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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Do You State The Obvious?
Happy Hearts 02:50 PM 04-30-2013
I had an interview last week with a potential dcb and both his parents. We had a short phone interview prior and nothing was mentioned about his special needs.

They enter the daycare and the child is most obviously down syndrome. Do I say something? not say anything?

Since I probably will not take the child as his start time is way too early for me, I didn't say anything. But, they wanted to come over anyway in case she could change her shift to a later start time.

So I do a very limited interview and did not offer the paperwork package. I kept waiting for them to mention his health issues so that I could judge whether or not I am capable of caring for him. The whole interview, it was on the tip of my tongue to state the obvious.... but I didn't.

Now, the self talk starts..... do they think I'm a dummy and didn't notice so judge that I'm not able to care for him? do they think I noticed and am perfectly fine with it? Perhaps they didn't think my setup was not suitable? Maybe they're just as wary of me. Uggh.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 02:56 PM 04-30-2013
That is odd. Children with Downs do have different capabilities than other children their age and it would need to be addressed.
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countrymom 03:24 PM 04-30-2013
they should have been up front about it.
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SilverSabre25 04:57 PM 04-30-2013
Dang, that's a big thing that needs addressed. There's so much that can be different with a Down's child, everything from speech, to potty training, to heart problems (sometimes serious ones). I wonder why they didn't mention it.

I can't think of a good, tactful way to bring it up, though...
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Happy Hearts 04:59 PM 04-30-2013
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:

I can't think of a good, tactful way to bring it up, though...
That's it exactly!!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:11 PM 04-30-2013
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
Dang, that's a big thing that needs addressed. There's so much that can be different with a Down's child, everything from speech, to potty training, to heart problems (sometimes serious ones). I wonder why they didn't mention it.

I can't think of a good, tactful way to bring it up, though...
Exactly. The child I watched had serious speech delays, serious gross and fine motor delays, serious potty training delays, heart problems, etc. etc. etc. Each child is so different, regardless of what they might have, so it would definitely need to be addressed.
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daycarediva 05:11 PM 04-30-2013
"are there any developmental concerns I should be aware of?"

It's even on my interview checklist. I have a special needs child, I am the FIRST to mention it, seems odd to me that she didn't!
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safechner 07:17 PM 04-30-2013
Maybe he don't have any capabilities that they might dont need to be addressed on that... Some ds children are perfect fine and normal that my friend's son have DS but he is a wonderful person and very smart boy. I don't see anything wrong with him just have DS.

You should have mention to them like, "Is there anything I should know about?" They might will be able to tell you.

Honestly, I hate some people are trying to be judging if they have special needs or whatever if they can capable them or not. If someone is trying to be judging on my daughter who has profoundly deaf and PDDNOS on autism spectrum then I would be pissed! I do believe no one judges on special needs children or adults that doesnt mean they are bad, if you know what I mean. Just saying...
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NeedaVaca 07:32 PM 04-30-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:
Maybe he don't have any capabilities that they might dont need to be addressed on that... Some ds children are perfect fine and normal that my friend's son have DS but he is a wonderful person and very smart boy. I don't see anything wrong with him just have DS.

You should have mention to them like, "Is there anything I should know about?" They might will be able to tell you.

Honestly, I hate some people are trying to be judging if they have special needs or whatever if they can capable them or not. If someone is trying to be judging on my daughter who has profoundly deaf and PDDNOS on autism spectrum then I would be pissed! I do believe no one judges on special needs children or adults that doesnt mean they are bad, if you know what I mean. Just saying...
I don't think the OP is judging this child because of his special needs? Or even judging at all. It seems very odd to me that a family didn't mention this at all on the phone or during the entire interview. As providers we need to be completely aware of each situation and special need a child may have. It's just weird that it was never mentioned. I have a special needs child and WANT people that spend time with him to be aware of what is going on, it's in HIS best interest.
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blandino 08:13 PM 04-30-2013
I had this exact parent. The child even went to a special needs preschool in the morning and then our daycare in the afternoon. DCM was an old coworker, and we had always known that DCG had Special needs. But never, even prior to DCG coming to daycare - and certainly when they signed her up - it was never ever mentioned. It was really bizarre.

DCG was very high functioning and her speech was her only significant delay. Mom did address that she signed some, but that was it.
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safechner 09:03 PM 04-30-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
I don't think the OP is judging this child because of his special needs? Or even judging at all. It seems very odd to me that a family didn't mention this at all on the phone or during the entire interview. As providers we need to be completely aware of each situation and special need a child may have. It's just weird that it was never mentioned. I have a special needs child and WANT people that spend time with him to be aware of what is going on, it's in HIS best interest.
I know but I am not saying about the OP. I am saying to some people are like that. For example, a few people tried to judge on me because I am deaf myself.. Oh well... They didn't know that I can speak very well. I don't care what other people think because I love my life, anyways! :-)
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Happy Hearts 09:03 PM 04-30-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:

Honestly, I hate some people are trying to be judging if they have special needs or whatever if they can capable them or not. If someone is trying to be judging on my daughter who has profoundly deaf and PDDNOS on autism spectrum then I would be pissed! I do believe no one judges on special needs children or adults that doesnt mean they are bad, if you know what I mean. Just saying...
How could you possibly read my post and think I was judging the child?!?!
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TheGoodLife 10:07 PM 04-30-2013
Originally Posted by Happy Hearts:
How could you possibly read my post and think I was judging the child?!?!

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TheGoodLife 10:09 PM 04-30-2013
You don't sound judgmental- you are just wondering how a family could not bring up the topic of the special needs of their child! As a provider, you need to know what every child needs before you can responsibly begin care for the child!
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Starburst 11:22 PM 04-30-2013
Well one of my teachers who is also the director of the school's state preschool program said that parents legally do not have to tell the center anything about the child's health that they are aware of if not asked directly (even HIV/AIDS- which I think is illegal to ask parents directly anyway) out of fear of being discriminated. I think health wise the only thing they can really ask is if their child has allergies or any chronic health conditions that they will need to give them medication for but I don't think they can ask direct questions and parent's legally do not have to say anything as long as the school doesn't have to administer medication because the family has a right to privacy and to not be discriminated against. I am not sure if the same rules apply for home daycare, but I honestly wouldn't take that chance without looking into it.

I'm pretty sure in most (if not all) states, unless you could prove that a child's special needs would lead to major financial complications/loss (such as having to hire an specially trained assistant or make major home renovations), you cannot properly accommodate for that child's needs (I don't think you could use no-experience as an excuse), or some how prove that the child's presents majorly impact your ability to care for other children (such as multiple melt downs or extremely disruptive/ violent behavior) you cannot reject them only on the terms of them having special needs (not saying that is what you are doing [your reason as of arrival time is legit] just a fact as part of ADA). Also according to the ADA you cannot charge a special needs family more than a non special needs family (in some cases it may be different if you have to hire a special assistant or aid to accommodate only that child)- not saying you were planning to just a fact. You may also want to check with your licensor to see what is and isn't okay when it comes to children with special needs and if your allowed to ask certain questions.

