She just left, and I will write more in a little bit because I have got to cook dinner and it's already so late. But I will say that tears were shed (hers) and that I wound up terminating her. And I feel such tremendous relief right now. I'll come back later with the details if you're interested!

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definitely interested

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Oh my gosh that is quite a cliffhanger!! Please come back lol

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Yes, sounds like you had to stand your ground. I always love good stand your ground stories because I struggle with it so.

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I'm sorry for the delay! They're having dinner without me because after this experience I have no appetite at all.
Basically, she just came in and I asked her what she wanted to talk about. So she says, I'm sorry I sent you that email.
I just looked at her, and she says, well, do you accept my apology? So I told her that of course I believe that she's sorry she sent that email, it's embarrassing, who wouldn't be sorry for that screwup? But that I don't hear her apologizing for calling me a bitch, or for saying that I have a smug face, or for saying that I enjoyed charging her a late fee. She says, well, that's what I meant. I'm sorry for writing that stuff because I didn't really mean it.
I told her I appreciated her coming over and saying it to my face, but that I think our professional relationship was now untenable. You can't un-ring that bell. She burst into tears, and asked me if I was letting them go. I told her yes because I didn't think I could get past the disrespect shown in that letter. That I understood that people need to let off steam, but that she knew full well that I had been patient with her showing up late, and that I didn't deserve to be called a bitch on wheels, especially after keeping her child on a day I already had off. She started trying to play on my affection for her kid, asking me if I was even going to miss him... I just said it had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with the deterioration of our relationship.
She just kept talking about how much she appreciated me, how upset DCB was going to be, how annoyed her husband is with her, and to please give her another chance, blah blah. She was really upset.

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Well perhaps she learned a lesson. And if I was her spouse and had lost a good provider I would be upset with her also. You had to make a decision and if you didn't think you could work with her anymore, you did the right thing. Sucks loosing a client, but when you know someone doesn't respect you, it is hard to have any respect for them. I do see what some were saying about let it go, but I couldn't have done that either I don't think. Did she say if she sent it to you on purpose?

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I'm sorry that you lost a client ($), but you had to do what you felt was right.

I imagine her dh is beyond ticked and the little one will miss daycare. Now she'll have to find new care on a minute's notice.

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I think that is really why she was upset. I'm sure she doesn't want to go out and find a new provider, and I'm also sure her DH is annoyed with her. I asked her about the pacificer thing, and she said that when she brought him with a pacifier in his mouth one day I took it away. And she was annoyed with me because I wasn't helping her potty train. I reminded her that she signed the contract which spells out my pacifier policy and potty training policy. She just showed up one Monday with him wearing underwear after a weekend of "training" him with no pants. I told her that he needed to be accident-free for 2 weeks before I'd allow him to wear underwear in my house. At the time, she never said a word to me, and that's really frustrating because obviously she just let it fester.

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Awesome response! I know this sucks now, but you have likely saved yourself so much grief in the future. She messed up so badly, and if she had gotten away with it, would have continued to badmouth you unchecked. You're absolutely right that there's no mending a relationship that has been so hurtfully damaged.

Thanks for letting us know what happened. I know I'm not the only one that was on pins and needles this afternoon. It was almost worse than waiting for the last Harry Potter book to be released.

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This situation is not pleasant for anyone. She loses a great provider and you lose a client. It is sad that things had to end this way and I am sorry you got called nasty names by a woman you thought you could trust

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Oh no. Now her DH just sent me an email asking me if he could bring DCB by tomorrow night to say goodbye, and
asked me if we could have a chat. I have no idea what
to say, and I'm so tired of all of it right now. I'm not
going to reply to him tonight but if anybody has any ideas what to say to him, let me know.

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I think I would either not reply or cut it off with "no". Sometimes the short but sweet is the best way to go to avoid further discussion, begging, etc. I know this is emotionally draining but I feel you will be happier now that they are gone.

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I wonder if he has seen the offensive message. Part of me would be tempted to send it to him, stating that all that needs to be said has been said.

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Oh boy...I agree with Annalee, I would also say no. There is no reason to drag this out.

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I wouldn't do it. What could dcd say that would change any of this? Dcb does not need a goodbye. This is their issue to deal with now. I would be done with it.

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I think I would say "I am sorry I cannot do that based on the prior disrespect towards me". And leave it at that.

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In the morning, I would message back:

"Although I will miss dcb very much and have loved watching him, I feel that the termination of our contract leaves nothing to chat about. Best of luck to you and your family."

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That says it all.
Jeez, I almost feel sorry for the woman now ; she screwed up big time and it's all coming back to bite her in the wazoo.
It's a good reminder for all of us to be more careful, me included.

