Daycare.com Forum
nikia 07:03 AM 01-07-2011
Help parents get their children out the door at pick up time? I have a two children that do not listen to their parents at all at pick up. I can have their shoes on and everything ready to go, as soon as their parents walk in my door they have flung their shoes off and are throwing themselves on the floor refusing to get up. I used to help them, I would pick up the kid get their coat on and shoes and out the door they went.
Lately though I have not been helping them because I was tired of the parent standing their not discipling their child. I have had some of them for 11 hours and feel that parents need to stand up and take care of their child.
Last night 3 yr old dcg, flung her shoes across my front entry way 5 times, threw her coat and refused to listen to her mother. Finally my dh stepped in so that she would go, it was passed my closing time and it was our family time.
So do you help parents or do you feel they need to be PARENTS and get their children to listen to them and get out the door?
My children never behaved like that and still dont. They know when mom or dad talk they listen.
I feel like their is no discipline anymore for children people are so scared to hurt their childs feelings or dampen their spirits. I am only 31, not much older than my youngest dcm, but even I know discipline is essential to a development of a child.
Sorry this is long, but I just dont know what to do when these kids act up and parents are not doing anything about. Is it still my place to discipline their child? I feel like its their job when they walk in my house.
Lately though I have not been helping them because I was tired of the parent standing their not discipling their child. I have had some of them for 11 hours and feel that parents need to stand up and take care of their child.
Last night 3 yr old dcg, flung her shoes across my front entry way 5 times, threw her coat and refused to listen to her mother. Finally my dh stepped in so that she would go, it was passed my closing time and it was our family time.
So do you help parents or do you feel they need to be PARENTS and get their children to listen to them and get out the door?
My children never behaved like that and still dont. They know when mom or dad talk they listen.
I feel like their is no discipline anymore for children people are so scared to hurt their childs feelings or dampen their spirits. I am only 31, not much older than my youngest dcm, but even I know discipline is essential to a development of a child.
Sorry this is long, but I just dont know what to do when these kids act up and parents are not doing anything about. Is it still my place to discipline their child? I feel like its their job when they walk in my house.
Blackcat31 07:15 AM 01-07-2011
Oh wow! For a second there I thought you were at my house last night at pick up time!! I have found over the years that it seems as though parents are afraid to dicipline at your house because you might look poorly upon them. I have adopted the thinking that I can't necessarily change the parent but I can change the child who is in my care. We have had a rule since the end of last year that I discussed ahead of time with all the kids (and talked to the parents about too). If kid is naughty at pick up and does not listen to the parent then the next day, they lose priviledges. This applies to kids older than 2 (they do understand and remember...we should give them more credit because they are smarter than we think.) But I make sure that they lose a priviledge the next day when they come back to care that they really enjoy and I let them know that it is because of the previous nights behavior....I've had two offenders since the rule took effect and both were one time offenders...no repeated bad behavior at pickup. I also make comments WHILE parent is standing there like, "Sam, you need to listen to your mom, she is your parent and in my house we are respectful to our parent." I also encourage the parent to discipline by saying "Do what you need to do to get them to listen, they are your child you know..." I say it in a humorous manner but I do mean it. I am trying really hard to work towards handling drop off and pick ups better and more firmly. I cannot control how a parent parents away from my house but I can have some control over what happens in my house. I think I read a few threads back about the way Nannyde handles pick up and drop offs and I have to say I love her method....I just have to get to the point where I can do it and enforce it. (Maybe PM her and see if she will explain her method...)
kidkair 07:19 AM 01-07-2011
I put kids in time out if they act out with their parents. I remind them that the behavior they were using is not allowed in my house no matter who is here.
daysofelijah 07:34 AM 01-07-2011
I get mine all ready to go before the parents get there. Then I can just say good-bye and send them on out the door. I have a couple that have huge temper tantrums when their parents try to get them ready so it's easier for me to have them ready.
nikia 07:43 AM 01-07-2011
Originally Posted by daysofelijah:
I get mine all ready to go before the parents get there. Then I can just say good-bye and send them on out the door. I have a couple that have huge temper tantrums when their parents try to get them ready so it's easier for me to have them ready.