Personally I would just let it go. I think they didn't say anything because their child's SN status is obvious, so they figured it needed no explanation- not because they are trying to fool you or anything. They may have also been afraid to say anything specific about his condition out of fear of being discriminated/rejected for enrollment. And if you don't wind up taking their kid, you don't want them to think or tell others that it was because their child had Down Syndrome (may think it anyway but saying something out loud may make it seem true). You don't want to open yourself up to that can of worms.
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MsLaura529 05:32 AM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by Starburst:
Well one of my teachers who is also the director of the school's state preschool program said that parents legally do not have to tell the center anything about the child's health that they are aware of if not asked directly (even HIV/AIDS- which I think is illegal to ask parents directly anyway) out of fear of being discriminated. .
That may be the legal aspect of it, but I think that as a parent, if my child has special needs issues (or be in a health situation where, maybe there are no special needs now, but could come up at some point), I would WANT the people taking care of my child to know about these issues. I understand not wanting to be discrimnated and all of that stuff, but I would definitely want to find a provider for my child that is capable of taking care of my child in the way he/she needs to be taken care of. It's only "common sense" of parenting.

OP - I think some of the others had some good advice about saying "are there any health issues or special concerns that I should be aware of?"
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canadiancare 05:36 AM 05-01-2013
If you are a regular home daycare provider who gets to pick and choose her clients you have every right to determine that you are not able to meet this child's needs should they have any that would make caring for them a challenge- just as you have every right to just get a "bad vibe" off a specific set of parents and decide they aren't a great fit for you.


If you are a centre based or a licensed private you may have different legislation that you need to follow but I would expect there are written policies for you to refer to somewhere.

Good luck with this.
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crazydaycarelady 08:59 AM 05-01-2013
I think they should have been up front about it also.

How old was the child? It is possible they are in denial? I had some parents once who brought over a 15mo who could not even sit up on his own. His parents were in complete denial that anything could be wrong.
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MarinaVanessa 09:46 AM 05-01-2013
I would have asked the family about it right up front. Actually, I ask all potential clients if their child has any special medical, religious or dietary needs. I ask them each of these separately by starting with medical issues, then religious needs and then lastly food issues. I personally want to know these details so that I know whether I can accommodate these needs or not.

Who knows why the parent didn't bring it up but maybe to the parent, the child's special needs aren't all that special so she didn't see it as an issue being worth discussing. Or maybe because the provider didn't mention it, she didn't feel like she had to talk about it yet.

During interviews people are sometimes surprised when I ask about allergies or other special needs, they figure that's stuff to talk about afterwards when they actually sign up. I want to know right away so that I can base my decision on whether or not I can make accommodations. I take a proactive approach. If you want to know, ask.
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safechner 10:13 AM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by Happy Hearts:
How could you possibly read my post and think I was judging the child?!?!
I am not saying you was judging the child but I am just saying to some people because I had been through before.

Only thing, I noticed you wrote, " I kept waiting for them to mention his health issues so that I could judge whether or not I am capable of caring for him. " You already noticed he has DS but he may not have any health issues that his parents didn't need to tell you. I would say kinda sound like judgmental. All I can say that you need to give him a chance if you have two week trial. If you feel it doesnt work out for you then you can do whatever you want.

As a parent, I don't have to tell the provider about my daughter that she have special needs but I only mentioned that she has PDDNOS. Two of providers told me that they cannot take my daughter because of autism and deaf but they want my other daughter who is normal. That makes me angry.... That was a long time ago.. They didn't give my daughter a chance but I only need her to be in care for only 45 mins before/after school (preschool) and my other daughter need to be in care full time. Both of my daughters are very sweet girls as same as always... My daughters' teachers always comments about my daughters when they grew up and they are crazy about them... I dont understand why providers can't take it but I do believe they are just lazy in my opinions.
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countrymom 10:24 AM 05-01-2013
well I had a family who witheld info. The 5 yr old was adhd (didn't know) and was on meds (didn't know) so I went outside to get the dcg off the bus, the dcg's are in my view and I'm 5 steps from the bus and the gparents show up. They were so mad (they were very aware that I pick up girl from the bus) because I didn't have dcb outside (really for the 2 min isn't worth it) well gma then starts to tell me that I need to supervise him because he will beat the tar out of the kids, if I go to the bathroom he needs to sit infront of the door, that he has adhd, on meds, will be violent-----non of the this was disclosed to me. I was mad and termed them. I'm not going to risk losing all my kids because they didn't want to tell me, sorry but as a provider I have the right to know if something is wrong. What would have happened if he had a seizure, or had a heart problem. If I'm watching a child for 10 hours a day I have to know everything.
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Starburst 10:27 AM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by MsLaura529:
That may be the legal aspect of it, but I think that as a parent, if my child has special needs issues (or be in a health situation where, maybe there are no special needs now, but could come up at some point), I would WANT the people taking care of my child to know about these issues. I understand not wanting to be discrimnated and all of that stuff, but I would definitely want to find a provider for my child that is capable of taking care of my child in the way he/she needs to be taken care of. It's only "common sense" of parenting.
Not all parents follow the "common sense" of parenting, as many threads on here have shown. That director said they once had a DCK who had HIV at one point but the parent didn't tell them until the child had to take medications at school for it. They legally did not have to say anything initially because their health is technically not considered a threat to others unless the child is actively bleeding, biting/kissing someone when they have open mouth sores (cannot be transferred through saliva alone), has bloody vomit/feces/ other bodily fluids, or if the mother has HIV/AIDS and for some reason brings breast milk to the center and another child drinks it (usually breast feeding is discouraged if it is known that the mother has HIV/AIDS). Even in most of these cases it is not considered a threat because licensed providers are supposed to be trained on universal sanitation percussions (part of the state safety/health/nutrition requirements).

Though if I did find out a family willingly lied and withheld information on the application that I saw as very important information that affects the overall well-being of the child or other children in daycare (such as if that child needed special medications during daycare hours or if the child is constantly violent) that I was not aware of when they enrolled I would probably term them because they lied, not because of the child's special needs.

Plus, as someone who has anxiety issues, I can tell you that sometimes fear outranks logic and even common sense sometimes.
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NeedaVaca 11:03 AM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:
I am not saying you was judging the child but I am just saying to some people because I had been through before.

Only thing, I noticed you wrote, " I kept waiting for them to mention his health issues so that I could judge whether or not I am capable of caring for him. " You already noticed he has DS but he may not have any health issues that his parents didn't need to tell you. I would say kinda sound like judgmental. All I can say that you need to give him a chance if you have two week trial. If you feel it doesnt work out for you then you can do whatever you want.