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I want to know too lol

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I agree with the short reply stating there really is nothing more to discuss.

I understand if they feel DCB wants to say good bye but why prolong it? Also, if the term letter was typed and ready because DCM had plans to stop by after work and chat, I'm sure DCB was already said good bye to (provider knew in advance she was going to term)...kwim?

I also agree with Josie that I do feel bad for the DCM because she messed up but sometimes the most valuable lessons are the ones that hurt the most.

I totally 100% support Tasha's decision to terminate care. If I felt the respect just wasnt there or was fake to my face I just couldn't "pretend" every morning and every night at drop off and pick up.

I'd wonder if every time I enforced a policy or had to discuss an issue if DCM said nasty things about it behind my back. If she is the type of person to even compose that type of e-mail in the first place I call BS on her show of remorse.....

We might forget the things a person said or the things a person did but we RARELY forget how a person made us feel and that IS something I don't think we have to "get over".
I think its important to forgive and move on but we don't have to forget.
I think that is okay.

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I think this is just a manipulation tactic. I am sure DCB is going to be just fine. Maybe the dad was going to offer to do drop offs and pickups so you didn't have to deal with mom....either way they've been terminated. Time to cut your losses.

I had parents like this once. I terminated and the dad called me and we had a lengthy conversation. Then he wanted to stop by and pick up DCG diapers and wipes which was an obvious attempt to talk more. I got my husband to answer the door and give the diapers and wipes. I was just done talking.

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Yes, perfect! Take it from someone who allowed additional " chats" when I should have just been done with it

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Thank you for this....
I sent almost this exact note about an hour ago, and will let you know if I hear anything back. I really hope it's over because the whole thing has made me very nervous.
I appreciate everybody's advice so much.

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I would respond with a simple, "No, there is nothing more to talk about. Services have been terminated. I gave dcb a hug and told him good bye yesterday."

Then I would stop responding to all forms of communication.

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You handled this so well and I hope they leave you alone.

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I agree.

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Any more communication from the dad?

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Me, too. I'm a little horrified at the thought that any of my clients may have seen my gripes on here. In hindsight I realize it was naive to think it was a "safe place" to vent. I just can't imagine spending time in here (outside of the parent/guardian page) if I wasn't a provider, but I guess many would. Yikes.

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Spoke too soon.

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Oh man, what a read.

I haven't been on all week until today and when I started reading this thread I was on pins and needles. I get down to the bottom and saw that there was no end and my hands were literally sweating from anticipation. I felt like the time I was watching GOT and it was the episode where Prince Oberyn fights with the Mountain and our power went out. It was literally killing me that I didn't get to see how it ended. I just begged for an update with absolutely no shame ...

... and then I realized just now that there was a page 2 to the thread.

I can't tell you how many emotions I just went through while reading this thread. So now my anxiety level is way down and back to normal levels so I will say that you OP handed yourself very well in all of this including in the termination of the family. Good for you for knowing whether you could continue your business relationship with them or not and since in this case it was "not" good for you for handling the termination professionally.

Am I the only one that needs a nap from all of this?

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I'm sorry, didn't mean to just drop off the map ...
A scratch on my daughter's leg turned into a deep infection, and that has consumed me for the last day or so. But now she's doing a lot better, thank goodness.
So back to the topic at hand. Yes, I did hear from DCD again. After I told him I wouldn't be able to meet with him, he wrote me back that he understood but wants me to please reconsider taking them back. He said that his house is basically in an uproar because his son doesn't understand why he can't come back to my house and play with his friends, and that his wife knows that she really screwed up, and feels terrible. And that she's under a lot of stress at work (I know the feeling) and that she really doesn't think I'm a bitch (ha).
It was such a nice note that it made me want to cry. I feel pretty emotional right now because I'm so tired so I definitely won't be responding until I can collect my thoughts. If I do at all. I feel bad because you guys have all be so nice telling me that I've been so professional, and here I am wavering!
I just don't know how it would work to take them back.
MV, I know exactly what you mean. I need a nap too. One that lasts about 12 hours!

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I think DCD is acting as much as a child as DCM did! I think he is using DCB as a pawn, knowing you do care about DCB, and that hopefully that will get you to cave. I wouldn't take them back, period end of story. I would fear a couple of things is why. First off if you do, she may still say those things about you just to other people instead of you. Secondly, if you don't stand behind it, they may think they can do things or break policies in the future and you will cave. I also think they are begging because it can be plain hard to find good care in some places, and it takes time so at this point mom or dad has to keep DCB at home and they are looking for a way out of the problem that she created. This makes me think of BC's saying "not my circus not my monkeys".

