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BGM 09:15 AM 03-19-2018
So, I got a new kid 4 weeks ago.

It sounds like all he does at home is get his way and watch TV. He has no siblings and was at home with the parents before this. Now he's here where I don't usually watch TV and have rules.

The kids get 1 nap companion and he without fail comes in vice-gripping two. His mom claims that she tried to have him only bring one, but really, how hard did she try?

He stands around and whine-scream-cry-growls all day unless I hold him in my lap while I'm trying to get work done on my computer or if I give him 1 on 1 attention.

He comes M-W 9-5, so I don't have him all week which is a pro and con. Pro-I don't have to deal with the screaming all week, Con-I don't have as much of an opportunity to get him into a schedule as if he were here full-time.

And the best part? He's making all of my other trained kids act crazy. I feel like every since he came, their behavior has been much worse.

After all of this, it should be easy to say- TERM TERM TERM ...

But I'm a small daycare that appreciates every little bit of tuition.

So what do I do??

I'm coming to absolutely dread M-W, I feel like my frustration is keeping me from being as good as I can be with him and the others, but I'd love to keep the extra income.

Why can't I have my cake and eat it too??
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Unregistered 09:23 AM 03-19-2018
How old is he?
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BGM 09:33 AM 03-19-2018
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
How old is he?
He's 2
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Play Care 09:41 AM 03-19-2018
People behave how you allow them to.
Hand one toy back to mom every.single.time. "oops, mom, it's one toy! Here you go!" And shoo her out the door. With him I would be on him like velcro. Showing him HOW to play with others, encouraging him to use his words, praising the heck out of him. Really whenever I start a new kid it's with the expectation that I will be doing a lot of modeling those first few weeks. If I don't have to, great! If I do, I'm prepared, lol.

In the meantime I would continue to advertise and interview. Maybe they will shape up, but maybe you find a better fit and term. Good luck!
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Blackcat31 10:54 AM 03-19-2018
Originally Posted by KWTR:
So, I got a new kid 4 weeks ago.

It sounds like all he does at home is get his way and watch TV. He has no siblings and was at home with the parents before this. Now he's here where I don't usually watch TV and have rules.

The kids get 1 nap companion and he without fail comes in vice-gripping two. His mom claims that she tried to have him only bring one, but really, how hard did she try?

He stands around and whine-scream-cry-growls all day unless I hold him in my lap while I'm trying to get work done on my computer or if I give him 1 on 1 attention.

He comes M-W 9-5, so I don't have him all week which is a pro and con. Pro-I don't have to deal with the screaming all week, Con-I don't have as much of an opportunity to get him into a schedule as if he were here full-time.

And the best part? He's making all of my other trained kids act crazy. I feel like every since he came, their behavior has been much worse.

After all of this, it should be easy to say- TERM TERM TERM ...

But I'm a small daycare that appreciates every little bit of tuition.

So what do I do??

I'm coming to absolutely dread M-W, I feel like my frustration is keeping me from being as good as I can be with him and the others, but I'd love to keep the extra income.

Why can't I have my cake and eat it too??
This is a perfect example of having to decide between income or stress.

Personally, I value being stress free MORE than I value the income from one really hard, part time kid but I will admit there have been times in the past when I first opened that I put up with ALOT for the money.

Thankfully, I am not at the point in my life any longer and value my sanity much more than the income.

Which you need (income/sanity) is something only you can answer.

~Side note... Play Care is spot on... people behave how YOU allow them to.