As a parent, I don't have to tell the provider about my daughter that she have special needs but I only mentioned that she has PDDNOS. Two of providers told me that they cannot take my daughter because of autism and deaf but they want my other daughter who is normal. That makes me angry.... That was a long time ago.. They didn't give my daughter a chance but I only need her to be in care for only 45 mins before/after school (preschool) and my other daughter need to be in care full time. Both of my daughters are very sweet girls as same as always... My daughters' teachers always comments about my daughters when they grew up and they are crazy about them... I dont understand why providers can't take it but I do believe they are just lazy in my opinions.
ok, you start off by saying she's not judging but then you turn around and say she does sound judgemental I didn't take what she said to be judgemental, she needs to be aware of his needs. DS CAN have a lot of special needs. I have a hard time understanding your posts but did you say you took your daughter to a provider and didn't tell them she was deaf? That is very important IMO, as a provider I NEED to know that, safety issues etc...it would change the way I handle certain situations. It would not be a deal breaker, nor would DS but if I was not told upfront I would be very upset! Every provider offers different types of programs and not taking a special needs child does not make them "lazy".
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EntropyControlSpecialist 11:12 AM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:
Maybe he don't have any capabilities that they might dont need to be addressed on that... Some ds children are perfect fine and normal that my friend's son have DS but he is a wonderful person and very smart boy. I don't see anything wrong with him just have DS.

You should have mention to them like, "Is there anything I should know about?" They might will be able to tell you.

Honestly, I hate some people are trying to be judging if they have special needs or whatever if they can capable them or not. If someone is trying to be judging on my daughter who has profoundly deaf and PDDNOS on autism spectrum then I would be pissed! I do believe no one judges on special needs children or adults that doesnt mean they are bad, if you know what I mean. Just saying...
You're taking this entirely too personally and may need to step away from your keyboard to regroup.

Judging whether you are CAPABLE of providing superb care to a special needs child is not judging the child.
I would absolutely disclose my teenage son's issues to someone if he was younger and I needed someone to care for him. Why would you want a provider who wasn't fully comfortable??? I, as a parent, certainly wouldn't want someone taking care of my child if they weren't fully comfortable doing so. It's a judgement call based on their own abilities in regards to certain delays/disabilities/etc.

I, as a provider, have two children with Autism in my program. I did have a child with Autism in my program last summer who I had to terminate care for immediately because the parent did not disclose the extreme violence this child had towards other children. This child hit, bit, kicked, pinched, slapped, choked, and wanted to bash the other children over the head with various items/toys. I can handle that towards me. I cannot accept that behavior towards other children. Had I known that, I would not have accepted that child into my program. I cannot have other children assaulted, regardless of any reason why it may be occurring.
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MsLaura529 11:23 AM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by Starburst:
Not all parents follow the "common sense" of parenting, as many threads on here have shown.

Plus, as someone who has anxiety issues, I can tell you that sometimes fear outranks logic and even common sense sometimes.
Very true.

And yes, I also struggle with anxiety regarding judgements towards myself, all the time. But I would still want to make sure my child was getting the best care possible. That's all I was trying to say. I wasn't trying to prove you wrong or anything.
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Starburst 11:31 AM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by MsLaura529:
And yes, I also struggle with anxiety regarding judgements towards myself, all the time. But I would still want to make sure my child was getting the best care possible. That's all I was trying to say.
I totally agree with that. That's why I am currently taking a class on working with children with special needs, so that way I am aware of some of the latest techniques or technologies that can help children with particular special needs. If it where up to me I would only take kids with special needs, but many parents of special needs kids want their child in a mainstream school/programs. Plus, I am not sure if I would need special training or certification to only do special needs.
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mnemom 11:51 AM 05-01-2013
I can see why the parents wouldn't have mentioned that the child had DS. Maybe they wanted their child to be judged on who they are not what they have. I don't think the OP was judging the child negatively at all, but everyone knows what Down Syndrome is. Everyone has a predetermined idea in their head what caring for a child with DS may be like. Every child with DS is different. After talking with you the parents may have thought that your center was a good match for their child, who just happens to have DS. Maybe he does not have any other health concerns, large enough delays, and could function as any other child in your care. In this case having Down Syndrome is irrelevant. Or maybe I am completely wrong. I would just be straight forward with them. Clearly they know their child has DS, and clearly they know you know. I would just straight up ask if the child has any health concerns you will need to have specific training on and just like any other child, if there is anything else you should know about the child to make him feel comfortable and help you provide the best care for him. And if you feel like this child is not the right fit for your program, as with any other child who may just not be the right fit, be honest with the parent's and tell them that. IME Parent's of special needs kids just want honestly, open lines of communication, and for their child's caregivers to see their child beyond their special need.
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SilverSabre25 11:55 AM 05-01-2013
I think that having DS, even with no other profound issues or delays, still needs to be mentioned. "As you can probably see, he has Down Syndrome, but it's a mild form and he doesn't have any major delays or other medical concerns. He's pretty much just a normal little boy!"

Put me in the camp of "WHY wouldn't you want a care provider to have ALL the information they need to do a good job?" even if that information is "there's no information" that's STILL worthy.
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mnemom 11:58 AM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
I think that having DS, even with no other profound issues or delays, still needs to be mentioned. "As you can probably see, he has Down Syndrome, but it's a mild form and he doesn't have any major delays or other medical concerns. He's pretty much just a normal little boy!"

Put me in the camp of "WHY wouldn't you want a care provider to have ALL the information they need to do a good job?" even if that information is "there's no information" that's STILL worthy.
Why? She can already clearly see that he does.
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SilverSabre25 12:02 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by mnemom:
Why? She can already clearly see that he does.
Because...it just seems like good communication and it would make perfectly clear what his situation was. Kind of like, writing "NONE" in the box for "List current medications" or "List all known allergies" on a form at the doctor's office or wherever--it makes it clear that the person isn't on/doesn't have any, and didn't just miss that part of the form. Do you see what I mean? Stating that there IS nothing different is just common sense to me.
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countrymom 12:06 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by mnemom:
Why? She can already clearly see that he does.
the op said she was guessing that he had ds. The parents should have said something regardless if he had something wrong with him or not. How are we as providers suppose to care for children when not all the information is not given to us.

I ask parents how their children eat or sleep or what conforts them, I need to know this to help the child thrive in my daycare. I don't like surprises, like the one I posted above. I didn't know this child was very violent towards other children otherwise I wouldn't have taken him, I need to protect the others
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bunnyslippers 12:11 PM 05-01-2013
I am chiming in late to this conversation, but I have a similar story. I used to work in an integrated public preschool. We had 1/2 the students with special needs, and 1/2 who were developing typically.

It was the first day of our open house for typical peers. In walked the sewwtest little girl who was signed up as a typical peer. She had Down Syndrome. The parents were of a religion that did not believe in medical interventions at all, so it had never been diagnosed or evaluated.

