
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countrymom 12:45 PM 02-07-2012
I had to look it up first. Well, I would give it a time limit and if its not working then yes, I would term. Its not up to you to fix the child. You can help them but we can't fix everyone. My concern would be the lying. What happens if they lie about abuse, can you handle that, how about if the child does something bad and the police are involved are you ready to deal with it. What are the parents doing to help you out. Are they giving you info.
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blessedmess8 01:36 PM 02-07-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
I had to look it up first. Well, I would give it a time limit and if its not working then yes, I would term. Its not up to you to fix the child. You can help them but we can't fix everyone. My concern would be the lying. What happens if they lie about abuse, can you handle that, how about if the child does something bad and the police are involved are you ready to deal with it. What are the parents doing to help you out. Are they giving you info.
True. Wondering if there are other things that can cause similar symptoms to RAD, besides abuse/neglect. And it isn't always a purposeful abuse and neglect. It can be that a parent is depressed, etc. You just never know. I would never suspect that they are abusive parents. I know you can't always tell from the outside.
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Michelle 01:53 PM 02-07-2012
I had a dcb with extreme rad and it was very difficult.
This boy needed his own adult and I had to term.
He was 5 years old and loved to strip off his clothes every chance he got and show everyone while smiling..he was obsessed with blood! to the point he would ask me how much blood was in my cat and can he find out.
He peeled paint off my walls, had absolutely no friends and no desire to make a friend, and would go up to perfect strangers and ask if he could go home with them. He asked me if I was his new mommy and was just extremely defiant.
I loved the little guy enough to tell his parents that he needed help.
This is very hard to do because from what I read , this is caused by the baby not bonding with anyone the first years of life and that is such an insult to a parent, but I had to tell them of the symtoms I noticed and to see a Doctor.
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blessedmess8 02:15 PM 02-07-2012
It's almost like he has severe seperation anxiety that he never gets over. It's so bizarre!
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godiva83 02:24 PM 02-07-2012
Considering you have had him since birth, have you seen any indicators of abuse or neglect? Any known mental illnesses in the family?

Of course if you suspect abuse or any form of neglect you need to report it ASAP - it has been proven this is a major cause of RAD in toddlers; however, not the only cause. I suggest document objective reports of child's behaviour try to stay away from subjective or inferring something and if you are 100% confident there is no abuse discuss your findings with the primary caregiver.

Perhaps, try not to diagnose RAD in the beginning. I know we all have years of expierience but we aren't technically speaking psychiatrists or well versed in the DSM- V KWIM?

Voice your concerns with out attaching a label ... If parents seem responsive go from there with expressing further research and encourage them to seek an opinion from their Doctor.

If they are unresponsive, explain you will have to contact whom ever would come to help assess the child in your area to start Early Intervention. Stress the importance of EI and that you simply need help with strategies that will work to benefit this child's development.

It is important that this child has a caregiver in his life who is reliable, trust worthy and respectful towards his needs. I suggest using Pics if he isn't verbal, discuss emotions at his level, Routine, routine, routine.
Don't force physical contact and if he is overly emotional or seeks too much physical contact try not to anger at that. Initiate a 'special' time in your daily routine for snuggles, have a 'chill out zone' where he can go snuggle with pillows, animals you are use as a sign that he is over stimulated.

RAD is hard and very rare I think - I really haven't had much expierience with it so who knows how relative my advice is.

Hang in there, and yes 'term' if need be but remember a steady caregiver is of great importance and turn over isn't always the best. However, on the other hand if he isn't connecting to you - change may be a positive .