IF I took them back, I would have some very solid rules and policies, I would make sure they knew full well I wasn't putting up with ANY crap. That would include late pick ups, early drop offs and any other issues I have had with them. I would have them sign that those things would be an immediate term. I might also have to do a rate increase, because the fact I termed would mean a new contract needed signed.

Yeah, I guess I am kind of harsh. I just have taken to much crap off to many people all my life, and I am over it LOL. The saying "you teach people how to treat you" has been true for me. I have let to many people treat me bad, and kept being what they needed from me. When you do that, they never seem to change their behavior.

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Hmmm. I like the saying that when someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

I love that you recognized that you were not ok with this having happened. I love that you were able to deal with it head on and come to a conclusion. One that works for you.

Yes, it's ok to change your mind.

Yes, it's ok to ignore and not reply.

I would take a few days to let things settle. Enjoy your weekend. Spend time with your family. Don't let this take up any more of your time or thoughts.

I would also interview for the opening and see what other families are out there.

I would also add in your policies that any disrespect to you, your family or your business can result in immediate termination with no refund of fees.

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Tasha, I hope your dd's infection clears all up quickly, nobody needed that to happen.

As far as reconsidering the dcf, I understand. Believe me, I do. Take what I'm going to say for what it's worth because in my own mind I'm definitely Ms. Wishy-Washy. I would probably reconsider. BUT as has been pointed out, new contract, new terms, nothing NOTHING gets violated even once. Immediate termination. I do think dcb is being used as sort of a guilt trip on you but try to set that aside for a moment and consider everything else. If dcm starts bit@hing about you again, it's not going to look good for her, making her out to be the fool. It could very well be that they're buying themselves time to shop around for a new dc. Who knows? It could be they(she) truly regrets saying what she did about you. IF you decide to take them back I would request they pay 2 weeks upfront for their possible 2 week notice.
It will be terribly awkward. You may have lingering(and rightfully so!) feelings of being betrayed and disrespected. I think I'd request a sit-down lay it all on the table type of meeting first. Explain the ground rules. Has this mom ever dealt with a dc before? Maybe she really didn't have a clue. I think you did a good thing by opening her eyes because it brought out issues no one was dealing with. I also believe in 2nd chances if it's something YOU want to do. I've had a couple instances where dcfs left for whatever reasons and they asked to come back. And only because I was grateful they left in the 1st place did I refuse.
Ultimately you are the only one who can make this decision. But I think it could be worked out, with open communication. It also sounds like they either learned their lesson and truly regret it or as someone mentioned, they're buying time to shop for dc. If things were bothering her to that degree she should have discussed it with you.
I wish you the very best of luck with your decision and do NOT feel bad deciding either way.

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I hope everything calms down for you soon!

It's tough because I had a similar situation like this. Dcm and dcd played off each other all the time. Dcm would try to be the "harsh" one dcd would try to be the "nice guy" and reason away why dcm did something. In the meantime dcm would balme dcd for anything she didn't like. That family was a mess. We had some problems, I termed. Then I allowed them back after the show dcd put on because I felt bad. Did the updated contract/rules etc and for a little while it was OK. Then it slid right back into all the other problems I was having before. I would be able to offer forgiveness, but I'm not sure I would be able to take them back.
Actually you know what might get me to take them back? If dcm made a point to come to me (outside business hours) with a sincere apology, ask for forgiveness and one more chance. Then you know, I probably would. But just dcd emailing saying how sad dcb will be and dcm knows she screwed up...I don't think I could do it.

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Take time to consider...and don't feel bad about taking it. Are you second guessing because of guilt or because you'd genuinely not want to lose this family? Don't let them guilt their way back into your home...providing daycare is very personal (for me and I think many of us!). Don't feel bad about removing a toxic family, and don't feel bad about giving a second chance (but only because you WANT to!).

Good luck to you!

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NannyDe talks about parents who want to be the ones "in charge" so they beg to be allowed back, only to "fire" the provider shortly afterwards to assert their control over the situation. Be forewarned

Being stressed out doesn't allow or excuse poor behavior.

I'm sorry about your DD and hope she is feeling better!

