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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>No Socks, No Underwear, Pees Pants....What Would You Do?
Christina72684 04:54 AM 10-13-2011
I have a family that, let's just say, isn't too worried about hygiene or their appearances. The 3yr old boy comes in every day with no socks, no underwear, and lately has been wearing snow boots. And for some reason when we play outside he thinks it's okay to pee his pants, which he never does any other time. In our parent packet we ask that all kids have at least 1 extra set of clothes here at all time, but this family never does. So when he pees his pants we either have to put him in the extra girls' clothes we have that don't fit very well, or call his mom who has his grandma bring some to change in to. Yesterday when he did it after lunch we had him put on Pull-Ups during nap so we could wash his jeans, and he hated it. He's not an emotional kid at all, but he started crying because he didn't want to put them on. We talked to mom about this once, and she said that he just doesn't like wearing underwear. She also told us one time that she lets him run around the house naked because "They aren't ashamed of their bodies."
What should I do? Any advice? I thought about buying some socks, underwear, and one pair of shoes and when he gets here have him change into them and before he leaves have him change out, but I shouldn't have to do that. Or should I?
What should I do? Any advice? I thought about buying some socks, underwear, and one pair of shoes and when he gets here have him change into them and before he leaves have him change out, but I shouldn't have to do that. Or should I?
Cat Herder 05:00 AM 10-13-2011
You are going to have to demand the child be dressed appropriately and have a complete change of clothing (to include shoes, socks AND underwear) to be able to attend your program.
If you continue to allow it nothing will change.
This is a copy of a "Nasty Gram" I had to post back in '07 due to some folks who were a little too used to everyone else doing it all for them. Some people also seem to really not know what appropriate is. I had to spell it out and add a picture menu.
You can tweak it to fit what you need if you'd like.
Appropriate Dress For Weather Reminder
Please make sure to bring a coat/jacket for your child every day. We are going outside at 10:00 am for at least 30 minutes. Some days we stay out for up to two+ hours. Appropriate clothing for weather is required by the state for every child. Appropriate dress for weather would include but not limited to a t-shirt + sweatshirt + coat/jacket + long pants + socks and closed toe shoes. A coat, hat and gloves are required once temperatures are below 30* consistently in the mornings. No open toe shoes are permitted year round. Once temperatures stay above freezing mark consistently for a few weeks a light jacket will replace a coat, again. Rubber boots are preferred in winter for outside play time as they best protect little feet from bitter wet cold.
Thank you in advance for your attention to this matter.
If you continue to allow it nothing will change.
This is a copy of a "Nasty Gram" I had to post back in '07 due to some folks who were a little too used to everyone else doing it all for them. Some people also seem to really not know what appropriate is. I had to spell it out and add a picture menu.
You can tweak it to fit what you need if you'd like.
Appropriate Dress For Weather Reminder
Please make sure to bring a coat/jacket for your child every day. We are going outside at 10:00 am for at least 30 minutes. Some days we stay out for up to two+ hours. Appropriate clothing for weather is required by the state for every child. Appropriate dress for weather would include but not limited to a t-shirt + sweatshirt + coat/jacket + long pants + socks and closed toe shoes. A coat, hat and gloves are required once temperatures are below 30* consistently in the mornings. No open toe shoes are permitted year round. Once temperatures stay above freezing mark consistently for a few weeks a light jacket will replace a coat, again. Rubber boots are preferred in winter for outside play time as they best protect little feet from bitter wet cold.
Thank you in advance for your attention to this matter.
permanentvacation 05:31 AM 10-13-2011
I would let them know firmly what I require of the parents and children that are enrolled in my daycare and that they must obey my policies or they will have to stop attending my daycare. I don't know what the law is about washing children's clothes where you are, but here, we are not allowed by law to wash children's messy clothes. We can't rinse them out in the sink or anywhere. We have to simply put them in a bag for the parents to take home and tend to. This law is for sanitary purposes. So, you might want to check the laws in your area and if that's one of the laws, inform the parents that you can no longer wash or rinse out his clothes. It also sounds like you are using another child's clothing on that child. I'm sure the other child's parents would not appreciate the fact that they are providing clothing for someone else's kid! I would mention that to this parent as well. I'm assuming that the pull-ups are not his either since he doesn't even wear underwear, so who is paying for/providing the pull-ups that you are putting on him? I'd mention that to the boy's parents as well.
