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sahm2three 03:55 PM 06-16-2011
Tried to take personal days for myself, but also had a friend who is licensed but not still watching kids stay in my home to watch kids if people didn't have someone else. I told them I would be taking personal days for the ones gone, so they would be responsible for paying me, and paying my alternate if they chose to use her. Three families chose to use her for the 4 days I was gone, but NONE of them paid her. None of them think it is fair that they had to pay me and her, even though they all signed the contract. You know what, fine, I paid my alternate out of my pocket, after helping pay for a funeral, so if they need the money that bad, whatever. I don't have the energy to fight with them. I just will not offer an easy solution again. And thanks for the support, right?! Ugh. I am so hurt.
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Michael 03:56 PM 06-16-2011
Sorry to hear of your loss.
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rbmom 04:15 PM 06-16-2011
I am sorry for your loss!
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jen 04:16 PM 06-16-2011
I am so sorry for your loss and your very horrible daycare parents
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daycare 04:17 PM 06-16-2011
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is so sad that the parents have reacted this way. However, I think that it may be necessary for you to print out your contract and send a letter home with it reminding them of your policies. When things out of the ordinary occur they don't really know what to do.

I find that this happens with my parents some times too when things out of the ordianry occur....

again sorry to hear about your loss <
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Hunni Bee 04:18 PM 06-16-2011
How awful.


If they signed the contract, they are legally bound to its terms. I would say that they should be required to pay for the alternate care before they can resume care with you, but being that it was three families...that would be too big of a risk. Have you talked it over with them...maybe they can pay in installments? Because that's just wrong.

And I'm sorry for your loss.
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GretasLittleFriends 04:22 PM 06-16-2011
So sorry for your loss!

Maybe they didn't understand. Have you tried talking to any of them?

I too would show them the contract they signed, as a friendly reminder.
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sharlan 04:33 PM 06-16-2011
I am very sorry for your loss.

I had a long post typed, but deleted it. I understand where your daycare parents are coming from.
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daycare 04:35 PM 06-16-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I am very sorry for your loss.

I had a long post typed, but deleted it. I understand where your daycare parents are coming from.
I too understand where the parents are coming from, but if they signed her contract then they need to live up to it!
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PolarCare 04:40 PM 06-16-2011
I'd print out a copy of the contract and their signature page for each family, and put it in an envelope with a "friendly reminder" on your daycare letterhead and let them know when you expect it. It's really crummy that your daycare families didn't just pony up on their own.
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Auntie 04:49 PM 06-16-2011
sorry for your loss. I don't blame you for being upset at those parents.
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cheerfuldom 04:52 PM 06-16-2011
This is why I do not solve the problem of alternative care/back up care for my daycare parents. I believe I have gotten burned almost every time when I go the extra mile. Now I just close if I need to close (which is almost never) and let them deal with it. My contract clearly states what I am allowed and lets the parents know that I do not provide back up care.
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sahm2three 05:26 PM 06-16-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I am very sorry for your loss.

I had a long post typed, but deleted it. I understand where your daycare parents are coming from.
Too bad so sad, they signed the contract. I give them 2 free weeks a year, I don't have them pay for my vacation, but I do allow myself 10 personal days a year. I took 4 personal days, and because it was such short notice, I offered my friend as a back up. But you know what, I am too busy grieving to care about their money. They will only burn me once. I won't offer anything extra again.
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countrymom 05:54 PM 06-16-2011
I understand that you are grieving, but are you saying that you wanted the families to pay you and your alternative, who provided the care. I don't think thats very fair. When my fil passed away I offered my alternative but they paid her not me because she provided the service and not me.
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PitterPatter 06:04 PM 06-16-2011
I'm sorry for your loss!
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daycare 06:25 PM 06-16-2011
agree with this....dont offer to help the arrange back up care...I know you were trying to be nice and I have finally figured out that being nice only gets you walked on......

arranging back up care is thier probelm not yours...Don't help them any more...

again sorry your going through this
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Lucy 06:41 PM 06-16-2011
My father died 17 days ago. I'm just now starting to come out of my fog. It was a Tuesday morning, and I arranged to fly out of state that evening, leaving my house at 4:00 pm and my husband finished the day for me. I took off three days (was with mom from Tuesday night until Sunday night). I flew back again the next weekend for the memorial service, but I left Friday night and came home Sunday night. So I took THREE days off. I feel like it's their responsibility to find alternate care. I never offer it. They pay me a set amount per month, and I do not deduct for anything, so I got paid for those 3 days. Nobody even questioned it. One mom gave me a hug, and a card when I came back, another gave me some rum and pina colada mix because we texted back and forth while I was at mom's and I said I could use one about now! They were great about it.