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I have been following this thread. I had a similar situation where a parent "misunderstood" a letter that went out to all families regarding a closure of my daycare due to a new rule the state was going to start enforcing and I could not do anything that would allow me to continue if this new rule was going to be enforced. It was going to affect all my families. A couple of weeks later I sent another letter home updating dcfs about the situation. This dcm calls and says I just got the letter (the 2nd letter) and wanted to come over right now which was nap time to discuss the letter. Dcm was very distraught and crying and getting upset because she thought I was terming her children because I didn't like them because of some issues they were having at daycare. I was so upset that dcm said I didn't like her children, but I finally managed to explain that it wasn't about them and did she even read the first letter which had a copy of the new rules from the state. Umm no she didn't get the letter and I was like it went home with the monthly newsletter and other forms, which they returned one of the forms that needed to be signed, so I know she got the papers and probably didn't even bother reading the letter. It turned out the state revised their rule and wouldn't affect me. A few months later the children's behaviors were not changing because there was no consistent follow through at home, so I decided to term. Dcm brought back the letter issue when I termed because she was upset and started saying I didn't like her children again, which made me upset. I ended up terming the children. Dcm and dcd both contacted me again and asked if I could just keep the two younger children since the older one was the one having most of the behavior issues. I felt bad so relented. As the months passed the resentment and tension after the letter incident never went away and the relationship was never the same. I was so happy when the younger children left for a center. I was stress free and didn't need to worry about what they were going to bring up next. They barely said a good bye and thank you and from what I've heard from other families that know them, they are doing just fine. My advice to you would be, don't take them back no matter how bad you feel for them.

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You know what I'd like to understand? Why do people treat you badly or behave badly, you rightfully terminate, then they are dying to come back? This has happened to me 2 or 3 times and the dynamic just amazes me.
DCM might have sent me the email by mistake, but obviously she was really unhappy with me. I know why I don't want to see her every day, but I can't figure out why on earth she would even want to come back and see my ''smug'' face each day. If I were her, I'd want to cut my losses and move on. Which is what I've decided to do. I'm just going to email him and respectfully tell him to go away.

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I think it boils down to she wants to complain, but she isn't really that upset in general, just upset you enforced the rules. I don't think she thought she would have any consequences. She did, and that upset her. I had one parent leave me for cheaper. She wanted to come back and I let her, she was a hard parent to deal with anyway, but but I let her. I ended up terming as she got no easier to deal with.

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Dear Dad,

Thank you for your kind email. I fully understand that switching child care can be a tumultuous time in a young family's life.

Although this has been a hardship to your marriage and your son, I encourage you to use it as a learning experience for your your son. It's important to be completely honest with him and explain that mommy said very unkind words to his child care provider and was very disrespectful. Because of her actions, he has now lost the opportunity to attend the daycare to be with his beloved friends. Explain to him that words can really HURT others and sometimes those words affect innocent people too who have nothing to do with the actions of the perpetrator of those words. He is the victim in this. He needs to hear from his mother what she did, how sorry she is for the impact it has on him, and a vow to never compromise his relationship with his friends and excellent care from a loving caregiver.

As parents we all make mistakes. From your kind email, I can see this was a BIG mistake and it has truly affected him and your family life. Letting our kids know we make big mistakes, apologizing to them for the big mistakes that deeply affect them, and vowing to not do it again will be the greatest gift she could give him. It's a life lesson he can learn at his young age that can help him as he grows to ALWAYS treat others with respect and when you falter, fess up to it and apologize.

Good luck in your future child care years. Take the good that comes with the outcome and you will see that despite this one rough patch, your son will learn so much and hopefully his mommy will help him navigate through her mistake.

Oh and pound sand while you are at it. I know dang well she isn't sorry except for being sorry she got caught. I know how terminated parents behave and your email pleadings are textbook 101. If I was dumb enough to allow you back in my business, your wife would use it only to buy time to find another provider and then have the satisfaction of "firing" me instead of being the one let go.

BTDT. You just need daycare until you find daycare. Nice try.

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Mainly because it is the easiest thing for her to do at this point. She doesn't want to take the time to find someone else and She is getting grief from her husband and that is that. Husband is using the DCB to play on your feelings. Do you really think DCB is at home thrashing around wondering why he can't come to your house? I am just not buying it. I just took in a little boy who was with his provider since he was 12 months old and he is now 6....he barely batted an eyelash when he left and came here. Meanwhile the mom was saying how hard he was taking it yadda yadda. Sometimes the kids play on the parents too. Only you know this child and how he might be reacting. You know if you took them back that this would play on you every single day. Every time she took advantage you'd be thinking "I took you back and you do this?"

Anyway I hope your daughter is doing ok!!! That is what is really important here

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I would be the hero of my own life if only I had the nerve
to send this email! My gosh, I wish I could. Thank you Nannyde. My DH is repulsed by this family (he was really mad at that DCM's email), so I showed him your letter and he laughed out loud.

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I am such a sucker. In my moment of weakness I kinda did think the boy was ''thrashing'' around. I'm sitting here laughing because your imagery is so funny. Anyway, thank you, my daughter is doing better - it really scared me because she was in so much pain and I was so fearful of it getting into her bloodstream.

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Tasha, you're my hero! I would've been the sucker in this ordeal.

