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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Is The Attitude Really Necessary?
Kabob 05:08 PM 04-17-2014
So dcm that has been causing issues suddenly is giving me an attitude lately. Today I made the mistake of doing an egg hunt with the kids as well as doing Spring crafts (decorating baskets, planting seeds, etc). All the other parents were thrilled. She of course shows up at her usual late pick up time (after my closing time which I've mentioned I've cut her slack on before but that ends the first week of May) and then asked what I did with dcg today. I told her and she rolled her eyes when I mentioned the egg hunt. I understand she wants to do that with dcg on Sunday too so I added that she didn't want to participate and we did not eat or hand out candy. She said ok and left. I wasn't expecting gratitude but I certainly wasn't expecting the eye roll. I know she's been aggravated with me lately because I enforced my sick policy with her when she tried to bring dcg here after she had thrown up (claiming it was from drinking bad milk) and she doesn't like that I hired an assistant/sub without her approval and she doesn't like that her "special" hours will require the additional fee in May and she doesn't like that I'll be closed for two weeks when I have my baby and so on...suddenly everything I do is wrong. I feel like suddenly she expects me to run all of my decisions by her...

I am not changing anything for her just to have her leave because she doesn't like that I've changed her routine and I'm tired already of her sudden attitude. I feel like I need to address this before May as I really don't need the stress and at this point I don't care if she stays after I have the baby. I already said I can not and will not work over 10 hours anymore once the baby is here. I already am leaking amniotic fluid. I don't think I'll make it to my due date so she is going to be mad about that too....just can't win....and just as I thought I weeded out the bad apples...my bad...
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jenn 05:42 PM 04-17-2014
The next time she complains, say something like "You know, you have made it very obvious that you are not happy here. I will take this as your 2 week notice, as I do not want the stress of caring for a family that is not happy with the services I provide. Thank you." Walk away and move on. No one needs the extra stress that these crazy families bring.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:46 PM 04-17-2014
Originally Posted by jenn:
The next time she complains, say something like "You know, you have made it very obvious that you are not happy here. I will take this as your 2 week notice, as I do not want the stress of caring for a family that is not happy with the services I provide. Thank you." Walk away and move on. No one needs the extra stress that these crazy families bring.
Yes, or even say something like, "Sue, it seems like you have not been happy with the care I have been providing Sally. Would you like to turn in your 2 weeks notice?" and stare.
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sahm1225 05:20 AM 04-18-2014
What they both said. It's not worth it. This is a parent w an entitlement attitude that feels she's got you in a spot that you can't say no. The biggest thing that I've learned while doing daycare with ungrateful parents is that at the end of the day I have to do what's best for ME. They have only their interest in mind and you need to do that too. You're having a baby, There's no reason to allow a crazy ungrateful parent to dictate what time off you get after birth. That dcm is causing you unnecessary stress and it's not worth it. In 10 years will you look back and say .'oh geez, I should've given even more bending backwards for this mom so she could be happy?' NO! You will think 'wow, I was never going to win and I'm glad I cut it short'.

Best of luck.
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NightOwl 05:34 AM 04-18-2014
It's obvious that your aren't happy with my services and I'm wondering if there's anything we can do to work out these issues (without you bending any of your rules for her) so that I can continue providing care for your family. If not, I believe it's time for us both to move on.
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Blackcat31 06:55 AM 04-18-2014
I am assuming that you are putting up with this because you need the income?

If not, WTH.... she needs to go IMMEDIATELY!

If you ARE keeping her for the income, ask yourself what is more important; the actual cash money or the mental well being of you, your family and your unborn child?

Sometimes the money a family brings into your household is NOT worth what it costs you in the end.

This mom needs a reality check so she understands that life isn't about HER.
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Kabob 07:09 AM 04-18-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I am assuming that you are putting up with this because you need the income?

If not, WTH.... she needs to go IMMEDIATELY!

If you ARE keeping her for the income, ask yourself what is more important; the actual cash money or the mental well being of you, your family and your unborn child?

Sometimes the money a family brings into your household is NOT worth what it costs you in the end.