So sorry for your loss. You didn't say what relative, but for me - losing Dad was the saddest day of my life. He wasn't even sick. Just went to bed and didn't wake up.
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Crystal 06:46 PM 06-16-2011
SAHM and Joyce, I am very sorry for your loss.

Joyce, you brought tears to my eyes, I cannot imagine the day I lose one of my parents. May peace be with your father.
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Lucy 06:49 PM 06-16-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
SAHM and Joyce, I am very sorry for your loss.

Joyce, you brought tears to my eyes, I cannot imagine the day I lose one of my parents. May peace be with your father.
Thank you so much, Crystal. I really appreciate it.
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sahm2three 06:56 PM 06-16-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
My father died 17 days ago. I'm just now starting to come out of my fog. It was a Tuesday morning, and I arranged to fly out of state that evening, leaving my house at 4:00 pm and my husband finished the day for me. I took off three days (was with mom from Tuesday night until Sunday night). I flew back again the next weekend for the memorial service, but I left Friday night and came home Sunday night. So I took THREE days off. I feel like it's their responsibility to find alternate care. I never offer it. They pay me a set amount per month, and I do not deduct for anything, so I got paid for those 3 days. Nobody even questioned it. One mom gave me a hug, and a card when I came back, another gave me some rum and pina colada mix because we texted back and forth while I was at mom's and I said I could use one about now! They were great about it.

So sorry for your loss. You didn't say what relative, but for me - losing Dad was the saddest day of my life. He wasn't even sick. Just went to bed and didn't wake up.
It was my nephew. He died in a freak accident. He was 13 years old. He was like one of my kids. I am devastated, as is the rest of the family. I am trying to help my BIL thru this, and not have to worry about money.

To clarify, my friend watched kids in my house, yes, but only was offered as an option. They would have had to pay if they would have taken the kids to a different daycare, how is it different in my home? She used my house so that the kids were as comfortable as possible. Whatever, like I said, I won't offer it again, and I learned something about their character! Not a sympathy card from any of them. Just worrying about how this all affects them.
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MamaBear 07:11 PM 06-16-2011
Sorry for your loss :-(
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PitterPatter 07:13 PM 06-16-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
My father died 17 days ago. I'm just now starting to come out of my fog. It was a Tuesday morning, and I arranged to fly out of state that evening, leaving my house at 4:00 pm and my husband finished the day for me. I took off three days (was with mom from Tuesday night until Sunday night). I flew back again the next weekend for the memorial service, but I left Friday night and came home Sunday night. So I took THREE days off. I feel like it's their responsibility to find alternate care. I never offer it. They pay me a set amount per month, and I do not deduct for anything, so I got paid for those 3 days. Nobody even questioned it. One mom gave me a hug, and a card when I came back, another gave me some rum and pina colada mix because we texted back and forth while I was at mom's and I said I could use one about now! They were great about it.

So sorry for your loss. You didn't say what relative, but for me - losing Dad was the saddest day of my life. He wasn't even sick. Just went to bed and didn't wake up.
OH NO! I am sorry for your loss as well!!

Going to count my blessings and pray for everyone around me!
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AfterSchoolMom 07:20 PM 06-16-2011
Sahm, I know a bunch have said it already, but I am so sorry for your loss.
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e.j. 07:23 PM 06-16-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
It was my nephew. He died in a freak accident. He was 13 years old. He was like one of my kids. I am devastated, as is the rest of the family. I am trying to help my BIL thru this, and not have to worry about money.

To clarify, my friend watched kids in my house, yes, but only was offered as an option. They would have had to pay if they would have taken the kids to a different daycare, how is it different in my home? She used my house so that the kids were as comfortable as possible. Whatever, like I said, I won't offer it again, and I learned something about their character! Not a sympathy card from any of them. Just worrying about how this all affects them.
I'm so sorry to hear about your nephew. How sad for your family.