I have tried that with these two, but since the parents are never here when they say they are going to be it gets a little warm for them fully dressed, if I just have the shoes on they kick them off as soon as mom or dad walk in. In the summer I take them outside with everything and then just send them off, much easier, but winter or colder weather is an issue. So although I would love to do this it just doesnt happen.I get mine all ready to go before the parents get there. Then I can just say good-bye and send them on out the door. I have a couple that have huge temper tantrums when their parents try to get them ready so it's easier for me to have them ready.
kitkat 07:54 AM 01-07-2011
I don't physically get the kids ready or help the parent control the kid, but I do say things like Mom can give you a time out at my house if you don't listen or other threats, reminders to be a good listener, etc. I also talk to the kids right before pick up time about behavior and what they can and cannot do. If it's someone like grandma or someone else picking up that usually doesn't, then I'll get the kids ready as much as possible.
Cat Herder 08:17 AM 01-07-2011
I get them COMPLETELY ready to go, walk them to the front porch, and escort them out the door to their waiting parent. 
I do this since many of them cry when leaving, none cry at drop-off and it makes for an awkward interaction for me and the parent. I, also, have to get back into the playroom fast.
If parents need to have a conference, they schedule it. I do communicate with them constantly through a dedicated "parents only" facebook page with hundreds of photos, anecdotes, policy reminders and notes of our daily activities. Life simplified and paper/printer ink free.
I do this since many of them cry when leaving, none cry at drop-off and it makes for an awkward interaction for me and the parent. I, also, have to get back into the playroom fast.
If parents need to have a conference, they schedule it. I do communicate with them constantly through a dedicated "parents only" facebook page with hundreds of photos, anecdotes, policy reminders and notes of our daily activities. Life simplified and paper/printer ink free.
Cat Herder 08:20 AM 01-07-2011
Originally Posted by nikia:
I have tried that with these two, but since the parents are never here when they say they are going to be it gets a little warm for them fully dressed.
Two words: Driveway Alarm. I have tried that with these two, but since the parents are never here when they say they are going to be it gets a little warm for them fully dressed.
momma2girls 08:21 AM 01-07-2011
If it is 5 min. before their contracted time to be here for pick up, I dress the child, or start to get them ready. I have parents that would stay 10 or more min. trying to get their child dressed, talking, etc. I am sorry, but this is my time with my family, etc. I have a million things to do all the time after daycare. This does help out alot!!
nikia 08:29 AM 01-07-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I get them COMPLETELY ready to go, walk them to the front porch, and escort them out the door to their waiting parent.
I do this since many of them cry when leaving, none cry at drop-off and it makes for an awkward interaction for me and the parent. I, also, have to get back into the playroom fast.
If parents need to have a conference, they schedule it. I do communicate with them constantly through a dedicated "parents only" facebook page with hundreds of photos, anecdotes, policy reminders and notes of our daily activities. Life simplified and paper/printer ink free.
I like the facebook for parents idea. I have parents that want to be friends on my personal page and I dont accept them and have to explain that as much as I value our business relationship my personal facebook is where I talk to family and "outside" daycare friends. Maybe thats wrong but just my personal preference.I get them COMPLETELY ready to go, walk them to the front porch, and escort them out the door to their waiting parent.
I do this since many of them cry when leaving, none cry at drop-off and it makes for an awkward interaction for me and the parent. I, also, have to get back into the playroom fast.
If parents need to have a conference, they schedule it. I do communicate with them constantly through a dedicated "parents only" facebook page with hundreds of photos, anecdotes, policy reminders and notes of our daily activities. Life simplified and paper/printer ink free.
AnythingsPossible 09:04 AM 01-07-2011
For the most part I help the kids get ready to get out the door just because it's quicker. I find for the most part, parent's patience is limited by the end of the day, and it's easier to just do it. I also have kids that act completely different for their parents then they do here all day, so they will let me assist them, while they throw a fit if the parent tries. However, most of them can get ready on their own and do.