This mom needs a reality check so she understands that life isn't about HER.
Nope. I saved up quite a nest egg once I became full again so that if all of my families leave me around or after I have the baby it's no big deal. Or if I decide to take a lighter load it's no big deal. Dh keeps trying to spend my nest egg though but this is why I haven't touched it.

I only have put up with it because this is very new behavior for her and I have had her since I opened last year so I guess I just didn't think about terming her because up until now she has been considerate and followed all the rules.

Thinking back, she did flip out when I changed my rates and hours last year but was fine after I had a meeting with her. I don't know if I want to try again with a meeting this time...I really don't want a child here from open to past close and I really don't like her suddenly treating me like an employee. I am just worried I'm being overly emotional.
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Blackcat31 07:34 AM 04-18-2014
Originally Posted by Kabob:
Nope. I saved up quite a nest egg once I became full again so that if all of my families leave me around or after I have the baby it's no big deal. Or if I decide to take a lighter load it's no big deal. Dh keeps trying to spend my nest egg though but this is why I haven't touched it.

I only have put up with it because this is very new behavior for her and I have had her since I opened last year so I guess I just didn't think about terming her because up until now she has been considerate and followed all the rules.

Thinking back, she did flip out when I changed my rates and hours last year but was fine after I had a meeting with her. I don't know if I want to try again with a meeting this time...I really don't want a child here from open to past close and I really don't like her suddenly treating me like an employee. I am just worried I'm being overly emotional.
I don't think you are being overly emotional at all... as a matter of fact, I would think that parents should go out of their way to make sure they aren't stressful to their provider because YOU are the caregiver for their child....NOT their landscaper or house cleaner but their CHILD.

She should be trying to make sure your emotional and mental well being isn't compromised so that good quality care can be continued to be provided to her child...kwim?

I think if she has reached the point of treating you as her employee, she has for some reason begun to think in terms of HER needs being MORE important that yours and that is the tiny little snag in a relationship that leads to an all out tear that is not repairable.

I think at this point you have 2 choices.

Put her in her place firmly

or

Term.


Bottom line do NOT jeopardise YOUR mental health and well being for her.
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Kabob 08:38 AM 04-18-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I don't think you are being overly emotional at all... as a matter of fact, I would think that parents should go out of their way to make sure they aren't stressful to their provider because YOU are the caregiver for their child....NOT their landscaper or house cleaner but their CHILD.

She should be trying to make sure your emotional and mental well being isn't compromised so that good quality care can be continued to be provided to her child...kwim?

I think if she has reached the point of treating you as her employee, she has for some reason begun to think in terms of HER needs being MORE important that yours and that is the tiny little snag in a relationship that leads to an all out tear that is not repairable.

I think at this point you have 2 choices.

Put her in her place firmly

or

Term.


Bottom line do NOT jeopardise YOUR mental health and well being for her.
I guess I was worried I was making a big deal about an eye roll. But then again passive aggressive is not my style. I'll at least give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's letting her issues leak into daycare but let her know she needs to leave the attitude at the door. I just don't have much patience anymore...so maybe I seem crabby lately? This morning she tried to give dcg her lovey (which has become a huge power struggle with her now) and I said no it stays in the nap bin like it always has....another dcm here at the same time tried to leave a bowl of grapes for dcb and I said no it stays home like it always should. Both looked at me like I just bit off their heads.

So yeah...I need to find a kind but firm way to say get your act together or get out.
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WImom 12:12 PM 04-18-2014
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
Yes, or even say something like, "Sue, it seems like you have not been happy with the care I have been providing Sally. Would you like to turn in your 2 weeks notice?" and stare.
Would love to see her face! I'm sure she would be nice after that!
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KiddieCahoots 01:46 PM 04-18-2014
I agree with others.
And have just asked for similar advice for what sounds like the same dcm!
If dcm's behavior has been going on like this for a while, (in my case it had been), be prepared for her to possibly leave.
Mine did!
But like others had told me, if dcm changed the attitude after you said something....win! If dcm didn't change the attitude but decided to leave.....also win!
My life and child care are in a much better, peaceful state right now.