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She doesn’t want to come back because you’re the second coming of Mary Poppins. She wants to come back because it’s what is best for them.

If you waiver, you will not be wrong. However, it’s important that from this point on it will be a power struggle and tension. I had a DCP disrespect me last year. I termed. The DCP denied the incident and blamed it on me.:roll eyes: Other parents were told that they wanted to stay and there was hope the situation would work itself out. It did. I stayed firm for ME, my family and business.

The DCP thought his child was a pawn too. That I cave because I cared. Sure I cared. I care about ME, my family, and business way more.

Some of my clients had complaints too and vented, it was always due to not getting their way and attempting to ignore policies.

Thanks for sharing your story! I am wishing you the very best.

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Don't sell yourself short. It is highly possible that the little boy is upset that he won't see you or his buddies anymore. I'm sure he cares about you! I know that I have 5 boys and when each of them come each day the first thing they each ask is if "so and so" will be there. They come to love each other and us as their providers. In no means indicates that you should take them back but I bet he will miss you!

I hope that your daughter heals quickly. That is very scary!

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I just got off the phone with a dcp who is also a friend.
Guess who came by for an interview tonight? That's right, the E-mail DCM. And I am beside myself right now. DCM said that she left her previous provider because:
I ''shamed'' her child about not being potty trained, and by not ''working with'' her by making him wear diapers.
I was rough with DCB. She said I yanked a pacifier right out of his mouth and that was the ''final straw.''
She said I "yelled" at her in front of other parents when she was only 2 minutes late, and that it was her first time ever being late.
These are all just big, fat lies and it is taking all the restraint I can muster not to call her. She didn't mention my name to my friend, but DCB mentioned that he was at Miss Tasha's. Guess DCM didn't think providers talk. I am so angry.

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Wow she really learned her lesson about talking Sh!t. Sheesh. I am soooo sorry people are such jerks.

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Wow! Some people just never learn, do they? I hope the other dcp passed on that one.

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I also hope word gets around about her lying.

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Regardless of if I know the old provider or not, a parent talking smack is a immediate red flag.
I hope the other provider passes on her.

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I would have to send a certified, return receipt letters one to her and one to DH (if I had his work address to make sure he got it). Saying that she needed to cease and desist badmouthing me to other people as it is slander or I would take legal action.

ETA: I might email it to them both and go ahead and mail one copy so they get it sooner.

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My friend said it was left up in the air because she had
another family to interview, but she knew that she wasn't going to take her. I don't know what recourse I have, but I'm not going to sit back and let her trash me around town.
She is such a phony. She sat in my living room and boo-hooed and put on such a show of being devastated about her e-mail mistake. And I was very moved. I feel very, very dumb right now.
Plus, you're right, badmouthing a previous provider is really poor form and tells me she is slightly unhinged. And, contrary to what her DH thinks, she is hostile beyond belief at me. Can you imagine if I had taken them back? Thank you, ladies, so much for giving me such great advice and talking me out of that. Wow, that would have turned out awful.

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Some people are only sorry when they get caught. I have a DCB like that right now. The other day he was running in the house and DH was home. He told DH "don't tell Miss Thrifty" LOL. But he is a kid much different than an adult.

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I'm sorry, I just saw this. Do you think this would work? I am definitely going to warn her to shut her mouth (I should, right?), but I need to do it in a professional manner rather than call her up and scream at her, which is what I really want to do. I very much want to call her out on her lies. It's not good to be this angry at the start of the day.

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A few months ago I was in a similar situation. A parent ended up pulling her two daughters over something rediculous and was saying that I wasn't following through on her daughters potty training, etc.

I sit on the childcare association board here and was so afraid of what people would think of her trash talk. The president of the association advised me to ignore her and let it roll off my back. She was just mad that she didn't get her way.

I did and I happen to know that 2 months later she still couldn't find anyone to take her kids. Her badmouthing was setting off red flags and nobody would take her kids. IMO, your dcm is her own worst enemy right now.

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Knowing what you know about her do you think she will take kindly to being reprimanded? This situation could get a lot worse. I personally would just let my reputation and program speak for itself. I know it is hard to do but when dealing with crazies taking the high road is always my advice. She didn't mention tour name so that is good. Whenever I have a potential client bad mouthing their last provider I always see it as a red flag, especially if I know the provider. She is not a good person and people will see that. Her next provider will quickly realize that she was a liar.

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"What Sally says about Suzie says more about Sally than it does Suzie."

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This all the way-

I am all for second chances. but.... you know in your heart of heart if a parent is legit or not. I think you knew this after third, fourth time of excuses etc... We need to look at parents as our clients. A client bad mouthing your business needs to be shut down and quick. This is my living......not my endless generosity.