DCMom 03:41 PM 01-07-2011
Most of parents are pretty good, but if the kids need a little extra 'encouragement' to get ready I will will give it to them.
I did have something happen this week that I have never had happen before. This family just started back after a 2 mos maternity leave; it's the first week back with the new baby. For the most part it has been a good week, but you can tell that mom is a bit overwhelmed at pick up time ~ she wants to see the baby, preschooler wants attention, etc.
Anyway, yesterday the dcg was not listening AT ALL. Mom was holding baby and kneeing down, trying to get the 3yo to her stuff on. I offered to hold the baby but she wasn't giving him up. At that point, dcg slapped her mother across the face! *singsongy voice* 'oh dcg, don't hit mommy, that isn't nice'
At that point I stepped in and started to talk to dcg and she hit ME....that was it! I grabbed her hand and held it, looked her straight in the eye and told her (not yelling, but very firmly) that she would NEVER, EVER hit me, her mother or anyone else in my house again. I then told her to sit down, put on her boots and get ready to go home. She did.
I think mom was pissed that I would talk to dcg like that, but WTH?? Just let her hit like that? NO WAY.
Why do parents use that sing-songy voice?? I hate that more than words can say. Sorry to hijack, this post just hit a chord with me this week!
TGIF!
I did have something happen this week that I have never had happen before. This family just started back after a 2 mos maternity leave; it's the first week back with the new baby. For the most part it has been a good week, but you can tell that mom is a bit overwhelmed at pick up time ~ she wants to see the baby, preschooler wants attention, etc.
Anyway, yesterday the dcg was not listening AT ALL. Mom was holding baby and kneeing down, trying to get the 3yo to her stuff on. I offered to hold the baby but she wasn't giving him up. At that point, dcg slapped her mother across the face! *singsongy voice* 'oh dcg, don't hit mommy, that isn't nice'
At that point I stepped in and started to talk to dcg and she hit ME....that was it! I grabbed her hand and held it, looked her straight in the eye and told her (not yelling, but very firmly) that she would NEVER, EVER hit me, her mother or anyone else in my house again. I then told her to sit down, put on her boots and get ready to go home. She did.
I think mom was pissed that I would talk to dcg like that, but WTH?? Just let her hit like that? NO WAY.
Why do parents use that sing-songy voice?? I hate that more than words can say. Sorry to hijack, this post just hit a chord with me this week!
TGIF!
lvt77 03:56 PM 01-07-2011
This is in my PHB:
It is normal for some children to have difficulty separating from parents in the morning or not wanting to leave when it's time to go home. Please be very brief (no more than 5 minutes is sufficient) during these transition times. The longer you prolong the departure the harder it gets, and I need to focus my attention on the other children. A smile, cheerful good-bye kiss, and a reassuring word that you will be back are all that is needed in the morning. In my experience, children are nearly always quick to get involved in play or activities as soon as parents are gone. This is also a time of testing when two different authority figures are present (the parent and the provider). All the children will test to see if the rules still apply. During arrivals and departures, I expect parents to back up my rules (see House Rules). If you do not, I will remind the child that their behavior is inappropriate and take action to correct, if needed. Please be in control of your child during drop off and pick up times. Please help show your child that you respect my rules and me by reminding them that the rules still apply whether you are here or not.
It is normal for some children to have difficulty separating from parents in the morning or not wanting to leave when it's time to go home. Please be very brief (no more than 5 minutes is sufficient) during these transition times. The longer you prolong the departure the harder it gets, and I need to focus my attention on the other children. A smile, cheerful good-bye kiss, and a reassuring word that you will be back are all that is needed in the morning. In my experience, children are nearly always quick to get involved in play or activities as soon as parents are gone. This is also a time of testing when two different authority figures are present (the parent and the provider). All the children will test to see if the rules still apply. During arrivals and departures, I expect parents to back up my rules (see House Rules). If you do not, I will remind the child that their behavior is inappropriate and take action to correct, if needed. Please be in control of your child during drop off and pick up times. Please help show your child that you respect my rules and me by reminding them that the rules still apply whether you are here or not.