I'm not sure how I feel about the pay issue. I can understand your dc parents' point of view and that's why I don't charge when I close the day care for any reason, including the death of a family member. If your policy is that you get that time off paid and the parents signed your contract, they should honor the agreement and expect to pay both of you. I'm sorry they're giving you a hard time about it and that none were thoughtful enough to even send a sympathy card. That has to hurt.
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e.j. 07:37 PM 06-16-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
My father died 17 days ago.... I'm just now starting to come out of my fog..... losing Dad was the saddest day of my life. He wasn't even sick. Just went to bed and didn't wake up.
Joyce, I'm sorry for your loss, too. My dad passed away at the end of April. Although we didn't have much time between his diagnosis and death, we were lucky to have had the time to tell him how much we loved him and to say our good-byes. It was hard but I can't imagine the shock you must have felt when your father passed away so suddenly. This weekend will be a tough one but hopefully your memories of your dad will eventually bring you some peace and comfort.
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momofboys 08:01 PM 06-16-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
Tried to take personal days for myself, but also had a friend who is licensed but not still watching kids stay in my home to watch kids if people didn't have someone else. I told them I would be taking personal days for the ones gone, so they would be responsible for paying me, and paying my alternate if they chose to use her. Three families chose to use her for the 4 days I was gone, but NONE of them paid her. None of them think it is fair that they had to pay me and her, even though they all signed the contract. You know what, fine, I paid my alternate out of my pocket, after helping pay for a funeral, so if they need the money that bad, whatever. I don't have the energy to fight with them. I just will not offer an easy solution again. And thanks for the support, right?! Ugh. I am so hurt.

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your nephew. No doubt you are beside yourself with grief! I totally understand your contract & am sad to hear your DC parents don't feel obligated to abide by a signed contract. Boo on them! If you have paid personal days off they would still have to pay an alternate. Maybe they are confused since the care took place in your home? I would be sure to remind them of their obligations.

Joyce, I am also sorry to hear of your dad's passing. I lost my dad a little over a year ago & I still get broken up, especially this weekend with father's day & all. Please accept my sincere sympathy.
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MyAngels 08:10 PM 06-16-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
It was my nephew. He died in a freak accident. He was 13 years old. He was like one of my kids. I am devastated, as is the rest of the family. I am trying to help my BIL thru this, and not have to worry about money.

To clarify, my friend watched kids in my house, yes, but only was offered as an option. They would have had to pay if they would have taken the kids to a different daycare, how is it different in my home? She used my house so that the kids were as comfortable as possible. Whatever, like I said, I won't offer it again, and I learned something about their character! Not a sympathy card from any of them. Just worrying about how this all affects them.
I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how sad you must be.

I'm also sorry that it had to be accompanied by a difficult lesson in ungrateful daycare families. They should be grateful that you provided a convenient alternative to finding their own backup, rather than nitpiking over money.
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Country Kids 08:45 PM 06-16-2011
My mother passed away 11 years ago this past April. I remember calling a daycare parent and her asking when will you be back! I told her a week but remember being dumbfounded because that was the last thing that was on my mind at that time. I also picked a week out of the air because I didn't know what else to say. This happened on a Friday and on Monday morning on my way to the funeral home the food lady showed up unannouced and was not happy with me because I hadn't called them to tell them I was closed and she came over when she didn't have to. I remember feeling like the whole world was against me.
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MG&Lsmom 06:41 AM 06-17-2011
So sorry about your losses. (((Hugs)))

Shame on those parents. They shouldn't get away with it and maybe when you're feeling better you can pursue it.
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Blackcat31 06:53 AM 06-17-2011
Joyce and sahm2three Thoughts and prayers go out to both of you and your family members. Losing a loved makes us all take stock in what is truly important. I hope you both are coping as well as can be expected. ((((hugs)))) I wish there was something I could do.....
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dEHmom 06:59 AM 06-17-2011
Ok, I think it's too late to suggest this, but I am going to anyway....

First off I'm so sorry to hear of the loss. It's not easy losing someone. Hugs to you!


My suggestion would've been, that because she watched the children in your home, likely with your food fed to them, etc, and because she didn't have to cover any overhead, I would've paid her a portion of the fees. That way you weren't taking a big hit, but she was being paid for services.

Just for future reference for anyone who might be in this same situation, they are just a fill in, like an assistant, and you still have to cover the overhead. OR next time, if she is filling in, then let it be at her home.

Also, I would suggest maintaining that you still have those personal paid days to use, since they did not pay you for those days yet. You can use them at another point this year.
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daycare 08:50 AM 06-17-2011
Originally Posted by dEHmom:
Ok, I think it's too late to suggest this, but I am going to anyway....

First off I'm so sorry to hear of the loss. It's not easy losing someone. Hugs to you!


My suggestion would've been, that because she watched the children in your home, likely with your food fed to them, etc, and because she didn't have to cover any overhead, I would've paid her a portion of the fees. That way you weren't taking a big hit, but she was being paid for services.