We ended up having to have a frank and clear discussion with the mom, and the child got the services she needed to develop into an amazing little lady.

Down Syndrome is a huge range, and there are medical concerns that need to be addressed when a child with DS is in care.

I think I would have addressed it, as others have suggested, by asking if there were any special circumstances that needed to be monitored. Tough one ~
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mnemom 12:17 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
the op said she was guessing that he had ds. The parents should have said something regardless if he had something wrong with him or not. How are we as providers suppose to care for children when not all the information is not given to us.

I ask parents how their children eat or sleep or what conforts them, I need to know this to help the child thrive in my daycare. I don't like surprises, like the one I posted above. I didn't know this child was very violent towards other children otherwise I wouldn't have taken him, I need to protect the others
I agree that a provider needs to be notified of any behavioral and health concerns, among other quirks of the child they are caring for. I am assuming the OP in the original phone interview and other interviews most likely face to face the OP asked or plans on asking about behavior concerns, health issues, sleeping issues, allergies, typical daily routine, and any other questions you would ask any other parent. I agree the parent needs to be honest in answering those questions. BUT you can answer all those questions honestly and still leave the Down Syndrome out of it. The child is still who is he without labeling him as having Down Syndrome.
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Sugar Magnolia 12:28 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:
I know but I am not saying about the OP. I am saying to some people are like that. For example, a few people tried to judge on me because I am deaf myself.. Oh well... They didn't know that I can speak very well. I don't care what other people think because I love my life, anyways! :-)
I'm very hard of hearing also. I feel judged sometimes by strangers, usually because they are thinking I'm ignoring them. Those that know me, like DCP's , have no problem with it. Hey, just tap me on the shoulder if I seemed not to hear you. And talk in my direction do I can see your lips.

To the OP, I like "are there any delays I should know about?" Tactful, yet v to the point.bottom line, if you don't feel comfortable, don't enroll.
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Starburst 12:30 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by mnemom:
I The child is still who is he without labeling him as having Down Syndrome.
That could be another thing too, maybe they don't want him to be labeled. Some people do not like labels that society places on people, even medical labels. He may have Down Syndrome but that is not all he his. Just like someone with any disability would not want to be labeled "disabled" or "handicapped" because that is only a small part of who they are because its not a personality trait (like the person being bubbly, creative, energetic) or a job title (like a doctor, lawyer, teacher).

Who knows maybe they told other providers about their child's disability and got turned away and were afraid of that rejection or they are afraid people will look at the child only as a disabled person, if they don't meet them first.

There is this one video of a girl with a non-verbal form of autism who learned how to type to communicate and she says people always judge her because of things she cannot control (around five minutes in she talks about her feelings on being judged on her special needs status). Really heartwarming video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shAHJryco_g
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NeedaVaca 12:49 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by mnemom:
I agree that a provider needs to be notified of any behavioral and health concerns, among other quirks of the child they are caring for. I am assuming the OP in the original phone interview and other interviews most likely face to face the OP asked or plans on asking about behavior concerns, health issues, sleeping issues, allergies, typical daily routine, and any other questions you would ask any other parent. I agree the parent needs to be honest in answering those questions. BUT you can answer all those questions honestly and still leave the Down Syndrome out of it. The child is still who is he without labeling him as having Down Syndrome.
Living with a diagnosis is not a label it's a reality. Down Syndrome is a diagnosis not a label.
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countrymom 12:54 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
Living with a diagnosis is not a label it's a reality. Down Syndrome is a diagnosis not a label.
your right. Its a diagnosis not a label. A label is someone who is lazy, cheap, a drunk...see how we label parents as lazy, they don't care for their kids....see the difference.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 12:57 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
Living with a diagnosis is not a label it's a reality. Down Syndrome is a diagnosis not a label.
Bingo.

I have Asperger's. I am not Asperger's, but I do HAVE Asperger's. I don't feel like it labels me, but it does help those around me to understand various things about me.
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SilverSabre25 01:03 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by countrymom:
your right. Its a diagnosis not a label. A label is someone who is lazy, cheap, a drunk...see how we label parents as lazy, they don't care for their kids....see the difference.
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
Bingo.

I have Asperger's. I am not Asperger's, but I do HAVE Asperger's. I don't feel like it labels me, but it does help those around me to understand various things about me.
Perfect!!!
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mnemom 03:15 PM 05-01-2013
What I meant by labeled is that maybe his parents wanted him to be seen as "Joey" the kid who is a little shy at first, loves to play with other kids, sleeps in a pack n play for naps with his silkie blue blanket, and hates broccolli, rather than a child with Down's Syndrome. This isn't an invisible disability, like aspergers or autism. The majority of adults, especially caregivers, could clearly see that "Joey" has down syndrome. His parents do not need to state that he has Down Syndrome. The statement is not going to change anything. It is not going to change weather or not he fits well with your program, if you can take care of him properly, if he will hit or bite the other children, the diagnosis of Down Syndrome doesn't make him who he is.

My point is Op asks his parents if he has DS, or any DD or any other "tactful" question... his parents answer that he has DS.. Okay now what... you still need to ask ALL the other SAME questions that you would need to ask any other parents. How does confirming that he has Down Syndrome change anything??
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EntropyControlSpecialist 03:21 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by mnemom:
What I meant by labeled is that maybe his parents wanted him to be seen as "Joey" the kid who is a little shy at first, loves to play with other kids, sleeps in a pack n play for naps with his silkie blue blanket, and hates broccolli, rather than a child with Down's Syndrome. This isn't an invisible disability, like aspergers or autism. The majority of adults, especially caregivers, could clearly see that "Joey" has down syndrome. His parents do not need to state that he has Down Syndrome. The statement is not going to change anything. It is not going to change weather or not he fits well with your program, if you can take care of him properly, if he will hit or bite the other children, the diagnosis of Down Syndrome doesn't make him who he is.

My point is Op asks his parents if he has DS, or any DD or any other "tactful" question... his parents answer that he has DS.. Okay now what... you still need to ask ALL the other SAME questions that you would need to ask any other parents. How does confirming that he has Down Syndrome change anything??
It leads to other questions, like "Are there any accommodations or modifications that would need to be made?"
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mnemom 03:23 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
It leads to other questions, like "Are there any accommodations or modifications that would need to be made?"
Clearly they don't want special accommodations or they would have talked openly about them and most likely would have brought up the fact that yes he does have Down Syndrome.
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safechner 03:31 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
ok, you start off by saying she's not judging but then you turn around and say she does sound judgemental I didn't take what she said to be judgemental, she needs to be aware of his needs. DS CAN have a lot of special needs. I have a hard time understanding your posts but did you say you took your daughter to a provider and didn't tell them she was deaf? That is very important IMO, as a provider I NEED to know that, safety issues etc...it would change the way I handle certain situations. It would not be a deal breaker, nor would DS but if I was not told upfront I would be very upset! Every provider offers different types of programs and not taking a special needs child does not make them "lazy".
Once again, she is not judging on THIS child but she really wants to know more about him like health issues before she decided judge capable to take him. That sounds like a little judgmental because she worried if he have more health issues, not to special needs child. Maybe there is nothing wrong with him just have DS that parents didnt need to tell her. I have a friend's son who has DS but he is normal boy.