Since he pees himself on a consistant basis when outside. I would require that his parents not only make sure he is completely dressed daily including socks and underwear, but also that they have to provide a pack of pull-ups so you can put one on him everyday before going outside. Also, I would require that they provide 2 sets of changes of clothes that stay at your home until needed. I require 2 sets of spare clothes so that if the child needs to use one set one day, and the parents forget to bring a spare set the next morning, I have a second set on hand in case I need to change the child before the parents remember to bring a new set of clothes in.
Since he pees himself on a consistant basis when outside. I would require that his parents not only make sure he is completely dressed daily including socks and underwear, but also that they have to provide a pack of pull-ups so you can put one on him everyday before going outside. Also, I would require that they provide 2 sets of changes of clothes that stay at your home until needed. I require 2 sets of spare clothes so that if the child needs to use one set one day, and the parents forget to bring a spare set the next morning, I have a second set on hand in case I need to change the child before the parents remember to bring a new set of clothes in.
nannyde 06:07 AM 10-13-2011
Originally Posted by Christina72684:
I have a family that, let's just say, isn't too worried about hygiene or their appearances. The 3yr old boy comes in every day with no socks, no underwear, and lately has been wearing snow boots. And for some reason when we play outside he thinks it's okay to pee his pants, which he never does any other time. In our parent packet we ask that all kids have at least 1 extra set of clothes here at all time, but this family never does. So when he pees his pants we either have to put him in the extra girls' clothes we have that don't fit very well, or call his mom who has his grandma bring some to change in to. Yesterday when he did it after lunch we had him put on Pull-Ups during nap so we could wash his jeans, and he hated it. He's not an emotional kid at all, but he started crying because he didn't want to put them on. We talked to mom about this once, and she said that he just doesn't like wearing underwear. She also told us one time that she lets him run around the house naked because "They aren't ashamed of their bodies."
What should I do? Any advice? I thought about buying some socks, underwear, and one pair of shoes and when he gets here have him change into them and before he leaves have him change out, but I shouldn't have to do that. Or should I?
We talked to mom about this once, and she said that he just doesn't like wearing underwear. She also told us one time that she lets him run around the house naked because "They aren't ashamed of their bodies."I have a family that, let's just say, isn't too worried about hygiene or their appearances. The 3yr old boy comes in every day with no socks, no underwear, and lately has been wearing snow boots. And for some reason when we play outside he thinks it's okay to pee his pants, which he never does any other time. In our parent packet we ask that all kids have at least 1 extra set of clothes here at all time, but this family never does. So when he pees his pants we either have to put him in the extra girls' clothes we have that don't fit very well, or call his mom who has his grandma bring some to change in to. Yesterday when he did it after lunch we had him put on Pull-Ups during nap so we could wash his jeans, and he hated it. He's not an emotional kid at all, but he started crying because he didn't want to put them on. We talked to mom about this once, and she said that he just doesn't like wearing underwear. She also told us one time that she lets him run around the house naked because "They aren't ashamed of their bodies."
What should I do? Any advice? I thought about buying some socks, underwear, and one pair of shoes and when he gets here have him change into them and before he leaves have him change out, but I shouldn't have to do that. Or should I?
Parent translator: I don't have enough underwear, socks, and clothes/shoes that fit for our house much less some to give extra for you. What we do have we don't want to keep track of and keep laundered.
If I say the words "he doesn't like it" and "he's not ashamed of his body" then that covers my inability to even do one of the basic parental responsibility of providing clean clothing that fits for comfort and safety.
Words are so much easier than keeping track of socks and undies. Snow boots are easier to keep track of and don't have to actually fit the feet or the weather.
So words work for her.
You need to require her to check in with a staff member BEFORE she leaves the child every day with a checklist of what he must have to be in child care that day.
Shoes that fit and are safe for the day you have planned for him. Not crocks, flip flops, or snow boots.
A complete FITTED outfit for spare clothes which includes shirt, pants, socks, undies
He is WEARING underwear
The clothes he has on FIT and are weather appropriate.
If he doesn't have what he needs then she needs to ease on back out the door and go get what he needs.
