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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Sensitive or Abused?
daycarediva 10:13 AM 10-31-2012
I had a dcg start back in May, she turned 3 in July. Great kid-one of the sweetest children you have ever met, in fact she has never ONCE been repimanded or even reminded of my rules outside of the first week of care. Great, involved, loving parents who spend a great deal of time with her. They are my BEST clients. She is an only child. She was previously in a group daycare home that was shut down due to repeated violations. Her parents pulled her before the shut down, just based off what dcg was telling them and what they witnessed when they did three 'pop ins'.
On the 'about your child' sheets, dcm said that dcg was shy, timid and afraid of bigger people, especially loud men. I didn't seem overly concerned about it until last month.
Dcg was coming out of the bathroom (potty trained) as my ODS was walking down the hall and they kind of bumped into each other. Dcg started hysterically crying. She NEVER cries unless she is REALLY hurt. I've seen her take a skinned knee in stride without a whimper. I calmed her down and reassured her, and she was fine for the rest of the day.
Two weeks ago a DCD came in to pick up and was sneaking around the corner to surprise his daughter (I saw him through the window and he made the whisper sign so I was aware of this) and dcg heard the door open and ran to it, expecting her Dad. When she saw the dcd (who is soft spoken and kind and always high fives the kids, etc) she had a meltdown and refused to come back into the playroom until he left.
Today my husband came home for lunch and the minute she heard his voice (and all the kids rush to tackle him) she started losing it, complete tears at the table.
I discussed it with both DCD and DCM after the first incident, and I brought up dcm's comments on the sheet. They say that it is just her personality and that she is afraid of everything/everyone. I find this to be untrue. Dcg adores me, my older daughter, and even hugs one of my dcm's and atleast speaks to all of the rest. She is the first to wave to other kids/Moms at the playground when we are out, etc. I would describe her as outspoken (yet polite) and quite fearless, until it comes to men. I again brought this up with DCM as she always picks up and she said the same thing, just timid. Grandma picked her up early today for a follow up appt for an ear infection. When I mentioned this to her, I got a different take on it. Grandma says that dcg wasn't this way until she started attending the old daycare, and that she is now even afraid of her uncles and grandfather! Grandma says that dcg, dcd and dcm and she witnessed personally the former provider's husband be verbally abusive to his own kids and dcg told grandma that this man hit them as well.
Should I continue to bring this up? recommend therapy?
On the 'about your child' sheets, dcm said that dcg was shy, timid and afraid of bigger people, especially loud men. I didn't seem overly concerned about it until last month.
Dcg was coming out of the bathroom (potty trained) as my ODS was walking down the hall and they kind of bumped into each other. Dcg started hysterically crying. She NEVER cries unless she is REALLY hurt. I've seen her take a skinned knee in stride without a whimper. I calmed her down and reassured her, and she was fine for the rest of the day.
Two weeks ago a DCD came in to pick up and was sneaking around the corner to surprise his daughter (I saw him through the window and he made the whisper sign so I was aware of this) and dcg heard the door open and ran to it, expecting her Dad. When she saw the dcd (who is soft spoken and kind and always high fives the kids, etc) she had a meltdown and refused to come back into the playroom until he left.
Today my husband came home for lunch and the minute she heard his voice (and all the kids rush to tackle him) she started losing it, complete tears at the table.
I discussed it with both DCD and DCM after the first incident, and I brought up dcm's comments on the sheet. They say that it is just her personality and that she is afraid of everything/everyone. I find this to be untrue. Dcg adores me, my older daughter, and even hugs one of my dcm's and atleast speaks to all of the rest. She is the first to wave to other kids/Moms at the playground when we are out, etc. I would describe her as outspoken (yet polite) and quite fearless, until it comes to men. I again brought this up with DCM as she always picks up and she said the same thing, just timid. Grandma picked her up early today for a follow up appt for an ear infection. When I mentioned this to her, I got a different take on it. Grandma says that dcg wasn't this way until she started attending the old daycare, and that she is now even afraid of her uncles and grandfather! Grandma says that dcg, dcd and dcm and she witnessed personally the former provider's husband be verbally abusive to his own kids and dcg told grandma that this man hit them as well.
Should I continue to bring this up? recommend therapy?
daycare 10:19 AM 10-31-2012
when I was a young child I was terrified of men. Nothing had happened to me, but I just was. I still remember to this day, I was about 4 or 5 and we were at Mosque. Everyone wheres similar clothing there and I ran up to a man that I thought was my father and hugged his leg. I looked up to find that it was NOT my father and I just about lost it. After that day my parents had massive issues with me and men. I eventually out grew it.
Have you talked to the parents about this? Do they also tell you that they experience the same thing with her?