Yes, two of providers (it was very small group) were very aware that my daughter is deaf but they said they dont want to take her because of her autism and deaf. They met my daughter and my daughter plays as normal as other kids and her little sister and she already saw her... My daughter only need 15 mins before school and 30 mins after school, that is not too hard for provider to take care of her. She is very good kid. That is why I think they are just lazy... I am provider myself and I can read their body language, that is how I know...

Ok... as far as you already know that i am deaf myself. Do I have to tell my parents that I am deaf before they enrollment their children in my home? It is none of their business!! I want them to look at me that I can do anything to take care of their children in my home... I am lucky they love me. They didn't know that I am deaf because I can speak very good. They of course later found out that I am deaf but they dont care because they told me that they are very impressed with me. That is why I believe they should give them a chance...
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NeedaVaca 03:40 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by mnemom:
Clearly they don't want special accommodations or they would have talked openly about them and most likely would have brought up the fact that yes he does have Down Syndrome.
Not necessarily, they might be interviewing with daycares for the 1st time and were unsure how to proceed, nervous, etc. We don't know the age of the child either. If it's an infant they might not be sure of what his needs are at this point and as he grows his needs may change.
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safechner 03:44 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
You're taking this entirely too personally and may need to step away from your keyboard to regroup.

Judging whether you are CAPABLE of providing superb care to a special needs child is not judging the child.
I would absolutely disclose my teenage son's issues to someone if he was younger and I needed someone to care for him. Why would you want a provider who wasn't fully comfortable??? I, as a parent, certainly wouldn't want someone taking care of my child if they weren't fully comfortable doing so. It's a judgement call based on their own abilities in regards to certain delays/disabilities/etc.

I, as a provider, have two children with Autism in my program. I did have a child with Autism in my program last summer who I had to terminate care for immediately because the parent did not disclose the extreme violence this child had towards other children. This child hit, bit, kicked, pinched, slapped, choked, and wanted to bash the other children over the head with various items/toys. I can handle that towards me. I cannot accept that behavior towards other children. Had I known that, I would not have accepted that child into my program. I cannot have other children assaulted, regardless of any reason why it may be occurring.
I already explained to NeedaVaca so you can read my post about judgmental.

My daughter is NOT aggressive. That is why most providers think children have autism and they mean they are very aggressive, if you know what I mean. Every kids who have autism are different.... That is why they didn't give them a chance. I do believe they should give them a chance. If it doesn't work out then they can terminate just like you said... That is why most providers have two weeks trial.

As you mentioned that you have Asperger's which is under autism spectrum. I don't think you didn't mentioned to the parents what you have in the interview, am I right? If I am right, I am sure you believe they should give you a chance that you can do anything like someone else.
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Starburst 03:48 PM 05-01-2013
It seems like this thread and the pain killers thread are almost starting to intertwine lol
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daycare 05:47 PM 05-01-2013
One of my very good friends has a son with DS. My friend was a single dad with two kids. His oldest was the one with DS.

Well every year I would attend his company Christmas party as his date. This was before I was married...lol

Anyway, he tells me, btw. Don't mention anything about Mitch, none of the guys at my work knows he's has DS... I said why not, you've been with this company for 19 years. He said do you know how hard it is to hear about all the things the other dads do every weekend with their sons, likes fishing and dirt bike riding. He said Mitch can't and won't ever be able to do those things. He thought the guys at work would include him or accept him. I could not believe it. But I could not relate, I was not in his shoes....

I know my friend got Mitch the help he needed, but he never NEVER talked to anyone about his DS.

Perhaps this family is the same way?
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EntropyControlSpecialist 06:05 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:
I already explained to NeedaVaca so you can read my post about judgmental.

My daughter is NOT aggressive. That is why most providers think children have autism and they mean they are very aggressive, if you know what I mean. Every kids who have autism are different.... That is why they didn't give them a chance. I do believe they should give them a chance. If it doesn't work out then they can terminate just like you said... That is why most providers have two weeks trial.

As you mentioned that you have Asperger's which is under autism spectrum. I don't think you didn't mentioned to the parents what you have in the interview, am I right? If I am right, I am sure you believe they should give you a chance that you can do anything like someone else.
I agree and am aware of the fact that not all children on the spectrum are aggressive. The two children enrolled here are not, and I (Asperger's ... so, on the spectrum) am not aggressive either.

My having Asperger's requires no accommodations to be made by the parents. It DOES require me to modify my personal life after hours due to being extremely overstimulated. So, no. I do not inform parents of my having Asperger's because it doesn't directly affect them or their children. Being a caregiver for someone with Autism, Downs Syndrome, whatever does directly affect that caregiver. My parents parented me differently than a neuro-typical child would be parented and had I been in daycare that provider would have had to help me in a different way than other children. Not because I was aggressive or anything but because I am different than neuro-typical people and I definitely required different (sometimes more exhausting!) care as a child. I would never fault someone for saying they didn't want to be the caregiver for someone like me, ever. Who wants to have care provided for them by someone who feels inadequate/insufficient/resentful???

Not everyone is cut out to work with "special needs" children.
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daycare 06:15 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I agree and am aware of the fact that not all children on the spectrum are aggressive. The two children enrolled here are not, and I (Asperger's ... so, on the spectrum) am not aggressive either.

My having Asperger's requires no accommodations to be made by the parents. It DOES require me to modify my personal life after hours due to being extremely overstimulated. So, no. I do not inform parents of my having Asperger's because it doesn't directly affect them or their children. Being a caregiver for someone with Autism, Downs Syndrome, whatever does directly affect that caregiver. My parents parented me differently than a neuro-typical child would be parented and had I been in daycare that provider would have had to help me in a different way than other children. Not because I was aggressive or anything but because I am different than neuro-typical people and I definitely required different (sometimes more exhausting!) care as a child. I would never fault someone for saying they didn't want to be the caregiver for someone like me, ever. Who wants to have care provided for them by someone who feels inadequate/insufficient/resentful???

Not everyone is cut out to work with "special needs" children.
Thanks for sharing this I wanted to say not only are some people not cut out, but they also don't have any experience or education it could make it very hard for the provider to meet the child's needs.

I had a call a few months back for a child who has CP, partially blind, and speech delay. The parents really wanted their child to attend here and I flat out said I would love to have them here and I would love to get to know her, but I have zero experience working with children with those conditions. I told them I would not feel secure about being able to meet her needs. They understood and agreed. However, I will have her this summer for my pre-kinder program for an hour a day. I'm excited to get to learn how to work with her conditions and learn more over all about helping others with disabilities.
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daycarediva 06:24 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
You're taking this entirely too personally and may need to step away from your keyboard to regroup.

