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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Heartbroken Over DCG
mamamanda 03:00 PM 03-06-2016
Anyone ever feel truly heartbroken when a dck moves on? I posted about my dcg several times and I had such a struggle with her. She was very aggressive and most of it was directed at ds so it really is the best decision for all, but my heart hurts terribly. I've never felt this sad over a child leaving before. I don't understand it. I've worked with her on correcting the behavior since November and it just kept escalating. I am confident that I've done everything I could on my end. I just feel so...defeated. I've had kids in the past who were defiant or aggressive and when we ended the child care relationship it was such relief. This time I feel almost depressed. I am pregnant so maybe its just hormonal. I don't know. I know it was the right decision. But I really will miss her. Maybe b/c she was so young when I started watching her? Idk. I just wish I could have gotten through to her. Sigh. On the bright side, ds has started to return to his normal confident self w/o her picking at him. That is how I know this truly was best for all. And this obviously wasn't the best environment for her either if she constantly felt the need to lash out at him.
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Michael 03:08 PM 03-06-2016
I've been on the parenting side of this with my son. While it bothered me then, everything turned out just fine. If its not a good match, than another situation will be better suited. We can't always make things work out. You did the best you could, now it is time for the parents to fine a more conducive environment for the child. Its more about chemistry.
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Ariana 03:09 PM 03-06-2016
Good for you for doing what needed to be done! I remember that kid and your poor ds having to put up with her . I am glad he is feeling good again.

I am feeling the exact same way about a child I am currently terming. I have done everything in my power to help him succeed here but nothing was really working. Like you I feel dissapointed in myself and really like a total failure for not making it work. I feel like I am letting my family down too because I "should" have been able to make it work. He has been with me for a little over a year and I will for sure miss him despite the struggles. It is like they become your kids for that time and then they are gone.


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Josiegirl 03:20 PM 03-06-2016
Some dcks are so easy to see leave. But others are just as you describe. You end up feeling like a failure in some way. Your heart is telling you you must have failed while your mind is telling you you absolutely did the right thing for your own family. Not every child is a perfect fit for every provider and environment. As much as your heart is hurting at the moment, you've got to listen to your mind on this one. And remember it's what is best for your son. And that IS truthfully the most important thing here. Now go give him a big ole squeeze.
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Josiegirl 03:24 PM 03-06-2016
I just want to add that I believe moms and being a provider too, just doubles our 'need' to fix everything. No matter what we do, that can't always be the case.
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NightOwl 04:29 PM 03-06-2016
Part of your disappointment probably stems from not being able to get through to her, as Josie said. I let one go in November and while it was a huge relief, it also was sad for me because I put a lot of effort into him with no results.
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rosieteddy 04:38 PM 03-06-2016
I always felt a big part of running my own Daycare was to be there for my own children.It is huge that you were able to make your child's day happy. If he was somewhere else under that stress daily your hands would be tied.You were able to make it work.I had to term 3 kids in my almost 30 yr career.I felt bad but for the good of the group had to do it.
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Leigh 07:17 AM 03-07-2016
I still feel bad for when I termed 2 of the naughtiest kids on the planet a couple of years ago. I still feel like I should have been able to do something to help them. I just had 2 kids leave who were little demons when they started. I bonded with both of them, their behaviors changed, and I truly enjoyed them. I wonder why it's the naughty ones that I end up caring about the most.
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Unregistered 12:48 PM 03-07-2016
Because you put so much effort in with them and it creates a bond when you are that person who never gave up.
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mamamanda 01:40 PM 03-07-2016
Yes I think it probably is b/c I worked so hard to make things better for her. Thank you all for the encouragement. My ds really does play so much differently without her here. I was noticing again today how he just goes and plays happily whereas he had gotten to where he spent much of the day crying for me to hold him. It was definitely a much needed change, but I do hope she's adjusting well in her new daycare environment. I would love for her to find a place where things just click for her.
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Tags:bad fit, feeling bad, heartache, saddened
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