Good luck with the little one
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Kabob 03:38 PM 04-18-2014
I ended up asking her point blank about the issue at pick up today. I said that I noticed she seemed upset with a lot lately and the reaction I got yesterday was not ok. She said she doesn't have any concerns but was just having a bad day. I told her that's fine but if she comes here acting annoyed or upset then I can only assume that it's daycare related so if it's not daycare related then I need her to remember that I only see her for a brief window so I appreciate good communication about daycare and dcg and the rest needs to be left at the door. If any concerns arise that can not be addressed at pick up or drop off then she can feel free to call or email me about it and I will do the same. She asked about when is too early or too late in the day to communicate about daycare issues so we discussed the best way and times to reach me. She then said thank you for my consideration of dcg and said dcg is happy here.

Hopefully that will be an end to that. Like I said, I don't like passive aggressive stuff so hopefully she will be more aware of her comments and actions and hopefully I can retain my sanity over the next few weeks.
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Shell 04:05 PM 04-18-2014
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
Yes, or even say something like, "Sue, it seems like you have not been happy with the care I have been providing Sally. Would you like to turn in your 2 weeks notice?" and stare.
Love how you recommend the stare at the end- it does work!
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KiddieCahoots 04:13 PM 04-18-2014
Originally Posted by Kabob:
I ended up asking her point blank about the issue at pick up today. I said that I noticed she seemed upset with a lot lately and the reaction I got yesterday was not ok. She said she doesn't have any concerns but was just having a bad day. I told her that's fine but if she comes here acting annoyed or upset then I can only assume that it's daycare related so if it's not daycare related then I need her to remember that I only see her for a brief window so I appreciate good communication about daycare and dcg and the rest needs to be left at the door. If any concerns arise that can not be addressed at pick up or drop off then she can feel free to call or email me about it and I will do the same. She asked about when is too early or too late in the day to communicate about daycare issues so we discussed the best way and times to reach me. She then said thank you for my consideration of dcg and said dcg is happy here.

Hopefully that will be an end to that. Like I said, I don't like passive aggressive stuff so hopefully she will be more aware of her comments and actions and hopefully I can retain my sanity over the next few weeks.
Wow! Good for you Kabob! I admire your strength!
The passive aggressive ones, hhmm....those are the one's that seem to get the best of me.
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Kabob 07:04 AM 04-21-2014
Originally Posted by KiddieCahoots:
Wow! Good for you Kabob! I admire your strength!
The passive aggressive ones, hhmm....those are the one's that seem to get the best of me.
It just would've kept bugging me. And even if she wasn't being truthful and really is unhappy here then oh well...at least she knows I noticed.
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misslori50 10:57 AM 04-21-2014
sounds like you need to have a sit down and address her issues. If she continues get rid of her
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My3cents 11:32 AM 04-21-2014
Originally Posted by jenn:
The next time she complains, say something like "You know, you have made it very obvious that you are not happy here. I will take this as your 2 week notice, as I do not want the stress of caring for a family that is not happy with the services I provide. Thank you." Walk away and move on. No one needs the extra stress that these crazy families bring.

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My3cents 11:40 AM 04-21-2014
Originally Posted by Kabob:
I ended up asking her point blank about the issue at pick up today. I said that I noticed she seemed upset with a lot lately and the reaction I got yesterday was not ok. She said she doesn't have any concerns but was just having a bad day. I told her that's fine but if she comes here acting annoyed or upset then I can only assume that it's daycare related so if it's not daycare related then I need her to remember that I only see her for a brief window so I appreciate good communication about daycare and dcg and the rest needs to be left at the door. If any concerns arise that can not be addressed at pick up or drop off then she can feel free to call or email me about it and I will do the same. She asked about when is too early or too late in the day to communicate about daycare issues so we discussed the best way and times to reach me. She then said thank you for my consideration of dcg and said dcg is happy here.

Hopefully that will be an end to that. Like I said, I don't like passive aggressive stuff so hopefully she will be more aware of her comments and actions and hopefully I can retain my sanity over the next few weeks.
you did good. Now you know. Parents have bad days and they bring it with them. You addressed it and now hopefully it will end and things will be better. Plus you found out that she does like the care you give her child.
What a way to start the week with this good news. I am happy for you that you were able to work it out.
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