I've had situations like this before and just keep a house well stocked of everything every kid needs every day. I can manage that with a group of eight. I couldn't offer that in a center.
cheerfuldom 06:21 AM 10-13-2011
I love nan's idea of a full check BEFORE mom leaves. Is there also an option of purchasing these items and charging her for them? Sometimes that works when parents see that their kid has to have these things and paying a daycare worker to purchase them is twice as much as if they come up with things on their own. Definitely put this back in mom's court. She needs to provide for her child, no exceptions to that. Just because they dont care about something or because little one doesnt like something, doesn't mean that you have to deal with that.
dave4him 06:57 AM 10-13-2011
It just needs to be stressed to the parent, for the purposes of policy and a clean atomphere. My kids love running around naked too but when other kids are around im not about to let them! How old is this child?
Unregistered 07:26 AM 10-13-2011
How about give her a couple options?
a) You can bring $100 cash with your next check and I'll go to Walmart for the appropriate sets of clothing for your child. It will be the cheapest items I can find that fit and any extra money will be considered a gift.
OR
b) You bring your child in appropriate clothing with the appropriate sets of back-up clothing, as required.
a) You can bring $100 cash with your next check and I'll go to Walmart for the appropriate sets of clothing for your child. It will be the cheapest items I can find that fit and any extra money will be considered a gift.
OR
b) You bring your child in appropriate clothing with the appropriate sets of back-up clothing, as required.
Ariana 10:05 AM 10-13-2011
I have similar things going on and actually posted about it on here. Some advice I got and used was to go and buy the things he needs and have it available for him to change into. My DCG comes every day not dressed appropriately. Yesterday she showed up in a tank top and shorts when it was only 15 degrees outside (celcius). The DCM dropped her off wearing pants and a coat...thats how "out to lunch" this mom is!!
Anyway I went to the sales rack of my local department store and bought 2 pairs of pants and two long sleeved shirts for her to wear and now I just don't stress. I change her into these clothes whenever she shows up in innapropriate clothes, I brush her hair and wash her face and dirty clothes as well. I just made peace with it and thought only about the child...not my anger at the mom. Is it right? nope not at all, but the stress I was feeling just wasn't worth it. I did remind her and it would change for a few days and then go right back to where it was before.
I agree with everything NannyDe has said. some parents are just narcissists that try to manipulate you with their "words". Take charge of the situation and treat this child the way he should be treated.
Anyway I went to the sales rack of my local department store and bought 2 pairs of pants and two long sleeved shirts for her to wear and now I just don't stress. I change her into these clothes whenever she shows up in innapropriate clothes, I brush her hair and wash her face and dirty clothes as well. I just made peace with it and thought only about the child...not my anger at the mom. Is it right? nope not at all, but the stress I was feeling just wasn't worth it. I did remind her and it would change for a few days and then go right back to where it was before.
I agree with everything NannyDe has said. some parents are just narcissists that try to manipulate you with their "words". Take charge of the situation and treat this child the way he should be treated.
youretooloud 10:16 AM 10-13-2011
Well, none of that would bother me a bit.
EXCEPT for the no underpants, and no change of clothes. How hard is it to bring a few extra inexpensive changes of clothes? She could even go to a garage sale, buy a few things put them in a big ziplock and send them over.
EXCEPT for the no underpants, and no change of clothes. How hard is it to bring a few extra inexpensive changes of clothes? She could even go to a garage sale, buy a few things put them in a big ziplock and send them over.
gelbesonn 07:06 PM 10-13-2011
The no underpants thing doesn't bother me. Sometimes that is how they best potty train. No socks also don't bother me- weather permitting. If it's cold and he needs to wear close-toed shoes, then he should wear socks (although, once inside, keeping them on is a total losing battle at my house, and then I don't worry about it.)
I think not having extra pants is unacceptable, especially if it's in your handbook. I would remind the mom at pick-up to bring extra pants tomorrow and that you will make her go home with her son and get them if she forgets. Write it in his journal (if you do journals) or put a note in his bag too. I would do a check every morning to see if the mom packed extra pants. If not, follow through with the plan.