Judging whether you are CAPABLE of providing superb care to a special needs child is not judging the child.
I would absolutely disclose my teenage son's issues to someone if he was younger and I needed someone to care for him. Why would you want a provider who wasn't fully comfortable??? I, as a parent, certainly wouldn't want someone taking care of my child if they weren't fully comfortable doing so. It's a judgement call based on their own abilities in regards to certain delays/disabilities/etc.

I, as a provider, have two children with Autism in my program. I did have a child with Autism in my program last summer who I had to terminate care for immediately because the parent did not disclose the extreme violence this child had towards other children. This child hit, bit, kicked, pinched, slapped, choked, and wanted to bash the other children over the head with various items/toys. I can handle that towards me. I cannot accept that behavior towards other children. Had I known that, I would not have accepted that child into my program. I cannot have other children assaulted, regardless of any reason why it may be occurring.
My own son has autism, and I have a child with aspergers and two with adhd in my care. All issues were disclosed and discussed at great length and I really thought about being CAPABLE of providing quality care. Providers who wouldn't take that on aren't LAZY, they're honest. Do you really want someone watching your child who ISN'T confident in his/her ability to provide quality care? Why is it ever acceptable to BLINDSIDE someone with something VERY serious?

My son used to be a runner. He would just take off. I never left him with anyone who wasn't fully awarethat they had to have constant direct supervision of him, even if he was in the bathroom or sleeping.

I let my MIL watch him and she didn't take me seriously and took a shower while he was downstairs napping. He got out, entered the neighbors home, then went for a walk down the street. The police were called and everything he was gone so long. For this reason, I will NEVER take a runner. It's not DISCRIMINATORY to be REALISTIC about my ability to maintain that level of supervision.
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daycarediva 06:25 PM 05-01-2013
^ quoted the wrong post. haha, sorry ecs!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 06:31 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
^ quoted the wrong post. haha, sorry ecs!
I was just nodding my head agreeing with your post as I read it. No big deal!
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NeedaVaca 06:47 PM 05-01-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:
Once again, she is not judging on THIS child but she really wants to know more about him like health issues before she decided judge capable to take him. That sounds like a little judgmental because she worried if he have more health issues, not to special needs child. Maybe there is nothing wrong with him just have DS that parents didnt need to tell her. I have a friend's son who has DS but he is normal boy.

Yes, two of providers (it was very small group) were very aware that my daughter is deaf but they said they dont want to take her because of her autism and deaf. They met my daughter and my daughter plays as normal as other kids and her little sister and she already saw her... My daughter only need 15 mins before school and 30 mins after school, that is not too hard for provider to take care of her. She is very good kid. That is why I think they are just lazy... I am provider myself and I can read their body language, that is how I know...

Ok... as far as you already know that i am deaf myself. Do I have to tell my parents that I am deaf before they enrollment their children in my home? It is none of their business!! I want them to look at me that I can do anything to take care of their children in my home... I am lucky they love me. They didn't know that I am deaf because I can speak very good. They of course later found out that I am deaf but they dont care because they told me that they are very impressed with me. That is why I believe they should give them a chance...
Maybe these providers just felt someone else would be better suited for the job. Maybe they had zero experience with a deaf child and felt another provider that knows ASL would benefit your child and her needs.
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Happy Hearts 06:54 PM 05-01-2013
I'm the OP. I have experience caring for special needs children. I have a child with Cerebral Palsy (she's 20 now) and have worked with special needs children of all kinds (even behaviour which is by far the hardest) for the provincial government. I had postings in both private homes and in daycares.

I must admit that it is different when you're working for yourself in your own home. I don't have the provincial government backing me.... I'm on my own basically. I was not judging the child in this case. I was judging the situation; wondering about the lack of information offered by the parents. I think there is a difference between being judgmental and using your judgment.

Anyhow, her work hours don't mesh with mine, so it's a mute point now. However, should a similar situation occur I will be ready and know how to handle it better. Thanks for all of your input, advice and comments. I know not to keep my mouth shut and how bring it up tactfully. Thanks everyone, even the negative nelly.
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safechner 09:48 AM 05-02-2013
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
My own son has autism, and I have a child with aspergers and two with adhd in my care. All issues were disclosed and discussed at great length and I really thought about being CAPABLE of providing quality care. Providers who wouldn't take that on aren't LAZY, they're honest. Do you really want someone watching your child who ISN'T confident in his/her ability to provide quality care? Why is it ever acceptable to BLINDSIDE someone with something VERY serious?

My son used to be a runner. He would just take off. I never left him with anyone who wasn't fully awarethat they had to have constant direct supervision of him, even if he was in the bathroom or sleeping.

I let my MIL watch him and she didn't take me seriously and took a shower while he was downstairs napping. He got out, entered the neighbors home, then went for a walk down the street. The police were called and everything he was gone so long. For this reason, I will NEVER take a runner. It's not DISCRIMINATORY to be REALISTIC about my ability to maintain that level of supervision.
Why do you think two providers are not lazy? Actually, they do have special needs experience. first provider I went interview with her and she told me that she have experience with special needs that i thought it was great. Somehow something was fishy about her when I told her about my oldest daughter. When the interview is over and I told her I will think about it and I had other providers that I want to interview with. Later on, she left me a voice message that she decided not to take her because my daughter has autism and deaf. She may be honest but she CANNOT said about autism and deaf that would be discrimination. She should have said she felt that she didnt met my daughter needs instead, that is professional that I would not be angry. No, I wouldn't bring to her to watch my daughter after what she said to me... I filed complaint against her to her licensing after she said I need to report it to her and send her proof what she said on my voice mail because she knows me very well. That was happened in 2005 when my daughter was 4 years old and another one is 3 years old (who is normal). My question is that why she wants my youngest daughter, not my oldest daughter... That doesn't make sense to me! It seems to me that she is just lazy. Second provider that I went interview with and she was very honest with me that she doesn't have experience with special needs and I am ok with that. I appreciated of her to be honest with me. Again it is very professional of her..

Third provider I interviewed with, she said the same thing but she said about deaf, not autism. That makes me so angry and I left her right away... I don't appreciate of her to say something about my daughter's hearing loss..

The last one, I found her to be perfect for both of my daughters. Actually, she is still my friend now.. She told me that she doesn't have experience with special needs but she really wants to watch both of them and she said they are very sweet girls. She was willing to work with me and she said she loves to learn sign language. I felt it was so great so I enrolled them to her and my daughters love her a lot.. Everything works out very well but unfortunately, she decided to close her daycare due to have to take care of her husband's father who was in a bad health. I gave up my job and I quit my job to stay home with my daughters and start my daycare again.