Thanks for sharing-

Best-

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Personally I would not send anything to mom. It will just add fuel to her fire and further any drama.
By complaining to the potential provider she showed her true colors. Hold your head high, document, and continue providing excellent care to your clients.

The only time I think I would persue legal avenues is if she was posting reviews online and was there was no way she could deny/hide the fact she was slandering/defaming you/your business.

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It would be so awesome if your provider friend told dcm that she was accepting the other family for daycare, because she felt very uncomfortable with the way dcm spoke about her previous provider.

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I had to do it once last spring with a parent. I have no idea what she was saying about me, but she was taking all my business cards from the flyer at the grocery store. It stopped her from doing that. I would totally do this. You don't HAVE to take legal action but the threat may help. She will at least know you are on to her and so will her DH.

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I would e-mail the both the mother and husband.

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Get It Together,

It is my wish to move on positively from our previous business relationship. Though it ended due to __________ disrespect and unhappiness with policies, she apologized with tears and regret. I accepted and continue to wish your family especially _________ all the best.

It saddens me after our parting of the ways, ________ continues to slander my good name and business. The provider community is a small one. I am requesting she stop immediately with her claims that I shamed her for _______ not being potty trained. Changing diapers and pull-ups are a part of my business. I have no issues with changing a multitude of diapers and pull-ups daily. I did not shame ________ in anyway shape or form about _________ not being potty trained. The issue was an attempt to bring _______ in underwear without the required two weeks of being accident free. I have many children to care for on my watch.

An example of a the reason the policy is in place: It would be unsanitary for me to be making lunch, Johnny Doe having an accident and then _______ and other children walking, playing and sitting in it. I know ______’s health is a concern of yours. My policies are in place to the children and I as healthy as possible.

It was also stated that I yelled at her for being 2 minutes late. I have never yelled at ________. _________ was picked up late 3 times. I only charged a late fee for the third late pick up. Then I received an insulting e-mail referring to me as a B.O.W.

There were also claims I was rough with ______ and I yanked a pacifier out of his mouth. And that is the reason he was pulled from my care. I was never rough with ______. I did not yank a pacifier from his mouth. I did remove it on XX/XX/XX per my policy. [insert policy here] _________ continued to be in my care until I terminated on XX/XX/XX. I viewed both ______ & ______ as responsible and loving parents. I cannot imagine any responsible parents requesting their child stay in the care of an individual who is rough with their child.

My request is that all the slander and untruths end. I will continue to wish your family the very best. I wish to move on from the situation and hope it doesn’t turn into a legal matter.

Thanks for your time,

Tired of Your SH!T Provider

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Wow, DCM is the biggest BOW!!!!

She is surely showing her true colors and waving her flag to anyone who will notice.
I have two sides to this, take the high road because you're the bigger person and she's just a mean, unhappy, spoiled person anyway from what it sounds like.

But I believe in justice as well, maybe threatening legal action will at least let her know, ONCE AGAIN, that she can't get away with badmouthing you. There's a strong part of me that wants her shutdown, she needs to learn a valuable lesson.

At least you know for sure that you made the right decision and saved yourself a lot of distress and more anger in the future. If you would have allowed her back, it would have been just a bad situation.

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Wow, I have to say that I'm completely unnerved by what you're going through! However, for me, it comes down to how often you should be expected to take the high road... There's a difference between letting something go once. Maybe even twice. But then, there's allowing someone to walk all over top of you and slander your name. Yes, she may reap what she sows by finding it difficult to find new childcare. Hopefully, other providers will see through her game. But what about the other people she tells? The people they tell because someone may be considering contacting you for care? "Oh, you're going to contact Tasha?! I don't know about that, I've heard awful things about her!" Word of mouth can truly make or break a business. I'd have to send a cease and desist letter. Clearly, she thought she'd only get caught the one time, and this ex DCM thinks she can now finish what she started.

It may be uncomfortable. But I would have to take a stand and at least show that I mean business. Talk like that could truly ruin someone around an area like mine... :/

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I disagree. I see it as exactly the opposite.

When a disgruntled client bad mouths me, the people they tell either:

a) believe the story they are told. Which in turn usually has them avoiding me for services..... which is a GOOD thing because birds of a feather usually flock together so they more than likely wouldn't be the type of family I want in care anyways. In my eyes that would be doing me a favor.

OR

b) don't believe her/him for a single minute and are usually the type that would want to find out for themselves. Which IS the type of family I would like to work with.

So again, I see bad mouthing as a form of "advertising".

The negative stuff most disgruntled parents spew is easily seen as just that.....Gossip-y crap that happens when some special snowflake doesn't get their way.