Is he coming to you with the same pants every day? If not, she DOES have extra pants (even if money is tight). You can ask her if it's ok to keep a pair at your place. Otherwise she could take them home and bring them back every day. (this is what my DCP do)
edited to add: as for the peeing outside- silly question, but do you make him go potty before going outside? Perhaps he is afraid to tell you he needs to go inside to go potty? Or that he doesn't want to stop what he's doing and go inside. I keep a potty chair outside just for this purpose (also- my yard is big and I am always afraid someone won't make it in time).
I think not having extra pants is unacceptable, especially if it's in your handbook. I would remind the mom at pick-up to bring extra pants tomorrow and that you will make her go home with her son and get them if she forgets. Write it in his journal (if you do journals) or put a note in his bag too. I would do a check every morning to see if the mom packed extra pants. If not, follow through with the plan.
Is he coming to you with the same pants every day? If not, she DOES have extra pants (even if money is tight). You can ask her if it's ok to keep a pair at your place. Otherwise she could take them home and bring them back every day. (this is what my DCP do)
edited to add: as for the peeing outside- silly question, but do you make him go potty before going outside? Perhaps he is afraid to tell you he needs to go inside to go potty? Or that he doesn't want to stop what he's doing and go inside. I keep a potty chair outside just for this purpose (also- my yard is big and I am always afraid someone won't make it in time).
Hunni Bee 08:06 PM 10-13-2011
"Dear Parent:
As required by the State, all butt-cracks must be covered by underwear while in daycare. Your child's uncovered butt-crack has been exposed to our chairs, our riding toys and us and the other children when he bends over or sits. In light of this issue, we will be conducting a butt-crack check every morning. And if your son's is found to be exposed, please do not let the doorknob hit you in yours as you leave to go get him some underwear.
Thanks.
Staff at ABC Daycare"
As required by the State, all butt-cracks must be covered by underwear while in daycare. Your child's uncovered butt-crack has been exposed to our chairs, our riding toys and us and the other children when he bends over or sits. In light of this issue, we will be conducting a butt-crack check every morning. And if your son's is found to be exposed, please do not let the doorknob hit you in yours as you leave to go get him some underwear.
Thanks.
Staff at ABC Daycare"
nannyde 03:05 AM 10-14-2011
Originally Posted by Hunni Bee:
"Dear Parent:
As required by the State, all butt-cracks must be covered by underwear while in daycare. Your child's uncovered butt-crack has been exposed to our chairs, our riding toys and us and the other children when he bends over or sits. In light of this issue, we will be conducting a butt-crack check every morning. And if your son's is found to be exposed, please do not let the doorknob hit you in yours as you leave to go get him some underwear.
Thanks.
Staff at ABC Daycare"
"Dear Parent:
As required by the State, all butt-cracks must be covered by underwear while in daycare. Your child's uncovered butt-crack has been exposed to our chairs, our riding toys and us and the other children when he bends over or sits. In light of this issue, we will be conducting a butt-crack check every morning. And if your son's is found to be exposed, please do not let the doorknob hit you in yours as you leave to go get him some underwear.
Thanks.
Staff at ABC Daycare"
I don't need it for my kids but for my staff assistants. This generation of youngins have no problem with exposing back/crack/cheeks/ and bellies.
Blackcat31 06:48 AM 10-14-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I don't need it for my kids but for my staff assistants. This generation of youngins have no problem with exposing back/crack/cheeks/ and bellies.
I know! I don't need it for my kids but for my staff assistants. This generation of youngins have no problem with exposing back/crack/cheeks/ and bellies.
There is more skin showing at the food court in the mall than there is in the locker room at the gym!! One of the most frightening things is seeing some of these women who are clearly beyond high school age or young adulthood and yet they are dressing in teeny bopper clothing. Really???
hoopinglady 07:44 AM 10-14-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
[b]
I've had situations like this before and just keep a house well stocked of everything every kid needs every day. I can manage that with a group of eight. I couldn't offer that in a center.
[b]
I've had situations like this before and just keep a house well stocked of everything every kid needs every day. I can manage that with a group of eight. I couldn't offer that in a center.
I struggle with this too. I think, even though the laundry and searching for clothes is irritating, it is much easier than trying to get the parents to send their kids with what they need.
I do put in my contract what the child needs but I am not going to terminate someone over it. I'll just put clothes and shoes on the child myself.