If DCB is suppose to have ONE nap companion but he arrives with 2, send mom back out to the car until child is ready for care (has ONLY one item). Stop doing mom's job for her.
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LittleExplorers 12:24 PM 03-19-2018
It takes time to adjust. I have a 22 month old who started at 15 months. He came from care split between 2 grandmas. He is two days a week. It took about 2 months to fully adjust. Stick to your rules and routine with some extra comforting and hopefully he will get the hang of it. He and mom need to learn your rules are not negotiable.
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Ariana 12:26 PM 03-19-2018
Definitely hand the extra toy back to mom. I have two kids that come in with crusty, filthy, disgusting “babies” and they are not allowed in my house at all. I take them from their hands and pop them in their daycare bag right in front of mom. Mom has zero backbone and will not ‘fight’ with her kids over anything. Her kids are very anxious because of it.
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daisymay 01:23 PM 03-19-2018
I suggest you be honest with mom about it not working and suggest you try another day to see if three consecutive days help him adjust. Of course mom would have to pay for that day but she will likely want to give it a try if she knows that on his current schedule he may not adjust and be able to stay permenately. I have so BTDT with needing the income and dealing with way too much. This forum helped me really figure out how to run my business and now I only offer a theee day schedule to kids under the age of 3.5. I have found that they just don’t adjust if they are with me only two days.
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BGM 03:29 PM 05-03-2018
Okay, it's been a while, but here's what happened:

I put my backbone in and made a script to say to the boy when he came in the next morning that he can chose one toy and the other will go in his cubby, then I did it and he was fine! I gave the toy to mom and in the end of day email I said he should be good to come in the daycare room with only one nap buddy. And that was that!

We also really bonded with a book he liked so now I can reel him in when I see he's starting to get upset by saying a line from the book and it calms him down.

He still has his fits and we're dealing with some aggressive behavior sometimes but I think I'll keep him!
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Josiegirl 03:48 PM 05-03-2018
Glad it's working out!! It's hard to term every dck that isn't working out great because we do need the income. Terming is so much easier said than done.
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Blackcat31 03:59 PM 05-03-2018
Originally Posted by KWTR:
Okay, it's been a while, but here's what happened:

I put my backbone in and made a script to say to the boy when he came in the next morning that he can chose one toy and the other will go in his cubby, then I did it and he was fine! I gave the toy to mom and in the end of day email I said he should be good to come in the daycare room with only one nap buddy. And that was that!

We also really bonded with a book he liked so now I can reel him in when I see he's starting to get upset by saying a line from the book and it calms him down.

He still has his fits and we're dealing with some aggressive behavior sometimes but I think I'll keep him!
That is awesome!

It just goes to show you kids really do need routines and boundaries...it helps them feel safe and secure thus able to bond with their caregiver!

Nice work!!
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BGM 01:59 PM 11-09-2018
So it's been a few months. This little boy is now 3 years old. At one point things were evening out, but lately he has been so, so unbearable.
For the past couple months, he's been so frustrating. He's been aggressive, he's taken to throwing things or shoving the nearest kid. He takes toys from the kids the moment he sees them with something he wants and has been known to hold other kids down with his body weight to pry something out of their hands. I have six other kids here and I think I'm at the point where I can be okay with letting him go.

I've tried 1-2-3 Magic, a stop light behavior chart, talking things out with him. He just hasn't gotten better. If anything he's gotten worse! His parents and I have both read 1-2-3 and decided to use it on him about a month ago. It worked for a bit, but then i was back to the same crap as before. He even pushes the 1 year old around now even though they got along really well just weeks ago.

My other kids are pretty well behaved for the most part, but the second youngest has started doing what he sees this kid do. I even gave out ASQs to everyone. The parents finally returned it and his ASQ:SE-2 scored at a 125...out of 150! I've asked my local resource group to help me figure out what to do next, but I haven't heard from them yet.

Today he threw a chair when I counted him to 3 and it hit my foot while I was holding my 6 mo. At that moment I realized, I was done. I'm trying to talk myself off the ledge, but I think I'm going to let him go.

Losing his tuition would be more of a nuisance than an actual problem, so I'm no longer worried about that. I think I'd rather have the sanity now. His parents have been really understanding and have been trying to work with me, but he makes my days so incredibly hard and miserable.

