MsKara 05:49 AM 07-16-2010
So here's the situation: My husband got an inferior schedule which makes him have to be gone from us MORE than he already has been (he's a pilot) which will allow me to see him only a couple of days per month. I hurt my back which makes it difficult to lift so many children, and my assistant is going on vacation next week as well as looking for a job with more hours. Meanwhile my uncle is dying of cancer, my grandma broke her hip and pelvis and i'm trying to help take care of her AND i'm getting a foster care placement next month which will add a 3rd kid to my family of two children. SOOOOO, I decided to only work monday-thursday and downsize my daycare due to all these issues and more. I have a sibling group (3 kids) in daycare whom I gave ONE MONTHS notice to so they would have plenty of time to find new care. The one month will be up August 1st. They were extremely nice about it and the mom decided after a week or two that she would stop working and stay at home with her kids. Meanwhile, she says their last day is the 23rd since she has to give two weeks at work. So today, I look on facebook and realize that she has been staying at home already and NOT working. Meanwhile, my assistant is on vacation next week and I'm supposed to care for 5-6 children per day by myself with a hurt back. I'm so mad that she is just staying at home enjoying her time alone while I take care of her kids. I don't want them here and I told her she didn't have to give me two weeks notice over and over. What should I do? I want to tell her in the nicest way possible to please keep her kids home next week.
YES! This is exactly what I would do! Just tell her that with everything going on and with your limited help that you would prefer not to have the kids next week. You could let her know that if she has any pressing appointments that you are available on a limited basis if you think that would make it easier.
I'm sorry things are so stressful right now. Do whatever you need to do to make it easier on yourself!
MsKara 06:09 AM 07-16-2010
How would you all word the e-mail?
emosks 07:56 AM 07-16-2010
You need to do this in person and not an email.
misol 11:10 AM 07-16-2010
...well first let me say that I hate that you are going through all of this. I hope that everyone in your family will be on the path to good health very soon.
Personally, I think that you should honor your end of the termination agreement - even if you have to get a temporary assistant to fill in. Since you were unwilling to give her the reason that you are terminating care (I'm going off of your post in another thread), you can't be upset that she is just sitting home hanging around doing nothing while you keep her kids. Just like it isn't any of her business why you are downsizing your operation, it isn't any of your business that she is not working as long as you are getting paid.
Someone said in another thread that when parents are giving us their sob stories etc.etc. that we should not make their problems ours. I am a true believer in this however, I think it works both ways.
If you do end up telling her to keep the kids home, I like Jen's suggestion of making yourself available on a limited basis.
I would agree about holding up your end of the bargain if she was at work...but since she is not, my guess is that she will understand if you explain it to her (but I don't remember the other thread so I don't know the background story.) I do think you will have to tell her why though...
I would **think** as long as you weren't leaving her high and dry for anything appointments she has, that she'd be understanding.
MsKara 01:01 PM 07-16-2010
Well I guess this family is a little different from the other thread. They were the first I've let go, as I am downsizing. I haven't let anyone else go yet, as I was doing it slowly to see how much or little I could handle. I did tell them about my back problems and my husband's schedule taking him away more, but nothing else. SOO, they were aware that I was trying to lighten the load as soon as possible. YET, I was willing to give them a month to find care. I'm learning however, that if you tell people YOUR problems, it comes across as sobb story just like we don't want to hear THEIR sob stories. So, with the next few kids, I'll probably be very private and businesslike. However, it was imparitive that her kids leave ASAP, as they are 3 siblings and VERY VERY heavy young kids with alot of emotional issues (so need alot of picking up) and they are the longest in care during each week.
However, I did give them a month, so maybe I'll just bite the bullet and break my back one more week. :-) It just sucks to know she is sitting at home while I'm in pain and with no help since my assistant and husband are gone next week.
professionalmom 02:44 PM 07-16-2010
Originally Posted by MsKara:
Well I guess this family is a little different from the other thread. They were the first I've let go, as I am downsizing. I haven't let anyone else go yet, as I was doing it slowly to see how much or little I could handle. I did tell them about my back problems and my husband's schedule taking him away more, but nothing else. SOO, they were aware that I was trying to lighten the load as soon as possible. YET, I was willing to give them a month to find care. I'm learning however, that if you tell people YOUR problems, it comes across as sobb story just like we don't want to hear THEIR sob stories. So, with the next few kids, I'll probably be very private and businesslike. However, it was imparitive that her kids leave ASAP, as they are 3 siblings and VERY VERY heavy young kids with alot of emotional issues (so need alot of picking up) and they are the longest in care during each week.
However, I did give them a month, so maybe I'll just bite the bullet and break my back one more week. :-) It just sucks to know she is sitting at home while I'm in pain and with no help since my assistant and husband are gone next week.
Here's a thought - how about having her come in for at least part of each day or a couple days during the next week to "help out" or "to get to see what daycare is really like". Explain that you are aware that she's at home right now and would love to have her come and "join in on the fun". Then put her to work. This would give her a little appreciation of what it's really like to have kids all day and to do this work. Maybe she won't take her next daycare for granted. And you can get a little help. I'm sending gentle hugs and lots of prayers for your family. Take care of yourself. I'm thinking bubble bath, quiet music, candles, and maybe a Daiquiri, Margarita, or glass of wine? If you can swing it, get a manicure/pedicure this weekend or a massage. You need a little pampering.