Please keep in mind, you have to be very careful what you said to those parents who have special needs, racist, etc... You should know about ADA and discrimination stuff like that.

I hear you about your son about a runner. My daughter was like that when she was 8 years old. It was first time she ever do that to me twice in my house. I never thought she would do that so my husband and I bought door knob lock inside from front door so she won't take off anymore. I freaked out that she took off but the police brought her to me and he said it happened. I was about having heart panic, lol..

Today, she is 12 years old but she is a wonderful girl and I will admit I watch her like hawk everyday to make sure she is safe. She knows what she is doing but I can't help it...

I hope I explained very clear... NeedaVac, please read my post about special needs experience when I read your post that maybe they have zero experience but they do.
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daycarediva 10:53 AM 05-02-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:
Why do you think two providers are not lazy? Actually, they do have special needs experience. first provider I went interview with her and she told me that she have experience with special needs that i thought it was great. Somehow something was fishy about her when I told her about my oldest daughter. When the interview is over and I told her I will think about it and I had other providers that I want to interview with. Later on, she left me a voice message that she decided not to take her because my daughter has autism and deaf. She may be honest but she CANNOT said about autism and deaf that would be discrimination. She should have said she felt that she didnt met my daughter needs instead, that is professional that I would not be angry. No, I wouldn't bring to her to watch my daughter after what she said to me... I filed complaint against her to her licensing after she said I need to report it to her and send her proof what she said on my voice mail because she knows me very well. That was happened in 2005 when my daughter was 4 years old and another one is 3 years old (who is normal). My question is that why she wants my youngest daughter, not my oldest daughter... That doesn't make sense to me! It seems to me that she is just lazy. Second provider that I went interview with and she was very honest with me that she doesn't have experience with special needs and I am ok with that. I appreciated of her to be honest with me. Again it is very professional of her..

Third provider I interviewed with, she said the same thing but she said about deaf, not autism. That makes me so angry and I left her right away... I don't appreciate of her to say something about my daughter's hearing loss..

The last one, I found her to be perfect for both of my daughters. Actually, she is still my friend now.. She told me that she doesn't have experience with special needs but she really wants to watch both of them and she said they are very sweet girls. She was willing to work with me and she said she loves to learn sign language. I felt it was so great so I enrolled them to her and my daughters love her a lot.. Everything works out very well but unfortunately, she decided to close her daycare due to have to take care of her husband's father who was in a bad health. I gave up my job and I quit my job to stay home with my daughters and start my daycare again.

Please keep in mind, you have to be very careful what you said to those parents who have special needs, racist, etc... You should know about ADA and discrimination stuff like that.

I hear you about your son about a runner. My daughter was like that when she was 8 years old. It was first time she ever do that to me twice in my house. I never thought she would do that so my husband and I bought door knob lock inside from front door so she won't take off anymore. I freaked out that she took off but the police brought her to me and he said it happened. I was about having heart panic, lol..

Today, she is 12 years old but she is a wonderful girl and I will admit I watch her like hawk everyday to make sure she is safe. She knows what she is doing but I can't help it...

I hope I explained very clear... NeedaVac, please read my post about special needs experience when I read your post that maybe they have zero experience but they do.
No good provider can EVER EVER be called lazy. We work with 6+ kids most often, 50+ hours a week plus off hours time for cleaning, activity prep, shopping, etc. It is RIDICULOUSLY insulting. Just because a provider doesn't want to take on a special needs kid DOES NOT MAKE THEM LAZY it makes them smart enough to know that they have limitations.

Do you seriously believe that your asd AND deaf daughter required NO extra attention/supervision/training then a neurotypical child? Have you ever ran a home daycare just to see the level of work and dedication that go into this job with JUST 'regular' kids. Add in ANY special issue (diet, medical, developmental) and it REQUIRES MORE WORK.

How dare you INSULT a provider that didn't want to take that on. Get off your high horse lady. Just because someone didn't think they could handle your kid doesn't mean they are LAZY.
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canadiancare 11:06 AM 05-02-2013
Really if you are self-employed and non-licensed you answer to no one but you. Choose clients that you want to work with and refuse the ones you don't want to work with.

I have refused kids with severe food allergies because I didn't want to be responsible for ensuring my kitchen was gluten, nut, soy free. That is probably lazy or greedy of me (I don't want to limit my food) but it is also me being open with a family and saying I am not going to keep a kitchen that is safe for your child so you should look elsewhere.
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NeedaVaca 11:09 AM 05-02-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:
Why do you think two providers are not lazy? Actually, they do have special needs experience. first provider I went interview with her and she told me that she have experience with special needs that i thought it was great. Somehow something was fishy about her when I told her about my oldest daughter. When the interview is over and I told her I will think about it and I had other providers that I want to interview with. Later on, she left me a voice message that she decided not to take her because my daughter has autism and deaf. She may be honest but she CANNOT said about autism and deaf that would be discrimination. She should have said she felt that she didnt met my daughter needs instead, that is professional that I would not be angry. No, I wouldn't bring to her to watch my daughter after what she said to me... I filed complaint against her to her licensing after she said I need to report it to her and send her proof what she said on my voice mail because she knows me very well. That was happened in 2005 when my daughter was 4 years old and another one is 3 years old (who is normal). My question is that why she wants my youngest daughter, not my oldest daughter... That doesn't make sense to me! It seems to me that she is just lazy. Second provider that I went interview with and she was very honest with me that she doesn't have experience with special needs and I am ok with that. I appreciated of her to be honest with me. Again it is very professional of her..

Third provider I interviewed with, she said the same thing but she said about deaf, not autism. That makes me so angry and I left her right away... I don't appreciate of her to say something about my daughter's hearing loss..

The last one, I found her to be perfect for both of my daughters. Actually, she is still my friend now.. She told me that she doesn't have experience with special needs but she really wants to watch both of them and she said they are very sweet girls. She was willing to work with me and she said she loves to learn sign language. I felt it was so great so I enrolled them to her and my daughters love her a lot.. Everything works out very well but unfortunately, she decided to close her daycare due to have to take care of her husband's father who was in a bad health. I gave up my job and I quit my job to stay home with my daughters and start my daycare again.

Please keep in mind, you have to be very careful what you said to those parents who have special needs, racist, etc... You should know about ADA and discrimination stuff like that.

I hear you about your son about a runner. My daughter was like that when she was 8 years old. It was first time she ever do that to me twice in my house. I never thought she would do that so my husband and I bought door knob lock inside from front door so she won't take off anymore. I freaked out that she took off but the police brought her to me and he said it happened. I was about having heart panic, lol..

Today, she is 12 years old but she is a wonderful girl and I will admit I watch her like hawk everyday to make sure she is safe. She knows what she is doing but I can't help it...

I hope I explained very clear... NeedaVac, please read my post about special needs experience when I read your post that maybe they have zero experience but they do.
Isn't that being judgemental
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EntropyControlSpecialist 11:10 AM 05-02-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
Really if you are self-employed and non-licensed you answer to no one but you. Choose clients that you want to work with and refuse the ones you don't want to work with.