Good luck and good communication is key, if you feel it is safe I say that's your first step If its not safe make the call to authorities
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blessedmess8 02:40 PM 02-07-2012
I do need to start observing and documenting! I don't know why I havent done that. Hellloooo! Thank you for that kick in the pants.
I think he and I are bonded. That's one of my strengths. He never cries at drop off and he often cries when mom picks him up. I have NO reason to suspect abuse and only jumped to "rad" because it came up as I was googling issues with attachment, because that just seems to maybe be the issue. Like, no matter what, he's insecure. I walk out of the room for a minute and he's screaming and banging his head on the door!! Not ALWAYS, but often.
I have no desire to drop him, but it's so very hard to talk to parents about these things! I am definitely going to do some intense documenting for a couple of weeks, though. See if I can see any patterns of behaviors.
He does seem to get over stimulated easily, but he doesn't like to be by himself. He'll go in to these fits where he wants to be held, but then I hold him and he cries to be let go.
????????????????????
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blessedmess8 02:44 PM 02-07-2012
Oh, and I would NEVER say to a parent, "I think your child has...." Nope, nope, nope! BAD idea! lol
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countrymom 07:51 PM 02-07-2012
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
It's almost like he has severe seperation anxiety that he never gets over. It's so bizarre!
I wonder if the little girl I watch has something like this. I mean, now when she leaves my house she is crying and clinging on to me, like its torture for her to go home. She hates everyone that comes to the house, I can't hold another child because she is hysterical and she is going to be 1 this week. I just have this odd feeling with this family that things just don't click. At first she didn't want me to put her down but I think she had anxiety that I would leave. She never cries at drop of when mom drops off. My sister has made comments that the baby thinks I'm her mom, its wierd. And only time will tell.
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countrymom 07:53 PM 02-07-2012
Originally Posted by blessedmess8:
I do need to start observing and documenting! I don't know why I havent done that. Hellloooo! Thank you for that kick in the pants.
I think he and I are bonded. That's one of my strengths. He never cries at drop off and he often cries when mom picks him up. I have NO reason to suspect abuse and only jumped to "rad" because it came up as I was googling issues with attachment, because that just seems to maybe be the issue. Like, no matter what, he's insecure. I walk out of the room for a minute and he's screaming and banging his head on the door!! Not ALWAYS, but often.
I have no desire to drop him, but it's so very hard to talk to parents about these things! I am definitely going to do some intense documenting for a couple of weeks, though. See if I can see any patterns of behaviors.
He does seem to get over stimulated easily, but he doesn't like to be by himself. He'll go in to these fits where he wants to be held, but then I hold him and he cries to be let go.
????????????????????
omg, thats the little girl I have, except she is almost 1 and we have bonded.
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Michelle 07:34 AM 02-08-2012
Children being very attached to their provider does not mean they may have RAD. It just means they love you and spend a lot of time with you. They probably don't get a lot of attention from home and they have really attached themselves to you.
RAD is the extreme opposite, they may want to go with perfect strangers but it is all just talk.They act like they totally love you but they are acting that was to get something out of it. They will look you straight in the eye and say they want you to be their mom but will say this to the mail lady too that they just met that day. I know this sounds harsh but I lived it.
I tried to explain just basic care of a child to his mother and she stared at me blank like I was talking a different language. I never saw the parents hug or kiss their child, just "get in the car"

The little boy I had was a very extreme case and he was bounced around from foster homes to relatives his whole life. So, be careful and do a lot of research on this.
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Mom2Five+ 08:39 AM 02-08-2012
I adopted a little girl who has RAD. She came to me at 18 months and was in therapy from that time until now. It is a very HARD thing to deal with. She will be 14 this year and she has lied on us to the point of CPS coming to our home to investigate. Everything was unfounded both times thank God. They are very manipulative even at young ages. There is now a letter that we have from the social service office with the name and number to contact just in case something else comes up they know about our case. She actually told the social worker she lied because she wanted me to go to jail so she could stay with her dad only and he would let her do whatever she wants. I would just observe and document and then take it to mom. No one wants to think something is wrong with their child but if there is getting them help early sometimes makes a big difference.

I wish you luck and pray its not RAD, but if it is think really hard about if you can handle the extra work and also the number of kids you take care of because they do require A LOT of time.
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Countrygal 03:40 PM 02-08-2012
I am raising my grandson, and RAD is a very common term you hear discussed and diagnosed among grandparents raising grandchildren.

I discussed it in length with a person our grandparent's group had in, and here are a few things I learned.

They feel now that RAD happens in ANY child that is removed from his/her parents, even at a VERY early age.

There are HUGE varying degrees of RAD - everything from extreme clinginess and insecurity to horrible outplaying of feelings.

It is not something easily diagnosed, as it is a disorder that is based on signs and symptoms. Funny, though. I always thought the precipitation point had to be not attaching to the parent or parents at birth. Does the baby seem to respond well to his own family??

I don't know much more about it than what some of the grandparents have gone through. I think my gs somewhat bonded with me long before the transition which occurred at 6 mos and that that made the transition MUCH easier.

A child can bond with more than one or two people. They don't know how to count. If you have fed and nurtured this child since birth, I think there's a pretty good assurance he has bonded with you - whether that helps your question or not,........
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Tags:ccrr, child care resource, inclusion, reactive attachment disorder, service providers, services, special needs
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