I will always choose to take the high road and hold my head up KNOWING I chose to not participate in that type of stuff.

Other than a cease and desist letter, I stay out of past clients issues.

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I would 100% put a stop to her. The main reason is her stating you were "rough" with her son. I also, would make sure you let your licensor know what is going on and your side of this - you never know if she will end up filing a complaint against you for what she "says" you have done.

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I would absolutely stay out of this. I've been in this position twice in a very small town, and have always refused to sink down to a level of revenge I wouldn't feel comfortable with. The very best revenge is to carry on with your life as if she doesn't exist. Trust me, that will infuriate her worse in the long run.

Forget about this week and think ahead a year or two. Think of how proud you are of your program and that one annoying daycare mom meant literally nothing to you. Shake it off, girl.

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This is a good point. I certainly doesn't hurt anyway to let your licencor in the loop about this.

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Can you send a cease and desist letter if the dcm didn't mention you by name to the other daycare provider?

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Call your registrar and let her know (also document)

I like the above, which I would send certified so you have proof she received it.

ROUGH=ABUSE in almost everyone's eyes, so nope, would not allow her to continue saying those things.

WHAT A BOW!

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You can send the letter. Hopefully it will bluff her but it will for sure put her on notice that you know what she is up to. Not saying you would have a leg to stand on, but she doesn't know that.

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I'm a little on the fence on weather it would be a good idea to confront the issue.
While I agree that taking the high road is admirable and speaks volumes about your character, it can be detrimental to your business to ignore it.
In this day and age, we live in a world full of overly paranoid, helicopter parents who thrive off of social media and google.
A parent like this is most likely taking her grievances to anyone who will listen to her sob story of how OP "did her wrong".
I had a parent who was pretty similar. DCM took to the internet to find any online source that had my name and a spot for her to write something.... and she did. I now need to search my name weekly to see if she's wreaking havoc on my business. All because I termed her as gently as I could for disrespect.

So, my point is... be vigilant. Because if she's already out there slandering you, it's probably in more than one form (meaning it's probably not just the potential providers she's interviewing...it's anyone and everywhere she can).

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I always give a heads-up when I have to term, but I think you're right, I need to update the situation, certainly. I would like to take the high road, but I can't sit idly by while she's telling people I was rough with her kid. She just made that up, and I don't know what's wrong with her! I know I need to calm down but I'm still seething. I'm going to write her a letter, I think. I'll post it here before I send it so that you guys can stop me if I'm making a fool of myself.

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See, this right here scares me to death.

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She is trying to justify her actions by blaming you. She is refusing any responsibility for her behavior.

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I understand what you're saying BC, and I do agree with you to a point. However, what I'm trying to get at isn't what her direct actions are. It's one thing for her to spew and rave to people to try to get a pity party. I'm talking about the indirect conflict it could cause. Innocent parties who've merely heard by way of word of mouth, with no idea of the real story. They just heard through the grapevine from a friend of a friend that this particular provider didn't have a great reputation. I know many people only need the slightest of doubts to not even consider a provider because they're trying to look out for the best interest of their child and don't want to take the chance (whether it was heresay or not). In these instances, it's not that relief of avoiding potentially problematic parents. They could be golden. It's merely the ripple effect that could be caused if ex DCM continues to slander, especially if her stance sounds like abuse on the provider's part. Things like that aren't the simplest to resolve or prove either way. :/

I completely understand what you're saying, I really do. I'm just not confident of what might happen without Tasha's reinforcement...if only to send the cease and desist letter based solely in the exchange she does have to ensure future problems don't arise. Regardless, there are many ways of dealing with things, it's just what each provider is comfortable with.

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I think a few more things need to be taken into consideration here:

In rereading the post, the dcm didn't say Tasha's name, the little one did. Tasha and the other provider were only able to figure it out because they knew each other and the little boy said Tasha's name.

Yes, it's infuriating that dcm is talking trash but, if dcm isn't using Tasha's name directly, there wouldn't be anything Tasha could legally do. And, if Tasha writes a letter to dcm, it could make dcm mad enough to escalate the situation to Yelp reviews. Just my two cents but, in your shoes, I would leave it alone . . .

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I guess I am in the camp where DCM is already doing those things.

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This is what I want to send her. Let me know what you think:

Last night I received a phone call from (), and she gave me quite an earful. You see, while we live in a large city, the daycare community is quite small. It was astonishing to hear that the same woman who cried on my couch, begging to stay in my daycare less than a week ago is the same woman who lied outrageously about me and my business.
You know full well that I have never raised my voice to you, let alone after being 2 mins late. I have never, ever shamed DCB about his potty-training, as you well know. But perhaps the most egregious of all is the claim that I was rough with your son, yanking pacifiers out of his mouth. This charge is way beyond the pale, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
This is a warning that I will get my attorney involved if I hear one more time that you are slandering me. I do not want to hear from you again, and this ends right here, right now.