My husband was home today and saw him just snatch a kid's mitten out his hand when he was going to put it away and finally understood what I've been saying. This kid need 1 on 1 attention. I just can't do that anymore now that my group is getting bigger and even more spread out in ages.

Sorry for the typos, nap time is coming to an end, but I wanted to throw this out there before I got back to work.
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Unregistered 02:03 PM 11-09-2018
Yeah throwing a chair would be the end of things for me, especially considering everything you have been dealing with. This kid will end up in jail if they do not intervene soon.
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Josiegirl 03:57 PM 11-09-2018
Yep, I'd be done with this guy now. You've given a great effort, by the sounds of it, but he's a bad accident waiting to happen. When chairs start flying, it's time. Think of the safety of all the kids; what would've happened if the 6 mo had been in the direct line of fire?
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Homebody 07:12 AM 11-10-2018
I just termed a dcg for a lot less reasons than what you've given. Her last day was yesterday, and I'm looking forward to less drama and stress next week. The consistent bad behavior does effect the other children as well. I've been seeing normally well behaved children acting in ways that they wouldn't have normally. Financially I needed the income when I took her on, but after I filled my spots and was in a better situation I gave her mom notice. I wouldn't hesitate to term your dcb. You've dealt with enough, and your sanity and your other kids safety is more important.
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BGM 02:00 PM 11-11-2018
Thanks everyone,
I've decided to wait for my ASQ sponsor lady to give me some resources I can pass on to the parents. Once I have them, I can point them in the right direction to get some help for their kid…starting with my door
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LK5kids 03:22 PM 11-11-2018
When I read he screams, cries, whines, growls all day I thought what the heck is going on With kids? Are they tired-going to bed super late, living in chaos, living on junk food at home, screen addicted and withdrawing at DC ?

Those things would make me scream, cry, whine, and growl all day too! Haha!

I read so many of these stories here and FB child care pages. It's just crazy!

Hope things take a turn for the better!.
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BGM 10:16 AM 11-14-2018
So, I emailed the parents last night an told then I could no longer put the other kids in danger by having him here. I told them they were great and that I would give the until the end of the year to find something else.

The mom kept him home today and I've got to say, fewer people are crying, the kids seem sooo much more peaceful, you can actually hear the background music and I feel awesome. I mean, I'm a little afraid of what they're going to say when I see them in person, but oh well. One of my other parents even surprised me with a cup of tea at drop off today.
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Josiegirl 10:21 AM 11-14-2018
Originally Posted by BGM:
So, I emailed the parents last night an told then I could no longer put the other kids in danger by having him here. I told them they were great and that I would give the until the end of the year to find something else.

The mom kept him home today and I've got to say, fewer people are crying, the kids seem sooo much more peaceful, you can actually hear the background music and I feel awesome. I mean, I'm a little afraid of what they're going to say when I see them in person, but oh well. One of my other parents even surprised me with a cup of tea at drop off today.
You need this!! And please don't worry about what the parents will say to you; you've got to think of the group and what's best for them(and YOU). Sounds like this might be it!!
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littlefriends 12:38 PM 11-14-2018
Originally Posted by BGM:
So, I emailed the parents last night an told then I could no longer put the other kids in danger by having him here. I told them they were great and that I would give the until the end of the year to find something else.

The mom kept him home today and I've got to say, fewer people are crying, the kids seem sooo much more peaceful, you can actually hear the background music and I feel awesome. I mean, I'm a little afraid of what they're going to say when I see them in person, but oh well. One of my other parents even surprised me with a cup of tea at drop off today.
Yay for you!!! Here’s to happier, safer, quieter days to come!
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BGM 12:38 PM 11-15-2018
He came today and his parents seemed understanding about my decision. It looks like they have something already lined up too, so maybe I'll take the rest of the year to just care for the kids I have already.
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Tags:behavior-affecting others, frustrated provider, help me, losing money
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