Just for future reference for anyone who might be in this same situation, they are just a fill in, like an assistant, and you still have to cover the overhead. OR next time, if she is filling in, then let it be at her home.

Also, I would suggest maintaining that you still have those personal paid days to use, since they did not pay you for those days yet. You can use them at another point this year.
Also, I would suggest maintaining that you still have those personal paid days to use, since they did not pay you for those days yet. You can use them at another point this year.

I think that is a great way of seeing the positive side of this...
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Meeko 08:55 AM 06-17-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
This is why I do not solve the problem of alternative care/back up care for my daycare parents. I believe I have gotten burned almost every time when I go the extra mile. Now I just close if I need to close (which is almost never) and let them deal with it. My contract clearly states what I am allowed and lets the parents know that I do not provide back up care.
Same here. Parents are responsible for finding alternate care if need be.
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Meeko 08:58 AM 06-17-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
My father died 17 days ago. I'm just now starting to come out of my fog. It was a Tuesday morning, and I arranged to fly out of state that evening, leaving my house at 4:00 pm and my husband finished the day for me. I took off three days (was with mom from Tuesday night until Sunday night). I flew back again the next weekend for the memorial service, but I left Friday night and came home Sunday night. So I took THREE days off. I feel like it's their responsibility to find alternate care. I never offer it. They pay me a set amount per month, and I do not deduct for anything, so I got paid for those 3 days. Nobody even questioned it. One mom gave me a hug, and a card when I came back, another gave me some rum and pina colada mix because we texted back and forth while I was at mom's and I said I could use one about now! They were great about it.

So sorry for your loss. You didn't say what relative, but for me - losing Dad was the saddest day of my life. He wasn't even sick. Just went to bed and didn't wake up.
So sorry for your loss Joyce. My dad lives in the UK and I am in the US. He is 80 years old. I miss him so much......and I know he is his twilight years......but we are blessed to have father's we love dearly. I know yours watching over you xx
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Meeko 09:01 AM 06-17-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
Tried to take personal days for myself, but also had a friend who is licensed but not still watching kids stay in my home to watch kids if people didn't have someone else. I told them I would be taking personal days for the ones gone, so they would be responsible for paying me, and paying my alternate if they chose to use her. Three families chose to use her for the 4 days I was gone, but NONE of them paid her. None of them think it is fair that they had to pay me and her, even though they all signed the contract. You know what, fine, I paid my alternate out of my pocket, after helping pay for a funeral, so if they need the money that bad, whatever. I don't have the energy to fight with them. I just will not offer an easy solution again. And thanks for the support, right?! Ugh. I am so hurt.
So sorry for your loss. I think some of the problem maybe that your alternate was tending the kids in YOUR home. To the parents there was no change in routine, but they were expected to pay twice. I think that if care had been at your friends house, there would not have been a problem. I personally do not arrange substitute care. That is the parents responsibility.
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SilverSabre25 06:33 PM 06-17-2011
So sorry for your loss and for your inconsiderate daycare parents.
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squareone 11:15 AM 06-18-2011
sahm2three I would like to offer my condolences to you adn your family. I am really sorry that you are dealing with this at a time when you should be grieving.

I agree with pp and believe that the confusion may have come because the alternate care was offered in your home. I would leave the parents responsible for their own back-up care in the future.

I also like the idea of letting the parents know that since they did not pay for those days, that you still have the same number of paid personal days to use.

I am curious to know how these 3 families normally behave. Have you ever had payment problems with any of them in the past, or was this a complete shock to you?
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sahm2three 11:26 AM 06-18-2011
Originally Posted by squareone:
sahm2three I would like to offer my condolences to you adn your family. I am really sorry that you are dealing with this at a time when you should be grieving.

I agree with pp and believe that the confusion may have come because the alternate care was offered in your home. I would leave the parents responsible for their own back-up care in the future.

I also like the idea of letting the parents know that since they did not pay for those days, that you still have the same number of paid personal days to use.

I am curious to know how these 3 families normally behave. Have you ever had payment problems with any of them in the past, or was this a complete shock to you?
They have always paid and paid pretty much on time. One of them have complained about having to pay for a day their children were home sick. I am just a bit shocked about the lack of compassion. Their first reaction was how this all was going to affect them. It made me sick.
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Lucy 08:23 AM 06-20-2011
Thanks everyone for your words of sympathy. I didn't intend to hijack this thread, so I'm sorry to the OP.
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Tags:alternate, assistant, bad parent, contract, death, funeral, helper, loss
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