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Put it away for a day or two. Rewrite it and take out all emotion. Think of how you write up an observation on a child: just the facts.
IMO it will be much more businesslike. And scarier.

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Yeah tone down the emotion some. I am also not sure I would put exactly who you heard it from. Maybe just say "this is a big town, but word gets around" or something like that.

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I know, you're right. I've cringed when I've read letters that other DCPs have written to their clients that were wordy and full of emotion, and here I did the same thing. So, I will of course tone it down. My friend told me that she didn't care at all if I repeated what she said but it might be better if I just take her out of it.

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Yes, I think you should rewrite it without putting the other providers name in there. I would simply say that you did hear about what was said about you, so she understands that word does get around. I would put in there that there is no reason to make an already tough situation more hurtful to you. She has already insulted you and now she is dragging you through the mud. I would put in there that you understand that she is upset by the situation but she needs to be honest about it or not mention it at all. I'm sure she never brought up the reason for you terming was because she sent you that email and the words she was using about you. Remember that she is just trying to glorify herself and she needs to do this to make herself feel better. She'll never feel like anything other than the victim in this whole scenario. Some people never learn, some don't have any morals or any idea of what's right and wrong.

I would also remember that most good providers will call a previous one and ask why the family is no longer with you and such. Don't forget that a provider is not so keen on signing a family that is badmouthing their previous provider, it's really one sided and looks bad on the family.

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I wouldn't. I also certainly don't feel that has any bearing on whether I am a good provider or not.

Their past relationship with another provider is none of my business nor is it anything I would base my judgement on.

Some of my best families came from the worst situations with previous providers.

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I don't call other providers either. I had a landlord once tell me he didn't check references because a good reference could just mean that the landlord was trying to get them out of his house. It made sense to me, so I guess I see references as pointless and a provider could do the same thing.

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Yes this! Then also add that the previous provider is a good friend. Leave it at that.

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I'll call my friend after work to find out how she rejected the DCM. I've scrapped the entire letter and am just sending her an advisement that if she continues to slander (or libel) me that I will take appropriate legal action. I really wanna thank those who told me to rethink that first letter. It was over the top, and I'm so glad I slept on it.

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I have mixed feelings about how to handle this issue as I have been reading the threads. I will tell you how I handled the termed client that accused me of locking (we do not even have locks) her three year old in the bathroom and I terminated her.

She would call my current clients and tell them how bad I was, but licensing was aware of what was going on and had come out to visit due to the client's complaint. I just let it go but was worried to death just the same.

I saw the termed parent at a grocery store a year later and was behind her in the checkout. She dropped an item and I reached down to pick it up and then handed it to her. She was quiet but when she was finished being checked out, she looked back and said "thanks".

I think in that moment she was letting me know she was sorry. Just my way of thinking, but sometimes it is better to let it go but I know that is hard so I respect any decision, Tasha, that you make!

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I should have worded that differently. I honestly wasn't trying to make it out that it makes a provider bad if they don't check.

This particular situation sucks because the DCM is outright lying and omitting the fact that she was terminated from care based on her rude and terrible actions. I suppose either way you wouldn't know and I guess, rethinking the situation the DCM probably wouldn't give out Tasha's name and number because she wouldn't want the new provider to find out the truth.

So, I recant my statement. It was late and I shouldn't have made a blanket statement like that.

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I agree with Spedmommy. The former client never mentioned you by name.
It just so happened the child dropped your name, and the provide put it together.

That's not slander or libel. It's not even enough for other people to be afraid of using your services since most would have no idea who you are.

It would be one thing if she were going on all the day care sites and giving you horrible reviews, or taking down your ads, etc.

All she's done is make herself look petty and vindictive.

Obviously you can choose to handle it as you wish, but I feel that in sending her anything it will just add to the drama.

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Which is EXACTLY what certain types of clients live for.

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I want the drama to end because I am sick to death of thinking about her, but I so badly want her to know that I know what she's been saying about me.
(And btw, it is slander (but not libel, which is why I put it in parentheses), because while she did not identify me by name, she did identify me as her previous provider, and she did make false statements about me that are damaging to my reputation.) Regardless, I am going to let the matter drop unless I hear of her badmouthing me anymore.

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She probably knows you know she is saying all that stuff. The parent I had stopped one of my then current clients in walmart. I now have that Walmart client's grandchild. True clients know the truth and the same goes for the community. They will figure it out and if they don't, you don't need them anyway!

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