I have refused kids with severe food allergies because I didn't want to be responsible for ensuring my kitchen was gluten, nut, soy free. That is probably lazy or greedy of me (I don't want to limit my food) but it is also me being open with a family and saying I am not going to keep a kitchen that is safe for your child so you should look elsewhere.
I had a child who the parents wanted to be on my part-time waiting list and I just couldn't. The child was dairy and gluten free, which isn't too far from what I am (gluten free due to having Celiacs). However, I really struggle to prepare my meals (I do so BEFORE work for breakfast, DURING naptime for my lunch, and AFTER work for dinner) in a safe manner so there is no cross contamination. I can't ensure that there will be absolutely no cross contamination if I'm having to prepare all of the meals at the same time plus I would have to have special dishes, cups, and utensils for that child since the children eat off of plastic and plastic can never be fully rid of gluten. Some might call that lazy and that's fine.

I do have a child with a nut allergy enrolled (that was discovered AFTER she had been here 6 months, though we have always been a nut free child care home) and find that to be extremely manageable. Nothing changed.
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safechner 11:28 AM 05-02-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
Isn't that being judgemental
She wants to be easy job that is how I know. I am provider myself for 12 years and I know what I am doing...I can read her body language and visual on her and that is why I said something fishy about her. Do you think all of providers are PERFECT?!?! Providers are judging on parents, too. NO ONE IS PERFECT!!! Come on, you know better than that!!
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safechner 11:55 AM 05-02-2013
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
No good provider can EVER EVER be called lazy. We work with 6+ kids most often, 50+ hours a week plus off hours time for cleaning, activity prep, shopping, etc. It is RIDICULOUSLY insulting. Just because a provider doesn't want to take on a special needs kid DOES NOT MAKE THEM LAZY it makes them smart enough to know that they have limitations.

Do you seriously believe that your asd AND deaf daughter required NO extra attention/supervision/training then a neurotypical child? Have you ever ran a home daycare just to see the level of work and dedication that go into this job with JUST 'regular' kids. Add in ANY special issue (diet, medical, developmental) and it REQUIRES MORE WORK.

How dare you INSULT a provider that didn't want to take that on. Get off your high horse lady. Just because someone didn't think they could handle your kid doesn't mean they are LAZY.
I never said anything to the provider but I was angry what she told me on the voice mail and I never called her back..... GOT IT!!!!

NO I do not want to bring her to that provider... Again she wants a easy job, god darn! She only have two daycare girls in her daycare and they are normal kids... Why the heck is she tells me she wants my daughter who is normal and she have special needs experience?????? She is wasting my darn time!! It doesnt matter I didnt want her because i felt something fishy about her. maybe she would put the kids front the tv time all day, who knows... I asked her what is her schedule and she said she dont have one. Yes, I have take care of special needs children in my home in the past and I work very hard to be with them but I am lucky that I have a lot of patience with the kids... They have been with me until they started kindergarten.... You dont know me, anyways! I am not going sit my butt to let anyone control what my daughter can or not about her special needs. I have been fighting my daughter's school for 7 years about her rights (autism and deaf) and I had a due process against school and we won... Do you think it is ok for the provider or anyone insult my daughter about her deaf and autism???????? That is unacceptable!!! I am sure you wont like that if someone insult you about your son... I am overprotective of my daughter and I am making sure she have her rights... I learned to stand up myself because I have been seeing a lot of people are like that to special needs or deaf people when I grew up. I am not letting it happen to my daughter...

Get off high horse lady, really, I do not think I act better than you or anyone... No one is perfect, anyways! That is how I feel...
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SilverSabre25 12:09 PM 05-02-2013
This thread is getting heated and a bit off topic.

The name calling needs to stop on both sides, please. I think there's some judging going on...on both sides.

Safechner, I understand why this topic is striking so close to home for you, but it might be time to step back and take a deep breath.

Everyone, step back and calm down, please. I think this is a thread with a lot of good information and discussion and we would rather not have to lock it.
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daycarediva 12:24 PM 05-02-2013
Originally Posted by safechner:
I never said anything to the provider but I was angry what she told me on the voice mail and I never called her back..... GOT IT!!!!

NO I do not want to bring her to that provider... Again she wants a easy job, god darn! She only have two daycare girls in her daycare and they are normal kids... Why the heck is she tells me she wants my daughter who is normal and she have special needs experience?????? She is wasting my darn time!! It doesnt matter I didnt want her because i felt something fishy about her. maybe she would put the kids front the tv time all day, who knows... I asked her what is her schedule and she said she dont have one. Yes, I have take care of special needs children in my home in the past and I work very hard to be with them but I am lucky that I have a lot of patience with the kids... They have been with me until they started kindergarten.... You dont know me, anyways! I am not going sit my butt to let anyone control what my daughter can or not about her special needs. I have been fighting my daughter's school for 7 years about her rights (autism and deaf) and I had a due process against school and we won... Do you think it is ok for the provider or anyone insult my daughter about her deaf and autism???????? That is unacceptable!!! I am sure you wont like that if someone insult you about your son... I am overprotective of my daughter and I am making sure she have her rights... I learned to stand up myself because I have been seeing a lot of people are like that to special needs or deaf people when I grew up. I am not letting it happen to my daughter...

Get off high horse lady, really, I do not think I act better than you or anyone... No one is perfect, anyways! That is how I feel...
I said get off your high horse because you continue to call two providers lazy.

I have a son with asd, I KNOW he can be a handfull, I would never fault or insult someone for not wanting to take that on.

You seem to think your daughter should be treated like she isn't disabled, which is great in theory. NOT realistic in practice. I wouldn't enroll her either, my response would be "I don't think it's a good fit for my program at this time"

I have also fought the school district/sued them for therapy for my son and won. I know EXACTLY what you have gone through, been there, done that.

What I fail to understand is your attitude toward these women who were honest with you about not enrolling your child. Everything isn't discrimination, but you seem to be on the look out for it.


We once were kicked out of a church because my son refused to participate in a sunday school craft. They blatantly said that HE couldn't come back, but they would be happy to have my DD and younger DS. WE didn't go back, obviously. I didn't sue them, nor do I badmouth this church to ANYONE. It was up to them if ds could be in the sunday school room. They said no, their choice.
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daycarediva 12:25 PM 05-02-2013
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
This thread is getting heated and a bit off topic.

The name calling needs to stop on both sides, please. I think there's some judging going on...on both sides.

Safechner, I understand why this topic is striking so close to home for you, but it might be time to step back and take a deep breath.

Everyone, step back and calm down, please. I think this is a thread with a lot of good information and discussion and we would rather not have to lock it.
Sorry, I'll stop! I'll put myself in hula hoop time.
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Tags:down syndrome, special needs children
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