Have you talked to the parents about this? Do they also tell you that they experience the same thing with her?
daycarediva 10:21 AM 10-31-2012
I have spoken to them on 3 occassions now, and they say that they try to avoid places that will be loud (like daycare isn't...or the park...and she loves every second of it) they find that if they have a male server at restaurants dcg wants to leave, that sort of thing. No actual tears. I am assuming that is because she isn't with her parents/where she feels the most secure.
JenNJ 10:26 AM 10-31-2012
I think at that age, kids have weird fears. Crying or wanting someone to leave doesn't set off flags to me at that age. (In general) Men are taller, larger, have deeper voices, and are not the primary caregivers to young kids. Many children fear men since they are not exposed to men on a daily basis. A child's first few years are generally female dominated.
My own dd was petrified of men from 14 months to almost 3 years. She *just* started hugging my brothers (her uncles), her grandfathers, and other family members in the last year. She was also petrified of anyone in glasses -- even me. I had to wear my contacts all the time when she was going through it. It was obnoxious!
One of my dc kids is afraid of facial hair on men. He FREAKS OUT if he sees the one dcd who has a mustache and goatee. But seriously, I have seen every interaction between that dcd and this dcb. He says hi and goodbye. That's it. He isn't rubbing his beard on the kid scarring him for life. The kid just hates facial hair. He also doesn't like body hair which caused quite a scene for dc parents at the beach this summer.
I would introduce positive male characters into her imaginative play and have your older son read to the group so she can observe from a distance.
I would give her a quick hug of reassurance when she gets upset, but I would NOT feed into this by making the person leave, allowing her to run from the room, or having her cause a giant scene. I would point out to her that by yelling and screaming and crying, she is hurting the person's feelings and that so-and-so only said hello. I wouldn't force interaction, but I would not feed into this drama at all. It simply isn't fair to the other dc kids to have you tied up in her drama and it can even cause them to fear the same thing. Her fears are unfounded in your daycare, so don't feed them.
My own dd was petrified of men from 14 months to almost 3 years. She *just* started hugging my brothers (her uncles), her grandfathers, and other family members in the last year. She was also petrified of anyone in glasses -- even me. I had to wear my contacts all the time when she was going through it. It was obnoxious!
One of my dc kids is afraid of facial hair on men. He FREAKS OUT if he sees the one dcd who has a mustache and goatee. But seriously, I have seen every interaction between that dcd and this dcb. He says hi and goodbye. That's it. He isn't rubbing his beard on the kid scarring him for life. The kid just hates facial hair. He also doesn't like body hair which caused quite a scene for dc parents at the beach this summer.
I would introduce positive male characters into her imaginative play and have your older son read to the group so she can observe from a distance.
I would give her a quick hug of reassurance when she gets upset, but I would NOT feed into this by making the person leave, allowing her to run from the room, or having her cause a giant scene. I would point out to her that by yelling and screaming and crying, she is hurting the person's feelings and that so-and-so only said hello. I wouldn't force interaction, but I would not feed into this drama at all. It simply isn't fair to the other dc kids to have you tied up in her drama and it can even cause them to fear the same thing. Her fears are unfounded in your daycare, so don't feed them.
daycare 10:28 AM 10-31-2012
I bet you that she will out grow this, I did.
If the parents are not concerned about it and she is not afraid of her own father, then I would just see it that she is a very sensitive child.
My son when he sees me in a sari, he will not come near me. In fact if he sees anyone wearing one he will freak out....
If the parents are not concerned about it and she is not afraid of her own father, then I would just see it that she is a very sensitive child.
My son when he sees me in a sari, he will not come near me. In fact if he sees anyone wearing one he will freak out....
Heidi 01:02 PM 10-31-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I bet you that she will out grow this, I did.
If the parents are not concerned about it and she is not afraid of her own father, then I would just see it that she is a very sensitive child.
My son when he sees me in a sari, he will not come near me. In fact if he sees anyone wearing one he will freak out....
Oh man, you get to wear a Sari...I bet you that she will out grow this, I did.
If the parents are not concerned about it and she is not afraid of her own father, then I would just see it that she is a very sensitive child.
My son when he sees me in a sari, he will not come near me. In fact if he sees anyone wearing one he will freak out....
I always wanted one of those things, they are so pretty! It'd look pretty silly on me though...alas!
daycare 01:14 PM 10-31-2012
Originally Posted by Heidi:
Oh man, you get to wear a Sari... I always wanted one of those things, they are so pretty! It'd look pretty silly on me though...alas!
I would be lying if I said I wore it very often. I usually only wear it during certain holidays or if my parents come into town.....hahahahhaha I still feel like that saying..Oh man, you get to wear a Sari...
I always wanted one of those things, they are so pretty! It'd look pretty silly on me though...alas!when the cat is away the mice will play... If only my parents knew....hehehe